in this dark world, you’re all i need.
a/n: the ffhgjhhg flipping word count 😭 it...it’s fine.
word count: 11.8k+
[ oikawa x reader ]
part one. | part two.
–––––
“Don’t cry....”
You cried harder.
“Hey, Y/n–”
“Shut up.”
Oikawa laughed and you watched his eyes crinkle in the corners. No matter how upset you were right now, his eyes still made your heart flutter as if it was the first time you’d seen them. He was so good-looking you scowled at him.
“S-stop l-laughing, Tooru.”
“You’re cute when you’re crying, Y/n,” he said sweetly, brushing a strand of hair away from your face.
“What did you say?” you burst out. “Is my pain cute to you?”
He laughed again and shoved a biscuit in your mouth. “Here now, eat this and stop complaining.”
You pouted at him and chewed in silence.
“So cute,” he hummed.
“Sadist.”
“Hey,” he warned, “I’m trying to make you smile.”
“Does it look like it’s working?” You closed your eyes and tilted your head up, baring your clenched teeth at him in what was most definitely not a smile.
You heard movement then felt him drop a kiss on the corner of your mouth.
“Ah–” You jerked backwards and glared at him so close to you. Against your will, you felt the heat rising in your cheeks. “That’s not fair.”
Oikawa cocked his head and looked at you endearingly. He leaned back and hugged a knee to his chest, resting his chin in the crook of his elbow. The amount of adoration in his eyes was insurmountable as he said, “I love you, Y/n.”
Your heart started pounding and you looked away, not wanting him to see the fiery blush that was painting your cheeks.
“Your timing for saying that is terrible,” you mumbled behind the sleeve of your sweatshirt.
There was a rustle of clothing as Oikawa moved closer and suddenly you felt arms encircling you from behind, his voice tickling your ear.
“I’m just saying what I feel,” he said plainly, as if it was the most boring thing in the world.
You turned your head and narrowed your eyes at him. “Right, and I’m Oikawa Tooru, winner of the most humble human award.”
“Y/n!”
A smile finally broke through you and your shoulders rose in laughter. The arms around your waist drew closer, squeezing tighter.
“Tooru, you’re cutting off my circulation.”
“But you’re finally smiling,” he said right next to you, ghosting his lips over the faint tracks of tears. “I told you I was making you smile.”
You cursed him in your head for saying things like that so abruptly out loud and making your heart skip a beat.
“Didn’t I, Y/n?” he prodded.
Such an attention-seeker.
You kept your head turned away and bit down on your lip. “I guess.”
His face burrowed into the soft spot on your neck and you yelped as he gave a quick peck there.
“Not as honest as I’d like you to be, but I’ll take it,” he said. “Let’s watch your favorite movie now, hm?”
You reeled back and scoffed incredulously. “Are you kidding me? Mine is even sadder and I just cried over yours. You really want me to cry that much?”
Oikawa laughed into your skin and you felt the rumble in his chest against your back. “Maybe,” he answered.
“Unbelievable.”
“But then you can just stay like this with me,” he said cheerfully, “and then we can be sad together.”
“How do you expect me to believe you’ll be sad with me when you just laughed at me crying this time?”
“Like this.” He dragged you down into the blankets with him and turned you towards him, wrapping his body around yours. His hands came up to cup your face and he squashed your cheeks together so you looked like a pufferfish. Oikawa laughed to himself and planted a kiss on both of your cheeks despite your frowning.
When he drew back, he took in your face and sighed. “I love you, Y/n,” he said again. His hair was messed up against the blankets and his eyes were soft, so soft they looked like chocolate pools as he smiled at you lopsidedly. It was brief, little moments like this that reminded you he was all yours and no one else’s.
“I love you, Tooru.”
Your heart swelled and you leaned forward to give a light kiss in the middle of his forehead, pushing his hair back from his face. You laughed when you pulled away and saw his wide eyes staring at you in surprise. You pressed closer to his chest and sunk into the feeling only he could give you, one where you could stay in his arms forever and fall asleep at any moment. Oikawa was your home. The feeling of him so close to you was one that could never be replaced.
–––––––
“Don’t cry, Y/n.”
You tried to stop. It didn't work.
Iwaizumi sighed. “Y/n, come on. Please don’t make me hug you. I’m really bad at that, you know.”
A teary smile made its way to your face at the slight amusement, and you gave him a hopeful expression with your arms outstretched. “I don’t care,” you said ruefully. “I could use any hug right now, Hajime.”
He looked at you sadly and moved to wrap his arms tightly around you. You buried your face in his chest and shakily allowed your hands to clasp across his back.
Something inside you broke. Maybe it was this simple act of sympathy. Maybe it was the way Iwaizumi dragged a hand down your head and quietly tried to soothe you. Maybe it was the way you wanted to pretend he was Oikawa, pretend like you were still locked in the arms of the only person you ever loved enough to melt over. Maybe it was all these things that made you finally give in to the overwhelming pain as you sobbed into his chest.
“Y/n....”
You were gasping for breath as you clutched at Iwaizumi’s shirt, your nails digging through it into your own palms. The feeling inside you was surging forward without anything to stop it, and you couldn’t find what you wanted to say. You couldn’t control your own mouth as you tried to string together words that didn’t seem like enough to capture how staggering you felt.
“I...I still love him, Hajime...I don’t want to break up. I don’t want to be the only one who’s not okay with this,” you sobbed into him. “I don’t want this.”
Iwaizumi rubbed wide circles into your back, letting you soak his shirt through with tears. “I know,” he said quietly.
“He promised...he promised we were it. He said he’d never leave this behind...that nothing would even make him want to...h-he said he wouldn’t give us up f-for anything–” you broke off, clenching your eyes shut tighter, crying harder than you could ever remember. Your face was streaked with tears and your throat ached from trying to suck in air through your lungs. It was suffocating, all of it – your heart, your head, your chest, everything. Everything in you felt like it was going to break if it hadn’t already.
“I know,” said Iwaizumi again. His voice was so low with comfort and it made your hope drop more.
“I love him, Hajime,” you whispered.
“I know.”
“I love him so much but now I’m not supposed to...? Because he’s leaving? I don’t get it.”
“I know.”
“I already miss him...it hurts...I don’t want this anymore.”
“I know.”
For a while, the two of you stayed like that, you clinging desperately onto Iwaizumi to find some form of stability to keep you held up and sane while he patiently allowed you to cry yourself out without saying a word.
He didn’t need to say anything. The sounds of you crying were more than enough to fill in the gaps as you fought to take your heart back from feelings that had once made you so sure about entrusting it to someone else, someone who had now shattered you to nothing.
