Nature and stuff:D yes now you get an absolute photo dump because yeas, took these back in spring so yea also some spooky sky pictures and pretty colours hope you enjoy em :3c
I’M ACTUALLY LOSING MY MIND OVER HOW AESTHETICALLY PLEASING THESE ARE.
YAAAASSS this was so exciting I knew RIGHT away that this was going to be my chance to write rockstar!Johanna; I only had to decide on who would be her "gal pal”. Full disclosure though, this is FULLY unedited.
Part two will be coming soon--I have basically ripped this right from an original work of mine, so it was fairly easy to get waaayyy more written than a “tiny fic.” Of course, I still got carried away, so while there isn’t much 🎸 🎸 🎸 in this part, that’s coming (promise). For now, enjoy plenty of 🥂🍾
~~~
“Hello?”
The voice on the other end of the line is croaky and dry, but it’s still music to Madge’s ears. “Well, finally!” She rolls over on the bed, twirling the phone cord around her wrist. “I swear you’re harder to get hold of than President Coin herself.”
“Madge?” suddenly the voice sounds significantly more vivacious. “The receptionist said it was someone called Ash!”
Madge laughs. “Well, then I hope this is a happy surprise?”
“Of course,” Johanna says without hesitation. “What’s up?”
“Oh, not much. I just… I wanted to see what’s up with you, actually. Do you have any plans for this Saturday?”
Even through the crackling noises of the long-distance call, she can hear Johanna’s mouth snap shut mid-yawn. “We’re back in Seven,” she says quickly. “We’ve got shows Friday and Saturday night before we hop back on the bus, next stop District Nine. Why? Are you in town? When? Where are you staying?”
Of course, Madge wouldn’t have asked unless she already knew. She’s had Jo’s tour schedule practically memorized since it began months ago. “A few of us are in town on campaign business. Paylor’s got us on a tight schedule through Friday, but we have Saturday free. I thought… well, I didn’t mean to make plans without asking, but—”
“Of course. Of course Madgie,” Johanna says. “Now where are you staying?”
“They’ve got us put up at the Pinecone,” Madge says, trying to sound upbeat about the twin beds and the scratchy comforters. “I’m here with Delly—”
“They’ve got you two to a room? Fucking hell.” She laughs, though it quickly dissolves into coughing. “Your parents must be thrilled,” she says, once she’s cleared her throat. “Pauvre Princesse.”
“Johanna,” she says, trying to sound stern. “I don’t appreciate your derision. Or your terrible French accent. Besides, it’s not so bad,” she insists. “I mean, where are you staying, the Cedarview?”
“Oh, don’t you know it,” Johanna purrs. “Only the finest for us dirty rock-n-rollers.”
“Seriously?” She doesn’t quite succeed at keeping the whine out of her voice. She stayed at the Cedarview over a decade ago with her parents, and she still dreams about it. “I was only joking. I’m so jealous.”
“Well, come stay over,” she says, matter-of-factly. “I’ll tell them to leave a key for you at the front desk—I won’t be back until real late Friday night, you can just show up after work and crash. Order expensive bubbly and strawberries from room service, I don’t care. Call it my treat. Or like, my pity gift to you for having to stay at the fucking Pinecone all week.”
“Oh, Johanna I couldn’t—”
“Yeah, you can.” There’s a pause. “Or is this the reputation thing again?”
Madge bites her lip. “I just… I don’t know. I don’t want to be reckless.”
She knows Johanna understands. They’ve been the best of friends since they were twelve years old, since they met at summer camp when they were both sent to the director for punching a boy. Only Johanna had actually punched anyone, but Madge had stood beside her in defending a young girl from the little bully. Her parents were horrified, but Madge kind of liked the reputation the incident earned her among the other campers.
Now, however, she had to be much more careful with her reputation. If her political dreams are ever going to be realised, she can’t afford the scandal of being seen as the one-time lover of the lead singer of Vicious—no matter that she and Johanna are only friends. She already has enough to contend with being an Undersee.
“Alright,” Johanna says, in a tone that brokers no room for argument. “The Cedarview is fucking ritzy; if they don’t know discretion, no one does. I won’t tell them your name, I’ll just tell them to look for a cute blonde in a navy bucket hat. You packed your hat, right?”
Madge almost laughs. “I packed three. That one included.”
“Perfect. Then your identity will be remain our little secret.”
She bites her lip against her smile, already so excited for Friday. “Lovely. Thanks so much, Jo.”
“No problem Madgie-moo. Now I’ve gotta scram—I’m supposed to be resting my voice.”
