//int. spruce grove furniture outlet - day. july 12th. @angstfactory (claudio) discord
Claudio while a lot happened in carroll over the past week or two, especially recently with gus reynolds' heart attack slowly making ripples, they were at the furniture store... shopping body pillows, so they could start getting decent rest at night without asher having to call them up and fall asleep on the phone together. not that they minded those moments at all. "why do you know facts about every brand of body pillow?" they look over at ashton because they could see he was about to start in on the next one they saw.
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Ashton Ever since the whole forced outing thing, Ashton has completely stopped listening to the local radio station with Britney. While wrapped up in his own heartache he hasn't been as well informed about the rest of town, most he knows he what his friends tell him. Still, if today was a day off, might as well make it a good one to look forward to, he's needed a good day himself, and a promise is a promise. "Hm?" A smile was easier to reach today, he had to practice to make sure it keeps up for the next 3 weeks for the kids anyways. "Oh, I was researching online from their website last night to see what they had in store, and then checking out reviews," he politely waved off a salesperson's help, never wanting to bother them anyways. "Anyways, this one's really good i think, bamboo, stays cool even in the summer, i think that's the best of the bunch." As long as Claude ignores the pricetag.
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Claudio they were happy to see that ashton didn’t appear as heavy today — no where near his usual self, but he was certainly a cry off from the utter devastation they had discovered him in before. claude understood, though, that some days were always going to be better than other days, it was never a linear pattern and very much an up and down roller coaster. tomorrow, they might find ashton ignoring calls and texts again because the heartache came back full force. with his suggestion, they wandered in closer to inspect the pillow. reaching out to pick it up, always surprised by how heavy these pillows were. “i thought there were just going to be these fluffy things to squish like a regular pillow but these are actually hefty,” they spoke their thoughts aloud, dragging it in for a hug, feeling like the pillow itself was almost as tall as they were. “it’s nice..” they started to finger the price tag to see what it cost.
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Ashton Ash subconsciously poked at the pillow displayed next to the one Claude picked up, the head pillow version of the body one. Online reviews can say a lot but it doesn't beat actually feeling one out themselves. "I think those fluffy ones lose fluff over time, these ones will stay solid no matter how much you hug them," the soft pillowyness bounced back as Ashton's hand dipped into head pillow and back up to test. He glanced over to Claude hugging the tester pillow, grinning at the amusing sight, but he reached over quickly to gently pluck off the price tag from their fingers and covering it over with his hand, he's done the research, he knows what the price is. "why not.. you see which one you like best first, without looking at the price?" If they're gonna get one, it might as well be a good one that will really last years, and he didn't want Claude worrying about the price. This was Ashton trying to say thank you afterall.
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Claudio “ohh.. makes sense..” they were barely able to see the start of digits — WAS THAT THREE DIGITS?! — when the tag got plucked from them. “hey!” claude huffed, instinctively hugging the pillow more and giving ash a suspicious look. “the price factors into which one i will like best,” they insisted, looking towards the other shelf they took it off. there’s one left, which would certainly have a price tag on it too. claude shuffled forward quickly, fully intending to grab it and look. “i need to know!”
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Ashton Ash stumbled forward as a stubborn hand covering the price tag still held on even when Claude tugged the pillow tighter. He couldn't help the guilty suspicious smile from growing, he chuckled playfully reaching up to cover the price tag from the shelf too. "no- it won't!" he tried to keep his laughter down, a sunday made the store fairly bustling and busy with families and kids so they didn't stand out too much other than two overgrown kids fighting. "do you trust me?" Ashton knew he'd give in sooner or later, he could rarely say no, to any of his friends, so he tried one last ditch effort, "do you like this one the best?" he asked with a boyish grin standing in an awkward position, credit card already at the ready.
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Claudio suddenly, ashton managed to block them from getting to the other pillow and keep hold of the tag on the one they were holding. “it will so, it can’t be too expensive,” they defended. their brows came together and they shook their head, looking at the ridiculous position the player put himself in. their lips pursed, trying to keep serious. but then they gasped, “ay, that’s not fair! you can’t use that — sí, sí, i do trust you but i do not trust that you are hiding a reasonable price, pana.” they gave a half-hearted tug back on the pillow they held, just to see if ashton had dropped his guard. “maybe i do not answer you, hm!?” they pointed, reaching for the tag in his grip, “why can i not see?! is it that bad? ash, i can’t let you buy something crazy.”
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Ashton He genuinely felt a weight lift from his chest letting out a laugh out loud for the first time in the last week or so. Something about fighting over something childish and playful, had him wanting the moment of joy to last a bit longer. He stood his ground, shaking his head, "I promise, it's not too expensive." It certainly wouldn't be to Ashton. He rarely indulged himself but price would never be a factor for people he cared about. He had to hold back the chortle hearing Claude's accent come out feisty to fight back, pana, yes he's their friend. It's still a bit hard to believe. That distraction almost made him lose his stance and grip at another tug, mm mmm, he vocalized a protest, their hand fighting for purchase on the price tag, "it's not crazy! -more than reasonable," but at that point he was stuck in front of them with the pillow between, shelf behind him, they shared a smile for less than a second before he let go, giving up with a sigh, "fine, doesn't matter, i'm paying anyways." That, he was not budging on.
