fire in my heart, ice in my veins

Ashton Ryder, 29, class of '14, #28 national team, #28 NHL LA Kings, olympic gold medallist 🥇 | defenseman, sniper, blue line shooter. just need the ice and a puck.

[defendingtheice]

ASHTON RYDER | 29 | MOST LIKELY IN THE OLYMPICS

THE BASICS Biography | Playlist | Pinterest | Connections | Thread Tracker

Full Name: Ashton Finley Ryder Nicknames: Ash, Ryder, Fin, Ashy to his teammates Birthday: November 3, 1996 Birthplace: Carroll County Current Home: Poppy Court, Carroll County & El Segundo, Los Angeles Occupation: Team USA Men's Hockey Team; NHL Los Angeles Kings - Defenseman, Sniper, Blue Line Shooter, plays most like Brent Burns & Brandt Clarke (i, ii) Religion: Atheist Orientation: Asexual (sex favorable), Biromantic Status: Dating March Carter, a lil bit in love, very much in love Aesthetics: sunshine on freshly fallen snow, a star fiercely burning too bright too fast, and worn down hockey skates you’re too attached to to throw away MBTI: ISFJ-T, The Defender (Turbulent) Enneagram: Type5 Wing6, The Troubleshooter Alignment: Lawful Neutral Zodiac: Scorpio Face Claim: Luke Mitchell . Voice Claim: Luke Mitchell (i)

THE PHYSICALS

Height: 6'1" Build: Muscular, Athletic Allergies: people beating around the bush, & lilies. Hair Colour: Dirty Blonde Eye Colour: Deep Blue, that turns deeper when he cries Glass/Contacts: none, but sometimes if his eyes are strained he has reading glasses Dominant Hand: Right, but semi Ambidextrous Tattoos: only one, solar system running across the inside of his left forearm Scars: Too many to count Piercings: Earlobes and Helix on both ears Smells Like: Sage, Cedarwood, Fresh Fallen Snow, Pine, Eucalyptus Outfit Clothing Style: Sweaters, idk what else to tell you, he has no fashion sense and goes with whatever is the most comfortable things for movement or feel like a hockey jersey. Accessories: His father's dog tag, he has one and his mother has the other, a friendship ring engraved with a moon on the outside and initials in the inside, a promise made to someone special, usually worn on his left index finger, both never leaves his side, but when he's playing hockey, loops the ring on the dog tag and kisses them quick for good luck before he skates onto the ice.

THE ADDITIONALS

Spoken Languages: English, French Driver’s License: yes Vehicle: 2012 Toyota Camry, Dark Navy (with moonroof, v important) Pets: Dawn - German Shepard, Military Trained, Retired Debuts on the Ice: Youth Olympic Games - 2012 (4th) | US National Junior Team - 2012 (IIHF U18 World Champions, Gold), 2013 (IIHF World Junior Champions, Gold) | NHL Draft (3rd Overall) - 2013 | NHL Los Angeles Kings - 2014 (Stanley Cup) | US National Team - 2021 (IIHF Men's World Championship, Bronze), 2025 (4 Nations Face Off, Silver) 2025 (IIHF Men's World Championship, Gold) | US National Olympic Team - 2022 (Beijing Olympics, 5th), 2026 (Milano Cortina Olympics, Gold) Up Next On The Ice: Carroll County Hockey Summer Camps (Pee Wees, Elementary, Middle, High School Levels)

THE BIOGRAPHY

While Carroll is mostly known for its football talents, behind that glory lies the other sports that try to shine just as bright. Ice Hockey is one of those sports. Ashton being born and bred in Carroll County, he's been playing ice hockey as a kid and grew to really develop a knack for it, it was something his parents introduced to him to channel all that energy into somewhere, taking it up as a sport all through high school, playing the U-18 Nationals and truly making his mark in his junior year in high school as part of the 2013 National Junior Team taking home the World Junior Championship.

While he had hopes to follow his father's footsteps and join the military, losing him in combat shook the Ryder family, his mother begging him to not join at all, anything but the marines, and perhaps in another lifetime he'd follow his dad but this time, he respected his mom's wishes.

Instead he poured his all into his high school's ice hockey team, growing to be the best offensive defenseman and sniper the team's had in years, putting the Cavalier Hockey Team on the Hockey League’s map. Over time it became clearer to Ash that perhaps ice hockey was the route he wanted to take in life, he'd be close to home, and he was fucking good at it - and scouts seemed to agree. During his senior year he was scouted to the NHL Drafts for the Los Angeles Kings, signing on the very next year and competing there for much of his youth before he joined the National USA Team as well for the Winter Olympics in his mid 20s for 2022.

With Ashton coming from a small town, it was super exciting for the small community to know he made it to the National Team. He's been with the USA National Team now for a couple of years, making his Olympic debut then, back to the NHL after and now training for the next. Outside of the competition seasons, he prefers to come back home to Carroll County, training kids and teens during the summer breaks and simply being home and returning the love to the small town that believed in their kids when no one else did.

THE WANTED CONNECTIONS

Type: Platonic Character name: UTP Character age: Any Preferred Faceclaims: Any Relation to your character: fellow space nerds to nerd about space!! he will send you pics of blurry images of black holes and galaxies and he will cry about it. Brief description of the relationship: In another life, if it wasn’t hockey, nor the marines, perhaps Ashton might’ve pursued his deep love of astronomy, perhaps he might’ve been working at NASA, perhaps he’d get his PhD in astrophysics. The night sky was the one thing that used to be able to stop the young boy from running around and actually staying still for once, enamored by the vast beauty above, the space was beautiful, as it was terrifying, and Ashton always was interested in learning more. In this life though, he was happy to have it as a hobby to himself, something to enjoy outside of hockey, because hockey was a love that became a job with pressure. the stars had no judgment. you’re a friend that has the same passion, perhaps you guys have stargazing sessions, Ash rarely splurges but the one time he did splurge was to get himself a telescope. you guys share a fun hobby together and Ash is glad to have you in his life that gave him a reprieve from the hockey, sports, the press and media, the limelight, the pressure. Should you be contacted before application?: No need

Type: Platonic/Rivalry/Professional Character name: UTP Character age: 20s-30s for schoolmates (Class of ‘10 - ‘18) / 50 up for mentors/teachers/coaches Preferred Faceclaims: Any Relation to your character: Classmates, teammates, athletes of opposing sports, friendly rivalries Brief description of the relationship: Perhaps in your school years you knew of this golden boy athlete, maybe from your classes, maybe from childhood, maybe crossing paths in the sports realm itself. You could’ve gotten along well with Ashton, or maybe it got on your nerves that hockey was getting a spotlight for the Cavaliers those few years of his existence. Or maybe you remember teaching this kid back in the day. Connections from school that range from close to tense, anything you want! Should you be contacted before application?: No need

Type: Platonic Character name: UTP Character age: Any Preferred Faceclaims: Any Relation to your character: Parents to kids / people who Ashton teaches hockey for Brief description of the relationship: Outside of competition seasons, Ashton spends most of his time back home, in the one ice rink the town has and gives back to his alma mater, teaching and mentoring kids of all ages for a mini summer programme. And on normal schedules he holds weekly classes when he can. Perhaps you’re a parent that has a kid that once took or is taking a class, maybe you even as an adult had been interested in picking up a new skill or hobby, Ashton doesn’t turn anyone away from learning. Should you be contacted before application?: No need

Type: Ex-Romantic TAKEN Character name: UTP Character age: 20s-30s (Class of ‘12 - ‘16) Preferred Faceclaims: Any Relation to your character: Exes, High School Sweethearts Brief description of the relationship: You dated in school, first loves by all accounts, but for one reason or another, things just didn’t work out. So many years have passed and you’re navigating what comes after, friendship? Acquaintances? Never speaking to each other ever again? An Old Flame hoping to rekindle? A connection of a high school sweetheart tragedy. Open to all possibilities! *Any gender, Ashton is bi-romantic asexual (sex-favorable). Should you be contacted before application?: Yes, you can reach me on shannn_n in discord or @defendingtheice on tumblr

[defendingtheice]

Dawn - German Shepherd, USMC trained dog, retired.

