eyes wandering over her surroundings yet again, harper feels the tightness in her chest grow even stronger as everything is still exactly the same as it was the day before.
she still doesn’t know how she got here. it must have been something in her food. or maybe they managed to sneak into her quarters and spike her drink. she has not been able to figure out the truth yet. all she knows is that one day she was aboard serenity, and the next time she opened her eyes, she was holed up in this windowless room like a prisoner.
not that it’s not a nice room, though. there’s a very luxurious double bed, a sofa to lounge in, a separate bathroom with both bath and toilet, as well as a sink for her to wash. she’s not really a prisoner because she’s got all the necessities, the best food money can buy, even a gorram tv - she doesn’t think she’s even seen one of those in her life, let alone been able to watch anything on one.
but the door never opens. the person behind this entire thing never shows their face. they never tell her what they want, they never respond to her questions, her demands, her begging. she’s not even ashamed to admit she has begged anymore, that’s how long she’s been stuck in this very same room now. that’s how long she has been sitting around wondering, questioning, speculating.
then one morning the door opens. the lock clicks, the hinges creak, and the metal monstrosity is pushed inside, revealing a gap that becomes her first look at anything outside of her new quarters in what feels like forever but is probably only a few weeks at most.
she is not prepared for the sight of kinam stepping into the room, however, nor for the complete lack of emotion his face portrays in those first few moments. still, she can’t help herself, the sight of a familiar face - or perhaps just any face other than her own reflected back at her in every mirroring surface - makes her get up from the couch she was seated on, expression brightening with both relief and surprise.
“kiki!” she breathes out in nothing short of disbelief, and as the name leaves her lips, kinam’s expression shifts. his smile comes easy, but it’s mostly the way the stars reappear in his eyes that calms her down, reassures her that everything is alright.
somehow she should have known it wasn’t going to be that easy. somehow she should have known...
but he approaches her and she wraps him in a tight hug, both protective and relieved, both making sure he’s alright as making sure she’s still alright. the way his arms wrap around her as well is more than familiar, and she allows herself to temporarily disappear in the strength of them, in the warmth that belongs to him and him alone. she breathes in his scent, that mixture of things she has come to associate with him now that he’s grown, and a smile automatically forms on her lips.
“whitney,” he speaks in a soft voice, a warm voice, a voice filled with love. and in that moment she has not the heart nor the will to tell him it’s no longer a name she uses. she does not care what he names her, or perhaps she even prefers this reminder of old times in this current moment. so she merely hums her agreement and buries her face in his neck. there’s a sigh coming from him, chest heaving and falling with the air - and harper along with it. she breathes out a smile, just as he speaks again. “don’t worry, i’ve got you.”
she remembers a time when she might have been the one to speak those words, but oh how the tables have apparently turned since then. still, it’s not like she really minds. it’s not like she really has a problem with him taking care of her for a change. not right now.
“i’m so glad you’re here,” she says, and for a second there, she doesn’t attempt to play it cool. for a second she doesn’t attempt to be the bigger one, the stronger one, the one who’s in control. she just relaxes in his embrace and enjoys the proximity. but she can’t do it for long. she can’t forget for very long where they are and what’s going on. so soon enough she lets go of him ever so slightly. she feels his arms release their hold a little in return, but they don’t really come from around her. and if she’s honest she doesn’t exactly mind.
“what’s going on, kiki? how did you find me? what happened? where are we?” her gaze catches his and for a moment she feels like maybe something is not entirely right, but then he smiles again, warm and reassuring and she can’t help but smile back.
“noona,” he says, and the familiar sound of that title softens whatever’s left of her worries, her hand automatically moving to gently run fingers through his hair like she used to do so many years ago.
“yes, kiki?” she decides to say, just like she used to do back then, too.
“it’s alright,” he tells her once more, and she nods her head because she believes him now. because how could she not believe him when he looks at her so warmly, stands so relaxed and looks so much like he’s got everything under control? “you don’t have to be so worried. you’re home now. we’re home. it’ll all be okay now, noona.”
she freezes.
every instinct she has tells her that this is not right. every hair on her body stands on edge in that long moment of silence after kinam’s voice fills the air. she’s just looking at him, and he’s still smiling that warm, reassuring smile. and she has no idea what to think of it anymore. of any of it.
“home?” she inquires, the confusion audible in her voice. “what do you mean, home? kinam, i... we’ve gotta get back to the serenity, to jaewon and the others. we-”
she sees the frown appear - feels the way he stiffens, muscles tightening - before he even has a chance to interrupt her, and so she goes quiet again. because it is so very unlike him. because it is so strange for kinam to make an expression like that at her. especially when she hasn’t done or said anything wrong that she’s aware of. slowly allowing her lips to close again, she quietly looks at the male opposite of her, searching his eyes, his expression, his stance, for any hint of what is going on.
