LOCATION: INSIDE HANS’ CADILLAC CIEL TIME: NEARING MIDNIGHT WHO: FOR @hstarke
Hans has a drug problem (probably), a car in New York City (weird), and a Sunday night to kill. Theo has a drug problem (definitely), multiple cars in many other cities (eat the rich), and a lesbian friend who swears she’s got the best cocaine that Theo’s ever tried waiting for them. Together, they make the ideal crime-fighting duo; in other words, they’re perfectly equipped to brave the trek to Long Island, the home of many lesbian drug dealers, Theo’s included.
They’re actually on their way back at this point, the supposedly-legendary blow secured safely in a primo Ziploc bag (one of those with a double-sealed strip, because lesbians know quality) as Hans breaks about four different traffic laws on their drive home. Theo’s content to ride it out, until he sees a sign in the distance that makes his pupils widen. “Yoyoyoyoyo, 24/7 Taco Bell on your right, I’m starving,” he says, as though he isn’t always. Hans, being the angel that he is, promptly follows orders, and they become the next in line.
Hi, welcome to Taco Bell, what can I get started for you? He all-but crawls on top of Hans to get to the left-side window, giving him access to the microphone. “Hey, yeah, I’ll have a Doritos Locos Supreme, a Crunchwrap, a side of nacho fries, three Cinnabon Delights — oh what, those come in packs of two, don’t they? — make that five Cinnabon Delights, two fire sauces, two diablo sauces, a Baja Blast, and...” He looks up from where he’s kneeling on Hans’ lap. “You want anything?”
