The cheering crowds he had just left behind echoed in the air, audible even through the thick stone walls that made up the palace. It was nearly time to depart to Navka, and his grandparents had thought it would do some good to make a show of it. Decorate him in elaborate furs, pedal him out in front of adoring crowds. 'The People's Prince.' A joking nickname that quickly became all too serious, and he saw it in the faces of his subjects today. Turned up towards him, admirable, adoring. He was the brilliant, shining gem of the Byström family.
The heavy doors slammed shut behind him, and the smile slipped from his face.
From behind him, Annali spoke up, humor in her tone. "They're rather enthusiastic, aren't they? One would think you were bringing back enough meat to feed the entire capital with the way they were cheering for you."
...
"Maybe I will!" He turned to face his stalwart knight, the one who always believed the best in him, with a laugh. "Do you think Navka will be upset if I clear out their forests?"
"As if you could manage that. Even with the rest of us accompanying you, it would take weeks to manage."
"Mere weeks? Aren't you confident!"
"Of course," she sniffed and started to follow as the prince began to travel further into the castle, "who do you think we are?"
The prince's laughter echoed through the dim interior.
"They certainly are cheery in Navka." The knight's face was tinged pink, and it was clear she was unsure where to look in the midst of the spectacle and undulating bodies.
"I see no reason not to take part in their hospita--oh! Prince Kai!" And with that, the crown prince rushed off without another word.
"Wh-- Prince Leo, you have to wait for me!" Annali soon followed afterwards.
"They're certainly excited, aren't they?"
"The prince is as full of energy as always."
"Well, it isn't often Östsun attends a party from so far away!"
“You know, this house doesn’t hold just bad memories for me.” Henrik cast a fond gaze around the room that his son had made his own during his years there, a room well familiar to the man as well. He figured it was intentional that Leo chose his mom’s childhood bedroom to stay in.
“Huh...?” Quiet blue eyes, just like the woman who gave birth to him, fell on the man.
“Present company aside, I mean,” Henrik chuckled a bit at his own joke but then cleared his throat and took on a more serious tone. “I know you’re worried about me coming back here but it’s not like I hate this house entirely or anything. After all,” a fond smile crossed the man’s face, his eyes growing distant, “this is where you were born. This house is where Agnes and I got to hold you for the first time and gave you your name. This is the house where I lived with her.” Emil fidgeted in place, unsure, but yet not hating the clear love in his dad’s voice. Henrik continued, “Agnes was never the best at showing emotions, not through her expressions at least. But she made up for that in her actions and through other ways. I don’t think I’d ever seen her be so careful and gentle as when she was holding you.”
“I--” Emil quietly spoke up, half tempted to keep his feelings to himself. But something made the rest of the words tumble out anyways. “I used to think she hated me, or at least thought I got in the way. Having to step away from the Bastion and her missions for so long when she was pregnant with me and after, I--I thought that was why-- so soon after I was born...” The rest of his meaning hung heavy and clear in the air. Agnes died when he was only around one year old. After the months away due to being pregnant, then recovering and regathering her strength, even then to go back to a mission so early...as if she couldn’t wait to be done being held back by him...
Shock crossed Henrik’s face, then understanding. “What? Leo, your mom could never hate you. She didn’t hate you--”
“I know that now,” Emil cut in and a hand rubbed at the back of his neck. “When I found the journals she wrote for me.”
“Ah, those,” Henrik chuckled, “she was always scribbling away in those things for you. But you’re right, Agnes never hated you. She didn’t take well to having to take it easy when she was pregnant, that’s true, but even so nothing could top her excitement to finally meet you. As for her last mission...” A small, bitter smile touched the man’s lips. “I didn’t want her to go. I was worried that it was too soon too but she insisted. Said that she’d been away long enough and that if there were people she could help then she wanted to be out there helping them. You know my feelings about the Bastion but your mom, well, she always took great pride in what she did.”
“Must run in the family.” Emil chuckled quietly.
“I never got to meet Helene, she was gone before I met your mom, but from what I’d heard of her, yes it really must run in the family.”