In the midst of the fluster in the NHL drafts and Ashton joining the U18s national team development program, he had to be in and out of the house a lot, the more experienced he got the more his name was noticed, the more games he played out of state, and out of country. And as different as it was from his father, there was always that silly anxiety - another Ryder leaving home often, what if he doesn't come back? After high school, Ash signed on with Kings and trained a lot in LA, Ruth continued her own path into medicine, and Ash didn't feel right in leaving his mother all alone at home, in a house that feels too big and makes one feel too small. But it was their home, the home his parents bought, the home he and Ruth grew up in, and it's hard to give up the home that holds so many memories and so much love.

Varina had always stayed in contact with the USMC after Ash's father passed, keeping in touch with the unit that first sergeant Finley Ryder belonged to, his closest friends and comrades that knew him best. Before his death, Finley always wanted to have the opportunity to train a military dog, even promising his son that when it retired, it could come live with them. It might've been a long forgotten promise like all others broken, his unit didn't forget. Almost a decade later they reached out to the Ryders, asking if they'll foster a retiring military dog, it would've been one that Finley got to train, already picked a name in advanced and everything - Dawn, like the dawn of a new day. The dog was retired early due to a post traumatic stress response from a mission, no longer fit for duty, but she was still young, and much more life to live, and Ashton was the first to immediately say yes, hoping also that when he's not home, Varina wouldn't be alone either.

Within a week, they knew she was meant to be with them, and they were filing the adoption papers making the foster a permanent addition to the Ryder family.

It's been a handful of years now and Dawn's been adjusting to a civilian life of walks, treats, pets, hikes, lazing in the afternoon. She's come to know and love most regulars in Carroll, as soft as a dog can be, despite the title of a military trained German Shepherd. Has the sharpest nose possible, once trained to sniff out explosives and drugs, now simply sniff out delicious food and other dogs, and the comforting scent of her family close by. Dawn is usually sweet and docile even to strangers in Carroll, well trained to listen to a handful of people, the Ryders and the close circle around them, but a dog's intuition is strong, and when she senses something is wrong or someone had bad intentions, she will make it known, Ashton usually listens. And if Ash isn't home, she will protect Varina doing whatever she needs to do.

Other than that, when meeting her for the first time, do wait for her family to be by her side before petting her! Her stress response sometimes might think she's in danger without her usual reassurances, but she absolutely loves cuddles and pets and scratches and hugs, and also beef jerky.

[defendingtheice]

@varina-ryder

[covercdwithscars]

"Even better reason, actually. No way I can argue with that." Landon laughed, because although he didn't know exactly how much professional athletes made, he had no concerns that Ashton was on trying times. "Oh yeah, I've heard that hockey just isn't popular anymore. Do you have to pay people to come watch?" He cracked into a grin before laughing again so that Ashton hopefully realized he was just bantering back. "I doubt that's true! I'm sure you have many other talents. Maybe some you never really thought about. And that's kind of you to help out. I'm sure she appreciates it." The question that followed had Landon shaking his head immediately. "Oh no, no way. I'd have to drink this entire bar to get out there. How about you though? Do you need someone to cover here so you can get some dancing in too?"

[defendingtheice]

"Sometimes are arenas are half full only it's pretty sad," Ash sighed dramatically though not actually complaining, honestly doesn't really bother him, considering how expensive these tickets are, Ashton doesn't blame anyone, they honestly should be much cheaper. "Hmm, maybe I'll think about them next time," Ash mused about his other talents, his entire life had been focused on honing one, he hadn't given much thought to anything else. "Just replacing her, someone who'd enjoy a party with me, someone who wouldn't enjoy a party," Ash shrugged seeing the exchange a win win for them both. Though she did seem a bit strange earlier, he didn't question it though, bot wanting to pry into it if it wasn't something that concerned him. "Fellow non-dancer, I see you," Ash grinned, as if relieved to find his people. "Definitely not, I've promised my friends at least one awkward dance from me, but hey if they forget about it.." he shrugged, hiding by the station, out of sight, out of mind right? "Unless you're thinking about hiding how here with us to avoid dancing too?"

[defendingtheice]

"Mm that's definitely no fun. But she'd get a very cool WAG jacket though," Ashton wasn't actually sure if that applies to coaches too, but why not? The players' wives and girlfriends get some cool playoff jackets every year just for them. Ash made a face or empathetic pain, imagining how that would've felt, "oof.. worth it though?" I'd he asked Zach that he was sure that brother would say yes. Eric may have a different opinion on that, "stunts, definitely just a hobby, not work then." Zach could've been an amazing stunt double though for Eric.

"To be fair.. in hockey games at least, they do usually keep it to hockey talk, it's just dumb things like interviews during intermission or immediately post games asking what can do you better. I don't know Joe, let me breathe first," Ash chuckled, knowing at least the day to day media is about the work, he could imagine Eric getting questions much less so about the films and shows he do and more so about Hollywood gossip. "Hacks huh? You'll have to share," Ash leaned onto the table, brows raising, curiosity piqued now that it was brought up. "Our exit interviews post season can get just as nosey as yours." The one time where for a long while the focus is just on you, daunting at the start of your career, exhausting as the years go on.

Ash let out an incoherent half grumble half sigh, shaking his head quickly to shut that idea down, "honestly, sometimes probably worse, some of these people get big money on sports gambling, and well, makes everything uglier." The fact that if them playing poorly or too good can make people lose money, there will always be hatred spewed towards you. "Good, save your moments for real desperate times, I'll win her a stuffed toy so that she won't focus on anything else," Ash lightly shrugged to the curiosity of Vivienne's yapper personality, "it's good, that kids are talkative, also means she got a good memory to even be able to spill the tea."

[esanders]

Eric laughed and nodded; he had only now realized that this career move would make his Mom a WAG, and that made the whole idea even more like the strangest fever dream. Lucky that Zach had broken some bones doing crazy somersaults, and they could talk about that. "He's good, he wouldn't have learned shit without those mistakes, so... In this context, I think fucking up is always worth it." He grinned. Oh no, he was being a smartass again.

Eric laughed— he knew exactly what Ash was talking about. Bad as he felt, laughing at something as annoying as that, he couldn't help it. Fortunately, his friend didn't mind. "I would've done ANYTHING I could so I could catch a breath instead of standing here, answering dumb questions, right? Damn, they really do amaze me..." He sighed. "I'll share some Shaolin secret tips with you, and I truly hope they'll work for you too."

It was sad how much sense this part made; it wasn't fair, but some aspects were easy to understand. Negative emotions could be strong as hell, and they usually grew even stronger than positive ones.

"If my daughter secretly plans my downfall, then so be it," he laughed and wanted to add something. "Okay, enough! No more nagging," he said in an exaggerated old man's voice. "Let's take our lovely companion-" he turned to Dawn "-and take her on a little stroll, so I can take a picture and send it to Viv, hm?"