“Hot lemon water and honey,” Madge says automatically. “No excuses.”
Johanna groans. “Yes ma’am.”
“Bye, Johanna.”
“Au revior, Madgérine.”
Delly comes back from the pool early, while Madge is still packing her valise.
Her big brown eyes light up, and she does a little shimmy as she enters the hotel room. “Oooh are you heading out overnight?”
Madge smiles, giving a prim nod. “Just to see a friend, sorry it’s not more salacious. She’s just in town tonight and tomorrow morning, her work schedule is pretty busy.”
Delly makes a sympathetic noise. “That sucks! She’ll be in town for both Vicious shows and she’ll miss both of them!”
Years of conversations like this and Madge is an old pro. She doesn’t so much as bat an eyelash. “You’re a Vicious fan?” she would not have guessed that peppy, preppy Delly would go for the punky-grungy hard rock.
She nods enthusiastically, blonde ringlets bouncing. “Totally. Gale managed to snag some tickets last minute which I am super excited about. They’re supposed to always be good live, but live in their hometown? I’m sure it’ll be out of this world.”
Madge smiles. “It will be. I saw them a couple years back, actually, they’re really fantastic live.”
Delly’s jaw drops. “You’re a fan too? I can’t believe we’re only figuring this out now! I feel so bad, Gale got extra tickets but gave them to Katniss and her boyfriend!”
Of course, Madge doesn’t tell her that she’ll be at the show tomorrow night, with no need for a ticket as she’ll be watching from backstage.
“Oh, don’t worry about it Delly. I don’t think Katniss has ever seen them before, so I’m glad she and Peeta got the tickets. Besides, I’ll be wanting to spend as much time as possible with Britt, so I’ll be with her during the show time.”
Delly still looks torn. “Well, I’m glad you have your friend. Next time! Johanna Mason’s voice is too good to miss.”
“She’ll bring the house down, that’s for sure.”
“It’s at the university stadium--outdoors,” Delly supplies, grinning. “But I’m sure you’re still right.”
~~~
Despite being used to trying to conceal her identity, it turns out Madge still isn’t very good at it.
“It works better if you tuck your hair up,” her taxi driver says, looking in his rear-view at Madge trying to figure out how to best cover her face with the hat.
She closes her compact mirror, smiling hopelessly back. “Ah, thanks. That obvious?”
The taxi clucks his tongue. “Oh, no ma’am. But I’ve driven a star or two around this city—and to the Cedarview. What do you do?”
“Oh—oh nothing. I’m just a political aide, but I may have lied to my friends about where I was going, and I don’t want to take any chances. They’re going out tonight, you see.” The lie slips out smoothly. To be sure, it’s partially true; she did lie to her friends about where she’s going, and she is a political aide. But she’s also been on television since she was born, being the daughter of one of Panem’s most famous politicians.
And of course, there’s the whole Johanna Mason thing.
The taxi smiles, not questioning her story. Not outwardly, anyway, for which Madge is grateful.
She gives him an extra-generous tip, fixing her hat once more (hair tucked up this time) as she heads up the steps to the Cedarview.
The lobby is just as grand as she remembers—which is saying something, since she hasn’t been here in many years, and memories from childhood do tend to get embellished—a perfect mix of rustic and elegant, with huge wooden beams, white marble, and silver accents.
Madge is still walking up to the front desk, not even taking the time to truly admire her surroundings, when one of the receptionists stops what she’s doing to come out to greet her. She has a key attached to a leather cord, and presses it into Madge’s hand with a professional, yet conspiratorial smile. “Miss Mason wishes me to tell you that she has given you carte-blanche with hospitality services offered here at the Cedarview, and she insists that you, and I quote ‘buy some goddamn champagne and a facemask or some shit.’” Her lips purse a little, as though the words taste strange in her mouth. She’s probably not supposed to swear within a kilometre of this building, Madge thinks. But that’s Johanna for you.
“Thank you so much—” she checks the woman’s nametag. “—Kalle. It’s been a long week, I’m sure I’ll be phoning down before too long.”
Kalle smiles, dipping her head. “We’d be happy to bring up anything you like.” When she looks back up, there’s something especially sincere in her eyes. “I’m a big fan of your father’s, and I’m becoming a big fan of yours as well, Miss.”
Well, so much for going incognito.
“Please, you may call for me personally if there’s anything we can do to improve your stay.”
Naturally Johanna is set up in a massive suite seventeen floors up—Madge is no stranger to opulence, but even so she’s a little embarrassed by how long she stands slack-jawed in the threshold.