“you should forget about that, whitney,” he tells her, and suddenly his voice is no longer nice. “forget about her. you’re not some harper. you’re home now. we’re home now. you can be whitney again. you don’t have to keep pretending.” she frowns in turn, deeply, then tries to take a step back but kinam’s arms don’t budge. suddenly she feels trapped, kept in a hold she is not entirely sure she is okay with being in anymore.
“kinam, what...?”
he takes hold of her face, one hand on each side, that smile reappearing on his features again like there is nothing wrong. like it’s totally normal for them to be here, for him to have said words like that. and all of a sudden the warmth begins to feel cold, and the care she sees brings with it a sinister sort of vibe.
“i’ll show you, noona. i’ll show you that it’s all better now.”
he takes hold of her hand, pulls her along with him to the door, and she’s too stunned - too worried about him - to put up a fight. and so he leads her into a hallway that she thought would have had knocked out or killed guards, but there is no one there. a few more intricate twists and turns bring her through the hallways and up several sets of stairs, until he pushes open a door and she suddenly finds herself out on a rooftop, looking out at the smog of a filthy planet.
kinam comes to a stop near the edge of the roof, then waves his free arm out, motioning at the entirety of her view on the city. an all too familiar view of decades past, when the building was a lot more degraded and their lives a lot more simple. she takes in the sight almost breathless with surprise, then tilts her head ever so slightly so she can look at kinam again. her childhood friend, the one boy she has loved well beyond her heart’s regular capacity, the only person she would ever have considered maybe coming back here for.
but not like this.
“kinam...” is all she manages to say, before he’s back at her side. and somehow they’re kissing in the next moment, his lips against hers like a demand and a plea all rolled up into one. it takes her a moment to realise his arms have come around her again, pulling her in, hands roaming like she might have at some point wanted them to do. but not like this. not... here.
she pulls away harshly, frowning deeply. “kinam, what in the verse is going on? why are we back on beaumonde? you know i can’t be here. we have to go back. they need us on serenity. you’re the pilot, you’re important. you love piloting, remember? and what about the others? what about lynx? yongsun?”
the frown returns, along with a flicker of frustration that disappears before it can full well establish, but she spots it anyway. he draws in a sharp breath, and harper feels herself automatically shrinking. not physically, but something inside of her cowers away. and she knows nobody will ever believe it, because harper lee is not afraid of anything, but the thing is; she holds no aversion to maiming or killing anyone who might want to harm her. but she knows she could never hurt kinam. so if he plans to hurt her here on this rooftop in the middle of their home planet with no one to be any the wiser for it; she knows she will let him.
“like i said, noona, you should just forget about them. they’ll be fine without us. they can take care of themselves. i brought you home, so you don’t have to pretend anymore. you can let go of everything now. it’s all okay again.”
for a long, long moment, harper keeps her gaze level with kinam’s, just looking at him, still searching for some explanation. and then, when she finally catches it, that sparkle of what it is that drives him, she averts her gaze to the floor. tears well up in her eyes as she slowly moves, pulling back from his hold on her face ever so lightly so she can take hold of his hands with hers instead. she gives his fingers a little squeeze, holding on for another second or two, then turns suddenly and makes a run for the edge of the roof, throwing herself over it.
she collides with an invisible shield of sorts, that bounces her right back onto the rooftop. as she collides with the stone rather harshly, she can still perfectly hear the disappointment in kinam’s sigh, before everything temporarily blacks out.
~*~
when she wakes up, she’s back in the same room as before, lying on the bed, carefully tucked in with the blanket. she blinks a few times, then carefully tilts her head, shifting her position to be able to look around the room. there’s no one with her, so she slowly heaves herself upright, wincing at the bruises she can basically feel all over her body. lifting a hand to run her fingers through her hair, she slowly breathes out a deep sigh.
before she can do anything else, the already familiar sound of the lock clicking open sounds in her ears and she looks up hesitantly to watch kinam enter the room with a platter of food in hand. upon seeing her awake, his expression instantly brightens into that warm, caring smile again.