//it's a wrap!

[defendingtheice]

//int. ruth's place - late morning after reception. @ruthellerymd

Ash had just dropped March off at the airport, feeling the weight of the world pushing down on his shoulder as reality was sinking in that he now had to deal with it all. He had been putting it off, wanting to make sure the precious time he had with March wasn't wasted on stressing about it all, but now that he was gone, it was sinking in fast. He still didn't know what to do, the entire drive back to Carroll was honestly painfully stressful, he couldn't help but let his mind wander to all the worst things that could happen. The silence was honestly too nerve-wracking because his thoughts was all he could hear, but turning on the radio was a back choice, the Tea was the first thing on and it was recapping everything from the night before, starting with his own piece of news flash, blasted out as a recap from last night. "Ugh.." Ash cringed as he changed the channel almost immediately, playing whatever music the next radio channel was playing. Even then his mind couldn't stop crashing out with stress, he wanted to not have to do this alone, he wanted his sister with him for a little bit. So when he drove, he made a turn for Ruth's.

He didn't say much at first when he appeared by her door, they didn't really need to say much to understand each other, he came in and sat with some tea, simply watching her pack for a long shift ahead at the CMC. He hadn't felt ready to talk about it all yet, but simply being in Ruth's presence was more than enough. So he lifted one of the granola bars, "..these are long expired," he simply murmured, clicking his tongue disapprovingly, putting them far away so she doesn't pack them into her back, "I don't think these are good for you for a 12 hour shift."

[touchofmxgic]

starter for @defendingtheice location: The Other Page Bookstore

Gabriel had been stocking the shelves, a new order of books had come in, some new releases and old ones that he no longer had in the shop. He had been sorting one of the boxes when he heard the bell by the door and someone coming in, indicated by the footsteps coming closer." We aren't open yet." He calls out, turning his attention from the cover of a new romance novel to a familiar face. "Oh." He sets the book down." Ashton, what brings you here?"

[defendingtheice]

There's honestly been too much noise around Ashton, maybe not physically but psychologically. Non stop messages, calls, meetings, social media comments, unknown dms-- he wanted it all to stop. It hadn't lighten up since he made the statement on Instagram, in fact it probably got louder. He wanted a quiet place, and there was one quiet place he's always liked since they first opened. Ashton left his phone at home so that there was no chance of digital anxiety, and simply took a long morning walk from home to the bookstore. He had reached a little bit too early, standing outside wondering if he should try his luck, after five or ten minutes Ash finally decides to buy some coffee nearby and push through the door, realizing it was open.

"Hey Gabe," he called back out once he heard the familiar voice. Honestly he's probably been here more outside of its opening hours than during ever since it opened, a family friend of theirs, Ashton found it a comforting place to be to simply exist quietly, sitting by the science section, asking if there's any new astronomy books in yet. Today, he wasn't really sure why he was here or what he wanted to find. "Sorry, just trying my luck to see if you'd let me stay," Ash managed a grin, tone not as perky as it generally would be, "wanted some quiet time, y'know, away from the world," he shrugged coming up to him, handing him a cup, "just how you like it." He tilted his head curiously to see the boxes Gabe was sorting through, "can I help you out? Since I'm here?"

[leonidxs]

The more Leo thought about, the more he could see the appeal of sending his ex the picture. He'd said a lot of horrible things to Leo, so didn't he deserve it? But then Leo thought about the fact that most of what had said had been spurned by heartbreak, and the situation became murkier. "I won't lie, I kind of want to send it to him just like a 'fuck you' right back, like you said," Leo replied, smirking at Ashton. "But I think he was really upset when I left, and like...I don't love the idea of poking an old wound that might not even be fully healed yet." Maybe Leo had been clear about what he wanted, but that didn't change how his ex had felt. "Man, I must have been at the top of my game to get him that hooked on me," Leo joked, though it was mostly to pull them out of more serious territory. "Though I guess a certain hockey player had him even more enamored," Leo added teasingly. He saw Ashton get another glass, and Leo nodded at him, finishing his own and saying, "You read my mind."

Again Leo laughed, without humor this time. "Yeah, I guess if time travel existed, we'd never learn from our mistakes. But frankly I don't really care. There are so many things I'd do over, and not just the situation with JP." If he could go back in time, Leo's parents would still be alive, but then he'd never have met JP. Pressing his palm to his forehead, Leo groaned, "Ugh, time travel is so confusing." He pushed the thought out of his mind, refocusing on Ashton. "So you managed to find a way to mend things, at least enough to be in each other's lives," Leo said. "Interesting...though yeah, I don't want it to take ten years." Leo thought about how this related to his own situation, and he told Ashton, "That's the thing: we're already back to talking and flirting. It's like there's something pulling us together. I don't think I could fight it even if I wanted to."

[defendingtheice]

Ash quieten down from the jest to a quiet empathy, fully understanding where Leo was coming from it that sense. Breakups are messy, painful, if Ashton had acted on any of his initial emotions to it, he'd hurt Claude so much more than he was hurting himself. "That's fair, and kind of you," hopefully if he ever did show that ex of his that picture, it'll be under nicer circumstances and Ashton would be happy to take a call and just say hi to a fan. Ashton hummed along, breaking them out of the serious conversation, the confidence is admirable because Ash couldn't take the compliment quite so easily, "that's just surface level affection." He's met lovely fans and appreciate their love for him and the team but that's certainly different from his friends and family. "You've definitely made your pitch of why you needed another one," Ash chuckled, tapping the base of the glass for him to go for it.

"If we time travel we'd certainly create a paradox of our timeline, even messier if we met our younger selves," he could go on about the idea of time travelling as a fun think tank but it'll simply be a bummer. He once answering a media question about what he would say to his younger self with the idea that it would simply be a bad idea to say anything at all and went on the explain the space time paradox. But he focused on the new information he hasn't gotten yet, "JP.. that's Birch's brother?" He was trying to connect the dots to make sure he was thinking about the right person. Carroll was so small and interconnected that way, he wouldn't be surprised him meeting a stranger today is a friend of a friend. "Well, we're trying to at least," Ash tried not to put pressure on what Claude and him were trying to rebuild, even if there was a lot of hope in him. They both wanted to be back in each other's lives, now whether they can truly make it work.. they'll have to see. Can't be any worse than what they were before. Ashton listened carefully to Leo's predicament, perhaps slightly more complicated than Ashton's considering he certainly wouldn't be flirting with an ex while already with someone else. Guess there's still something there for them that's unresolved. "I.. don't really know what to suggest there if I'm being honest, but maybe have you just talked to him about it? Just to clarify?" If anything Ashton has learnt the importance of communication, so so much.

[angstfactory]

"Really?" they asked, surprised to hear it. "In what?" They took his comment seriously, that Ashton still had plans to go back to school and do something. "Maybe sports medicine?" Claudio tried to guess, because it was at least some field career-adjacent to him now. They couldn't imagine him not doing anything sports related. One of these days, they always assumed he would wind up being a hockey sports caster, like so many other popular players. Especially in the MLB and NFL, they were really known for it. Claude smiled some, to hear their little awkward group of friends is what made things easier, happier, for Ashton. With a glance his way, they murmured almost under breath yet certainly loud enough for his ears, "Not for lack of trying." At this point, it had to have been obvious they were trying to avoid Ashton until, they simply couldn't anymore.

