twisting the glass between her fingers, raffi watches the liquid inside rippling waves. it’s the day that causes her great distress and the last thing she wants to do is to think about it when she knows it will cause much more harm. the one thing keeping her sane is seven sitting beside her, most definitely noticing how she’s struggling. “ i don’t want to talk about it, ” she has said before and seven has pushed any more after that. however, raffi can feel the uneasiness rise within her and with her not being the best at keeping things to herself when they hit so close the words burst out eventually.
“ it’s gabe’s birthday. and i … i know i don’t really have the right to be upset about it — i know full well that all this is my own fault — i haven’t even been thinking about it all but it just hit me. ” the day is never easy. she has learned to respect gabe’s wish for her to leave him alone; still, she usually does a little something to remember his birthday, just for herself. it is not like she has forgotten about the day, but raffi has been pushing the thought away so much that it came back full force. “ you know, after my marriage ended and starfleet threw me out, i was too ashamed and miserable to stay in touch. another mistake. i tried to make up for that later. at first i thought that maybe jae just didn’t want me to contact him. ” he’s voiced more than well how she has failed as a mother ( and as a wife for that matter ), it wouldn’t have been surprising that he might want to spare him the pain. it took her a few years to figure out it’s been gabe’s choice to ignore her messages.
raffi abandons the glass, pulling one of her legs up against her chest instead when she finally look over to meet the blonde woman’s face. an insecure little smile crosses her face; a thing that could be concerning if one only knew the confident starfleet officer she used to be. things change. “ i haven’t heard from him since free cloud. promised him i wouldn’t contact him. he’s got a wife and a child, a life of his own. no one needs the burden of the mess i am. ” raffi huffs a little.
“ you’re not a burden. “ seven ( @cptnseven ) reassures her and raffi knows she really means it . . . most days, she believes that she isn’t, not anymore. but days like this, she finds it hard to believe in herself. she can’t, not when she’s reminded of her failures. it’s astonishing how seven can make her feel better, if only a little, with such reassurance. it’s all she needs, really, to know that she can be something good for someone. “ i’m glad you’re here. i kinda think i would be going crazy — i mean more than i already do — if you weren’t. ”