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Claudio hearing a genuine laugh bubble up from ashton that way when the last couple of weeks had been nothing short of weak smiles and poor attempts to hide miserable eyes, nearly startled the younger man from the surprise of it. then, they smiled, a sense of accomplishment spreading warmly in their chest. they were so pleased, it no longer mattered that they had technically just won the battle of price here, because claude would give the win over if it meant ash stayed himself again. “you know, you’re right,” they relented, practically beaming and having the insane urge to run and tell everyone, especially asher, that they had gotten ash to actually laugh today, “my abuelita always said it was rude to talk price of things anyway.. so..” their chin and mouth somewhat burrowed into the top of the pillow, their eyes still on ash — bright and happy over this simple thing. “i want this one.. porfa.”
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Ashton There was a short moment of self awareness as he sat in the small pool of unexpected joy for a second, it was a strange dissonance to allowed himself that when all it's been since the break up was a lot of aching pain. He felt like he shouldn't be allowed to indulge in happiness yet, but it was genuine and unwarranted, and very welcomed. The way they both gave up the fight after a shared smile and the way they beamed so brightly had tugged at him, thought he'd prefer to blame nostalgia on that one, it was really nice to have his friend back.. He had no plans to let his heartbreak tear more friendships apart, March included. "I am?" he didn't register himself even asking that, still a lil lost in his thoughts at their beaming smile and lit up eyes, "guess your abuelita's right, sometimes." Ash bit down on his lips the corners threaten to pull up further, honestly not quite sure how he even won in this war, "..then it's yours," he murmured with a definitive nod, "we'll go get it," shimmying himself out of the precarious position before he knocked over the shelf. He was grinning though at the win, waving over a salesperson to help make the order. "you need anything else here?"
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Claudio “this time,” they amended, their smile so large that it almost hurt. claudio couldn’t allow this man to think he would always run away with their concession speech. this time, they were simply too excited to have gotten their own personal, small victory that they hadn’t even been aware they had: getting ash to smile and laugh again. claude wasn’t foolish to think everything was suddenly okay again, they knew march was still fresh and lurking inside there to come back and kick ash in the chest again at any second (not that they blamed march for anything, they knew all too well there was always two sides to a story and march likely had his reasons for why he felt he couldn’t stay in this relationship and claude didn’t feel that made him a villain at all), but right then… there was a small glimpse of proof that one day, ashton would be okay. ”sometimes,” they agreed with a little nod. claude felt a bit unstable with that answer, though started, like they realized they had just now cornered the other against the shelf there and quickly stepped out of the way. claude trailed behind ash. “oh, i can just buy up the store now, can i?” they joked, still hugging the pillow like ash just won them it like a carnival prize. “do you think this is shaped like asher?”
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Ashton They would never let his ego get too big, never did, so he simply huffed at the clarification of being right this time. Next time they'll surely humble him with something he's wrong about and he'll take the L. Right now, he enjoyed the lightness in his chest after laughing and their smile he shared with, savored it even. He wasn't sure how long it might last, but in that moment, it felt like it would last, long enough to be a salve. No matter how hard Ash tried, their Abuelita never seemed to like him that much, he chuckled at the agreement, though a pang hit him of the reminder, how long is their family keeping up their cold war with Claude? Hopefully not another ten years. It only sat in the back of his mind, not loud enough to dampen the joy, and fluster as they untangled from their fight, pillow now chosen and seized for the taking, Claude looked hilariously adorable with a body pillow almost his size. "maybe not the whole store, but anything else to get comfy, maybe half the store," Ash shot a look back to them with a grin. He hummed in question as he spun round, walking backwards for a second to take in the question and give the body pillow a good look, confusion sitting on his face. "Asher?" Right, his friend also got their heart broken, and they speak on the phone to sleep at night, perhaps this body pillow was an Asher replacement for now. Ashton pursed his lips deep in thought, "I mean... not really? I didn't know Asher's body was shaped that... square?" a short laugh escaped at the ridiculous image in his head. "Do you want it shaped like Asher?" He teased Claude before turning back around front to head to the cashier, slowing down to side by side till they reached.
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Claudio they shook their head, “i only need this right now, gracias.” besides, they knew this thing was already something at least over a hundred dollars which was insane to them for a pillow, large and quality or not! claude wouldn’t ask for more. ashton hadn’t even needed to buy this for them, he had insisted, after the emotional turmoil from the hockey rink. none of which they blamed him for. self-consciously, they looked down at the pillow when ash checked it over too. a quick bark of laughter escaped when he suggested asher’s body would be square if it was shaped like it. but their shoulders relaxed over the thought, shaking their head as they caught up to him. “no,” they stated firmly, cringing to themself, “that would be so creepy of me.. but he was making jokes that body pillows are shaped like him and i just — wanted reassurance that is not what it looks like i want it for.” god, if asher actually believed that, they might as well sink through the fucking floor to simmer in their condo in hell, since that’s where their abuelita said they were heading anyway!