–––––––
Pieces of that night, just a day after your breakup with Oikawa, flashed swiftly through your mind now. Showing up at Iwaizumi’s door past midnight. Crying yourself to sleep until he carried you to his couch and waking up with eyes so swollen he’d ridiculed you over breakfast. Laughing lightly at his attempts to cheer you up because at least Iwaizumi was still there for you, even if his other half wasn’t.
Sometimes you wondered if staying close with him was in your best interest or if he would only remind you of Oikawa. But his and your friendship had always been held separately on its own. There was never any reason to taint one relationship with another; that’s how close of friends you’d become. He grew to know you so well ever since Oikawa first dragged you into their circle, and the two of them were best friends, so he understood what each of you had gone through.
If only he was here now to see the looks on your faces.
You stood with as much distance to Oikawa as what seemed respectful for two people with a past like yours. You leaned over the bridge railing with your chin on your arms, watching the small stream trickle beneath you and kicking the toe of your shoe into the ground.
Oikawa sipped his bottle of juice, the same brand he’d drink over and over in high school. You stopped your mouth from quirking up at the nostalgia of it.
“I didn’t know you still live here,” he said, breaking the silence.
“I don’t.” You tapped your other shoe into the ground, careful to avoid the new bag of groceries that lay at your feet. “Just home for the weekend.”
“Ironic.” He glanced at you and tried to clarify himself when you raised an eyebrow. “I mean, I’m also visiting. That’s why I’m here. I didn’t know you would be, too.”
You bit the inside of your cheek. “You couldn’t have known. It’s been a while and we haven’t really kept up with each other anyways.”
He didn’t say anything to that and you wondered why you’d wanted to see him so badly in the city. Now that he was here, you only wanted to pull away. You were scared of what you were going to feel if you stayed here any longer.
Oikawa leaned back on his elbows against the railing. You said a silent thanks since he couldn’t see your expression as easily that way. “Iwa-chan gave me some news of you here and there,” he told you. “He said you started medical school at the same university you both went to.”
“I did.” You wished you could respond any way other than simple sentences, but something in you didn’t want to give him that. It was petty and you felt ridiculous for it. You’d given your entire soul to him years before, and now you couldn’t even give him more than a few words.
“Congratulations.” You turned your head towards him and saw him aim a small smile at you. For some reason, it looked sad. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to greet you sooner.”
You looked down to watch the flow of the water again. “Thanks. It’s alright.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t stay in touch with you like I promised.”
Stop.
At his words, your heart began to pump in that familiar way you didn’t want it to, and you tried to swallow it down. You were not going to feel that again right in front of him, not when it took you years to fend it off, not when you were still struggling some nights to push it away.
“It’s alright,” you said again. “Hajime gave me updates of you too, not that I needed them. You’ve been plastered on every channel and magazine in the country, after all.” You offered him as much of a smile as you could muster up.
Oikawa rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. “I wouldn’t say every one of them,” he chuckled softly. His voice sounded as calm as the stream under the bridge looked, and it didn’t feel right to you.
The old Oikawa wouldn’t have brushed aside his passion or settled for anything less than saying he was the topic of every sports update in the world. The old Oikawa would have bursted with pride and shoved one of those magazines in your face with him gracing the cover like the smug idiot he was. He would have shamelessly said, “Look and tell me whose name is in largest print.” If you had answered with the title of the magazine, he would have pouted and said, “I meant the name of a person, Y/n!” and you would have laughed.
You clenched your jaw in realization at what you were thinking. Why were you still so focused on every aspect of him like this? You hated how it was drilled into you to remember all his traits without even meaning to.
You’d gotten past everything you used to love about him, hadn’t you?
Letting out a breath, you rested your cheek in your palm and turned to him. “You look like you’re doing really well for yourself, Oikawa.” It was more of you speaking your thoughts out loud than actually telling him, so you couldn’t help the bittersweet tone that came with it.
“I...” Oikawa looked like he was thinking about something and paused. You waited patiently for him to speak. “I’ve been trying,” he finished, his voice barely audible. You wondered what exactly that meant – wasn’t it a given he was always trying? – but didn’t question it.
“Well,” you said, leaning down to take the grocery bag and straightening up, “if that’s the case, keep going. You’re getting right where you always wanted to be. I’m very happy for you.” You smiled more at him than you had all night and it didn’t even feel forced.
You meant what you said. You really were happy for him. If he was reaching those tortuous dreams that he chased after for as long as either of you could remember, how could you not be happy for him? You were proud every time you saw his name in headlines or his face on screen, no matter how lonely the thought of him still made you feel. His happiness outweighed all of the sadness that could come from your last memories of him. Even after all this time, your heart still decided that he mattered most and you still couldn’t help it. Maybe that’s why, with him in front of you now, it still hurt so much.
“Y/n–”
“I should head home. My family’s waiting for these groceries to make dinner.”
“Y/n–”
“I’ll see you around, Oikawa. Okay?”
“Y/n.”
You flinched and paused in your attempt to escape, cursing silently. So close. You were so close to snapping and so close to getting out of there before he would be able to see. But luck had never been on your side when it came to Oikawa. Figures it wouldn’t be now.
“I just...I wanted to ask you something.” You listened to him search for his words without turning around. If you saw his face and had to put up a front to seem like you were okay for much longer, you didn’t know how far you could take it. As he stuttered for a couple seconds, something in you clicked. “Do you think we can–”
“No.”
Oikawa stepped closer to you. “I haven’t even–”
“I know what you’re going to ask, and the answer right now is no.” As aching as it felt to say it, you forced it out. You felt like your legs were about to buckle and your arm reached out to grip the railing. Why did he always make you feel so weak in the knees, all the way through your bones and down to your blood?
“...‘Right now?’”
You inhaled slowly and lowered your head to get some oxygen to your brain. “Let’s just pick up where we left off. Let’s just...try to be on speaking terms again. Or something.” Your other hand tightened around the grocery bag and you exhaled. “I’m sorry, but that’s all I can give right now. I have to go.”
You walked off without looking back and forced yourself to keep your head up, knowing full well he was probably watching your back until you were out of sight. If he had been the one to turn away first, you would have stared after him the entire time, too.
When you got to your house, you put the groceries away and told your family you would study a bit before dinner. You closed the door to your room and flopped onto your bed, your head spinning.
You didn’t actually know what he was going to ask, but you knew it had something to do with either one of two things. He was going to ask you to be friends with him again or to be with him again.
It couldn’t have been that last one. Even if it was, your answer would still have been the same. Hell, even if it was the first one, you would have answered the same. You didn’t know what you wanted yet when it came to him. The two of you had tried to keep talking during those first few months apart and look how quickly that fizzled out; you should have seen it coming, anyway.