Ashton, they knew, had his heart in the right place. He invited them now out of pity and guilty, after being caught with his hand in the cookie jar and thought, maybe if he shared, he wouldn't get into any trouble. "No," they declined the sincere yet poorly-timed invite, "it's okay.. think it would just make everyone feel weird if I showed up randomly after all this time, anyway." And Claudio didn't want to feel spotlighted, or get left aside while everyone else was chatting and laughing together. It was better they stay away, as they had been doing, and let their old friends have their fun.

The shift away from the camping trip itself was welcomed with open arms. Claude even smiled, nodding, as they adjusted in their seat. "Yeah, out of a cardboard cylinder and everything, remember?" They had done this kind of thing before, a few times, when they were still teenagers. "You taught me." They were staring back down at the thread they played with. "It was one of the first things you did when we met." As Ashton gave his opinion on whether or not Asher would want to, Claude idly twisted the hoodie string around their finger, staring forward at the dash. "You think so?" they considered, feeling like that settled the decision then. "I'll see what he says. He'll probably say yes," Claude assumed without any real doubt, "he's nice like that." Asher was the only one that had gone out of his way to keep in touch, too. That's how they knew he'd say yes, because he wouldn't want them to feel alone, or left out, and Claude wondered if they had even bothered to invite him, either. Because he had only just returned. Maybe it'd help soften any blow to learn your friends were going somewhere without you. Not that it was their fault, either. Nobody had expected the music lover to suddenly come Tasmanian Devil-ing it back into their lives. The whirlwind he always was, really, just here one day and gone the next. "It's okay," they absolved Ashton of his apology and guilt, "like I said, it'd be weird to include me again after so long anyway."

Claude rested their chin on their hand, staring back out the window. "Yeah, still doing theater. Not having much success outside of Carroll but, at least I still get to perform."

[defendingtheice]

"Um-.." Ash didn't expect it to get deeper than a surface level discussion, the follow up question threw him off as he scrambled for the answer, shaking his head at the guess, shyly admitting, "astrophysics, probably? ..maybe?" No, Ash didn't think he'd be that good of a doctor doing sports medicine, he certainly couldn't tdo what his physical therapist does. But space, space had always been the one fun topic Ashton wished he had the time to get into, outside of the rink. The reason why it was always a shared love with Nathan and it expanded outwards from there. Or maybe he should just play into the jock thing, he didn't know yet, but having the option to go back to school would be a privilege either way. "Sorry, got in the way of you trying tonight," Ash chuckled wondering how many other games they've been at successfully avoiding him and not letting him know they existed in the arena with him.

One could certainly feel Ashton deflate after the clear rejection to what would've probably felt like a half assed invite from him. "..maybe next time," his tone lightened up to something hopeful, perhaps he'll make sure to keep them in mind for social invites, now that they seem willing to talk to him again. Or maybe they'll simply never speak again after this car ride. Ash could flip a coin either way, awkwardness not getting any easier.

"Right.." Ash laughed lightly about the telescope as his hands fidgeted on the steering wheel, nostalgia hitting hard as a grin grew at the memory he hasn't revisited in a long time, "didn't know how else to talk with you, so I just showed you how to make one." Not being able to talk was hard and they simply spent time learning the cool arts and craft project Ashton had proudly learnt since they didn't have the money to buy a telescope. A proper telescope was one of the first selfish things Ashton bought for himself with his first paycheck from hockey, he hasn't thought about making one in a long time. "They didn't work that well, did they?" He sighed, embarrassed at how proud he was for making it to see the moon maybe 20% bigger. "Though I bet you've mastered it by now." It was sweet, that they still remembered that. "Mmhmm, he really is," Asher had always been a spark in the room, the bright smile that was overly infectious you can't help but feel your mood lift. It's been awhile but Ash was glad he's back. "..doesn't mean we shouldn't try again," he murmured, eyes darting for a millisecond from the road to Claude, as if testing the waters. Yes it's been like this for so long, didn't mean that it needed to keep continuing this way. Ash wanted to try again, just as friends was all he asks for.

Ash nodded along listening to their update, "New York doesn't sound like a very kind place for it," he commented, the city felt cut throat, similar to LA, but LA had a more two faced west coast vibes to everything. "You've always been talented, I wouldn't be able to imagine you anywhere else other than the stage."

[defendingtheice]

"Mmhmm, really good at holding a grudge," Ash hummed, wanting to give the guy credit but also, that was technically Ashton's goal, of making even just a few days with this boy miserable after witnessing the way that man treated his own stepdaughter. "Oh I was absolutely miserable. He kept trying to tell me how to skate, he was that close to getting a hockey stick to the face," he paused, "totally by accident, of course." ..this was ultimately still a party with a lot of people, and a lot of ears. He remembered thinking if he really wanted to practice his sharpshooter skills, he could aim the puck directly at his face. But those were inner intrusive thoughts, he remembered not to act on those.

Ash chuckled at her description of the town, "you might've met Nathan at the grocery store, he's always giving a big smile at the cashier." Not everyone was all smiles and sunshine all the time, that would be kinda weird, and culty. But there was a gentle homeliness to the town, people here were just.. more real, less fake. "Ahh, I don't go to Eden that's probably how I've completely missed you these pass few months, plus I was mostly in LA for hockey," things made a lil more sense how they've never crossed paths in the months she's moved here. "Pfft, I might be the only one so.. we got more football players here to be honest, but we're trying to train a few more homegrown hockey players here, just you wait." That'll take a lot more developing years with some of their high school team talent but Ashton had faith in them.

"And I mean it, anytime, yeah? -here, gimme your phone," he put a hand out, knowing perhaps it might seem weird because now it seems like he's wanting something from her, "I'll give you my number, -or if not, you can probably find me at the school's ice rink this summer." It was a strange feeling even though they probably only met a few days back then and never again, he's learnt enough to have a strong sense of protectiveness over her. And if he's gonna claim Carroll's a safe place to live, he wanted to make sure of it for her.

[eviescore]

Evie’s grin tugged wider at the image of Ashton nearly committing aggravated assault with a hockey stick. ❝ God, I would’ve paid actual money to see that. He used to stand behind photographers like he was directing a military operation. Half the time nobody even knew what he was talking about. ❞ The anxiety still sat there beneath everything — low and familiar, curling tight whenever her stepfather’s name came up, like somehow even states away he could still reach in and ruin something good before she had the chance to keep it. It was stupid, probably. She knew that. But years of being managed, watched, and quietly controlled didn’t disappear overnight just because she’d moved to a quieter town with pretty lakes and people who held doors open for strangers.

At the mention of her phone, she looked at his hand for half a second before laughing softly and handing it over without much hesitation. And that was what made Ashton feel so disorienting in the best way. There was no angle behind his kindness, no expectation tucked underneath it. He talked to her like a person instead of a project or a headline or somebody’s stepdaughter. ❝ Thanks.. really. ❞ The protectiveness in him felt effortless, natural — the kind that didn’t suffocate. For the first time in a long while, trusting someone didn’t feel entirely impossible. Getting his number she shoved her phone back into her little bag and washed him a great rest of the night before going to find a drink and well.. her dates.

The End

[angstfactory]

They kept their eyes closed tight, their stomach dropping out from under them with every jarring flip of the cage. "They're trying to kill us, they're doing it on purpose," they whimpered back into the seat, refusing to look because that would be worse. It was bad enough they were hearing other terrified and joyful shrieks of those in the other cages around them. If Claudio could have silenced them, they would have, because all it did was make them come up with the worst ideas of what might be causing their screeches.

