#* concept.

[newsworth-a]

sb: babe i feel like you could’ve been a lot nicer to me today

chris: days not over, yet, i could get a lot worse.

[newsworth-a]

18.  the moon

MAJOR ARCANA OF THE TAROT ,    HEADCANON QUESTIONS.

WHAT DOES CHRIS LONG FOR?  IS IT A REALISTIC DESIRE? i do think ...   and do not tell him i told you this ...   that one of the many things chris does long for ...    is to be loved in the unapologetic and unconditional way that he is almost entirely incapable of loving someone else.    and i will say that it isn’t realistic for him to want that ,    because he’s just not able to love and trust someone in that way ,    and so he cannot realistically expect  (  and never would because he’s not that much of a fucking hypocrite  )   or trust them to love him unreservedly.    (  that doesn’t make his love any less real.    it’s just not stone.   it’s not static.   it’s fluid ,   it’s impressionable ,   it’s accommodating ,   and it’s sometimes unreliable in places where chris is otherwise not unreliable ,    and it is real.  )    but he ...   is so fucking insecure and hyperconscious of himself in just about every area that a person can be hyperconscious of and i think he knows how much easier it would be if he didn’t have to be like that in order to be worthy of love.    i think he can see the merit and especially the security of unconditionally love and loyalty ,   of being unconditionally loving and loyal ,   but it’s just ...   not him.

[newsworth-a]

#12 and #21!

MAJOR ARCANA OF THE TAROT ,    HEADCANON QUESTIONS. 

HOW OPEN IS CHRIS TO NEW OPPORTUNITIES?  DOES HE CONSTANTLY LOOK FOR THEM OR DOES HE SIMPLY TAKE WHAT COMES HIS WAY?  chris ,   although very resistant to change within his personal life ,   is very open to new opportunities elsewhere because he’s an extremely restless person that way.   i think it especially shows in his resume that he is open to development across the board and will take every opportunity he has to do so.    he’s relocated out of state i think three times thus far :   from washington to new york to work for the same network but just in a different kind of program  (   news night is objectively different from most programs on the air ,   i feel ,   even from their own sister programs in washington and on the west coast ,   and chris would have sold his skin for the chance to work the format that will mcavoy and mackenzie mchale had been trying to push back into the mainstream   ) ,    then took up one of acn’s foreign correspondent positions in turkey  (   to have experience working remotely and to get outside the american bubble   )  ,   and then back to washington to work as the director of communications / press secretary  (   because when claire hale asks you to help her carve out the deadwood ,    you get behind the fuckin podium   )  ,  and all three of these experiences would have been outside of the range he had at the time of taking them ,   but it’s all in the name of developing that range.   very open to new opportunities in that way ,   and is constantly looking for them because they don’t just fall into your lap and chris wouldn’t necessarily feel any gratification if he didn’t have to work for it a little.   IS THERE ONE THING IN LIFE THAT CHRIS MUST ACCOMPLISH?   WHAT WILL HE DO WHEN HE COMPLETES THAT GOAL? so...   no,  lol.    i’ve always believed that what chris would think that his goal would be to become an executive producer and run a program similar to that of news night ,   however i know ,   and chris knows this too on some level :    he will never truly be satisfied ,  and this does go back to the whole  “new opportunities”  thing above.   chris will always believe that he could be doing something more with himself ,   and if he’s done all he can do ,   he will do something else ,    until he’s done all he can do with that ,   and then he will move on ,   and he will go on like that for so long that he will work himself to death if he’s allowed to.   although chris doesn’t do any of what he does for notoriety ,    he does have an ego.    he does like to have his strengths and triumphs acknowledged ,   and it does come down to leaving an impression on the world to an extent.    he is in a constant state of concern that said impression won’t stick and outlive him in a way that is truly substantial ,   and that he won’t have done enough.    in that sense ,   there is no goal to reach because there is no end that will satiate him.   and that makes me sad ,   because it means that chris will never wholly allow himself to just be happy. 

[newsworth-a]

was Chris's family accepting outright when he came out or was it a process? what are some things that still trigger his dysphoria? did he have more positive experiences with his endo(s) than negative? what's his most favorite compliment that sticks with him/gives him euphoria for weeks 👁👄👁

WAS CHRIS’S FAMILY ACCEPTING WHEN HE CAME OUT OR WAS IT A PROCESS?    it was a process for both of his parents ,    but one of them handled it so better than the other.    