“Dad,” the word was still unfamiliar on his tongue, “h-how come mom stayed?” It always bothered him, wondering about the woman’s reasons behind her actions. “When Aunt Helene left because their parents didn’t approve of Uncle Stefan, why did she stay here with them? Why didn’t she ever talk to Aunt Helene again?” Aunt Helene had learned of his birth through a family friend, not from her own sister herself. Why had there been so much bad blood?
The older man sighed. “Agnes looked up to Helene greatly. During the time Helene kept her relationship a secret from her parents, she kept it a secret from Agnes too for years. And then she was quick to leave, abandoning her name, the family legacy, her duty as the first child, and, well, abandoning Agnes too. I won’t pretend to know what was going through Helene’s head, or the reasoning for her actions, but Agnes felt betrayed. And that betrayal turned to bitterness. And then, well, you can imagine how stubborn she was. I don’t think she wanted this feud to continue up until her dying moments, but I think as time went on, your mom found it harder and harder to reach out and mend that connection. ...I know she secretly regretted it.”
...Maybe burning bridges like that was something that ran in the family too. A hand rested on his shoulder, pulling Emil out of his reverie. Serious brown eyes met him, and then his dad was pulling him into a hug. Emil froze, stiff, but slowly sank into it as he fought the urge to hold back the annoying press of tears. Was he really going to cry every single time his dad hugged him?
“Come on, Leo, let’s go.” Henrik finally pulled away and gave a flicker of a grin.
“H-huh? Go where...?”
“Home. Or at least my home. This place holds good memories, yeah, but,” his gaze traveled around the room once more before drifting towards the window, “I don’t think staying here is what’s best for you right now.”
“Oh, o-okay.”
An arm swung over Emil’s shoulder as the two exited the bedroom. “And maybe we can even stop back at our old place, reminisce like two old men.”
The faintest of grins, the first in a long time, ghosted across Emil’s lips. “You are an old man.” Henrik tossed his head back with a laugh that echoed throughout the austere surroundings, an old, familiar laugh that managed to thaw some of Emil’s heart, even if just a little.
Emil sighed. Let alone the use of his real name, her tone made it obvious that this wasn’t a casual visit. Not that he could say it surprised him, he knew it was inevitable that Katarina would come to him to talk about--
“Why on earth would you break up with Cipriana? It makes no sense, you were incredibly happy with her.” His cousin folded her arms and fixed him with a glare that usually would have had him squirming. Now...he couldn’t bring himself to care.
“Things happen, Kat. We’ve broken up. That’s all there is to it.”
“No, there isn’t. You just brought her with you when you went to meet your father and you mean to tell me that now for some reason you want to end that relationship?” Her brows drew together and she took a step closer, worry clear as she rested a hand on his arm. “What happened? You can tell me.” At the touch, however, Emil yanked his arm away as if it stung, the viciousness in the action clearly startling Katarina.
“S-stop doing that!”
“Doing what?”
“Butting into other people’s business. Acting like you’re the fucking authority on us getting our shit together.” His voice was raw, his words sharp. They flew out of his mouth without a thought and he didn’t think he could stop them even if he wanted to. Surprise crossed Katarina’s face, he’d been harsh with his friends before but never her. In truth, she had never been around to see how deep his words could cut when he wanted them to.
“I’m not trying to act like any kind of authority, I’m just worried! This isn’t like you, Emil.”
Oh, that was funny. “’This isn’t like me’?” A hollow laugh tore itself from his throat. “You try to act like you know everything, but you can’t get even that much right. Ask Lucien. Ask Crowe or Taylor. This is exactly like me. You have your perfect little family and a world that trips over itself to cater to you and you think you can butt into other people’s business and act like you know what’s best for them.”
The incident with Crowe still bothered her, he knew that. This was cruel, he also knew that. Katarina looked as if the breath had been knocked out of her. “Th-that’s not fair, you--”
“Look at that, just a few mean words from me and you’re already breaking down. Sorry, princess, but the world isn’t always going to bend to your will. You wouldn’t have lasted a day with our grandparents, spoiled rotten as you are. Wanting the approval of some people who you’d never met, they would have torn you down gladly with just their words and thought nothing of it. Picked apart every little aspect of you and compare you to some long-dead woman: your swordsmanship, your demeanor, fuck, even the way you walk and talk. I’d like to see you try to act so high and mighty even after something like that so don’t try to act like you know me or know what’s going on in my head,” Emil hissed, “because you don’t know me. Go cry to your perfect boyfriend or perfect family, I don’t care. Just leave me alone.”