Like a cage door swinging open.

"We're not safe, this is so unsafe Ash," their words came crashing in back over Ashton's, every time the other man tried to insist everything was fine. It took another several flips and the hockey player to lace his fingers, squeezing their hand back, before Claudio dared to pop an eye open to see what was happening. Their vision bounced with the rest of them, catching sight of Ashton's grinning face, his mantra of 'you're safe' suddenly loud in their ears. Blocking out the screams of the other passengers. "You're insane," Claudio half-laughed, half-cried, unsure how he managed to stay so centered and, in their eyes, unphased. Like the ride didn't scare him at all. "You're so crazy.. certifiably.. I can't believe you.." But that fright had managed to dip into something lower, more stable, not quite fun, better perhaps disbelief of the experience in general, which yoinked a smile out of them despite the fear.

Almost as quickly as it all started, the ride slowed. Their cage did a final, nauseating flip, and then slowly rocked itself still. Claude's eyes wide, on Ashton's, as he repeated the same sentence he'd had for them this entire time. But softer, more soberly. Serious. And they knew to trust it. The small nod they gave back, listening, believing him, barely perceptible, but there.

Then he was staring out of the cage, his voice gruff, and confessing something that made their heart ache from the residuals of caring about this person. They knew, most likely, all of that would probably never truly go away. As their cage got lower and lower to the ground, Claude reached, hand cupping Ashton's cheek to direct his stare back to theirs. "I loved you too," their eyes were wet, with unshed tears, genuine in the feeling, still a little breathless from the harrowing ride, "and I think I always will." A very intimate moment, even the tender touch, could easily be misconstrued as something more than it was. The way they stared at him like he was everything, like they were falling in love with him all over again just after this one scary ride. They certainly cared about him.

They did love Ashton. Still, after all this time. They had never stopped. He was their best friend, he and their little group of people had always been everything for them. They had brought Claudio into their circle like he belonged there, even when they could all barely understand each other without March to translate.

But they were not in love with Ashton. Their heart wasn't hammering the same way it did when they were young. It was racing from the ride, and quickly slowing down now that it was over. They weren't too scared to touch him anymore, for fear he'd find out just how much they wanted to. There was no tug in desire to kiss him.

Yet, Claudio very much appeared otherwise, in that moment. The open love of their friend, of grasping at the nostalgia... It could have tricked anyone to think they were sliding right back into old habits.

[defendingtheice]

As insanely terrifying as it was, Ashton's fears were shown in quieter ways, not manifesting in the screams as everyone else did, a chew of his lips, nails digging into palms, loud was hardly the way to describe his fear. It was helped knowing that he should be someone stable for someone else that needed it, holding onto their hand tightly until it came to a stop.

It felt right to tell them then, at least one last time, when their last interaction with each other were so abrupt, sudden, heart wrenching. He had never gotten to say what Ash would've really wanted to tell them of everything he regretted not saying, at least one last time. He couldn't find the courage to look at Claude to say any of that, gaze burning outwards and forwards, hands still interlaced as if not feeling to let go just yet. Not until the other free hand reached to cup his cheek and make him meet their gaze. There was fear behind those blues admitting that and they met Claude's. The heartache felt like a physical cave in his chest, to know even till today there was love there. The delicate caress made a dangerous pull of nostalgia as if they were 17 all over again, worst that they were in a carnival ride, just screaming and laughing like teenagers.

They stared into each others eyes for much too long, a part of Ashton letting himself wander for just a second, in a different world, timeline, universe, whatever it is, what would loving Claude - truly loving Claude to this day have been like. To have fixed their problems, to have grown together, to have lived lives side by side, to still hold their hand, to kiss them-- that was too far down a day dream. Ashton caught himself as deep watery blues studied the soft face in front of him. All so familiar, yet all so foreign. Because that was all it was, a day dream, what it might’ve been like, but he didn't actually want to close the gap. Ash was pulled back into a sobering reality almost immediately because when thinking about kissing, March's face was the one that crept back into his mind instead.

"..I'm with March."

The words tumbled past his lips waking them both up to the real world and who Ashton was completely in love with right now - it wasn't Claude. He slowly, gently pulled away from their touch, laced fingers pulling back to a respectable pat on their hand before the space was back between them. "We're together." Ash explained, a soft smile pulled unknowingly at the mention of his name, though realizing he's probably making this turn back to awkward again. But it was a line he had to draw, definitively, even if he was reading all the signs wrongly, even if Claude didn't mean any of it in that way. Either way, this was what needed to be said, regardless of the reparation of the relationship between him and Claude. It took years to get over Claude, and now that he was happy with someone else, he can't even think about the possibility of ever losing March. "It only started, like officially started -this year, but we've just.. it took a few years," Ash felt the need to explain and fill the silence, soft words cracking with affection, "I love him. A lot."

[deputydarling]

who: @defendingtheice where: walk and talk getting coffee

winnie was waiting in the usual spot, the same place she had met ashton for their walk-and-talks for as long as she could remember. when they were kids, it had been a game seeing how far they could make it from one side of carroll to the other before one of them got tired, hungry, distracted, or all three. now, as adults, the route had shortened into something more civilized: a walk to cupcake’s, coffee in hand, catching up on everything they pretended was casual until it wasn’t.

she spotted him before he reached her, and her whole face lit up. “ashton!” winnie called, rising onto her tiptoes as she waved, her curls bouncing with the movement. “hello!” she met him halfway, wrapping him in a hug before he could decide whether he wanted one. that was the thing about winnie. she was very good at giving people affection before they had the chance to be brave about needing it.

pulling back, she looked up at him with a grin. “how are you?” then she paused. the smile softened first, then faded at the edges as she really looked at him. not the public version. not the athlete version. not the version everyone else had been discussing like he was a headline instead of a person.

just ashton.

“probably not good, huh?” she said, quieter now. winnie reached out, giving his arm a gentle squeeze. “coffee’s on me today, okay, kid?” her mouth curved again, warm but not careless. “and before you argue, consider this an official deputy mayoral expense.”

[defendingtheice]

He rarely ever missed a walk with Winnie, one at least every once in awhile, even if they were both busy. Today had been one of those days that definitely felt like he wanted to skip out on, needing energy he didn't have left over after being on the phone and meetings left and right with Val, with his agent, with the hockey organization. He had stayed home all day already, mom even bringing Dawn on her walks today instead. The canine sometimes joined him and Winnie on their short walk adventures. But not today. Ashton took in a deep breath before finally getting ready to feel human enough, shower, change of clothes, drink some water, good enough right?

Maybe so, maybe not, seemed evident enough that when he reached their usual meet up spot, she could spot it right away. Guess it helped that she probably also had context, like the rest of the town. Ashton gladly returned the hug, a warm embrace comforting to his soul, "hey Win," he murmured into their hug, both of them physically affectionate people, it's hard to cut it out of who they are. A dark thought wondered who's gonna take another photo of him simply hanging out with a friend and accuse him of cheating on March again when he's not in town. He couldn't help but take a step back once they pulled away, his tired eyes met hers and probably gave it away for her perky question.

He quietly shook his head, though a small pressed smile still met hers, not good barely covered it. "Better than yesterday I guess," he shrugged with a soft sigh, chuckling at her magnanimous offer, "..kid?" She was two years his senior which felt huge back in school but certainly lost significance the older they got. "Are you even sure you're allowed to do that?" It made him laugh at least, a small spark in the cloud over his head. He gestured his chin with them to get off, "coffee sounds great though.." though maybe he needed some food, caffeine on an empty stomach was bad. "How have you been? Did you have fun at the reception too?"