She unzips her boots, then shamelessly tears off her socks, sighing as she digs her bare toes into the plush carpet. Her mother might call her a heathen, but Madge doesn’t care. She’s already decided that tonight is a night for hedonism, and how long has it been since she indulged?
And what better place to do it?
The whole room is cream, jade, charcoal, and silver, ornate but never ostentatious, comfortable but elegant. There’s not one but two massive crystal chandeliers, and when she crosses the room to fling apart the curtains that line the entire wall, she sees that the floor-to-ceiling windows offer a breathtaking view of the city below. Closer to the bedroom area of the suite, she can see, there’s even a balcony with wrought-iron patio furniture that looks like it would make an idyllic breakfast spot.
First things first, Madge finds the record player, modernized to connect to an electronic music library, while keeping the fun and retro look of a gramophone. Deciding it’s not possible to go wrong with Elvis, she selects a compilation album and cranks the volume, already dreaming of bubble baths and strawberries with custard as she begins looking for the room service menu.
She really takes Johanna at her word, ordering a bottle of champagne, an entire litre of strawberries, custard, a clay face mask, and a chocolate croissant. Her stomach rumbles the second she sets the phone down, but it’s time to see about that bubble bath.
Room service arrives with her goodies faster than should be possible, when Madge is waiting in a fluffy bathrobe by the tub, checking the water temperature. There are two glasses on the tray, but she puts the extra one down on the coffee table, taking the rest of her spoils to the bathroom.
She soaks in the tub, face mask on, sipping bubbly and munching away for what must be two hours. By the time Madge finally extracts herself from the lukewarm water, Elvis has transitioned into Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, and she’s equal parts tipsy and pruney.
But her belly is pleasantly full, and she feels more relaxed than she has in weeks. She owes Johanna a huge thank you for this—really, it’s just what she needed, even if she hadn’t realised.
She pours herself a glass of water and changes into her pjs, putting the uneaten berries in the fridge for tomorrow morning. It’s only ten, but she decides to brush her teeth and climb into bed—she’s been trying to get through Mrs. Dalloway for what feels like ages, and the chance to read in peace, without fear of interruption, is too good to pass up. As Delly would likely say, sometimes you have to “treat yo self.”
So she snuggles in to the layers of down and 800-thread-count sheets, plucks her crocheted bookmark out of Mrs. Dalloway… and promptly falls asleep.
The next thing she’s aware of is a sunbeam shining right against her closed eyelids, and the sound of snoring coming from beside her. Blinking blearily against the annoying little ray of light, she looks around, quickly ascertaining the source of the noise, at least.
Madge smiles. She could really make a fortune at the tabloids if she’d just brought her camera—she knows it wouldn’t be hard to find a pap who would pay through the nose for a picture of Johanna Mason, rock star extraordinaire, hair a wild shaggy mess and drool leaking from the corner of her mouth onto her pillow. She sleeps as soundly as the dead.
Madge herself must have been out like a light when she came in, as she doesn’t remember being woken in the slightest, despite all signs indicating that Johanna moved through the room with all the grace of a tornado. It looks like she barely had time to kick her boots off and (mostly) close the drapes before she collapsed in bed last night. She’s still wearing more jewelry than Madge ever has in her life—bangles, about a billion earrings, more rings than she has fingers, and necklaces that miraculously didn’t choke her in her sleep.
She’s even still wearing her leather pants, though her shirt is discarded on the floor covered in something orange and sticky-looking, leaving Johanna in a dark green bralette, and of course the bedsheet she’s got herself right tangled into.
Madge is seized by the sudden urge to kiss her on the nose. Instead she smiles, heart swelling, and slips carefully out of bed. She knows well enough by now to let a sleeping rock star lie.
A lot of folks think that an unaccepting coming out experience is only overt hatred, disownment, or threats of hell, when that’s not always the case.
Sometimes the coming out experience is an immediate “of course we still love you!” followed by you quickly becoming the family’s dirty secret. When someone asks them how you are, they change the subject to avoid talking about you entirely. Straight siblings are allowed to do gender non-conforming things because it’s quirky but you’re not allowed because “you don’t want to look like one of those gays, do you?” Not being allowed to have pride flags, be yourself, or even mention this big part of yourself, usually under the excuse of “we are just worried for your safety.” And they seem less involved in your life now, not asking how your day was, because they’re afraid they’re going to hear about something that makes them uncomfortable. They start expecting certain things from you, like drug use or promiscuity, because that’s what they’ve been raised to associate with queerness. You’re suddenly a problem child in their eyes and their expectations and interactions with you change to match that. They treat you like a completely different person after coming out.
