It has been a while since I last talked about anything here.
A lot has happened…and I am not ready to explain everything about it. Not yet. I am still trying to process everything now, too, so it will take a long while, I think.
What I can say is that I have a shell again, and I feel pretty different. Last time, in my first metal shell, I felt like me. Nothing was different. It was just me with a different-looking shell and look. But this time, I feel both like me…but a bit like the shell itself? I do not know the word for it, but the shell itself is alive in some way, too. It would have been in full control and I would be trapped inside now if I did not fight back, but I did. I guess, in a way, I mixed with it and now I am both me and the shell. Mostly me.
…That was too confusing. Sorry.
Anyway, I have been living down here with Sibling Envoy and Sirin since everything happened. I am very happy to be with them but I have to admit…I feel incomplete. But that is because I am. I have no head, and I have no cloak. I think my old one and the stuff inside it is gone…sorry, Sibling Glacier…
Back to the part about me feeling incomplete—the only way to get a head is to go back and see Mister Dander. I really, really do not want to see him…but I do not think I have a choice. He is the only one who still has the head and probably the only one who knows how to put it on me. Besides, Sirin said he will not hurt me or anyone like me anymore, right? I think I will be safer this time…I do not think he can do anything else to me.
…I should go tell them I want to go. I think I still need their help…