[defendingtheice]

"You're right, I don't think I have.." Guess they did drift quite a bit when Asher moved out of Carroll, Ashton wasn't the best at keeping up with social media either, while it's sad to have missed out a significant portion of his friend's life, it was also exciting, to get to know all the new thing's he's missed, especially now that Asher was back. Eyebrows raised at the exciting idea for the opening, "oh- that would be cool, why not?" Then again, would that mean he's stuff behind the dj booth, then who's gonna go around hosting and toasting? Guess there's still kinks to iron out. "Just tell them to me then, I'll remember them for you," Ash shrugged as he offered, he's got a pretty good memory, might as well put it to good use.

A side eye was casted at the question, it honestly was but also Ash rarely pushed himself to that point anymore for any hangovers. ..No that's a lie, he did get a hangover at the Olympics sending dump fucking drunk voice messages- never again. "You're not wrong- but.. you should be doing all of that already." Asher was only a year below him, not like he's any further behind, "I already feel it in my knees and back..." Ashton dramatically sighed, holding his lower back. But it was not a good enough excuse to escape dancing.

The fact that Asher didn't laugh at him was kind, merciful really. Trying was really the best anyone can describe his so called dancing. But Ash laughed himself as his friend took his hand, giving permission to do the same if he wanted to, "what is this-?" One arm that was linked with Asher followed the motion but it got jammed once it reached his shoulder, not knowing where it was supposed to go. "the other hand?" He flailed the other arm, or rather, flopped it. Motion success. Ashton snorted a laugh resuming back to his incredible incredible swaying. "Why not you just show me your best moves?"

[stoneasher]

“hey,” asher said lightly, bumping his shoulder into ashton’s, “i’m back now. you can’t get rid of me.” when ashton offered to remember the ideas for him, asher’s eyes lit up like someone had just handed him a lifeline. “oh my god, yes. thank you.” he pointed at him like this was sacred work. “okay—remind me: dj set at the start, live band later, and i’m making fitz do sax at least once.” he grinned, already revving up. “and there’s gonna be a wall where people can record little voice notes—laughs, stupid stories, whatever. i’m calling it good frequency confessions.” he nodded, pleased with himself. “see? i needed you.”

ashton’s dramatic knee-and-back routine made asher laugh, delighted. “you’re not wrong,” he admitted. “but don’t say it out loud. i’m still pretending i’m indestructible.” then ashton tried the wave and got stuck at the shoulder like a computer buffering, and asher’s grin widened in pure encouragement. “okay, yes—no, you’re doing it.” he stepped closer, demonstrating with his own arm. “you just keep it moving—like it rolls through you, then over to the other side, and then you send it back.” he pointed between them like he was mapping a route. “and then you pass it to me. does that make sense?”

asher straightened again, still grinning, and stepped back half a pace like he was about to teach a masterclass. “you want my best moves?” he asked, eyebrows lifting. “you asked for it.” he did an exaggerated two-step, threw in a ridiculous shoulder shimmy, added a dramatic hip sway like he was in a music video, and finished with a full flourish with his arms out, chin lifted like he’d just won gold. then he pointed at ashton, eyes bright.

“okay,” asher announced, “i was gonna challenge you to a dance-off, but i think i’d rather get you a drink before you hurt yourself, old man.” he laughed, patting ashton’s shoulder as he steered him toward the bar. “come on. hydration and courage first.”

fin.

[defendingtheice]

He felt bad seeing the disappointment, it was sweet, someone in love wanting to see other people in love too. "No- no, it's fine, I doubt any driver wants to drive to and fro Tennessee," he shook his head and hands, not wanting the ideas to get out of hand and escalate it to trouble people with anything. Never really know what money is capable of, but definitely not a flight, he couldn't do that nor afford to pay back for it. "He's.. out of state, so that'll be difficult. -thank you though, that's very kind of you." He wasn't putting any of that pressure on March especially while he's still swamped with work. Ash didn't answer the initial question, putting a name to his partner, he hasn't really put it out in full public yet other than to friends and family, feeling like they needed to time to settle into the relationship first.

"I think it's a great idea," he chuckled, "helps create a conversation starter for singles." Never know who you might meet is right, "let fate decide, right?" guess for Joel, meeting some random guy from the flower shop again is already a funny coincidence. "Hm?" Ash's gaze had looked over the dance floor curiously people watching when he turned his attention back, "oh- hey it's nothing, it's been so long, I honestly can't remember if we even did exchange names," it's been so long, so much has happened since, he wouldn't expect someone to remember his name after only meeting once months ago. "Ashton, pleasure to meet you again." He paused with a joke on his lips, "let me guess.. Joel, right?" Looking over to the wedding signs as if double checking the groom's name. "We'll need a better place to run into each other other than flower shops." Unless he planned on having to apologize to Ingrid multiple times through flowers. "Is this your first full summer here in Carroll? The Pier and the beach is a great time."

[joelhawkins]

joel nodded as soon as the man explained his partner was out of town. “ah, long distance,” he said, sympathy pulling briefly at his expression. “that’s tough.” the frown only lasted a second before his smile came back, bright and easy. “but i hope you’ve at least got friends to keep you company and dance with tonight. weddings are obviously great for love,” he added, lifting his glass slightly, “platonic love too.”

when ashton introduced himself, joel smiled and then laughed at the joke about his own name. “actually, it’s ingrid,” he shot back, amused. “easy mistake.” his brows lifted as the thought occurred to him. “flower shops and weddings really are becoming our thing, huh? maybe next time it’ll be the courthouse.”

when ashton asked about summer, joel nodded. “yeah, first real one for me.” his grin widened immediately after. “and i’m ridiculously excited, especially now that auttie gifted us that yacht. apparently i’m having a party summer whether i planned one or not.” he laughed softly, then gave ashton’s arm an easy pat. “it really was good seeing you again, ashton. don’t be a stranger, okay? and enjoy the reception.” with one last grin, joel let himself get swept toward the next person trying to get his attention.

fin.

[defendingtheice]

ashtonryder posted on instagram. 05.11.26

liked by heyyomarch, aggierobshaw, claudiorojas, stonerash, holyemu, and 725,985 others.

ashtonryder 🖤🩶

❤️ 726k likes 💬 98k comments 🔁 28.9k reposts

comments

rydercarterisreal i have never been more vindicated in my life, we won chat. IT'S REAL. rydercarter IS real!!!!! fuck me omg i NEED to know how long this has been going, waiting for their hard launch. what if the press conference is him admitting they're already married, i'd die. he and march had those rings for the longest time........ 453k likes 1298 replies

holyemu love you ashy!!! 298k likes 221 replies

nhlbenkings standing by you ryder 9k likes 2 replies

ar28forcaptain ashy posting again but it doesn't feel good that he had to even come out and say this?? 7k likes 3 replies

nananathanb love you man 54k likes 15 replies

puckmeryder my nhl team???? having a queer player??? is he even gay? bi? who fucking knows, but best news ever. my nhl team is better than yours!! 4.3k likes 61 replies

stonerash go kings!! i love you, man 🤟 7.8k likes 14 replies

aggierobshaw You're the best, Ashton, we love you! 2k likes 17 replies

gkgallyson is this why they haven't resigned him?? c'mon, really?? that's lame as dicks, not that dicks are lame, sry. why does it matter if he likes dicks? he's still their best puck moving defenseman 81k likes 381 replies

