"Forgive me" //iF YOU WANT
☾ : Flowers Blooming at Dusk
He’d always been curious about what the Dusks had been like back before they lost their Hearts. Honestly, Isa felt that most people with half of a brain would wonder the same thing. The lesser Nobodies were so lacking in individual personalities that it was difficult to tell them apart unless one really looked for the differences in them. Xion had been one of the few people who seemed to be able to distinguish one from the other.
Back during his days in the Organization, Isa had been able to tell the Berserkers apart – which was unsurprising, considering the strong connection between him and those types of lessers – and a few specific Dusks. There was one that Xion had referred to as “Stretchy”, which he was fairly certain was due to that particular Dusk’s elasticity, as it was able to stretch and contort itself into positions many other Dusks could not, even with their wide range of motion. He knew that Dusk because it would bring him his coffee in the morning.
There was another Dusk that Xion had never gotten around to naming, as it was around and had been eliminated on a mission long before she was even a twinkle in Even’s eye. Regardless, he’d been familiar with that Dusk due to the fact that it had liked to steal his boots and drag them beneath the bed, causing a struggle in the morning.
There were a few others, but the one in particular that came to mind was one that had been referred to as “Sunny”.
Sunny had always been a bit of an odd Dusk, if the lessers could somehow get any stranger than they already were. Unlike many of the others, Sunny showed qualities unfitting of a brainwashed servant. Of course, that isn’t to say that the Dusk hadn’t fulfilled its duties (even though he’d often had to remind it to get back to said chores), but Sunny seemed to show a clear personality.
The name that the Dusk had been given was, unsurprisingly, from Xion. She’d named just about every Dusk in the castle and continued to name them as they came in. He’d once discussed this with Xemnas, asking if it was a problem, but like Xemnas always did with Xion, he didn’t seem at all upset by this behavior and had told his little pet to let her do as she pleased.
Either way, the name was derived from the fact that Sunny would often bring flowers into the castle and put them up on display, often sunflowers. This confused him, since he rarely assigned the Dusk to any field missions: Sunny did better in the castle than it did in the field, even though being in the castle meant permanent marker doodlings and daily slacking. The fact was that Sunny was clearly not a fighter – another display of personality that none of the other Dusks showed.
He had only assigned the lesser to head out into the field once to slow down the imposter, and, as he expected, Sunny didn’t return.
Xion seemed to be distraught by this, but he’d been quick to remind her that Nobodies didn’t have Hearts and could not feel sadness for those that were lost. Despite those words, he had a suspicion that Sunny would have been in a similar state of disrepair if it had been Xion who was lost. It was impossible, he told himself, but at the same time, it seemed undeniable.
The Dusk named Sunny had caught his attention, to say the least, though he had quickly pushed it out of his mind after it had faded from existence. He didn’t have the Heart to care about a servant back then.
Now, however, Isa found that his newly regained Heart was suffering from another bout of emotion known as “guilt”. It was a feeling he was growing uncomfortably used to with all the things he’d done in the past.
“Just relax, Toní, okay? You don’t have anything to worry about. That asshole doesn’t know about your time as a Dusk, and he can’t tell you what to do anymore. Besides, even if he could, I wouldn’t let him.”
He hadn’t made the connection beforehand, as he hadn’t really thought about it. Why would he think about it? Lesser Nobodies had Hearts that were barely strong enough to cause the creation of a Nobody in the first place, and most of the time, the extreme loss of personality meant that, upon the destruction of both them and their Heartless, they wouldn’t be restored. Of course, there were always exceptions to the rules, but he hadn’t thought that he would ever find himself faced with one of these exceptions.
Now that he was staring this situation in the face, it was impossible for him to miss or gloss over. Her occupation as a florist, her lack of will to fight, her closeness to Xion… Antonía was Sunny, plain and simple.
The girl had shown up seemingly out of nowhere, and Isa wasn’t entirely sure why. She hadn’t been involved in the fight against Xehanort, as he was well aware – he would have remembered seeing her during the conflict – and it seemed that the only real reason she came around was when Xion did. The two girls were clearly close, though he wasn’t about to ask the details of their relationship: it wasn’t his business and Antonía didn’t seem to be too fond of him, if he was being honest.
He had assumed that her distaste for him was because Xion had told her about his role in her life and the war, not to mention the slightly jarring appearance of his face. She was always jumpy and tense around him, and Isa had made a pointed attempt to stay out of her way and not bother her. He didn’t want to cause any discomfort, and he didn’t need to do anything else to damage his reputation.