You threw an arm over your face, physically and mentally exhausted from the entire day, and wondered why your heart wouldn’t slow down. You wondered why you still felt giddy when Oikawa said your name. You wondered why the gods suddenly decided to grant your plea of seeing him today so quickly when they’d never answered your wishes for him to come back when he first left. You wondered how it could possibly be fair that even after almost four years, all it took was one day of Oikawa Tooru for you to go back to feeling the same desperation you’d always had for him despite all your efforts not to.
You idiot, you finally berated yourself. A tear slipped down your cheek and you felt your eyes start to dampen against your arm. You’re still in love with him.
–––––––
“Dammit,” Iwaizumi cursed. You watched in amusement as he dragged his hands down his face. “I knew there was something I was forgetting to tell you.”
You raised an eyebrow at him and sipped your tea. “Hm.”
“Sorry. Should’ve given you a heads-up. He’s been here a few weeks now.” He shook his head and leaned back in his seat across from you. “Are you okay?”
You shrugged, glancing around the cafe. The two of you had made this your weekend meetup spot whenever you both happened to be back in Miyagi during your first college years, and it just became your habitual hangout space. “We just talked for a little bit. He didn’t even know I was here. There’s nothing to not be okay over.”
Except that you still love him, reminded your inner voice. You suddenly wondered if you should tell Iwaizumi about your newfound realization.
As fate would have it, the man himself came walking through the doors just then and stopped when he saw you at the table nearest him.
Speak of the devil, you thought.
Iwaizumi waved him over to sit and Oikawa stood there like he was waiting for you to give the word.
“What are you doing? Sit down,” Iwaizumi said.
Oikawa hesitated then slowly pulled out the empty chair in the middle. You scooted over to even out the spacing between the three of you.
“So you talked to Y/n before I gave you the go-ahead,” Iwaizumi said flippantly. You looked at Oikawa, who flinched. “What’s that about, Shittykawa?”
Oikawa fumbled with his fingers before placing them in his lap. “I didn’t plan on it,” he defended. “I just ran into her. Don’t get mad at me for that.”
Iwaizumi studied him with skepticism.
“It’s okay, Hajime,” you said with a small laugh. “I don’t think he expected it to happen any more than I did.”
Oikawa gave you a grateful smile and you politely returned it. Iwaizumi looked between the two of you and sighed. “Fine, but if either of you make the other upset, I’ll have to deal with it, so don’t give me the trouble of that.”
You and Oikawa shared another smile at Iwaizumi’s supposed distress, and after that everything seemed to slow down. Time rewinded and the three of you gradually slipped back into the same rhythm you had as teenagers, tossing inside jokes back and forth like an old cassette tape dusted off.
It was surreal. You didn’t expect it to feel so natural. Maybe it was Iwaizumi’s neutral presence that made all the difference, or maybe it was that you just had to get over the initial shock of seeing your first heartbreak in the flesh again. Whatever it was, a feeling tingled your spine as you remembered how much you loved seeing Oikawa look happy in front of you.
You simply watched as the two of them began to talk, catching up fervently on life here and abroad. Oikawa spoke animatedly and waved his hands around to gesture along with his stories, and every time his eyes darted over to you, you felt your heart start to pick up pace and would look away. You felt like you could watch him this way forever, and you didn’t even know what he was talking about. It was like nothing reached your ears because your senses were so full of just taking in the sight of him. You were still trying to wrap your head around the fact that he was even here because every time it hit you, your heart slammed on the brakes.
After leaving the cafe, you split from them to go home and study. Oikawa looked like he wanted to say something to you and you lingered for a few seconds to see what it was. He opened and closed his mouth a few times but nothing came out except “See you later, Y/n.”
You couldn’t explain why you felt disappointed at that. It wasn’t like you were expecting something more, or anything at all for that matter. You nodded and waved goodbye to Iwaizumi, then left in the opposite direction.
As you walked home, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were falling into the same place you’d been trying to crawl out of. It wasn’t logical, the way Oikawa made you fall so deeply for him all over again by just being near you. The entire time you’d sat there, hadn’t you been wanting to slip your hand around his arm?
Nothing made sense. You wanted to move on but couldn’t cut off the way you missed being close to him. You felt content just knowing he was here but scared to think what that would mean for you. Even if he was back now, it only meant there would be an end to it when he’d leave again. What would happen then?
Everything you felt when he first broke it off flowed into your mind like a film reel gone loose, memories spilling over each other as you tried to contain them. But it was too much back then and it was still too much now. You didn’t know if you had it in you to feel all of that all over again. You knew you still loved him. You just didn’t know if you had what it took to reach him.
–––––––
“She what?”
“Are you even listening to me?” Iwaizumi slapped a hand against the back of Oikawa’s head.
“Iwa-chan! Ow!”
“Stop making me repeat myself.”
“I just asked a question!”
“And you heard me the first time,” Iwaizumi shot back. “I said she didn’t really go back to normal until after she came to California.”
Oikawa stopped wincing. “Y-you never told me she went to California. With you?”
“She came to visit during her semester break when I was there. It was her vacation.”
“Oh.” Oikawa couldn’t help but feel left out at this news about you. You’d gone to California with Iwaizumi? Just the two of you? He knew your friendship still remained with each other even after he left, but he didn’t know how much closer you’d gotten since then. He wondered why it made him feel so jealous all of a sudden. You weren’t even his to be jealous over anymore, yet he felt so nonetheless.
“Don’t look so wounded,” Iwaizumi groaned.
“W-wounded?” Oikawa repeated. “I’m not!” They kept walking and Oikawa studied the ground, kicking the occasional stone ahead of him and frowning. He knew it was obvious that he was bothered but he couldn’t control himself from hiding it. He could never control himself when anything was about you. At the very least, that hadn’t changed.
“It was good for her, Oikawa.”
He looked at Iwaizumi, who was staring straight ahead with a pensive look on his face.
“She really needed it. She needed to remember that losing you wasn’t losing herself. It helped her move on.” Iwaizumi chuckled to himself. “You should’ve seen the change in personality after I got back,” he told him. “When I first left, she was this little gray raincloud who barely left her room, and she still kind of was when she visited me, so I tried to force her out and go sightseeing. But when I got back, she was the first one to greet me at the airport and helped cook me a welcome home dinner. I couldn’t believe it, you know? It was like she was even happier than when we first knew her. She was completely...how should I say it, brightened up?”
The words sank into Oikawa’s brain and he didn’t say anything. Brightened up, huh? He didn’t doubt it. You’d always been the brightest to him. That was the best part about you and something he used to think he’d never have to share with anyone else. Looked like you hadn’t changed much in the end, either.
