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(Listen I just got reminded of it and there’s no doubt in my mind that Albert fricken’ loves Tom Lehrer’s Masochism Tango. He’ll actually sing that damn song if he thinks he’s alone.)
(Another hc is he actually loves singing but is super shy of it.)
You can’t trust Albert y’all. He’ll just straight up be like
“Ah yes, if you see here your ribs are fractured. See the points here and here?”
“Your lungs and heart are impeccable though. They’ll have to be removed.”
(I just watched Re-Animator & Pet Sematary again and I’m just sitting here thinking Albert would find the way to reanimate people and immediately patent it, asking insane amounts of money to bring people back but make no promise about their condition after. )
(He’d be that kind of asshole and you better bet he’d guard his ass against people that would try to sue him by making them sign something beforehand.)
What's your plant personality? - Traditional MedicinalsTake the Plant Personality Quiz and discover what type of plant your most similar to. Discover your inner Herb Nerd!TRADITIONAL MEDICINALS
Tagged by: @dylanfuentexxx Tagging: @xdoublextroublex (I’m tagging you too, girl, lmao)
Results:
Dandelion - Scrappy and tough, you’re a pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps kind of person. You don’t give up easily and you often thrive in situations that others would find discouraging. You have an instinct to serve others and see yourself as most useful in times or places of crisis, but you may over rely on your toughness and forget how sensitive you really are.
Echinacea - A protector. With an amazing blend of optimism, nurturing and goodwill, you lend your strength and energy to those in need. Your seemingly infinite goodwill and boundless supportive energy make you the one people turn to when times are tough. Your greatest strength is, of course, also one of your weaknesses, especially if you neglect to take care of yourself. At times like these, it’s a good idea to take a step back and focus some of that protective energy on yourself.
Peppermint - Unflappable. You are cool in the crisis, calm in the storm, collected amongst the chaos. You’re a breath of fresh air, a waft of inspiration to the down-and-out, a refreshing, inspiring, uplifting person to be around. Of course, even a cool cucumber like yourself can run into trouble. You may try to take on too much, which can leave you feeling weighed down and not quite yourself.
I don’t remember if I’ve said anything about it or not, but I hc Albert’s actual house to look like this. He used to do house calls to the older man that lived here and he up and died on him, but he’d been so used to taking care of the guy and signing everything for him anyway, he just signed papers to give himself the house in the man’s will.
Because there wasn’t any way he was paying for a house. That requires MONEY.
Albert: You’re not worthless.
Person: Awww, thanks Alb-
Albert: Human organs are extremely expensive on the black market.
Person: Bye.
—
(I saw this elsewhere with other names and thought of Albert XD )
(Beautiful. I could just hear him saying that, lmao)
(Just so y’all know almost all of his dreams are going to have the “gore tw” tag on it. For fair warning in the future, lmao)
What are his dreams like?
Albert sat at his desk, exhausted at a hard day’s work.
God, he had a headache. But that was usual running surgeries back to back. As he had his eyes closed rubbing his temples to try to ease the pain, he heard the door give a familiar sound as it was pushed open.
“Come in.. Feel free to sit, I’m in need of a minute if you don’t mi-”
As he looked up to greet the visitor, his words caught.
A woman. A woman with her rib-cage popped open and hollow, organs removed long ago. She walks in, sitting with her usual flair; arm over the back of the chair; crossing one leg over the other. “Jessica, dear. Excuse me. wonderful to see you. Dinner still on for tonight?…”
He can’t help feeling the broad smile spreading on his face at talking to her. Looking to her face for a reply, looking at those empty eye-sockets where her gorgeous green eyes once sat.
She mouths out a response, seemingly silent. He hears her anyway.
“Wonderful! I think it’s about time I closed up shop for today anyway..” Albert stood, getting his things together in his bag and finally holding the door open for the woman.
“After you, Dear.”
As he turns to leave the door himself, everything fades to white.
