#* reflection

[until-deaths-blog]

TVEP SEMINAR | reflection.

A lot of what the speaker mentioned during the seminar resonated in some ways. They had touched on topics such as sex and made it abundantly clear that it was a give or take. Maybe it’s because I’m young and have yet to grapple with the thought or idea of partaking in it fully with another person, but it always seemed pretty far off and often times I’ve been repulsed by the thought (not because of society, I’m perfectly fine talking about it objectively and in the open) but the act itself, as person, just doesn’t appeal to me.

They also spoke about the adjustment and compromise and preparation that would came with getting married (not just pre-planning the wedding and looking for caterers and tasting cakes) but creating enough elbow room for your partner to move and just communicating, basically. I think this is in part, why I’ve been so scared of the idea of a long term partnership. Not even under the catholic institution, but in general. I don’t necessarily find myself agreeing with doctrine, but a lot of what the seminar touched on regarding couples and communication rang true. She said, you can’t be in relationship alone. Which I mean, at the time, I thought ‘duh’- but in retrospect, you can kind of tell where she was coming from with that slightly ill-worded statement. People are different and the amount of breathing room varies per person. I think I’m the type to need a lot of it.

But it was enlightening, I guess, in some ways talking about relating to others. I speak about partnership and the prospect of it in terms of myself and that’s I think, because my frame of mind is still young, still learning, and still trying to map my own ins and outs. I believe that it’s something I would perhaps need to take care of first, myself, before branching out and putting myself out there and then eventually, perhaps, entering long term relationships, settling down. 

[until-deaths-blog]

INTERVIEW | reflection.

I really enjoyed this interview! Not because of hearing my uncle talk at length and all the gratuitous reminisce about the very early 2000’s, because of what they had to say about love fifteen years later.

Like I said in my previous reflection I have a lot of reservations about long term partnership. In front of my very eyes, I have seen relationships fail and barely begin before they fizzled out and disappeared. I have only learned how to mistrust and heavil rely upon myself. I’ve also rolled my eyes at them (my uncle and my aunt) at least about five times in my entire life because of things heard through the grapevine (my family’s many viber chats are active and available for perusal via my mom’s phone). But hearing them talk about it made me feel good, made me want that too. It’s a beautiful thing, friendship. I liked how they put importance to that (aside from, of course, God at the center, they are very religious people and have prayer/bible study as a family every week, but that’s their prerogative and I suppose, admirable. My cousin Jayda isn’t forced to sit through it.) They are so full of love for each other that it had trickled on over to my cousin and she is so full of love herself. It’s interesting to see it in action sometimes.

I’d like to think that friendship is foundational. No, I believe it is. Not just any run of the mill friendship, but one that is deeply rooted and meaningful. One of substance.

My parents, I think, never really made it there. My mom is severely emotionally constipated too, so it kind of makes sense. Coupled with being young and “in a hurry” -boom, suddenly, me. I’m in some ways, the same. I’m not so impatient about growing up and branching out and defiance (maybe, it’s nature vs nurture?) but I am a little terrible at the feelings department and I don’t build good networks and relationships as easily as some people. So even if I did want to put my best foot forward, I wouldn’t really know what that is (mostly, I just keep quiet).

But friendships of substance are definitely a good start. I feel that to be able to be ready to raise a family or build a life with another person, I’d need to first build those positive networks (take the good with the bad too! in some ways), but also find me without having constantly having to refer to myself- if that makes sense? Like, maybe, finding myself in others or through others. Not always, but at balance, where the scales don’t tip. At the center there is kindess, there is giving, and there is love.

[until-deaths-blog]

SYNTHESIS | tvep.

This class was quite the experience. I was half expecting to sit through indoctrination gritting my teeth, but that’s not what I got. What I got was trying to understand life and relationships through others and their experiences.

It was an interesting take on TREDFOR. I'd had my fair share of stories about professors droning on about set roles and practices. Arguably, there still are maybe things that need to be fulfilled and that are sacred to catholic teachings; I definitely cannot fault them for that.

We watched two movies in class. The Passion of Christ, where, afterwards, we discussed further what set Christians apart from other religions and how a lot of Christians have forgotten what it was. There is an understanding about true love that the Passion of Christ displays. Jesus dying for our sins is a widely known narrative, belief even- but it is perhaps lesser known that it was something he had chosen.

People often forget that as Christians as well, they are given a choice as well. But it's not that they need to make the conscious decision to live a life full of love either. It's just that I think it's consequential. The more you love, the closer you get to God.

The other movie that we watched was, I Do, which was a movie about a couple and their families. Common tropes were displayed; the possibility of a shotgun wedding, families that don't like each other or their in-laws. It had reinforced the lesson about choice and about true love. It had reinforced as well the idea that timing (perhaps fate?) would have role to play in all this. But marriage and true love is the some total of several parts.

The genogram and the reflections were meaningful parts for me because through it, I learned and understood things about myself better. But what was most interesting about the class the most is how it ties into the married life or going for a long term partnership with someone. How, will it does factor in that you have at least some semblance of a ‘self’, you also need to strike the balance between that and making room for others. For your spouse or partner. No relationship is going to last if a person stays self-absorbed. A partnership cannot sustain itself that way. These are things that are a given, I suppose, but it was a good reminder.