“you’re awake!” he chimes, and she has to remind herself that it’s not like old times, that she can’t just let his demeanour fool her, because she is in no way in a good place right now. but she’s too used to his smile, to feeling happy when he walks into the room, that it’s hard to keep herself from smiling back at him. “i brought you some food, noona. you should eat better, i’m starting to be worried about your well-being.”
somewhere in the back of her mind there is a comment waiting to be made about how crashing into a solid cement roof isn’t very good for her well-being, and neither is being held captive, but the words never make it past her lips. she could never bear to see him lose the smile on his face because of her. she could never bear hurting him.
she looks down at the platter, eyes instantly singling in on the knife, fingers itching to grab it and fight her way to freedom. but as she lifts her eyes back up to kinam’s face, she cannot. she cannot put her own happiness above his, not even now when it’s clear that there is nothing sane left anymore about the boy with stars in his eyes.
“it looks delicious, kiki,” she says in a soft voice, sending him a small smile and reaching out a hand to put it on his. “i’m sure i will love it. thank you.”
it’s all it takes for kinam to start positively beaming at her, eyes sparkling with the stars of the entire universe in them it seems, and a hand coming up to stroke through her hair once. she closes her eyes temporarily at the gesture, and allows herself a moment to pretend the circumstances are better than what they are. that things are the way they used to be. that whatever drove her precious boy over the edge never happened at all.
that when she opens her eyes she can just get up and go wherever she’d like.
then she opens them and faces reality.
~*~
whitney sits on the bench, with kinam’s head rested in her lap. his eyes are closed and she is carefully threading through his hair, fingertips brushing his scalp in soothing motions, as she watches the world beyond the rooftop slowly shift to darker shades as the sun slowly descends below the horizon - all behind the impenetrable cover of the smog and clouds, of course.
her muscles are relaxed and there’s a little smile playing around her lips, one that only widens slightly when kinam’s eyes open to look at her. he smiles back instantly, bringing up a hand to tenderly touch her cheek, before he moves to sit up. she expects the way he leans in, easily mirroring the movement to meet him halfway and kiss him softly. her hand brushes through his hair one last time before she lets go of him, allowing him to stand.
“i’ll get us something to eat, darling,” he says and she gives a nod of her head, watching him leave with a warm smile on her face. she rises to stand herself, walking closer to the edge of the roof and leaning against the invisible barrier to get a better view of the city below. her eyes wander over the people heading home from work, over the regular hustle and bustle of a living city.
it’s been so long now since she’s been looking down at it like this that she’s almost forgotten what it used to be like to walk around down there. almost.
as she stands there, soft smile still gracing her features out of habit, it suddenly hits her again like a wave crashing over her, drowning her with a desperate longing to walk the streets. a desperate longing to be free. the sensation is so sudden and overwhelming that there are tears rolling down her cheeks before she is even fully aware of them, her hands automatically coming up to cover her face.
with the warmth of kinam’s presence gone, she suddenly feels alone, remembering all the people she hasn’t been able to see in so long. all the people who have not a single clue what happened to her, if she is even alive at all, probably. she thinks of yongsun, of octavia, of lynx, of haneul. she thinks of mina, of kafka, of jaewon, of henry.
her dear brother. her friends. the people she cares for. the people he has taken away from her.
she doesn’t even know if any of them are still alive by now.
and she realises she can’t do it anymore.
when the door opens again behind her, she turns around. kinam’s expression instantly turns into worry at the sight of her tear-stricken face, and he hurries over to her in an instant.“whitney, darling, what’s wrong? what happened?”
she looks at him in silence for a long moment, feeling suddenly empty, void of emotion.
“it’s been long enough,” she says, surprised by the neutrality of her own tone. “it’s been long enough, kinam.” her shoulders relax as she reaches out a hand and almost casually picks one of the dining knives off his platter. “i've given you the life you wanted, but it ends here. i am not your darling. i am not whitney..” her fingers clench around the knife so tightly her knuckles turn white. “my name is harper, it’s been harper for a long time. and i’m not a pet for you to keep in captivity.”
she takes a step back, watches the way the frown forms on his face again, the way he puts the platter down calmly, no hurry in his movements because he considers the knife too blunt to do actual damage.but he has not yet dealt with an assassin before, of course. definitely not with one as highly trained as her.
“whitney, i thought we left this behind us, you...”
“left this behind us? that’s my entire life you’re talking about, kiki. my friends, my family.” she shakes her head, squares her feet, straightens her shoulders. “it’s been enough. it’s been long enough. i know you won’t let me go, so i’ll just have to do it myself.”
the frown grows deeper, kinam’s gaze darkening. the stars have disappeared from his eyes a long time ago, she realises now. the boy she used to love is nowhere to be found in this outline of a man she doesn’t even recognise anymore.
“that’s ridiculous, whitney, you’re not going to hurt me with that knife, you know that as well as i do. it’s me! i--”
“my name is harper now, kinam.”
she smiles almost sadly, mourning the boy she used to know, mourning the life she could have lived. then she lifts the knife with aimed precision.
