#;alice d

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alices domain being flesh/buried as a dysphoria metaphor really has fucked me up. which leads me to believe she isnt as comfortable with herself as we are made to think. in this essay i will-

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❛ Congratulations, you’ve officially made my list of “people I tolerate.” ❜ for alice !

"Aww, do I win something? A big plaque that I can hang up in my sad, little cubicle? Alice Dyer, a person that Casper Reid tolerates! All done up in gold, right?" Alice laughs, resting her chin on top of Casper's head as she looks at his computer screen. Chester has been droning on in the background for a solid five minutes now. That's the thing about these talking statements: sometimes they're short, sometimes it feels like you're being read a particularly terrifying bedtime story.

"Buuut, I can say the same about you. Don't you feel special?" She plops into the chair next to him, then, propping her feet up on the table. "There's a reason why I took this job. Don't have to talk to anyone. I meaaan, I guess I'm more of a people person than anyone else here, but that doesn't mean anything. I like it when people know how to shut up. And you do! I just need my peace and quiet sometimes, you know?"

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❛  there’s  no  time  for  any  of  that  morality  nonsense ,  sweetheart .  ❜ for alice !

"This isn't about morals. This is about saving Sam's life, alright? Besides, I can't lecture you on morals, considering that you've been lying to me this whole time." Alice angrily spits it out as she stomps down the sidewalk, pulling her jacket tightly around herself. Everything feels....well, awful. Sam is gone to god knows where and Casper is one of those fucking freaky avatars that have been making everyone's lives hell. What else doesn't she know?

So she sniffs, a hand coming up to wipe her eyes. It's stupid. This is all so fucking stupid. It's not like she could've done anything to change the outcome...except for maybe not convince Sam to take this job. Alice grits her teeth, then suddenly whirls around, her eyes narrowing.

"So, what? What do you want from me exactly? You haven't been any help at all. You might as well just get the hell away from me. Maybe do me a favor and quit this damn job while you're at it. I can figure it out without you."

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❛  you  make  the  prettiest  sounds .  ❜ for alice dyer !

The enormity of my desire || Accepting

"Oh shut it."

Still, the comment makes her blush more than it ought to. Casper quickly moved from coworker to drunk one night stand to coworker that she regularly hooks up with. Is she using him to get over Sam? Well, maybe, but it's not like it really means anything. Just some good fun to get her out of her own head. She doesn't have a right to be jealous, after all.

She's pulled out of her thoughts when impatient hands tug at her underwear. Alice snorts, lifting her hips to aid in the process of removing them. "Eager, aren't you?" But it feels good to have someone be eager for her, for someone to really want her despite her not always feeling in line with her own body. She gave up dating in earnest after her and Sam broke up, so...it's just nice.

"Come here, idiot." She pulls him down to kiss him as she speaks, holding him close, her own hands wandering to take off his clothes. Yeah, this is definitely just hooking up. No feelings involved. That's what she has to keep telling herself anyways.

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they will not protect you the way they should . for alice !

"No. Probably not. But I have to do something, don't I?"

What other option does she have? Just leave Sam wherever the hell he disappeared to? She can't trust Casper anymore, seeing as how he lied through his teeth to her, and Jon...well, he just crawled out of her computer, but at least he's being upfront, right? It's the only shot she's got, when she really thinks about it.

She cares about Sam, maybe even still loves him, deep down. She also has a feeling that Celia isn't being entirely truthful about what happened at Hilltop. If she has to do this alone, then so be it. If she can only trust herself, then that's fine, too.

"Do you have any lovely suggestions since you supposedly know literally everything? Could you point me in the direction of how to save Sam? Anything?" The sarcasm falls a little flat, sounding more like desperation. "I tried to tell him, you know, that looking into the Institute wouldn't be any good. I was right. I really was. I hate that I was right. I wish that I wasn't."

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is that a compliment or an insult? for alice !

As said by Fenris || Accepting

"Depends on how you wanna take it. I said you don't look bad for someone who just crawled out of my computer like Samara from The Ring. Sorry about the coffee on your head--um...you know, I wish I could say this is the weirdest thing that's happened to me this week, but it's not!"

Alice paces back and forth rather nervously, her eyes flitting between Jon and literally anywhere else in the office. Maybe she shouldn't be surprised after all, not with everything that's going on. After a few moments, she finally stops, letting out a long breath and dragging a hand through her hair.

"So..you're Chester. I named the voices in the computer because I thought they were just some...broken AI, but I guess not. How in the hell did you end up in there? You really do look like shit, actually. I take back what I said before. I was just trying to be nice in case you wanted to eat my soul."

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1929 HUSBAND SCALE RATING TEST / 1929 WIFE SCALE RATING TEST

(alice dyer)

tagged by: @boyinvisible tagging: you!

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@boyinvisible

It is quite clear that Alice hasn't slept. If she has, it's been mostly tossing and turning, her anxiety at an all time high. She can't stop thinking about Sam, about where he might be, about what kind of horrific things he might be going through. Alice has always believed in the multiverse theory, but going off of that, there really could be infinite possibilities of where he's ended up.

She stares at her computer as Chester's voice drones on, hardly paying attention. All she can think about is Sam. It's not healthy, she knows, but how could she focus on anything else? Especially work? It helps her go through the motions, helps her try and find some kind of lead, but what's the damn point?

She's staring at the ceiling when Casper suddenly appears in her periphery. Alice jumps and curses, spinning around in her chair to kick at him. "God, don't fucking sneak up on me like that! You ever heard of making your presence known instead of scaring the piss out of me?"