#;lightvoices

[solar-born]

Sunlight led Astray

@lightvoices [ Continued from here ]

✹ - There is a small piece of him that knows what he is doing to Vadim is unfair, but it falls on to deaf ears and a mind that won’t listen. Blaine can’t even blame himself for not being there with them. If he had what would he had done? He had been as Lightless and useless as a pathetic human. If he had gone he would have died, and that would have left Vadim and Zufash at the mercy of Ghaul.

Blaine had been foolish. Wanting to believe that the Cabal were only interested in the Traveler, but the Red Legion had spread and desiccated everything they touched in the system, but they had done the worst to Mercury. There was barely a planet left. The Sunforge overrun with centurions and legionnaires standing over the corpses of his dead order, and Blaine had let out a small cry. His heart filling with rage both at the sight of the Sunforge and anger suppressed from the Red War. Then, he had nearly lost control of his Light the way a Kinderguardian would. Sol bursting from him before he even called his hammer. He had burned the Cabal forge alive and used his Light to cleanse the Sunforge of their filth till the stone between their feet was scorched.  

After, the only thing left was his body screaming in pain from Light exhaustion and despair.

Now, he doesn’t understand after all this how Vadim can just sit by and believe.

He doesn’t stop Vadim from pulling him close. He doesn’t stop Vadim from comforting him.

“For nearly five hundred years I have buried my friends, and now I have buried my family. How can I even ask you to bare this when you didn’t know them? Until the Taken War, the City wouldn’t even have them.” He would curse it all if not for Vadim. Vadim who is soft and kind. Vadim who is everything that is good when all their world sets up is death and sacrifice.  

“The Traveler let thousands die because it chose to wait rather than act."

He’s trying to shift blame, to justify his despair. The words are selfish and cruel. All of them likely cutting through Vadim. Deep down, it’s not what he wants. The last thing he wants is to hurt Vadim, Blaine just can’t process this. Losing was always hard. He isn’t sure what hurts him more this time than any before. The numbers? The fact that now he is alone? The fact he’s still looking for members?The fact that no matter how much he wants to believe that maybe some of them still are alive he can’t?  

[solar-born]

“ What am I to you…? “ from Vadim >:3

🧡 - “Oh, Vadim…” Blaine knits his eyebrows, pain in his chest. Subconsciously, his hand goes to hold his heart over his breastplate. Had he become so distant that Vadim was starting to doubt? 

“You doubt what I feel for you?”  He tries again, voice strained. 

Blaine adores this man. There are so many memories to tell him just how much. The Sunbreaker moving through the tower after a thousand missions to see his Speaker. Vadim’s soft voice over his com as he enters some dark place to defend the City. Vadim buffering his feelings and opinions toward the Titan Vanguard. Blaine confiding in the Speaker, and in exchange, he gets the same from the Speaker. He wouldn’t trade a moment of the life he’s had with Vadim, rasing Zufash with him for anything. Blaine would get on his knees in front of all the tower to kiss Vadim’s hands and profess his love. He cares little about whatever consequences that would make. The only thing that matters is Vadim and Zufash. 

“Vadim, you are everything to me.” The Titan wants to step closer, to pull Vadim closer. But, he thinks that maybe he shouldn’t. After all, it’s true he’s been a little unavailable lately. Blaine’s started to spend more and more of his time on Mercury, but how couldn’t he? He had dead to bury that no one in the City cared too. He had thought about remaking the order too. There was a legacy that was carried through him and the Sunforge. What if there were new guardians spawned by the Traveler’s Light that wanted or even needed to seek the forge as others had before. 

There was no proof that Ouros was dead. He hadn’t found her body. Though, he was honestly still finding bodies through the Vex gates ones that had even made it to Venus. Each find was killing him a little more. At this point, he almost hopes if she is dead…he just never finds her. 

It’s not just him that’s been distracted either! He wants to be defensive. 

The City was well onto the road of repairs, so it’s not as if they needed another pair of hands. Vadim was helping the Vanguard, re-establishing the City’s Census and trying to keep the factions under control. Zufash was helping him every step of the way. Thousands of Guardians pulling the City back together. Blaine’s proud of them, but another pair of hands wouldn’t make a difference. 

Though, both Vadim and Zufash have deep wounds carved into them by the Red War and Blaine knows. Everything is unfair, better but still wrong even after everything. Blaine wants to blame Osiris for not protecting the Sunbreakers, warning them. The Traveler for letting them die. Himself for not being able to protect them or even Vadim and Zufash from Ghaul. Vadim had nearly died…they both had. It still hurt to remember. 