Katarina stood silently, eyes wide and hands shaking, light scattering sporadically around her fingers, a testament to how shaken she was. Without a word, the woman turned on her heel and rushed out, the door slamming shut behind her and Emil stared blankly at where she had left through. He hurt her, he should care about that. He should feel awful. ...He probably would soon enough. But right now, he...just felt empty.
Useless. Worthless. His grandparents’ voices rang in his ears. Average at best. Nothing special.
Only good for a laugh. His friends. Otherwise why bother? Too much trouble.
A pale imitation. His mom. Meant to replace me but fails at even that.
What kind of son abandons his own father? And now his chest is growing tighter, his breathing erratic. Runs right back into the life he was saved from and then has the nerve to complain about even that. Was I not enough, son? Was I not a good father?
No, no, he was the best. Kind and understanding, the best dad a kid could hope for.
So then why did you leave me, Leo?
Panic seizes him and he has to fight to breath now, unaware of the long, golden strands of hair falling over his shoulder until he looks up and meets eyes the same blue as his radiating kindness. The woman’s arms drape loosely over his shoulders from behind in a hug and she presses a kiss to the top of his head. The act alone causes a press of tears at the back of his throat, a motherly gesture he’d never experienced.
“My sweet boy.” Agnes sighs and strokes his cheek. “My dear sweet lion, why do you keep fighting? You will never be enough, you have never been enough. Constantly chasing my shadow to fill my place, carrying mementos around hoping you could be even remotely on the same level as me, and what has it gotten you? Years of disappointed looks from my parents. A place in an organization where you barely belong. And yet they want you to play the heir? The charming and confident, dashing young man you were expected to be? And instead they received nothing but a frightened child, a boy with a cracked mask hoping that none would look too closely at his smile.”
“Mamma...”
“And your friends. Your poor, dear friends. Wonderful people, truly, but a shame they have to deal with you. Maybe you could make up for your shortcomings so long as you made it worth their time, made them laugh. And it worked well enough, until you let that mask of yours fall again.” A slim finger swept across his cheek, wiping away wetness that he hadn’t even realized had been welling in his eyes. “I can’t blame them for their anger at you. Leo the problem. Always the problem. Funny how when that mask slips, nothing but anger and bitterness spills forth.” Nails dig into his skin, icy sapphire eyes boring into his. “Because that’s all there is left in you, isn’t it? Anger, jealousy, hate, rage. At your situation, at those who dared to live a happier life than you. You smile and laugh but can you truly say you don’t detest Annali for growing up with everything you lacked? Love, warmth, happiness. Unaware even of how lucky she is. Why should she be able to enjoy such happiness while you never could? The sight of her smiling with her parents, it wasn’t loneliness you always felt but anger.”
“I--” he choked on the word, tears flowing faster now. “No, I--!”
“Taylor, for having family that would have her back no matter what whereas you were alone. Aspis, for always being understanding whereas you lashed out. Lucien, for the confidence in any situation that you lack. Cipriana, for keeping a kind heart despite the difficulties she faced whereas you turned bitter, Crowe, for being far more steadfast than you could ever hope to be. Qualities you lack. Deep down, you hate your friends, don’t you? And what a miserable little feeling it is, my son. How long do you think you will be able to hide it behind that cracked mask of yours? One day those feelings will come to the surface and you will be left all alone.”
Please. He didn’t know if he said the word out loud as a sob wracked his throat. Please, stop.
“Young ‘Leo’ is long dead and ‘Emil’ is nothing but a fake, a sham. As real as that mask of yours. You are nothing, you simply don’t exist.” His mother bent and left a soft kiss to his forehead as she brushed some of the golden locks away with her fingers. “Enjoy this false happiness while it lasts, inevitably it will all crumble to dust by your hands.”