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Ashton "siempre-" always. It slipped out by old habits in his way of replying their thanks ages ago, Ash perhaps caught himself a lil too late on that instinct, taking a short beat when blues searched for their reaction. He got caught off guard by his own response (he couldn't make such lofty promises of always anymore, can he?), mentally shaking it off with a faintly shy smile and moving on, "-think it also comes with pillow covers too so no need to get extras." He took the amusing distraction of imagining pillow Asher as a blessing, snickering at their visible cringe to the idea, "maybe we should reteach him shapes then." He couldn't even fathom how their conversation may have turned into talking about that but he rather not dwell on it. He lightly shook his head to reassure them, "just looks like a long rectangular pillow to hug to sleep to me." Perhaps it doesn't come off as strange to him compared to others having had one for his sleeping posture himself. "If anything, just blame it on me since I suggested it to you," he waved off the worry they were having, knowing the benefits outweighed the awkward admission of owning one. Ashton settled the payment fairly quickly, thanking the staff before they were out the door, body pillow and covers neatly packed into a shopping bag, "wanna just walk back to yours? It's not that far from the business district, we could even get a snack or drink along the way." Now that their mission for the day was done, the rest of their sunday was theirs to command.
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Claudio it was like the tu puedes all over again, only this time ash was looking at them, undistracted, and aware it slipped out. just a minor thing from their past seeing itself to the surface again, making claude have a moment’s pause as their brows sank together in some uncertainty. they weren’t sure if this was okay — was it a bad thing, that small things kept cropping back up between them, when these things meant something else entirely? but then, why should that be bad? these were encouraging phrases, little notes for each other. they weren’t a couple now but that didn’t mean they couldn’t be friends that now used those same words and phrases, and built them into something new and special. claude only hoped ashton didn’t take them the wrong way, if things came out but even he had done it now, so it felt like it should be okay. “yes, this is enough,” they agreed, returning the small smile as some kind of nonverbal message of that was okay slipped between them. claude giggled at the commentary. “that is what i told him! his body doesn’t look like a rectangular pillow and then he got on to something about swimmers bodies and stuff,” they shook their head. a small smile at the member of this awkward conservation between their friends. feeling better that ash agreed it wasn’t weird. “i can’t blame you for this — you’re my excuse for other things,” they claimed, before laughing. “we have snacks at the record shop if you’re hungry?” claude jabbed a finger gently into ash’s tummy, passing by him and making a swipe for the bag to carry it, “mine, mine!” though they then offered him a big smile and thanked him again, for buying it at all.
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Ashton He was nervous for a moment, unsure what Claude would be felt about the response, if it triggered something of their past, if it left a bad taste in their mouth, Ash could only hold his breath seeing the way their brows furrowed for a second. It came out instinctively, but that didn't mean it wasn't a genuine response, perhaps too genuine, words from his heart without filtering through his head. The worry settled in his blues for only those few seconds and he tried to move them along, but he understood a small look from them, that had him letting go on the tightness his held onto, a shared look of understanding mirroring their small smile, "okay." Okay in all the meanings spoken and unspoken. It was small and short, but it was all he needed to know, they were okay, whatever past quirks and habit that seem to crop back up, they will be okay, no point trying to shut that lid if it comes out. He'll have to move forward with all those reminders but as friends.
"If he's talking about his swimmer body then it should be like a dorito, you'd be getting a dorito shapped pillow," Ash snorted, though he didn't linger on it long with a jest brought up that has his eyes widen with a cracked open-mouthed grin of exaggerated shock, "other things??? What other things am I your excuse for, huh?" Oh now he's actually curious. "yeah, a lil hey-!" he curled into himself by the ticklish reflex to the tummy jab, losing any hold of the shopping bag. Ash couldn't even response with any of his quick reflexes he worked so hard on all his life to take the bag back, not when they smiled at him like that. So he simply rolled his eyes gently and soaked in their beaming grin brighter than the sun, as if should the sun disappear right now the streets would still be just as bright.
//int. good frequency - day. "alright, where are the snacks," Ash stretched as they walked back to Good Frequency and through its doors.