He always wondered how you really were after he left. Your generic messages never fooled him into thinking you were ever as cheerful as they sounded. He wondered if you thought about him as often as he did you. You had no idea how much it hurt every night he went to sleep while he was away, still thinking about you and all the what ifs that could have been. And during all that time, Iwaizumi got to see the true you while you put up a filter towards Oikawa?
Dammit. This was bitter as hell and Oikawa knew he had no right to care, but how could he not when he was still in love with you?
He hadn’t broken up with you out of emptiness. It was the complete opposite of that. He’d broken up with you while he was still very much in love with you, and that’s what made it worse. If anything, he wished he’d fallen out of love because maybe then it wouldn’t have hurt so bad. Maybe then he would’ve been able to move on without remembering every word you said to each other on quiet, late nights, or every shy grab made for the other’s hand, every kiss he peppered on your face when he won a match for you. Maybe then he would’ve been able to be as happy as you were when Iwaizumi was there since Oikawa couldn’t be.
“Is Y/n–” Oikawa started, then coughed. “Does she... have someone right now?”
Iwaizumi cocked his brow. “Why does that matter to you?”
“It doesn’t, really. Well, it shouldn’t. But it does. But I don’t know why. But I still wanna know.” He raked his hands through his hair, ruffling the brown waves that still stuck out prettily. “Ah, but you don’t have to tell me. Not my business, is it?” He laughed half-heartedly.
Iwaizumi sighed. “You make things so much more difficult than they have to be,” he said. “If you wanted to know, you could have just asked her.”
“Iwa-chan, what makes you think I can do that?”
“Why not? It’s not like you still have feelings for her.” Iwaizumi glanced at him.
Oikawa nervously looked away.
“Hey...don’t tell me you still have feelings for her.”
Silence.
“Oikawa!”
“What?” he cried.
Iwaizumi gaped at him in disbelief. “You...after all this time, you’re still in love with her?”
Oikawa chewed on his lip and shrugged.
“Shittyka–” he sputtered, “w–what’s wrong with you?” Iwaizumi was fuming. “You didn’t even bother to tell me this, you jerk?”
“She wasn’t really the main topic of our conversations!”
“That’s because I didn’t think you wanted to talk about your ex-girlfriend but here you were still being all in love with her!”
“Stop yelling at me!”
“I can’t even....” Iwaizumi had stopped walking and was staring as he shook his head slowly. “You’re just the worst with this. This is why I need to have an eye on you in person because you slink around trying to hide everything like always.”
Oikawa’s face scrunched up as he took every word like a bullet to the chest. “I just didn’t want to admit it out loud,” he confessed. “I thought I’d get over it by myself if I tried hard enough. But it didn’t happen. And then you told me she was passing exams, she was graduating, she got into medical school...she was progressing so much and I wanted to do the same. I didn’t want to be the only one stuck behind, Iwa-chan.” His breath caught in his throat and he closed his eyes as he felt his pulse speed up. It all suddenly hit him just how desperately he had tried to get over you but how impossible it had been. He brushed his sleeve over his face and swallowed. He wasn’t going to cry.
“You’re comparing yourself to Y/n now?” Iwaizumi asked gently. “You’re not stuck anywhere, Oikawa. What’s been going on with you over there? Leaving Japan must’ve messed you up more than you already were if it makes you see her as competition.” He lightly shoved his best friend’s arm then took on a serious tone. “Look, I won’t tell you to stop loving her because that’s not something you just shut off. And since it’s your stubborn ass, it would probably take a millennium for that to even start fading.”
Oikawa didn’t respond to the sarcasm.
“But...I have to tell you this as both your friend and hers.” Iwaizumi stepped in front of him to meet his eyes directly. “I saw her go through all that hell after you left. It was really bad for a long time. This is only gonna pull her back down.” He crossed his arms. “You can’t tell her. You absolutely can’t tell her. Got it?”
Just barely, Oikawa nodded. He was never someone to say what he was really thinking flat out unless he was forced to the edge, but that’s exactly why his mind floated off to entertain the thought of telling you. You pushed all his buttons and he couldn’t hold himself back when it came to you. Everything in him wanted to pour itself out, still belonging to you the same way it always had. For the past twenty-four hours, he’d been fighting off instinct to keep from bundling you against him.
But as much as it pained him, he knew Iwaizumi was right. Who was he to bring you back to the hellhole he’d dropped you into in the first place? Who was he to upset the balance you so clearly found for yourself when he was still walking the rope to the past? He didn’t deserve to take the smile away from your face or draw your focus away from your goals, not when you’d gone through all that you had just to let him chase after his. He hated to admit it, but who was he to deny you the same things he stupidly gave you up for?
Who was Oikawa Tooru to tell you he loved you when he had been the one to leave you?
–––––––
That night, you got a text from Iwaizumi to grab some dinner. It was the night before you were going to head back to Tokyo, so you were taking a study break to get your bags ready. You were tired from hours of reading and hadn’t eaten yet, so you figured you might as well go meet him to wake yourself up.
You arrived at his house to see none other than Oikawa sitting at the kitchen table with a mouthful of pizza.
Freaking hell, you thought, frozen for a moment. Persistent bastard.
While you forced yourself to walk past him and muttered curses in your own head, Iwaizumi came around the corner with a towel around his neck.
“Well, look who’s here,” he said.
You gave him a tired smile and sank onto his couch. He took a slice of pizza from the table and handed it to you.
“Where is everyone?” you asked him. Usually his mom greeted you the moment you walked in the door.
“Shopping,” he said. “Said they wanted to buy Oikawa some gifts before he leaves.”
“You’re leaving?” The words tumbled out and you sat up straighter before you could think about it. You immediately clamped your mouth shut, bracing yourself for them to point out the urgency you so clearly heard in your voice.
Why did you sound so desperate, you idiot? you internally screamed. But they either didn’t hear or didn’t care. Or they took pity and ignored it for your sake. In either case, you were mortified.
“In a few days,” Oikawa answered without missing a beat. Somehow he didn’t seem to notice your inner turmoil. “I’ve been here a couple weeks but I still have some time left.” He seemed to ponder something before sneaking a small smirk at you. “You already want me gone that badly, Y/n?”
He really didn’t have to ask it that way.
You clenched your jaw at the way your heart throbbed, the question hitting a little too close to home. It felt like he was poking open an old wound and it stung.
Ignoring the pain in your chest, you composed yourself quickly. “It’s none of my business what you want to do and when,” you managed to say for lack of a better answer.
“But I asked you what you want.”