missbirch Love is love! 521 likes 11 replies

nixvane go kings baby 438 likes 23 replies

eviefields all the support here! Go Ashton and Go Kings 143 likes 9 replies

AR28defenseattorney the floodgates are open, the lgbt community is READY to be kings, i'm only buying my season ticket if they resign him right now for an 8x7, if not i'm following him to whichever team wants him, idc if its the sharks or the ducks 19k likes 59 replies

laurenas_ who cares who you fuck, you fucked us more in the ass with the terrible season than you fucked your bf probably 2.5k likes 155 replies

judgereynolds Such a beautiful and powerful statement. 1.6k likes 65 replies

thatavsfan is this really what they've resorted to to stay relevant? 109 likes 257 replies

joefloe00 keep wokeness and the gays away from hockey wtf 497 likes 406 replies

al14ar28believer 14/28 chemistry on the ice is still top notch, bet they've hooked up before now that we know ryder's into it 948 likes 12 replies

rebeccaliew love you for the bravery 🖤 7k likes 4 replies

mickwh gay 2k likes 35 replies

darewcox are we even sure he's gay, he never said he was, could be bi, could be pan, could be anything, but he's now our hockey diva <3 46k likes 684 replies

bettycoops y'all are forgetting the whole ( @angstfactory ) @ claudio rojas drama????? what do u mean they were exes??? how? when? why are they seen back tgr? what does march have to say about that?? 4.8k likes 703 replies

coreyforavs where even is this 'him' huh? where did he run off to? sounds fake af 8 likes 224 replies

goavsgo29 sexless ryder rumor still stands, bet they break up in a month, betting big bucks on it 105 likes 92 replies

qb55forever whoever outed you is such an ass 41k likes 819 replies

elleryderapologist is this about march??? this is about march right??? @heyyomarch ??? olympian march carter??? oh my god summer and winter olympians dating is straight out of a fanfic wtf i'm gagged 53k likes 43 replies

---

*prepped by @valesays

[joelhawkins]

joel frowned slightly when the offer got turned down, his plan to immediately abuse groom privilege on someone else’s behalf apparently not landing the way he’d hoped. but then the other man explained there was someone else he wanted — someone who simply wasn’t there. “oh,” joel said, the disappointment shifting into sympathy. “that’s unfortunate.” his brows lifted with sudden, sincere enthusiasm. “who are they? should i have a driver go get them?” he meant it, too. he was fully prepared to send a car for a stranger’s possible love interest if that would keep the night moving in the right direction.

then, somewhere in the middle of that thought, horror hit him. he did not know this man’s name. he knew he played hockey. he knew they’d met before. but the name? absolutely nowhere. joel tried not to let it show too obviously, but there was no saving it now. how humiliating. thankfully, the conversation kept moving, and when the man brought up joel playing matchmaker, his smile brightened again.

“yes, exactly,” he said. “that’s why we’re doing the singles dance. we thought it’d be fun. a little ridiculous, a little dangerous.” his grin widened. “you never know who you might end up meeting.” then he finally gave in, looking just embarrassed enough to be charming about it. “you’re going to have to forgive me,” joel admitted. “but i don’t think i actually caught your name.” he winced softly. “which is deeply rude of me, and i apologize.”

[defendingtheice]

He felt bad seeing the disappointment, it was sweet, someone in love wanting to see other people in love too. "No- no, it's fine, I doubt any driver wants to drive to and fro Tennessee," he shook his head and hands, not wanting the ideas to get out of hand and escalate it to trouble people with anything. Never really know what money is capable of, but definitely not a flight, he couldn't do that nor afford to pay back for it. "He's.. out of state, so that'll be difficult. -thank you though, that's very kind of you." He wasn't putting any of that pressure on March especially while he's still swamped with work. Ash didn't answer the initial question, putting a name to his partner, he hasn't really put it out in full public yet other than to friends and family, feeling like they needed to time to settle into the relationship first.

"I think it's a great idea," he chuckled, "helps create a conversation starter for singles." Never know who you might meet is right, "let fate decide, right?" guess for Joel, meeting some random guy from the flower shop again is already a funny coincidence. "Hm?" Ash's gaze had looked over the dance floor curiously people watching when he turned his attention back, "oh- hey it's nothing, it's been so long, I honestly can't remember if we even did exchange names," it's been so long, so much has happened since, he wouldn't expect someone to remember his name after only meeting once months ago. "Ashton, pleasure to meet you again." He paused with a joke on his lips, "let me guess.. Joel, right?" Looking over to the wedding signs as if double checking the groom's name. "We'll need a better place to run into each other other than flower shops." Unless he planned on having to apologize to Ingrid multiple times through flowers. "Is this your first full summer here in Carroll? The Pier and the beach is a great time."

[angstfactory]

"I didn't see anything wrong in you," they sniffled, trying to breathe again through their nose that had gotten stuffed up from all the crying. "Everyone else.. they wouldn't shut up.." Now, it all felt like a poor excuse but it was the only one they had. It was the truth. And sadly, those pesky comments had managed their way in, repeatedly hitting and bruising the same weak spots over and over until it finally caused the structure to crumble. Claudio already had problems with themself and who they were, and their peers had made sure they ruined the only good thing they'd had that hadn't made them feel that awful. Two people had been targeted and torn asunder.

Claudio gave a short, involuntary laugh, at the suggestion they should have raided Ruth's closet for today. The sorry part was, they weren't sure when, if ever, they'd be confident enough to do something like that. The stage afforded them a reason, gave them the cover to say it was all pretend. What excuses would they have to hide behind, if they did something like that in their real life?

There was no way for them to truly know how Ashton, or Asher, or any one of their other friends would have taken the truth. Their own family didn't accept them, and those were people who were supposed to love you, unconditionally. Ashton and company, they were only there because they chose to be. They didn't have to stay if they didn't want to. Anything could push them off. Claudio had been scared, but they also thought, one day, they'd be able to tell Ashton the truth of it. They didn't know it would take another ten years. Perhaps if they had tried and done something before the rest of it had chance to lay and cement, they could have come clean a long time ago and things would be so different now. That wasn't what happened, though. And no amount of wishing otherwise would change it.

"Ash, that's not—" They stared at him, helpless, because even confessing this to him, only caused Ashton more pain. Because now he thought he hadn't been enough, done enough— he just said it, plain as day, that he was sorry Claudio hadn't felt safe with him. "I just didn't know how to tell you," they tried again, softer. "I.. I haven't even come out to my family like this.. you're the only one.." Even Teddy, who so obviously suspected it, hadn't gotten any clear-cut confirmation out of Claudio that this is how they felt. "I felt safe, I feel safe, with you. I was young and didn't know what I was doing, I still don't honestly, and trying to figure it all out. And I let everyone get inside my head and I ended up ruining the best thing I had... which was you." Ashton was so stubborn, they weren't sure he would even hear it or listen. The man could be so immovable once he made up his mind on how things really were and what they could only be. That hadn't changed.

But having him accept them, without a second's hesitation, was such a bittersweet moment. "I wish I had told you then," they exhaled shakily, crying all over again. "You would have told me all of this sooner, I just know it. I should have trusted that." It hurt, all over again, to know that keeping this from Ashton is ultimately what ruined everything else. If they had just been able to speak up... "Thank you," they murmured, managing a smile that was just as shaky as their words. At least they had it now.