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Claudio “a Dorito!” a bark of laughter escaped and they quickly covered their mouth, suddenly picturing asher with a legitimate Dorito chip in place of his chest. “if he mentions it again, i will tell him he looks like a Dorito chip — i get to tease him, i’m his best friend, he’s confirmed it,” their chin rose in a self-important, sure manner as their eyes squinted with their smirk, looking rather pleased and warm about the fact they got to claim such a spot in this world. asher meant so much to them. him and his Dorito chip self.
claude tsked under their tongue and offered ash a look over their shoulder, loftily saying, “i must keep my secrets.” but in reality, they just had not thought up the reasons yet and so they needed time to come up with something decent! they quickly walked off ahead with their contraband before ash could snatch it back.
as they got inside. claudio laughed again. “ay, i have you,” they crooked their finger for him to follow up the stairs to the second floor, where they rested the bags on the counter and checked the fridge. “there’s mozzarella sticks?” they asked, before making an oooo sound and coming out of the fridge with the remnants of a few fresh strawberries left in its carton. “feel free to scavenge,” they offered, biting into one as they rested back against the counter. watching ashton before their head cocked curiously and they gestured, strawberry between their fingers, “hey.. what is that?” they hadn’t really clocked he was wearing short sleeves today until they had given themselves permission to fully look him over, and now they finally had a look of something on his arm they remembered they kept seeing glimpses of before. “here,” they indicted on themselves as they clarified.
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Ashton He didn't expect the dry joke to warrant a laugh but he certainly welcomed it, the day felt lighter with it, just laughter in the air. "Exactly, now you got clapback material," he grinned but slightly faltered as he tiptoed on the edge of that topic with Asher, it warmed his heart with a small ache to hear the declaration. They once had been proud of that spot with himself. He was glad they found their person again, if it couldn't be Ashton. "Are you guys okay now?" Ash paused the jest to ask in sincerity, remember the way they came to him that day, completely heartbroken. He hoped that they had worked things through now, and it certainly seemed so.
"Boooooooo," was all Ashton offered at the tease, as they walked, Ash letting them run off ahead with the goods and without giving him an answer, knowing him getting to pay for it was already a big victory in and of itself.
He followed them up the stairs, pretty familiar with the first to floors of the record store by now, though he stayed polite standing by the edge of the pantry kitchen, washing his hands at the sink, knowing that outside of opening hours, this should be Claude's space to have to themselves. "Ooh like cheese sticks?" he perked up and went over to the fridge with them as permission was given, eyeing the strawberries they pulled out and it made him mostly smile to himself when he ducked his head towards the fridge to grab said mozzarella sticks, same as ever with strawberries. His left arm was extended holding the fridge door while he bent down to grab a bunch of them, "cheese and strawberries sound like the perfect combo." Ash placed the sticks beside the carton of strawberries, peeling off the plastic wrap, murmuring a thanks to Claude standing beside them at counter before nibbling on it.
"Hm?" Ash questioned as he cocked his head, looking at Claude gesture before back to himself on the same place. "Oh- this was.. it's my tattoo," he held the cheese stick in his right hand and extended his left to properly show his forearm of the solar system tattoo. He got it so long ago its been a part of him for forever, it doesn't even register as something to look at for anyone else. But Claude.. certainly noticed, "remember we were gushing about getting a tattoo and I wanted a space themed one?" he grinned, offering his forearm to them to really inspect it.
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Claudio “mmhm,” they agreed. their smile faltered just a tad when asher got brought up in that sense, because they were currently trying to pretend that never happened so they could exist peacefully in the world. “oh.. well, yeah, i think so? we aren’t really.. talking about that so it’s maybe a little awkward — or could just be in my own head, i don’t know — but otherwise not much else changed.” their gaze fell to the floor as they quietly nibbled one of the strawberries. “except he’s really ramped up seeing hattie like crazy,” they admitted, sadly.
their stare lifted back to ash and they confirmed his question with a nod. there always seemed to be cheese sticks in that fridge. “it does, actually,” they admitted, reaching for one of the cheese sticks, too. claude peeled the package open and then peeled a piece off like it was a banana.
“oh, you actually went and did it?” they asked with open interest, chewing the string of cheese as they moved in to look down over the arm on display. “yeah, of course.. i.. remember,” their brow furrowed, their voice somewhat trailing off quieter as they studied the tattoo. it looked oddly familiar and their gaze jumped to his, everything feeling a bit too warm and overwhelming all of a sudden. “when — when did you get it done?”
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Ashton They both found purchase leaning against the small counter corner to be able to converse somewhat facing each other and eat at the same time, while Claude explained their situation. Ash nodded as he understood that feeling, validating them before they got too into their head, "it was a little awkward for me and Aggie too, it blew over after some time." It certainly was easier once Aggie and Fitz got together, but this isn't the same thing, this was the unrequited love aching instead for finding new love. The small admission in the silence made Ash feel for them, "..sounds like.. he made his choice," Ash hesitated as he tried to be honest with Claude with his opinion, but hoped to be gentle enough with it to hurt less. That seemed plain as day that Asher chose Hattie and Hattie, Asher. It was hard to wrestle with those feelings he's sure, Ash let a foot extend out to poke at Claude's diagonally from him, hoping to pull them out of their thoughts to look to him, "at least there's some confirmation now."
He hummed to consider his options after taking a bite off the cheese, "ooh does it?" He reached over for a strawberry of his own as they both took one of each snack, he gave them a boyish look of amusement, leaning over to cheers their snacks, before taking a bite from each, he has never watched ratatouille but it would've reminded anyone of that scene. "Oh my god, you're right, I've just never tried it before," he nodded in approval before chuckling meeting their gaze.