Pain in my ass. Now you care what I want?
You gritted your teeth and slouched back into the couch cushions, drawing your knees to your chest and wolfing down the pizza in your hand. “I want you to give me another slice before you end up eating the whole thing without sharing the rest of it.” Your mouth was still full as you spoke, cheeks protruding as you gave him the most direct command you could.
Oikawa stifled a laugh and handed you a piece, watching you take a big bite.
“Sheesh. Hungry much?” Iwaizumi broke in.
You glared at him. “Give me a break. I haven’t had anything besides that tea all day,” you said, flopping sideways to let your head fall on a pillow. Mental fatigue suddenly wrapped around your body and you regretted ever lying down. You were so tired you didn’t know if you could get up now, and you still had this whole slice to devour. It looked bigger the more you stared at it and you wondered if you’d have to ask Iwaizumi to eat half.
“I knew it,” he grumbled. “You’d starve if I didn’t tell you to eat here.”
“She doesn’t eat?”
You glanced up to see Oikawa looking at you worriedly. What was with that face?
Iwaizumi scoffed. “Not unless you remind her. Y/n, I told you to set alarms on your phone.”
“I do.”
“And?”
“And then I shut them off when it rings.”
Iwaizumi groaned and took a seat next to Oikawa at the table. “Hopeless, Y/n. Both of you are hopeless, testing the limits of the human body.”
“I like to binge study, Hajime!” you argued. “It gets everything done at once and then I’m free to eat afterwards.”
“Yeah, sure, med student who’s supposed to know the most about health here.”
“Shh,” you drawled out with a wave of your hand.
After a while, you had finally eaten the entire slice yourself and cursed whoever had cut them so large. The pair at the table were talking about volleyball with the TV on and you slowly started to tune them out. Post-meal sleepiness began to seep in and your eyelids grew heavy as you curled into fetus position and easily drifted off, lulled to sleep by the comforting sound of Oikawa’s voice.
–––––––
Honestly, they kind of forgot you were on the couch behind them. It wasn’t until Iwaizumi stood to take the empty pizza box to the trash that he brought a finger to his lips in a hushing motion.
Oikawa turned around and saw you huddled up in a ball on the far side of the couch, head propped on a pillow against the armrest. He just looked at you as you laid there, your expression the most peaceful he’d seen it since...well, since the last time you two slept side-by-side. Eons ago, practically.
When he heard the door close, he slowly got up and made his way to the couch, then sank down to one knee so he was level with your face.
You looked angelic. Oikawa couldn’t believe how you looked even more beautiful than when he’d last been home with you. It made it even harder to accept that he’d been missing out on you like this for the past few years. His heart ached and his chest seized up as he thought about all the nights you hadn’t looked like this – nights you’d spent crying over him, losing sleep to him, all because he thought that letting you go was right. He couldn’t imagine how tear-stricken your face must have been when you were alone that way, and he didn’t want to. It always hurt him to think of you being so upset and even more to remember that he was the cause of it.
The way your breaths came so evenly now was proof to him that he shouldn’t worry over you anymore. You were stronger than he was. You always knew how to take care of yourself. Oikawa could admit he was stubborn, but there was something more pure about how headstrong you were that always made him wish he was like you.
In you, he saw the better version of himself. You always made him strive to be his best, not in the toxic way he was so used to but in a way that would make you proud of him. Oikawa only ever wanted to make you proud of him, to be happy to be with him, yet he couldn’t even accomplish that much. He’d given up on you when all you’d ever done was push him forward.
Oikawa rested an arm on his other leg and raised his hand to move your hair out of your face.
“Tooru....”
He froze midair and his eyes widened like orbs.
What did you just say?
He dropped his hand and leaned in closer to see if you’d say it again. A large part of him prayed desperately that you would. Hearing you call him Oikawa while you called his best friend Hajime had been leaving a sour taste in his mouth, not that he could interject about it.
But you’d said his name just now. His first name. The name you called him by when you still loved him. Were you dreaming about him? He wasn’t just hearing things, was he? There was no way he could have misheard if his heart was pumping this fast.
The longer he held his breath, the less likely it seemed you’d say it again. He tilted his head to match the angle of yours and smiled to himself when he saw you drooling onto your sleeve. You really were cute no matter what you did.
He swallowed and locked Iwaizumi’s voice inside a box in his brain as he bent forward and pressed his lips to your temple, smoothing your hair back with one hand so he could kiss you right in the center. It was a light kiss, and he lingered on it for a moment before pulling back and sighed. He didn’t deserve to do this.
His thumb vaguely brushed against the top of your lip when the door opened and he jolted upright, almost falling on top of you while he regained his balance.
Iwaizumi came over to look at your sleeping figure. “She’s going back to Tokyo tomorrow,” he said. “She has an exam this week. We should probably call it a night.”
“Is she just going to sleep here?”
“No.” Iwaizumi turned his back and started cleaning up the plates on the table. “You can take her home, right?”
It took Oikawa a second to register that. “What?”
“Don’t tell me you can’t remember where she lives,” Iwaizumi muttered. “Literally a short walk from here, sheesh.”
“Of course I remember!” he retorted. “I just...wonder if she’d be okay with me doing it.”
“She’s on your way home from here,” sighed Iwaizumi as he piled the dishes into the sink and began to rinse. “You two would be going in the same direction anyway. I know how you feel right now, but don’t make a big deal out of it.”
With another glance down at you, Oikawa weighed the pros and cons.
Pros. I get to spend time with her, try talking to her, and tell her I still love h–
He frowned and ignored the end of that thought. Iwaizumi would be livid if he did that, and he didn’t even know how you’d react.
Cons. She either won’t talk to me, run away from me, take another route, or grumble the entire way. Well, she’s still cute when she grumb–
He shook his head to cast that last thought out. Was his mind always this overactive?
“Oikawa.”
He looked up to see Iwaizumi now scrubbing soap on the plates.
“Take her home, but remember what I said. No confessing.”
“Iwa-chan–”
“Don’t force it on her. Please.” Iwaizumi looked so genuinely concerned for you that Oikawa felt another wave of jealousy wash over him. If anyone had the right to tell him to keep his boundaries with you, it was Iwaizumi, but it still made Oikawa puff his cheeks out in annoyance. Even by his best friend, he never liked to be hindered.
“Fine,” he muttered. “I’ll just have to prove it to her another way.”
“What do y–”
“I’m going to win her back from you, Iwa-chan.”
The water stopped running and Iwaizumi held his soap-sudded hands over the sink, narrowing his eyes. “First of all, she’s not even mine,” he hissed, obviously trying not to wake you to this secret conversation. “You’re making a competition out of nothing again, idiot. Second of all, that’s selfish. How many times do I need to say it? What if she doesn’t want to get back with you? Don’t you know she already had a hard enough time trying to get over you?”
