drowning.
@idjaewon
the kang family has always boasted a lot of things, subtly of course. his heritage has been a deadly game, sometimes turning violent thanks to his father’s infamous temper; a secret that never leaves the household. a police officer, a well respected member of his community, his father was the picture of perfection and he demanded nothing less from both of his children, especially after the news of his wife had hit everyone hard. jeehyun had learned early on how to play, what words, what triggers to avoid in order not to fall victim to his father’s vicious wrath.
since a child, he’s always felt everything a bit too strongly, too deeply. his mother had loved that about him, had encouraged him in his habits, his thoughts. but his father on the other hand, had no want, no time for a child prone to outbursts. and so jaehyun learned to control it all, hiding everything behind a carefully placed smile that he made sure to reach his eyes. and so as the years wore on, the hardships in his life had tested him time and time again, his patience threatening to run thin until finally snapping. but he always managed to pull himself back from the cliff, from falling over the precipice. it wasn’t easy, but it was familiar. the feeling of wrangling himself back, slamming down those proverbial walls and just taking a few steps back and away, the fight fading out of him in an instance. it’s saved his life on more than a few occasions.
but even kang jaehyun has his limits.
and maybe it’s the combination of the stress, of the heartbreak he’s feeling at this moment. today was supposed to be a happy day, the moment his dreams came to fruition. he wants nothing more than to ignore everything else that’s happening around him, to pick and choose what he wants to deal with. but life doesn’t work like that and he’s learned that early on. the less than perfection interaction between san, the words that failed to come to him, to help him make san understand what’s going on inside his head. it’s left him feeling raw and so incredibly angry; to the point he’s seeing red.
gone is the feeling of happiness, instead he’s filled to the brim with self-loathing and rage. footsteps as heavy as his heart, he’s slipping. ducking down a seemingly empty hallway, he leans against the wall, pressed against the concrete; his head in his hands. the silence, the peace away from the press of people helps him to calm down but only a little bit, he needs more than what’s he got. but he has to make due with it, can’t afford to risk everything in this moment.