Now, however, it was obvious that there was a completely different reason that Antonía was wary of him, and that was what sparked that unmistakable guilt that was plaguing him now.
The worst part of the whole thing was that Isa wasn’t sure what to do about the whole thing. Once again, he was holding himself back from apologies simply because he had never been good at them, and his newly-reformed and freed Heart was even worse at it. Not only that, but he didn’t think any words could possibly make up for everything that he’d done. Countless scoldings for even simple things that shouldn’t be a problem, orders without a care in the Worlds about what happened to her, the occasional burst of anger that he was known for that would cause the summoning of Lunatic and sharp teeth.
What was he supposed to do…?
Isa had been thinking on that for days now, the question eating at his darkened mind and thoughts like flies would a rotting corpse. He still didn’t have an actual answer when he saw her again.
Xion came by the tower to see some of the others, pick up a few books, and maybe get in a spar or two with the other Keybearers. She’d been offered the opportunity to train for the Mark of Mastery after her service in the fight against Xehanort, and she’d been more than happy to take up the challenge. Like usual, Antonía had come with her, seemingly attached to her hip like she always was when Isa saw them.
He’d been walking by when he spotted the two of them, Xion with a wide smile on her face as she spoke to Lea and Roxas. However, she seemed to have caught sight of him out of her peripheral and how he was clearly looking at Antonía. The taller girl noticed the change in Xion’s expression and stare, following her line of sight only to flinch.
There was another surge of guilt.
He didn’t know how much time passed. It could have been a split second or a good few minutes, for all he knew. Isa was frozen, confused, unsure—
“What are you staring at?”
Xion’s tone was harsh, and edge to her tongue as she pulled Antonía closer to her side. Lea was about to retort – likely planning to say something about how Xion shouldn’t hold grudges – but Isa beat him to it.
“I was just… wondering if Antonía would be okay talking for a second.” Isa had noted that Xion had a habit of asking her if it was okay for her to do things before she actually did them, and made sure to never make a statement that could somehow be mistaken for an order. It made enough sense to him, considering her background, and he tried to do the same. He wasn’t too sure how well he’d managed, but he hoped that was at least somewhat decent.
There was a long silence, and he noted how Antonía shifted closer to Xion, as though seeking security. In all honesty, she probably was. The raven-haired girl stretched up a bit to whisper something in the other’s ear. Isa couldn’t make out what she’d said, but after a minute, Antonía shook her head, looking as though she expected Isa to strike her for that answer.
Instead, he sighed and nodded, looking away. “That’s alright: I understand…” He knew that it was probably best for him to shut up now and just continue on his way, but his conscience was screaming at him. “In that case, could I say something?”
“You can get the hell out of here is what you can—”
Isa was a bit surprised when he heard Antonía speak, and clearly Xion was, too. Her voice was quiet when she said it, still uncomfortable with the current situation. As much as Isa wanted to take advantage of her answer, he paused, making sure.
“You’re… not saying that just because I want that answer, right?”
“You can say what you want to.”
Isa almost heaved a sigh of relief until he remembered that there were three other people there besides him and Antonía - three other people that would hear him. Lea didn’t worry him too much because of their closeness, but as for Xion and Roxas, their relationship was more rocky, and he didn’t feel as comfortable speaking freely in front of them. He had to think for a minute, wondering how to say what he wanted to.
Eventually, he swallowed and spoke.
“انا اسف على اللي حصل” The words came slowly and carefully, like he was struggling to figure out the sentence as he spoke. “يرجى أن يغفر لي”
Isa had looked down as he spoke, and only now did he pull his gaze back up from the floor to see that everyone was looking at him in confusion. That was unsurprising: he knew damn well that nobody there spoke his mother tongue, and that was why he’d used it. Thankfully, Isa could look at Lea’s face and know that he’d understood what he’d said. He could translate what he’d said if Antonía wanted to know.
He gave Lea a pointed look, praying that he’d understand when he said, “Those words are for her and for her only.” Thoroughly uncomfortable with the situation, Isa began to walk briskly down the hallway towards the destination he’d been headed towards before he’d stopped himself.
If Antonía did end up asking Lea just what it was Isa had said, chances are that he would tell her something along the lines of this:
“I’m sorry about what happened. Please forgive me.”