“Then I’ll make it so she doesn’t have to think about those times anymore.”
He glared at him. “You’ve gone mad, Oikawa. Why do you never understand when enough is enough?”
“Because she’s the one who asked me to do this!” he whisper-shouted. “I want her. She’s the only one I want. She asked me to never regret anything I do to get what I want, and if I don’t get her back I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. I don’t care if it’s selfish. I won’t give up a second time while I have this chance again.”
Iwaizumi stared at him in disbelief. “You’ve already decided you’re going to do this, haven’t you?”
Oikawa nodded.
Iwaizumi let out air between his teeth. “I can’t stop you. I can only tell you what I think. I’m just trying to be the best friend I can for both of you. If you’re going to act on your own, the best I can do is wait and see what happens.” He leaned against the counter, defeated but smiling. “However you do it, Oikawa, just don’t hurt her.”
He swore it harder than the first time he swore he was yours. “Never again.”
–––––––
It was cold. You were trudging home next to Oikawa with some space between you, trying to blink away the sleep from your eyes and wishing you’d brought a jacket.
“Here.” Oikawa slid his off and handed it to you. You glanced at the emblem on the collar. It was his professional team jacket.
“You don’t have to–”
“I want to.” He thrusted it towards you. “Take it.”
You hesitantly grabbed it and slid your arms into the sleeves, saying, “Thanks.” Your heart skipped a beat as you were enveloped in its warmth and noticed that it smelled like him. Wearing it suddenly gave you a sad sense of nostalgia as you briefly thought about all the times he used to sneak up behind you for a hug, dropping his clean, white-and-turquoise jacket on your head to block your view of him. You wondered where that jacket was now, especially since it used to be your favorite one to steal from him.
Oikawa shoved his hands into his pockets. “Not the first time you’ve forgotten to wear layers. Iwa-chan was right, you really do test your body’s limits.”
“You’re the last person I want to be hearing that from.” You meant it to be a joke but suddenly braced yourself when you realized the implication. Knowing Oikawa, he could easily snap at that. You snuck a peek at him, expecting him to tense up and get defensive, but all he did was smile.
“I guess you’re right,” he laughed half-heartedly. “I shouldn’t get on you for something I’m guilty of.”
You tilted your head. He sounded like he was referring to something else but you couldn’t tell what.
As you passed the neighborhood park, Oikawa paused and turned towards the playground. “Hey, come sit with me for a second.”
You didn’t say anything and followed as he sat on a swing. You took the one next to him and gripped the chains through the jacket sleeves that ran long past the length of your arms. You pushed off the ground enough to move back and forth, dragging your feet behind you as you waited for him to speak first.
Oikawa sucked in a breath. “Are you seeing anyone right now?”
You stopped swinging. That wasn’t a question you were expecting. “I’m not.”
He nodded. “Oh.” His hand gripped the chain of the swing harder and you watched his knuckles turn white against the darkness. “That’s...good to hear.”
“How come?” You couldn’t help the narrowing of your eyes in case he was trying to imply something you didn’t care to hear.
“Nothing!” he said hurriedly, putting his hands up in innocence. “I didn’t mean that it’s good you don’t have anyone like that now. I mean, that you’re not in a relationship. Ugh, what am I saying?” He ruffled his hair through his hands, squeezing his eyes shut in regret. “I just meant that it makes it easier to tell you what I want to.”
When he looked at you, you said nothing and just waited for him to go on. The silence that stilled between you grew heavier, and something in you sensed an impending pressure in whatever he was about to say.
He took another breath and held your gaze. “Y/n,” he said softly, “I’m still in love with you.”
You looked at him as if you hadn’t heard correctly.
What was that again? your mind wanted to ask.
“I–” You didn’t know what to say. Suddenly, your heart went racing and pounded against your ribcage, almost ready to jump out at your feet. A million words got tangled up on your tongue as you frantically tried to pick the right one out to answer his pleading eyes. “I don’t understand.”
Oikawa studied the ground. “Iwa-chan didn’t want me to tell you,” he admitted. “But I had to tell you. I wanted you to know. I know I don’t have any right to say this, but I tried to stop. Really. I tried to move on after I left because I thought it would be best for both of us.”
Your mouth was just hanging open as he carried on, your mind trying to make sense of what he was saying as if you were running behind two paces slower than real time.
He seemed to take your silence as a response itself and folded his hands in his lap, voice shaking. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to,” he offered.
You could hear the smile in his voice but you knew it wasn’t a true one. You wanted him to look at you so you could see it wasn’t real. But you couldn’t see clearly in the shadows of the trees around you, and you damned those beautifully messy bangs that swept in front of his eyes and shielded him from you.
Once you found your words, your throat felt dry. “You shouldn’t have decided on your own what would be best for both of us,” you chided softly. “But then again, I shouldn’t have gone along with it just like that.” You sighed to yourself. “So...what happened, then? If you’re saying this now, why’d you stop contacting me?”
Oikawa swung lightly back and forth, fumbling with his fingers. “I just lost track,” he answered. “Volleyball picked up. I signed with the team. It was a lot more time-consuming than I thought it would be and I don’t remember how it went by so fast, to be honest. By the time a year passed, it didn’t feel right to reach out to you again and pick up where we left off like nothing happened.” He paused and stopped moving, seeming to debate something else. He went on, “I didn’t want you to reject me...or not even answer at all.”
That made you frown. “So you let it go because you were scared of being hurt?”
Oikawa seemed to wince at your words and you knew that’s exactly what it meant.
“Well,” you chuckled lightly, “I can’t blame you. I mean, I didn’t reach out either. I just assumed we fell out of it and figured it might as well end there.”
“I didn’t want it to.” He finally looked at you. “I still–I wanted to talk to you...I missed you.”
“That makes two of us,” you agreed, forlorn. “But we don’t always get what we want, do we?”
“That’s why I’m telling you this,” he reasoned. “I still want it. I want us to have what we did before.”
You studied him closely, trying to figure out why he was so earnest. “What’s up with you?” you asked, confused. “You wanted this, and I get why you did. You wanted us to grow by ourselves without worrying about the other, right? So why do you still want it? Aren’t we doing our best on our own now? So... everything’s fine already.”
Even as you said it, something inside you bitterly reminded you that nothing was fine, not while he was around. With Oikawa near you, your cells felt like they’d pop, your head spun like you forgot everything else existed except him, and your heart throbbed so much you couldn’t fathom how it still beat a steady rhythm. What about any of that was fine? What was so fine about being turned completely upside down just by one person?
