((I need to medicate my anxiety I can't keep going like this.))
This past week alone has been a roller coaster (health things (weight loss meds losing effectiveness chief among them, work things (assistant manager is pulling some dickish moves), current event things (let's leave it at THAT holy hell), etc.) and while I feel like I've been able to cope pretty decently without medication up til now we've reached a point where
I'm tired of discovering new physical symptoms of anxiety attacks at random points of the day when my brain feels 'fine' otherwise. I'm tired of losing sleep to the point that even my manager is noticing. I'm tired of stress-eating when I'm not actually hungry and not even getting the good brain chemicals out of it. I'm tired of feeling so wound up and tense all the god damned time that I have to put my favorite hobby (crochet) on the shelf for months at a time and wear braces and gloves and splints at work because my wrists can't handle more than five minutes of activity a day (frustrated exaggeration) before giving up.
Even my mother is bringing up the subject with me and sending me articles about anxiety medication breakthroughs - and she vehemently denied me being anything but 'normal' up into my 30s!
I have a brain full of ideas and fully of passion and SO so many blogs and characters that I want to write with and I'm tired of all the mental gymnastics I have to do just to send a single ask to the people I want to interact with.
I've done everything from stress-eating to cutting my hair to cutting up old shirts to cutting apart books at 10pm with the bookbinding kit that's been sitting on my couch for months and god dAMNIT I am cutting this anxiety off at the knees next!