It was out, over and done with, and nothing burned to the ground. They hadn't vanished to the seventh layer of hell for sinners. Their friend still loved and cared for them. Claudio wrapped himself in it and breathed, his shoulders loosening for the first time in what felt like ever.

"Hey, hey, hey," they moved in suddenly, cupping Ashton's worried and stressed face, to draw his gaze back to theirs, "it's okay.. you don't need to have it all figured out right now. Just breathe." Claudio inhaled deeply on his own, because he needed a steadying breath himself, and all they wanted to do right then was help Ashton the way he had just helped them. Leaning forward, they kissed his cheek and smiled, "Sure.. I won't worry about you as much as you won't worry about me, how's that?" Which meant they would continue to carry concern for each other, that's the deal. Claudio would not allow their friendship to go away again. "Forget about that right now," they could distract him, that was their only power, to delay the inevitable of what Ashton would have to face in the morning and from then on. Who knew what came tomorrow? If it could even be fixed? "That's for tomorrow. Tonight.. let's just, have the night for ourselves, okay? You have March here, you've got me, and all your friends and family, so focus on us. Just us, for right now."

Their hands dropped to Ashton's, taking his phone and shutting it back off for him, pulling open his jacket and tucking it safely inside the pocket there. Then, they took his hands and stood, pulling him to stand up with them. "Dance with me," they asked. "There's this move I want to show you.." They kept hold of his hands, standing back from him, as they were going to do it right then and there. "You just move your hips like this," with a demonstration, their hips moved one way and the next, "and pull on our hands.. it's fun." They started an easy rhythm, hips moving as they tugged on Ashton's hands in turn, almost like participating in a twist-n-shout kind of maneuver but together.

[defendingtheice]

I didn't see anything wrong with you, blues watered as he managed a cracked smile, that.. meant more than they could imagine. "..teenagers never shut up," Ash scoffed lightly but a tinge of sadness lingered. He took a silent beat to mourn, mourning everything that ended between them, feeling the need to truly look at those emotions he didn't want to address, so that he could let them go for good and move forward with a different kind of relationship with Claude.

He shook his head fairly quickly, not wanting Claude to try to spin it away from any of his own faults either in their relationship. They both fucked up, and they both didn't do enough to fix it. He didn't want them absolving him of any of his own mistakes either. To know not even their family knows of it, they never did share their relationship with their family, did they? His mom accepted them, as she has always accepted her son. "Doesn't excuse my part in it," Ash managed half a smile, doesn't matter that they were young, they had no safe place to be themselves, in the more formative years of his life, not even amongst their friend group and that's not okay. "There will be better things to come, I know it," Ash gently assured them, they will have better things in life come by because it certainly feels like Claude still had more to get in life. There will be someone better than Ashton for them and he hopes they'll find it soon.

Ash had to reach over to dry the last of their tears that continued to fall, regrets spilling out swatting them away as he shook his head, "never too late." They weren't ready then, and perhaps who's to say whether Ashton was ready too. But he was now, the wounds old and scarred over enough to face it without hurting as much anymore. "Thank you," Ash capped it off with his own, for what? Well, for everything really. For their past, for a future, for the love, for the heartbreak, for the friendship. For trying again, as friends.

He didn't like having to face those eyes that worried over him, he had nowhere to hide being looked at so intently, squeezing his eyes shut as his brows furrowed with the stress, breathing as instructed but breathing more honestly felt like a panic attack about to happen. He felt lips to his cheek, burning as it left a ghost of a mark, a reminder of what they lost. He scoffed at the lame attempt of a deal made, they'd go in a circle, nothing changed, worries still piled up for one another either way. "I know, but-" Ash deflated, Claude reminded him of what was important right now. Blues searched for his love over the balcony again, lingering for a second before pulling them back to Claude, he.. felt safer with them here. At least for tonight, nothing could hurt him yet. He grip on his phone was so tight it followed the pull until he let go, it still felt heavy in his jacket but better there than in his hands too easy to cave to the temptation to look at it all.

"I'm starting to regret promising everyone at least one dance.." Ash chuckled with a joking grumble, letting Claude pull him up anyway to show he wasn't actually being difficult about it. Still, his eyes couldn't help with dart around and check, they were up top and away from most people's gaze, and neither were they doing anything wrong, but the fear of anyone watching him now had a vice grip around his neck. Only after did he turn his attention back to Claude, small smile visible to offset the worrying look and focus on them. "How.." he laughed, not really understanding how they even moved their body like that, hands were tugged left and right and in turn he tried to twist something, shoulders and upper body moving instead of his hips, "what- like that?" No it wasn't right but it was something. Something was probably the best description of what Ashton was trying to replicate.

[stoneasher]

asher caught the shift in ashton’s tone immediately and shook his head, quick to cut it off. “hey—no. don’t apologize,” he said, warm but firm. “you’ve never actually seen me dj. how would you know i do all that?” he didn’t want ashton feeling bad for not knowing every detail of his life. it was fine. it was normal. ashton didn’t have to know everything about asher to matter to him. “i’ll make sure you’re invited to my next show,” asher promised, grin returning. “and honestly, i might even dj at the store’s grand opening.” his eyes brightened at the thought, already spinning into planning mode. “i’ve got, like, a million ideas. i just need to write them down before my brain replaces them with something else shiny.”

then he smirked, nodding at ashton’s comment about rest. “yeah, one day should be enough, right?” he asked, clearly trying to bargain with reality. “or do things start changing the closer to thirty you get? do i have to start stretching? do i have to start caring about electrolytes?”

asher watched ashton attempt to sway along with the music awkward but trying. and asher’s face softened into pure encouragement. “yeah,” he said, nodding big like it was working. “i see you trying.” he stepped closer. “okay—here. let’s do this.” asher took ashton’s hand and demonstrated slowly, turning it into a game instead of a performance. he rolled his free arm in a wave through his body—shoulder to elbow to wrist—then guided ashton to mirror it, laughing as it wobbled.

[defendingtheice]

"You're right, I don't think I have.." Guess they did drift quite a bit when Asher moved out of Carroll, Ashton wasn't the best at keeping up with social media either, while it's sad to have missed out a significant portion of his friend's life, it was also exciting, to get to know all the new thing's he's missed, especially now that Asher was back. Eyebrows raised at the exciting idea for the opening, "oh- that would be cool, why not?" Then again, would that mean he's stuff behind the dj booth, then who's gonna go around hosting and toasting? Guess there's still kinks to iron out. "Just tell them to me then, I'll remember them for you," Ash shrugged as he offered, he's got a pretty good memory, might as well put it to good use.

A side eye was casted at the question, it honestly was but also Ash rarely pushed himself to that point anymore for any hangovers. ..No that's a lie, he did get a hangover at the Olympics sending dump fucking drunk voice messages- never again. "You're not wrong- but.. you should be doing all of that already." Asher was only a year below him, not like he's any further behind, "I already feel it in my knees and back..." Ashton dramatically sighed, holding his lower back. But it was not a good enough excuse to escape dancing.

The fact that Asher didn't laugh at him was kind, merciful really. Trying was really the best anyone can describe his so called dancing. But Ash laughed himself as his friend took his hand, giving permission to do the same if he wanted to, "what is this-?" One arm that was linked with Asher followed the motion but it got jammed once it reached his shoulder, not knowing where it was supposed to go. "the other hand?" He flailed the other arm, or rather, flopped it. Motion success. Ashton snorted a laugh resuming back to his incredible incredible swaying. "Why not you just show me your best moves?"