“Our best,” he murmured after you. “I know you are. I mean, you’re you. You’ve always been cool like that.” He let out a heavy breath. “I guess I’ve tried my best but at some point, it changed, you know?”
“Not really,” you admitted.
Oikawa laughed softly. “I guess you wouldn’t,” he agreed, turning up to the sky. “It’s hard to explain. I always wanted to be my best. To be the best. Then somewhere along the way, I stopped wanting to be better just for the sake of showing everyone else.” He locked eyes with you then and wouldn’t let yours go, and you felt your chest tighten as he took the last of your heart that tried to hold back from falling. “I only want to be the best I am for you. You’re the only one who matters to me.”
“Oikawa–”
“I love you, Y/n. I never stopped.”
Your breaths shortened and you tried to bring more air to your lungs. You lifted both hands to your face out of sheer disbelief that you were hearing any of this right now, and your eyes squeezed shut behind your fingers.
“Hey, eyes up here.”
At the gentle sound of his voice and his familiar words for you, you felt him slowly lower one of your hands away from your face. You opened one eye and saw him smiling sadly at you.
Tooru...why do you look so lonely?
He almost looked unsure of himself, like he was scared of what would happen now that he’d laid it out bare for you. But you realized he must be more desperate than scared when he asked you so openly, “What do you say, Y/n? Give me this chance again?”
It had to be a yes or no answer. You didn’t have room to avoid it, not when the question was so clear.
“I....” You couldn’t believe what you were about to say to him, how you were going to answer this boy who was the only love of your life. “I can’t say yes right now.”
For a second, he didn’t seem to register it. But then his hand left yours, slid down the chain of your swing and fell limp at his side, long fingers nearly touching the ground as his head drooped with it. You caught a glimpse of a shaky smile on his face that faltered when he looked down.
“There’s that ‘right now’ again,” he mused painfully. “Time’s really not on our side, is it?” The sadness in his voice made your heart break. You turned your head the other way to avoid looking at him, which would undoubtedly hurt even more than just hearing him crack.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered for the both of you, and you meant it. You were sorry to him for not saying what both of you wished you could say. You were sorry to yourself for not indulging in your heart because your head was trying to protect it. You were sorry for everything that never seemed to fall into place for the two of you no matter how hard each side wished it would.
You closed your eyes for a moment to keep the tears inside and slowly stood. Oikawa didn’t get up with you. You hesitated to leave but you didn’t think either of you had it in yourselves to keep talking.
“Let me think about my answer a little more, okay?”
He didn’t reply.
“I’ll be going first,” you said quietly. “I can make it home from here. Thank you for taking me this far.” Not waiting to hear if he had anything else to say, you walked away and turned out of the park, and it was only then you let your tears fall.
When you finally looked back over your shoulder, he was still sitting there, small and bent over with his fallen head in his hands. As badly as you wanted to run back and hold his hands, those hands that built up all his dreams and hardships but always touched you so gently, you just had to be alone right now.
You had to have an answer before a few days passed and he would be gone again, before anything you decided to do would be too late.
–––––––
Why was it so hard to say it?
The same question plagued your head the entire train ride to Tokyo, and it was still incessantly nagging at you as you sat in your apartment two nights later, slurping cup noodles as a reward for passing your exam despite thoughts of Oikawa threatening to push out everything you’d studied. It wasn’t much of a nutritional meal but at least you remembered to eat. Iwaizumi would have been proud.
After finishing your dinner, you sprawled out on your bed and stared at the ceiling. You hadn’t heard anything from either of them the past couple days. There was no way Iwaizumi didn’t know what happened, so you figured they must be giving you some space to think.
Unfortunately, you knew the short time frame Oikawa could wait without losing his mind, so you reached for your phone to give him the call, only to see a photo sent from Iwaizumi of Oikawa scowling at the camera. You could make out the remnants of a fallen ice cream scoop on the ground and your mouth immediately turned up into a smile that you pressed into the back of your hand. Looked like Iwaizumi not only came back to Tokyo today as well, but he’d dragged his best friend along with him.
Change of plans, then.
You rattled off a text and got up to change into something warm, grabbing the jacket draped over your chair as a last-minute thought.
You shut the light off and locked your door as you stepped out, not aware the night would make you unable to forget a thing of what was about to happen.
–––––––
When you reached Iwaizumi’s apartment, you remembered how much nicer it was compared to yours. The guy had a good lifestyle ever since graduating, and much to your chagrin, he constantly teased your competitive streak to catch up to him.
You took the elevator to his floor then knocked on his door, surprised when only Oikawa answered. There was no sign of anyone else in the apartment. It was clean as usual; there had been a time when Iwaizumi was the messiest of the three of you, but now it was the opposite.
“You were really insistent on meeting here instead,” you said. “Did you abandon Hajime somewhere?”
“Ran into his friends at the bars,” said Oikawa, sounding bored as he fell into the couch. He leaned his head on his hand, watching as you sat a little away from him. “I figured this was a better place to talk. I’m staying here until my flight tomorrow so I don’t have to worry about coming from Miyagi.”
Tomorrow. You swallowed and remembered his few days were up now, and it made you even more nervous than you already were.
Instead of responding, you just nodded. He was right, it was more comfortable here than a cafe or somewhere else in public, for sure. You would have asked to meet at your apartment, but you didn’t know how you felt about having a world-famous volleyball player see your tiny living space, no matter who he was to you. It was just a pride thing. Or a defense mechanism. You didn’t know which.
“Is that my jacket?”
Following his pointed finger, you unfolded his jacket that you had tucked under your arm.
“Oh, right,” you said, handing it to him. “I accidentally took it with me. Force of habit.” You didn’t know why you added that last part.
“Don’t worry,” he replied, setting it beside him. “Is that all you wanted to meet for?” You could already see the anxiety in his eyes when he asked that, and you knew that he knew the answer was no.
“I’ve thought about it,” you replied. “Especially because you had the nerve to tell me all of it right before a major exam, so it’s all I’ve been thinking about.” You gave him a fake, glaring side eye and he offered an apologetic smile. Your palms began to sweat and you rubbed them on your sleeves, crossing your arms. “I...I feel the same way as you,” you managed to get out. “I think I’ve known that this entire time you’ve been gone. The truth is, being with you makes my life better than being alone.”
Oikawa inhaled sharply and scooted closer to you. You looked at his wide eyes and clenched your jaw, cutting him off as he opened his mouth to speak.
“But I can’t.” You shook your head. “I can’t do it, Oikawa.”
He frowned deeply. “W-why not?”