“I’m sorry, Vadim.” Blaine frowns, eyes falling to their feet. Everything hurts. The Sunbreakers were dead…while Vadim and Zufash were still very much alive, and Blaine was neglecting them in favor of the dead. “I loved you then, and I love you now. I love you more each minute of the day. You’re everything to me. You and Zufash both…But right now, it’s just…hard.” 

He doesn’t go into detail on what exactly that means. The words are too much to stay out loud, but he hopes Vadim understands. That it’s enough. Blaine doesn’t want to tell him how hard it is for him to be happy right now, or that there was a small dark part inside of him that wanted to tell him that he should have died with the rest of his lost order. 

Blaine steps closer finally, rubbing Vadim’s face and looking into his hazel eyes. Vadim was still hurting too, broken inside, scared. And, Blaine had neglected him. Vadim deserves better than this. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He whimpers leaning his forehead against Vadim’s. “You are everything too me. All that I have left, and you deserve more than this.” 

[solar-born]

Redemptive Light

[Closes Starter for @lightvoices]

In the end, it had been Blaine’s decision and no one else’s. It had been a hard one that pulled at his heart and mind both. For years, he had been content to fight alongside his brothers and sisters of the order. They were taking the fight to the darkness and everything felt right. He hadn’t wanted to abandon the City even in the beginning, but he was afraid to be one of the few voices saying no. Though, after watching the City and Guardians of the Tower face their trials it made him wonder what good they were doing saying on Mercury. He loved Mercury, the Forge, his order, his brothers and sisters but Blaine did not love their pride.

Leaving means that he might never be welcomed “home,” nor does it guarantee the Tower would welcome him back. Afterall, now they were all exiles. A title that Blaine feels he can rightfully blame Osiris, Zavala, and the Magistrate for being given. 

One Guardian would not make a difference for them, but it was better than sitting on his hands. Even if he wasn’t welcomed back to the Tower, Blaine wanted to try.

The Sunbreaker opens a com for the Tower well before he even gets close to request permission to land. There’s a long silence on the other end after he reads off his ship access codes to the system. It’s only a few minutes, but the wait feels like hours. Eventually, he’s given permission to land. Blaine doesn’t need to be told he’ll be brought before the Vanguard and then the Speaker himself. 

[solar-born]

Rekindling Hearth

[Continued from here] @lightvoices

☼ - “DAD!”  The word is screamed out as Blaine rushes over to them.  Both Zufash and Vadim are in horrible shape.  They’re just outside the City, in the woods just beyond the walls.  Zufash is practically sobbing in relief when she spots Blaine, her hands pressed to Vadim’s abdomen, covered in blood.

“He got hit when we were escaping the Tower,” she explains as Blaine reaches them.  “I can’t stop the bleeding.”

[”There’s not much I can do,”] Maria says tiredly, from where she hovers over Vadim’s shoulder.  The Ghost looked exhausted, battered.  Vadim’s barely conscious, his gaze slowly making its way to Blaine.  [”I’m trying to stop the bleeding, but it isn’t working.  Not without the Light.”]

“Blaine,” Vadim stammers out, a bloody hand reaching for his. He feels weak.  Oh so weak.

The rifle in his hands weighs a thousand pounds the moment Zufash and Vadim slight catch his eyes. Blaine doesn’t even remember dropping the weapon as he runs to them. He’s not even exhausted anymore he’s just...scared.  

“Thank you, thank you,” There are tears staining his vision and threatening to pour out of his own eyes. He’s not even sure what he’s thanking. Zufash surely for getting her father out. Maria for keeping him alive. But also fate and the Traveler, because both of them are alive. Because Zufash isn’t hurt, but it’s hard to tell for sure with all this blood. 

Blaine lifts Vadim from her hold easily, setting him down on the ground. He doesn’t need to be standing like this. The Titan rips the rest of his mark off pressing it hard over the wound. 

“Shhh, just rest.” His voice is shaky and just afraid now that he has them. He’ll lose them. 

[solar-born]

Heartache

[From here | @lightvoices ]

Blaine has always liked to think of himself with a good temperament. At the least, he likes to believe that he is slow to anger. However, at this moment, he walks into the North Tower with his teeth and fists clenched. The Traveler knows, that he tries. He tries not to flirt with Vadim in the presence of others, tries to remember he’s not allowed to call Vadim by name except when they are alone, tries to remember that there needs to be a wall between them outside of their quarters, tries to remember that Vadim loves him and that his Speaker is a busy man.

Vadim has hardly said a word to him in days. Days. He knows Vadim is quick to overwork himself, and that seldomly will he tell someone no or to wait. This is the first time his Speaker has put work ahead of him. Blaine is trying to remember how important the City is and how important Vadim’s work is, but Blaine is also selfish and vain.