robert brady definitely had reservations when chris first came out and tried to ...   god ,   i hate to say “ talk him out of it ”   but that’s what he tried to do ,   because robert has always purported to know what is and what isn’t in chris’s best interest ,    and he certainly had some misguided conceptions about what sort of options chris would have if he were to choose to transition.   there were definitely some talks about  " how lonely and painful a lifestyle like that is. “  gag.   and given that he knew how big chris’s plans were for himself ,    he definitely would’ve expressed to chris that he felt he was  “ setting himself up for failure before you’ve even had a chance.  “    however ,    robert definitely regrets having said any of that to chris ,   for two reasons:    he could not have been more wrong ,   and he would’ve seen that in how chris just continued to go from strength to strength to strength the further he got into his transition.   not like robert wasn’t happy to see his son thrive ,   but he was very disappointed in himself for having never noticed just how much chris’s dysphoria seemed to hold him back ,   and for not supporting chris from the get go.    furthermore ,   he really feels as though he resigned chris to the mentality of never being able to rely on anyone else if he wanted to live as his true ,   unadulterated self.    in his mind ,    if chris had received nothing but encouragement right off the bat ,   he probably wouldn’t work himself to death to prove himself to everyone he meets in the abject refusal of letting his transness obstruct him in getting anything he wants.   and he’s not entirely wrong ,    and i’m glad he feels bad about it.  for deborah ,   the task was more of learning how to best encourage her son.     when it came to accepting him ,   that wasn’t much of an issue.    however ,   she had never parented any of her with extreme gender roles before.    neither of the brady parents did.   so it became an issue simply because it had never been an issue ,   as in ...   it had never mattered before ,   so why does it matter now ?   she thought for a while thought that her indifference counted as support ,    but after seeing just how important it was to chris ,     and realizing that he shouldn’t have to shoulder all of that alone ,   well ...   she’s always been a very involved mother.    

she took a real ,   genuine interest.   she was the one who gave him his name.     she asked questions ,    she did her own research ,     she was very critical of how robert chose to handle chris’s coming out and it put a serious strain on their marriage until robert got his head on straight about the whole thing ,    and she made the family switch churches when she caught wind of some of what the congregation had to say.    she’s now a very informed ,   and actively supportive mother.   probably has her own twitter account and yells with the capslock on at the transphobes in his mentions.

CONTINUED UNDER THE CUT. 

WHAT ARE SOME THINGS THAT CAN TRIGGER HIS DYSPHORIA?    sometimes he’ll catch a look at himself in the mirror and his mind will manifest a “feminine” figure that he genuinely doesn’t have much of anymore ,   or really at all.    it’s mostly to do with how big his thighs are ,   because he’s always had pretty big thighs,   and that one constant can throw off his whole groove.   it’s just one of those things he hasn’t really been able to shake ,   yet ,   and he’ll get kind of self conscious about his thighs and the proportion they project.   one of the things he’s done to combat it is focus a lot of his workout into his legs so that they’re more toned.    and although he’s a public figure who has never shied away from talking about the fact that he’s trans ,   who has spent a lot of time defending it and explaining it even when he really shouldn’t have to ,    he still gets kind of itchy when people he’s not particularly close or people who he knows he hasn’t ever discussed it with personally just suddenly introduce it into conversation as a known thing  (  even though it is ,   and he’s not ashamed about it  )   because he is very skeptical of people and will rarely trust them with their perspectives of his identity.    

it teleports him back into college when he was so young ,   and so much more insecure in his masculinity ,    and very concerned about “passing” in the context of not only comfort ,   but also safety.   chris ,   now ,   is very uncomfortable with the concept of  “passing”  because of how limited he felt as a young man who was so consumed with the outward projection of his masculinity and how sometimes he needed to perform a certain way just to feel accepted in particular circles ,   or at the very least safe.   he rejects it ,   but not without the understanding that he was very privileged to have the resources and support system that allowed for him to pursue his transition to the extent that he has.  DID HE HAVE MORE POSITIVE EXPERIENCES WITH HIS ENDO(S) THAN NEGATIVE?    yes ,    more positive ,    because if he ever felt like he was receiving anything less than what he wanted or needed in terms of care ,    he moved on and found someone else.    if you think chris upholds such an exhausting level of expectation with respect to caliber and ethics now ,   imagine him painstakingly researching endos in his late teens / early twenties when one of the most important milestones of his life and his body were the issues on the table.    he didn’t cut corners in his research ,   and he expected no less from his doctors in their application.   furthermore ,   his parents spared absolutely no expense in making sure that he was well received and well taken care of. this is kind of besides the point but i love this fact about him:  chris actually declined athletic scholarships  (  basketball and softball  )  to multiple division one universities across the country when he was about to go on to college ,    including boston university where he would receive his undergrad on an academic scholarship ,     because it was made apparent to him that he wouldn’t be able to fully undergo hormone therapy at the rate and and to the extent that he wanted to while he was playing for a school ,   and nothing was going to stop him from doing that. WHAT’S HIS MOST FAVORITE COMPLIMENT THAT STICKS WITH HIM/GIVES HIM EUPHORIA FOR WEEKS?     chris is fucking vain and shameless for praise in general so any kind of flattery about his appearance ,   whether particular to his masculinity or not ,   is going to put him in a state.    and god ,   for someone who is such a bitch about putting labels on things or getting serious with people ,    he has gotten so Hard every time he’s referred to as  “ my boyfriend ”  or  “my man.”   it does something to him.    he’s definitely one of those  “ don’t call me your partner ,   we’re in a relationship ,   not biology class. ”   kinds of people.   when he’s in a professional setting ,   like the white house ,    and gets referred to as  “mister brady”  or  “sir”  that feels so fucking validating and he will never admit just how much.   he feels so god damn powerful walking away from the podium after every press briefing.