đź‘„ cecil
“ you don’t get it. ” zhihao snapped, aware that his siblings were clueless on the matter but no more able to control the hurt than he had been when cecil had first passed. “ i don’t want to sleep. when i sleep i just see him. and then i start to sober up and i get so fucking scared i’ll see him there too. ”Â
“ wouldn’t that be a good thing ? like, for closure ? ” kitaek was ever the voice of reason, but reason had no home in his mutated grief. zhi simply shook his head; hand waving dismissively at the air.Â
“ i don’t want it to just be. a memory. i don’t want him to be something i remember, i want him to be here. with me. in my bed, by my side, with MY ring on his finger. what if i see him and it’s not even a ghost ? and they say some spirits only echo their last few moments on loop. what if he’s one of those and i see him, but he can’t see me ? what if he doesn’t want to see me ? or he’s angry ? or what if he’s just a memory and every time i see him his face changes little by little until i can’t remember what my fucking soulmate looked like ? i can’t risk what little i have left. i can’t lose him again. i can’t lose all of him. ”