"Mmhmm, yeah!" Ash licked his fingers from the strawberry before cleaning it to free his hand for showing. The memories were coming back to Ash as well, it's been so long but he knew what Claude may be thinking already. He met their gaze, realized they were seeing it for the first time properly, and he's never had to tell anyone the full story before, not when the only one that would even get it was gone from his life till now. He was thinking of the best way to explain when they asked a question. Guess that's the best place to start.
"18. After I got drafted in the NHL," Ash started softly, putting the cheese stick down to focus, it had been freshly after they broke up 2014, then the draft happened and his life became a huge whirlwind, maybe he never really did get to process his feeling then. But he did take the chance to celebrate the draft with a tattoo. "We talked about it so much I guess I just.. did it. I still had your sketch." He quietly admitted, maybe almost embarrassed by it, he was no artist he didn't know how to describe what he wanted, so he just showed the napkin. Ash managed a quivered smile as the nerves of Claude examining a work that was theirs, unknowingly on his forearm this entirely time. "Do you.. like it?" A question young Ashton would've jumping at the chance to surprise Claude with it with so much excitement, now instead asked ten years later in a whimper of hesitancy.
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Claudio it was still difficult to reconcile that ash had his own experience with a similar situation, only in that scenario — he was asher, and claude was aggie. two entirely different perspectives had from the same situation. they had to take comfort that at least aggie and ash had managed to get over the hump and nothing much had changed. claude only lost their gaze to the floor even further, seeing the foot come in to nudge theirs, too embarrassed to look up at ashton. embarrassed and hurt. it hurt to know ash was right. they had known the night asher they confessed, they weren’t his choice. “i guess,” the words came out, finally giving a brief look at the hockey player. “i just thought he liked me too.” asher was a perplexing man. the signals he gave were confusing at times, and he was a serial flirter, too. sometimes it was hard for claude to remember that asher was like that with everyone, and it didn’t mean they were anything special.
ashton’s exaggerations with the snacks managed to at least keep their head up finally and draw them out of the bummed mood thinking of asher had put them in. a tentative smile coming out. “you’re silly,” they couldn’t help to say, but they found it an adorable moment. ash enjoying and licking his fingers like it was five star cuisine. maybe it was now, just because he liked it.
claude stared back down at the tattoo as ash gave the timeframe. it was done after he had been drafted— after they had already broken up. they tugged his arm closer, leaning over it to inspect it better. again, unable to look up at him because this really was a bittersweet moment that clenched in their chest. he had used their sketch— the one they had doodled out ash’s idea out on just for fun, a rough draft of what it could look like, and he did it after they weren’t together anymore. they almost preferred the asher pain to this. “i didn’t know you did that,” obviously! they managed to look at him, their eyes bright like they might cry at any second, and swallowed the lump in their throat. nodding, because of course they liked it.. but they didn’t understand why he would have done that. maybe they did, but they couldn’t believe he had. “why did you do that?” the question came without meaning to, a need to know and probably self-inflict more damage to understand just how much they had ruined things between them.
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Ashton It was painful to see them down, having witness how much it really hurt Claude when it was still fresh, seeing Asher right after that truly reflected in his heart and making his moves for Hattie must still sting a little for them. He resisted the urge to nudge them further as they kept their gaze on the floor, he just wanted them to smile but play footsies and tickling them seemed like a step too far. When they finally looked up at least, he met their gaze with a somber look of empathy, "I thought he liked you too." As useless as that comment was, it was just one of solidarity, that it wasn't just Claude getting in over his head, Ash saw it from the outside and thought the same thing with those signs.
The small smile was enough to feel victorious, despite it being all too intentional, simply enjoying a snack on a sunday afternoon with a friend. A really important friend. "I'll need to get silly so the kids like me, gotta practice," Ash shrugged with a made up excuse. But he stuck to the cheese after one strawberry, letting Claude have the rest knowing those were their favorite.
Guess Ashton didn't even need to say it out loud for Claude to realize what the design looked like, he could see it in their face that they knew. High school lunch, they were just talking about tattoos and what they would get once they could. Ash wasn't very good at visualizing but Claude absentmindedly doodled it out as he happily yapped away about the idea in his head, it was crazy how they got it almost immediately. He kept that napkin like a precious piece of artwork after that. "It's been.. It was so long ago now, it's always been there with me, I never.. really thought about it, to show you," Ash let them tug his arm, shuffling closer into the corner for Claude to take a closer look, it had simply been a part of him for so long, it didn't even occur to him show it to Claude.