“No.” He’s looking at Vadim, but he hardly sees him. There is a mask between them after all. A mask that builds a wall between the two of them thicker than the walls of the City.

At first, he was just trying to shave off lingering anxiety and sadness. He’d wait for hours for Vadim to message him, call him, anything. Then, Blaine would go to the North Tower himself. If Vadim wasn’t in a meeting or hidden behind stacks of paperwork the two would exchange a few words, and the Sunbreaker would spend the rest of his time with Zufash.

It’s at times like this Blaine feels less like a lover and more like a pet. A part of himself doesn’t even mind if that was the case. Anything to be near Vadim, to be useful for himself or to be loved by him.

“No,” He repeats firmer this time. “All this time and that’s all you have to say? Damn it, you are going to be selfish for a change, or I will be for you.”

[solar-born]

☀️ for Vadim bc why not

[solar-born]

3 for our boys <3

Status: accepting3) the one where you and your soulmate have matching marks on your bodies

It’s something he noticed the night of his first resurrection. 

Blaine’s spent the entire day trying to navigate the Martian desert, trying to avoid Vex. Barely alive again and he’s already nearly died. His Ghost tells him that he needs a ship to get home, back to the Last City of Humanity. It’s a goal that keeps him going when all he has are questions. 

He catches a glimpse of himself in a dark window, and Blaine notices a few small lines that peak out from his undersuit and although perfectly straight they curve his jaw. He doesn’t remember that, and there’s this drive telling him it hadn’t always been there. Even with his Ghost protesting, he pulls at the armor and undersuit trying to see more of it. All of it

It’s rather intricate and beautiful. The mark. His mark. All spheres and straight lines, to him it looks like the sun, rays branching out across his neck. 

He’s glad his Ghost has the answer for him. 

-

After a hundred years, he starts to wear things to cover it outside his armor. Blaine resents it and tries to convince himself it’s all fake. Yet, knowing his soulmate is out there somewhere is the only thing that keeps him alive.

He still checks it every morning and night to make sure it’s not faded.    

-

The Sunbreaker is nearly considering lighting the entire Tower on fire after listening to Zavala belittle him and his order for more than an hour. It takes a lot not to snap back at him and instead just smile. He’s just trying to remember why he asked Ouros to be stationed here. He doesn’t want to go see the Speaker. Gods, he can’t take much more of this not today. He almost considers skipping the orders and just finding a strong drink. But no, he needed trust and he needed to do this. 

It turns out he was right. Blaine wasn’t ready for the Speaker at all. 

His voice soft and sweet and kind. He can’t even remember what Zavala said to him just moments again. Everything is this moment, and Blaine hardly gets out a word. He doesn’t even care about anything but getting closer to him, just knowing the man behind the mask. 

-

He enjoys Zufash’s company. She is adorable with her dark hair and bright eyes. It doesn’t hurt it’s easy for Blaine to bribe her about knowing more things about the Speaker. Blaine’s already got quite a list of different bits of knowledge he’s learned from her or observed himself. He likes sweets and tea. He works too hard. He has trouble sleeping most nights.

Blaine likes coming to sit with him on those nights too. Leaning, nearly sitting on, against the Speaker’s desk in a way the prevents him from getting too much work done. Childish and vain behavior, but it gets the job done. He gets the Speaker’s undivided attention at those times just like a sunflower catching the sun’s light. They talk for hours, and Blaine would have it no other way.

Three months of this before Blaine realizes he’s in love. He’s never even seen the Speaker’s face. He doesn’t even know his name, but he can tell he’s in love. 

-

It’s one of those nights again, and Blaine is wondering in to find his Speaker to pester for awhile. At least, he’s brought food this time. 

“Speaker?” He hums strolling into North Tower, and for the first time he looks up at Blaine without his mask. Blaine’s mouth goes dry. He’s beautiful, tried looking, but beautiful no less. It takes a few minutes for Blaine to notice those little lines curling up his chin. 

“Your-You,” Blaine has to remember how to speak again. He’s nearly crying, almost five hundred years waiting for this moment. Blaine can’t seem to show him his own mark fast enough.

“All this time I’ve been wooing and falling in love with my own soulmate.” 

[solar-born]

👄 >:3

“Vadim,” Blaine mumbles sleepily, a blush starting to tint his ears. 

He can feel the Speaker’s lips brush his neck again and a shiver runs through him. At first, it feels like a dream, Vadim was working late after all which was nothing unusual. Blaine had just dozed off waiting for him. But, the touch lingers and Blaine blinks his eyes open to see his lover’s face. 

“Vadim.” He says again, a smile creeping onto his face. He pulls his Speaker in close till they’re both laying against the couch. Blaine already meeting him for a kiss before Vadim could even get his bearings. “You tease.”