Because it hurts, you wanted to say. “I trusted you.” It came out as a whisper and you dug your nails into your arms. “You just...left me out of nowhere and didn’t even give us a chance to work it out.”
You were staring down at your lap. He wasn’t moving beside you and you refused to see the expression on his face just yet.
“That, and you live across an ocean,” you continued. “My family is here. All my friends, including Hajime, are here. I’m still in school and after that, I want to work here. I can’t just leave all of that and go with you to–”
“Then don’t.”
“What?”
He grabbed one of your hands. “Don’t give them up. Let’s stop thinking we have to give things up for the sake of each other. I made that mistake already. Why don’t we just do things for us for once? Why can’t we keep what we already have and also have each other?” He squeezed your hand and laced his fingers with yours, making you look down at them, then back up at him. “I’m not giving you up again. I’m not letting you go again. You’re the only one I want.”
His boldness made your heart hurt, and you remembered that it was one of the things you loved most about him. When Oikawa set his mind on something, he always accomplished it. This time, you were it. But you didn’t know if you could let him have this.
“Would you come back to live here with me?” you asked.
His brows came undone and his grip on your hand loosened. You knew what that meant even before he gave you the same exact answer you’d given him. “I can’t right now.”
You sighed tiredly and looked away. “See, that’s exactly–”
“But I will,” he said resolutely, grabbing your chin lightly with his other hand. Your eyes widened. “I’m on a team contract right now, but give me some time. Just a few years, I promise. Let me use that time to prove first that we can be together without being...together. Wait, that doesn’t make sense. Ugh.” He dropped his hold on your chin.
Slowly, you shook your head. “No, it makes sense. Are you saying you want to be together long-distance?”
Oikawa swallowed. “Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to be with you no matter how far away you are. I don’t want to waste any more time thinking it can’t work. We can make it work. You and me, we can make anything work.”
“It didn’t work last time.”
“Only because we didn’t try, which is my fault. I shouldn’t have quit so early.”
“Oikawa–”
“I just want to be with you,” he pleaded, bowing his head and resting it against your shoulder, his voice trembling. You didn’t know what to do when he was being so vulnerable like this, but it ached. “Even if I’m not always here. Even if you can’t stand right next to me, I still want to be able to call you and know you’re mine. That’s all I’ve wanted the past few years. That’s why I’ll prove we can do it from far away, to ease your mind that we’re it. And then I’ll come back for you. Please, Y/n. Please let me prove it to you.”
You hesitated for a second before bringing your hand that wasn’t clasped in his up to his hair. It was so soft, as soft as you remembered when you used to comb through it with his head on your chest, and you instinctively ran your fingers through the strands, gently stroking his hair the way you knew comforted him. He moved closer to you at your touch and wrapped his arms tightly around your waist, burrowing his head further into your shoulder, his hand not letting go of yours. Your chest burned with love for him at the desperate affection he was giving you, and your lips began to move before you even knew what they were saying.
“I’m so in love with you.”
Oikawa jerked his head up and it came just centimeters away from your face, both of your wide eyes staring straight into his. Your breath hitched and you could feel his on your cheek as he stuttered, “Wha–don’t just say that out of nowhere, Y/n. Not unless you mean it.”
“I do mean it.” You kept petting his hair, brushing a few strands out of his eyes as your heart leapt into his gaze. In that one moment, you knew you would let him steal your heart like this every day if it only meant you could look into his adorable eyes forever. “Sometimes it’s cute when you’re the flustered one,” you teased sweetly.
He pouted at you, which made your mouth turn halfway up, but just as quickly, it faded into seriousness.
“Tooru...” you started, and watched his pupils practically blow out at hearing you call him by his name, “I’m in love with you. I’ve always been in love with you, so...I’ll trust you again. I want us to prove we can do this. Prove we can make it without being here together. And then...I’m trusting you to come back to me.”
Oikawa’s face seemed frozen before his mouth fell open, speechless for a moment as he crashed into your neck, his skin finally making contact with that space he used to kiss so often. You felt some wetness and tried to turn your head to see why, then realized he was crying. “I always will,” he swore breathlessly. “I love you so much, Y/n. I missed you so much. I love you. I love you.”
His hand finally released yours and you reached around him to squeeze him closer to you, letting his scent fill your nose as your fingers curled into the back of his hair and wrapping yourself around him, afraid to let go again. Even if you only had one more night together before he left again, you thanked every star in the sky for letting this time be so much different than the last. You thanked the universe with everything in you that even though he was leaving, this time he was leaving as yours and you were staying as his.
Your heart cried in your chest as you felt your own tears slip out and you buried your face in his warmth. Never again did you want to know what it felt like to not be able to be this close to him anymore. Oikawa was everything in the world to you. Maybe a few years wasn’t much in the eyes of the universe, but being without him for even that long was enough to rip you apart. And here he was, a present from that same universe, giving you the chance to piece yourself back together with him. You’d have to be an idiot to not take up the offer, a truth you realized now that your eyes were full of him.
A laugh escaped you at the thought of how much he threw you into chaos but still made everything so clear at the same time. It was so simple – had been since the day you slammed into him without knowing what a stack of fallen papers, too many bottles of juice, and a couple of train windows would lead to. No one could make you feel the way Oikawa always did. Because of it, no matter how many times you tried to hold back, your heart always ended up his and you wanted him to be no one else’s but yours.
“I love you so much, Tooru.”
–––––––
Four years later, Oikawa stayed true to his word. He did everything he ever said he would.
The first part of it was he won the Olympics. It wasn’t with his home country, but it was on his home territory, which, when you threw yourself on his back in the locker rooms to congratulate him with the biggest smile on your face, made it all the more satisfying.
The second part was he came back home for you.
You were finally graduated from medical school, interning at a hospital in Tokyo nearest the volleyball training grounds where Iwaizumi worked. After receiving countless offers from multiple agents, Oikawa signed a contract with the top professional team in Japan, ensuring he would stay with you just like he said he would after you both lasted years of long-distance.
It felt like it wasn’t real. Sometimes, when you were watching him do the most simple things around the house you now lived in together, like folding laundry or cooking dinner on nights you’d come home late from your shift, you couldn’t believe how this much happiness wasn’t all in your head. But then he’d pull you into him and nuzzle into your neck, plant kisses that trailed along your cheeks and weave his fingers so softly through your hair, and you knew that both of you put in the mutual effort to finally make it happen.
When Oikawa got down on one knee and asked you to marry him like you’d only dreamed he would, you cried into his arms and said yes.
He kept his promises to you. Just like he said he would, Oikawa proved that both of you were it, and the ring on your finger proved that time was finally, finally on your side.