But when they looked up Ash saw the way their browns shined and his own blues blinked back, the way they were both living in the same memory again. He was lost in those browns for a second, caught off guard by their question - why? Why did he do that? "I.. don't know.." he mumbled still trying to pull himself together, mind distracted as he scrambled for an answer. "I.." He was in the crossroads of whether to brush it off with a small white lie or meet vulnerability with vulnerability, as embarrassing or as awkward as it may be too ask 18 year old Ashton why he did what he did. "..I was still hurting," adult Ashton let his teenage self handle the admission, in nothing but a quiet mumble, "and I was still missing you. I was so happy at the draft, but I couldn't talk to you about it I-" he shrugged, free arm hugging around his own waist, "if that was the last thing I had from you, I didn't want it to disintegrate." a napkin so fragile it would break if he held it wrongly, and he already broke one thing between them. The napkin had long been broken and tattered but still up in a box in his room.
"and I thought it was actually really cool, you knew exactly what I wanted." Ash lightened his mood with a gentle laugh, to not let it fall into the trap of more tears, no this was something he wanted, to remember Claude, what they had, and if nothing else have an incredibly cool tattoo with meanings no one else would know but him.
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Claudio "maybe someone ought to tell him that," they cracked a joke, but with a cringe. "no but don't.. obviously.. i mean, like you said," claudio sighed, taking a smaller bite of a strawberry, "he's already made his choice." and it wasn't them. at this point, claude wasn't even sure they could trust it if asher did suddenly do a one-eighty and come back around, claiming he was wrong the entire time and actually he did like them back. it would probably make them feel as if they'd pressured him into feeling something he didn't, or even that he may be trying to give them what they wanted because he cared about them that much. "hattie's not so bad," they shrugged, their shoulders practically to their ears for a quick second. "i think she balances him out, in a way. he's always so bright and--" immature, "energetic.. and she's really calm and quiet."
ashton's explanation for his theatrics made them form an 'O' of silent understanding with their mouth. "you're really excited about the kids," they observed then. this wasn't the first time he brought up the camps. ash had a habit of slipping in things he liked or was excited about, trying to share and talk about it. they found it rather endearing.
their gut twisted, staring at him. listening to ash reason through what caused him to permanently stain his skin with something they drew, even after they'd split. none of it was easy to hear. that he had missed them, that he'd been melancholy not getting to share the excitement of realizing his dream. that it was the last part of them he could somehow keep. should it even hurt like this anymore? "that's.." claude paused, at a loss for words and visibly emotional. what the hell did they say to all of that?! another apology? another regret? ashton already knew that. a bit overwhelmed, their arm came up to encircle the man's neck and shoulders, dragging him down for a one-armed hug because that's all they could think to do in the moment. hug him, express the sorry, and the fact they were utterly touched that he'd gone and done that. when they released him, their hand fell back onto his arm, staring down at the tattoo for a moment. "actually.. i--" they cut off again, their thumb idly brushing over the tiny pluto planet near the inside of ash's elbow, before they reached up to tug down the corner of their shirt. low enough to reveal their left collarbone and the plain, bolded script of a tattoo -- tu puedes. "me too," their voice was quiet, their gaze searching his, "got mine when i went to new york." claudio left out some details here. like the fact they'd had to delay going to new york for a couple of years, that they were twenty-one by the time they ever set foot in that city. theirs hadn't been fresh after breakup, it'd been years.
-
Ashton He covered his laughs with a hand at the idea of bluntly telling Asher that, though he had been guilty of... subtly telling (or trying to tell) Asher. Thinking he was really doing some fucking matchmaking work for his friends. He might've honestly made it worse. "I won't," he promised, he was never one to make things messy, or at least tried not to. Ash simply hummed in agreement, falling into a small silence, if as mourning what could've been before they could get over it truly, and be truly happy for their friend finding love. "Really?" Ash asked curiously, never really having a chance to get to know Hattie, "perhaps they're actually perfect for each other then." He could imagine the steadiness of a rock keeping the energizer bunny stable. "I'll have to get to know her better."
He couldn't help the grin as they brought up the kids, "yeah, I love volunteering for summer camps, best part of summer for me," he explained, a softness in his words for the soft spot he had for them, "I've been helping out with camps since I graduated, I've seen some of these kids grow up over each summer, it's really nice to see." To think some of the seven year olds he first started teaching over summers and weekend classes were now in high school, ready and raring to bring Carroll pride home with the championships next season. He brought his attention back to Claude, nudging them lightly with his elbow, "I bet you'd love teaching theater summer camp one of these days too." Maybe much later in life, after they've really found their footing in their own career, but Ashton could see it, a warm, wonderful soul sharing the love of the stage with the next generation.
He felt vulnerably exposed, like 18 year old Ashton was getting to speak to Claude again, but he didn't mean for it to be sad. He was so happy getting it, even if it hurt for a long time to look at it and be reminded of Claude, but he knew he wanted it. They felt like unfinished business, no conclusion, no ending, no goodbye. He needed to do something to feel like he could keep it close to him as his very own bookend to them. Pluto tucked quietly in the nook of his elbow, not meant to be perceived by many people, just the people that cared to look for it. "Claude, I.." Ash shook his head as he saw the look on their face, afraid to have made them upset about it, that wasn't his intention, it wasn't for pain, or for their breakup, it was to remember them, in the best and most beautiful way possible. "I didn't mean to-" he couldn't get the words lodged in his throat out before an arm reached around his neck to pull him down into a warm embrace. Ash melted into it without hesitation, with familiarity, chin resting over their shoulder, the arm that initially hugged himself unwrapped and held around their waist instead, closing his eyes and taking in a long inhale, soaking in the hug that meant more than words could cover, and he understood it, all of it.
