#(we hope)

[aeragorn]

My German liveticker just posted "we suppose marquez is on a sprint simulation these laptimes are too fast for a race one (we hope)" and it's sending me

[thrifterror]

OK, so I get this gnome is probably supposed to be like a ghost or a mummy, because this is close to spooky season

But um

Yeah you all see it too right?

I. Um. Uh. Er.

Someone clearly did not think this design through. 😬😬😬

[andwhentheangelscome]

I'm not crazy!!! I'm just in a lot of pain!!

This is not a distinction that I have bothered to make throughout a lot of this process but. it feels relevant now. I'm just

working through it. I haven't lost my mind, or my way back to sanity, in fact much the opposite!!! My north star has always been right where it needed to be. It's just been a LOT of work to get myself working back towards it...

....

I'm finally all the way at the bottom of the vortex, the place where the question that I am asking is: where is it that I draw my self-esteem from?

And I'm (trying to) not accept any answer that isn't: From Inside Myself, Even With the Help of My Family and Friends.

whooooo it has been a long time coming! getting all the way back to looking that question in the eye, and giving the RIGHT fucking answer.

six fucking YEARS thereabouts. through mud, and grief, and viruses, and isolation, and changes of scenery, and changes of identity, and so so many lost nights and days and -

*sighs*

I can't be too mad, in my current state, about the lost time. but I also know, that's the thing that I will maybe miss the most. because you don't get it back. you don't get to do it all again, with a clearer conscience, just because you found your way back to the light.

there's only the moving forward. which perhaps is actually a blessing. helps you stay focused. no point in looking back, once the work of wrestling with the past is finally done.

....

I do wish I was sleeping rn, but I know why I'm not, and I'm okay with it.

I just hope I can get my fucking taxes done tomorrow lol. and the groceries. those are the two big ones.

as I so often end these posts with, I've seen, I'll say again:

wish me luck!

[e-louise-bates]

Was outside for two hours--most of that standing beside an ice rink--in 10 degree weather, watching Ice Dance International (featuring Alissa Czisny!!!) perform a "pop-up" ice show, followed by a free lesson for anyone--kid or adult--who wanted to learn how to skate. My Joy, even though she's had several years of lessons, signed up both to get a refresher course (it's been 3 years since she took lessons, and she is definitely rusty) and to get a chance to skate with ALISSA CZISNY. Who, you will all be happy to know, is just as lovely and gracious in person as she comes across when she skates, and took time at the end of the event to talk to Joy and her friends and pose for a photo with them.

Couldn't feel my face, fingers, or toes by the time we got back home, but it was worth it. Thankful for hot drinks and a pellet stove, though, let me tell you.

(Three very starstruck girls talking with Alissa Csizny even though all of them were mostly frozen.)

[jochasada]

Not me waiting for the two episodes where these pairs of suits are worn, knowing they’ll be the ~soft~ episodes.

[perlaret]

on the upside, fortunately the internet is not entirely forever