Send me a “💭“ and your Muse will experience one of my Muse’s Memories
Snow drifted down past the windows, the freezing chill of winter seeping in through the panes. However, the cold was kept at bay by the warmth within the manor, helped by the grand fireplace that was crackling and snapping as the flames within in licked at the pieces of wood. Emil reclined on a couch, a warm mug of glogg sending warmth through him with every sip he took. Activity bustled all around him, the Lindgrens all full of Christmas cheer. If it weren’t for the strict ‘no sparring in the house’ rule and the snowy weather outside, he had no doubt those cousins and Katarina would already be going at it. Hunters through and through, the whole lot of them. As it was, they had to settle with teasing and joking with each other instead. …He should probably get up to join them soon…
Blue eyes followed Katarina as she moved away from the group of cousins towards her parents, her features already lit in a beaming smile before she even reached them. Emil watched as similar smiles lit up her parents’ faces, Uncle Stefan reaching out to teasingly tug at a piece of her hair as Aunt Helene reached out to pat her arm.
A pang went through Emil’s heart at the display of affection, Katarina really did have it all. A loving family and a life away from the weight of the Byström nightmare. Hell, even being a hunter seemed to come as easy as breathing to her where for him it felt like he was always struggling to keep up, always one step behind, never on the level that his mom was. He had to admit it, he was a bit jealous…
“Leo!”
The call of his name jolted Emil from his thoughts and he looked up once more to Katarina who was beaming and waving him over. A smile grew on his lips, his eyes lighting up and a laugh left the male as he rose to his feet, another one quickly following as he didn’t seem to be moving fast enough to his cousin’s liking and she came over, playfully grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him over to her parents. Yeah…yeah, he was jealous, but she had so many people who loved and cared for her, he’ll be damned if he ever let anything hurt her.
His blade found its mark as it sank into the lycan’s heart, the blue eyes of Arsenio meeting the icy cold of Emil’s. Already, a trickle of blood had begun to trail from the corner of the other man’s lip along with the blood that was seeping from the various wounds gained from their fight. Emil’s face was emotionless, apathetic, as the man slowly began to sink to the ground. He’d had to kill countless other threats because of his job before, so scum like this...
Emil leaned closer, his gaze never leaving the quickly dimming light of the other’s. So that the man would have a good look at who it was that was the cause of his death. And... “It would take an eternity to pay you back for what you did to her. But this,” and Emil shoved the sword deeper into his chest, eliciting a pained noise from Cipriana’s ex as he leaned even closer, eyes still steady, “this at least ensures that you will never darken her doorstep ever again, swine.” So that he would know why exactly he was dying. With another harsh jerk, the sword was pulled from the man’s chest and the other fell to the ground, dead. He looked down and examined the blood that now coated his sword. Hmph, good riddance.
Already, six months have passed since you’ve joined us and already you’ve begun to start crawling around. It’s amazing how quickly we realized how dangerous the family home can be for babies, but we have you nearly breaking old vases and toppling off of surfaces to thank for hastening that revelation along. Your father likes to joke that it’s only a matter of time until you figure out how to work a lock and sneak out of the manor entirely, a joke I don’t find nearly as amusing as he does.
Yet despite all of the danger you keep getting yourself into, no matter how close to hurting yourself we save you from, not an ounce of you seems scared in the slightest. We’ll catch you midair and you smile up at us with those beautiful blue eyes while laughing and gurgling as if you knew your parents would somehow always be there to keep you safe. I pray that remains the case.
I know it’s an impossible wish, but I want to protect that smile of yours for as long as I can, my dear Leo. I hate the thought of something ever potentially stealing it away from you, you deserve to grow up smiling and carefree. However, I know sadness and strife must happen, that’s how life goes. But my wish still remains that, as you are reading this, we are still there beside you and lending you the support you need.
However, even if the worst has come to pass and you find yourself without us, Leo, know that I have no doubt even now that you will have grown up into the finest of men. Call it a mother’s intuition, or simply bias, but I see it in the joy of your smile and the brightness of your eyes, you have a kind and caring soul. Never let anyone snuff out that light within you, my son.