He only let go when Claude did so, letting them continue to observe the tattoo for as long as they wanted, every detail he could capture had been inked onto skin. All that was missing was an update, as the discoveries of space continued. Blues watched as fingers brushed over the planets, knowing exactly which would've caught their attention. And they continued following their hand as they reached up to their collar, a part of him instantly knew what it was as it twisted his chest into tight knots, but he couldn't see clearly as first, couldn't confirm what his gut and heart already knew until he leaned in, tu puedes. There was so much history, so much weight with a single phrase, the first things they taught him to say in Spanish when young spritely little Ashton was trying to encourage them and English wasn't doing it justice. It stuck for years and years, if Ashton couldn't speak Spanish, at least he could say that, and that was the most important thing he needed to tell Claude, and Claude to tell Ash. He was staring at the beautiful simple script for too long, etched forever, so closely to their heart. it made his blues deepen and glassy like the ocean depths when he finally looked up to Claude searching for his gaze, vision blurred with tears as they explained. New York, it must've been so hard for them alone. He wished he was there for them, more than the cowardly ways he did.
"Can I.." he murmured a whisper as his hands instinctively reached out to touch it but his control held him back, hand hovering inches from skin until he was given permission. Fingers lightly grazed over the words, taking it in while memories flooded back unwarranted, yet sweetly. He only let himself have a moment, grazing from the first letter to the last, before he pulled back with a gentle chuckle shared with Claude, "it's beautiful.." quickly wipe his face from whatever tears that threatened to fall to avoid the impression that he was upset about it. Far from it, the emotions that gripped onto him, rather, was a warm camaraderie of the way they shared the same silly little idea. "I was um-" he cleared the lump in his throat as the word came out thick with emotions, "I was meaning to go get mine refreshed, and relined, and update Pluto after they did the flyby and brought up new photos."
-
Claudio oof. ashton feeling that maybe hattie and asher were perfect for each other... what about them? did that mean they wouldn't have been? but they only nodded through that minor pang of discomfort, focusing instead on the last half. "you should," they agreed, "because she's obviously.. not going anywhere anytime soon and.. if she's important to asher, means she's important to the rest of us too, then." even if she was friends with that bitch aspen. asher was friends with her too. neither, likely, knew what aspen had done and claudio couldn't even tell anyone, either. at least, they felt like they couldn't or aspen would run and make things difficult for them and their family. "i've been trying."
ashton's excitement over the summer camps was a bit infectious, bringing out a small smile as they watched him get animated over volunteering and seeing his kids grow up. he sounded like a proud dad coach. "are they all star struck by you?" they asked lowly. "since they get to have a famous hockey player teaching them the ropes.." they liked to tease him about that part, aware that ashton didn't see himself as anybody important despite the fact the entire world saying otherwise. "maybe one day.." they considered, "but i would hope to have more under my belt to impress them with, if i did. to prove to them i'm someone worth learning from." right now, their resume wasn't very impressive and they felt miles behind their other friends. a large chunk of that from allowing their family stunt their opportunities.
the hug was warm and nostalgic. it pulled at old wounds, reopening them. but it wasn't in the same sense as what happened at the rink, with ashton picking a fight. this was more like a somber acknowledgement between them that they'd definitely left things improperly finished. they should have had these conversations back then. at least they were having them at all, now. though claudio had no idea how an innocent day of shopping for body pillows had suddenly turned into an emotional rollercoaster. they stood still, feeling the wait of his arm slip off until a hand was left at their waist. they watched in real time as ashton's own blue eyes became impossibly bluer, shining with emotional tears of his own. claudio couldn't find any words, and they hardly understood what question ashton was asking before they were giving a short nod of permission. to do whatever, apparently! but the soft touch and trace of their tattoo had somehow been unexpected, causing their gaze to drop to witness the surreal moment of ashton ryder exploring the script. claude couldn't pull their eyes away from it. the skin on ash's fingers felt coarser than what they remembered -- though, it'd been so long now, could they really be sure of that anymore? -- and were obviously the matured hand of a hockey player well used to callouses in grip. regardless, it all felt a bit too intimate, the action spreading a treacherous yearn for old things long cast aside. by the both of them, really. and that.. was not appropriate, right? they shouldn't be confused. they should be able to let ashton touch them without any sad memories wrapping around them like a warm embrace. how long would it be before even something simple like that felt normal between them?
ash's hand fell away, but they became too aware the other one still rested comfortably on their hip. if anyone came across them right now, close as they were, trading intimate tattoo stories and crying themselves silly, it would be a difficult thing to explain away. they were friends, trying to navigate the difficult, rocky path of friendship after once having shared the most personal parts of themselves with each other. not only that, they hadn't gotten any chance to talk through any of it until this year. it was still hard, even if it wasn't fresh anymore.
claudio stressed over what he would think. he'd just lost march.
the last thing they wanted to do was give the wrong impression of what they were expecting. they were uncertain, really, what it was they did expect. but for some reason, it all made them feel guilty and exposed. they'd gotten far too comfortable with all of this, far too easily. oof. thankfully, ashton spoke, his chuckle easing the moment into something lighter. they grasped onto that, almost with relief. "you'd better not get rid of the little guy," they pointed a threatening finger at ash, tone intentionally teasing, "i stand by what i said.. pluto will always be part of the squad." with a few blinks to pull in the emotions, their hand fell to rest on his arm briefly, the one at their waist. claude gave him a reassuring squeeze, before backing off and turning back to the counter. "c'mon.. let's eat these before asher comes back and tries to have any," a devious look was cast back at ashton at this suggestion they pirate all the snacks for themselves, plucking up the stawberry container and what was left of the mozzarella bag, and going to find a place to sit and relax for the afternoon.
-
Ashton He could sense the shift in Claude, even if slightly, and he decided against harping on it all. Hearing the way they talk about Hattie, in the soft resolve of the reality of the situation. Hattie has always just been.. the person associated with Aspen, in high school, that was enough of a reason for him to stay away from her even if Asher had been giving heart eyes already since then. Perhaps it was an unfair call on who Hattie is as her own person. "Then I'll try to," Ash nodded, softly acknowledging their efforts, and hope he'd join them in it too. Surely it's harder for Claude with their unrequited feelings, but they didn't have to handle it alone.
Ash scoffed at the question, honestly kids were the hardest people to impress these days, "please, one of the kids ever asked me when are the actual LA Kings hockey players coming, like Kopitar, and I had to break the bad news that it was just me." The memory still makes him chuckle, knowing they'd all love to see a real generational player and the old captain of the team. He was Ashton's own star struck player too when he first joined the Kings to be working with him. He eyed them considering the suggestion, a smile grew with a certainty in his reassurance, "you are." Claude was someone worth learning from, they were already teaching aerials to Evie, Ashton couldn't imagine them ever not being worthy. "Maybe LA will make you feel more ready and worthy, but you already are."
He doesn't know why they always end up like this, for carnival rides to shopping for pillows, somehow there's an undeniable draw between them, as if their souls have been aching to spill out their guts to each other, to make up for the time they didn't get to. Ash couldn't stop himself if he tried, because deep in their souls, this felt like something they needed, they needed to shed off the years of weight and mess the other hasn't seen for the last decade. Look at it face to face and accept it, and then hopefully they can move on from it all and restart properly as friends. But this felt so intimate to comprehend, Ashton wasn't completely cognizant of his actions, where his arms moves, hands touched, eyes drifted, mind went, heart lingered, it just fell into a natural rhythm his body remembered (that is a bad idea, because what his body remembered of theirs is not of them being friends).
Ash's laughter came like a gentle sob at the joke, looking at the accusing finger pointing at them with threats, he shook his head, agreeing to their point under his breath as he repeated their words, "Pluto will always be part of our squad." Claude has and always will be part of their squad. "-no no, I just.. wanted to add the tiny heart onto Pluto, the flyby pictures were cute.." Ash explained, ironic that the 2015 New Horizons flyby of Pluto was right after he got the tattoo, he missed the chance to add it right then and there. Space was truly ever changing, dynamic and fluid, like everything else in life.
He certainly became aware, hyperaware even, of his hand sitting on their waist, the moment they placed a hand on that arm with a squeeze, as if his being refused to let a simply hug end. Ash quickly pulled his hand back to himself after Claude stepped back from it. That's right, they were supposed to carve a respectable distance between them, the space always found their way in between the two he had assumed his instincts would do the same that it had been doing these past few months, an invisible wall built up out of respect and boundaries. - when did the wall grow smaller? was it a good thing, or a bad thing? Ash couldn't tell. -
He took a step away himself, playing it off with a long exhale and a stretch, making sure there were no more evidence of tears, or even their moment they just had, before he found the strength to look back at Claude, it felt like they were back to normal after a strange blip in the wavelength of their friendship. But things weren't normal, it felt like they broken down a barrier they've been struggling to get over, the walls built between them for the last ten years chipping away till they could see each other than through it. "Asher steals your snacks? maybe it's time you get a mini fridge in your room," Ash laughed, following them over, taking a pause seeing the shopping bag on the counter. "Let's wash and dry this too, so you can use it tonight," Ash grinned brightly, shaking the shopping bag to do just that.
"Oh god I should tell you, the way the tattoo artist stared at your napkin art.." Ash let the happier funnier memories take over for the rest of the sweet afternoon, still desperately wanting to share with Claude, everything they've missed in his life, as much as he's been wanting to know everything he's missed in theirs.
---end.---