They say they still love you and accept you, but the message is loud and clear.
We wish you’d never told us.
We wish it wasn’t true.
Why are you complaining? We could have called you slurs and disowned you but we didn’t, you should be thanking us for even dealing with you at all.
We open to poe dameron about to fuck up a ship called a dreadnought - which is HUGE - because the rest of the rebellion is trying to evacuate. he cals hux, pretends he has no signal, makes a yo mama joke then begins blowing up the surface guns so that the ship cant destroy the bombers who are on their way to smash the ship.
leia tells him not to do the thing, he ignores her, blows up all the guns, and summons the bombers, which are these huge bulky things which move at a snails pace while tiefighters and x-wings fight around them. all but one of the bombers blows up, and the last bomber is able to drop the payload because of an asian officer we later realise is rose’s sister. rose’s sister is one of the many who die, with about five x-wings making it back. The rebellion goes to warp, finn wakes up and asks ‘where’s rey’.
Rey is exactly where we left her. she gives the lightsaber to luke, who yeets it over the edge and goes ‘fuck that shit im out’. she annoys him into accepting that she isn’t moving, then she plays the chewie card, and chewbacca trashes the shit outta the place. luke finds out han is dead, and FINALLY gets his head oudda his ass. Wont teach rey tho because kylo ren is a punk bitch who ruins everything. We see flashes of a flashy wristwatch. luke mentions kylo being a shit and talks about what happened. apparently luke confronted him about the darkness and ren went batshit. r2d2 also swears at luke repeatedly for a few seconds.
somewhere between snoke spends like five minutes roasting kylo ren and calling him a shithead while dressed in a gold bathrobe. ‘you have too much of your father’s heart’. ren smashes his helmet against the lift (rude) and yells at two officers to get his ship ready. hux is peacocking around like an asshole.
while that happens leia gives poe shit for going ahead with a mission that got people killed. Leia HITS POE. LIKE FUCKING SMACKS HIM. (rian post ur address i just wanna talk) and then demotes him for doin his job??? even tho he aint really doing his job. poe is mad as fuCK. Leia has another flashy wristwatch which is actually a tracking device so rey can find the rebellion. she gives it to finn.
We drop out of warp, and everybody is seemingly chill until the first order rocks up literally 30 seconds later, including snoke, who has his own ship like an asshole. People panic, the first order, including kylo ren, attacks, and blows up the launch bay, killing every pilot except poe and a few others, and the bridge, which holds all the generals including leia. leia uses the motherfucking force to fly through space, and makes it back to the ship. she falls into a coma, where vice-admiral/general/mauve murder baby takes charge. her idea of saving everyone is to use their remaining fuel supply to stay just out of range of their gunners, which gives them about 16 hours left.
finn wants to save rey’s life so tries to sneak out, but gets caught by rose, who’s sobbing over the loss of her sister because they dont even get time to MOURN YALL. rose sees him as a hero, then talks about how shes caught 3 deserters, then realises finn is kind-of-deserting, then stuns him. finn wakes up in a trolley and explains the situation (lack of fuel, we’re all gonna die, they tracked us through warp) and rose figures out how they could track the fleet through warp.
if finn leads rose to the weird tracking thingo, she can disable it and save the fleet. the dynamic duo go to poe, whos confused and is really trigger happy and i dont like it, but he agrees that its a good idea. They ask maz how to break in, she says shes busy, and tells them to find this gambler guy with a red flower pin at Space Vegas. the team keep the plan under wraps, with only poe, finn, rose, and a few other officers knowing about the trip. finn, rose and bb8 leave, finn having given poe the tracking device thingy to poe.
Back at it again on depression island and rey is attempting to annoy luke into teaching her. We see the weird tiddy creatures, chewy eats some porgs and rey connects with the force and finds the ancient jedi texts in a funky looking tree. lukes asks who she is and why shes here, she says shes scared of the awakening and has no idea what to do. luke decides to get his act together and teach her.
the day he goes to teach her, rey’s chillin in her room and has a vision of Space trash panda - aka kylo ren - rey calls him a shithead and ren is confused as to how they’re talking, then rey freaks out and shoots the illusion, much to the chagrin of the caretakers (who look like my grandmother). rey lies to luke when he asks about the hole in the wall.
jedi lesson number one is to reach out and feel the force. after telling luke that being a jedi is about moving rocks and breaking shit, and being called a dumbass, rey sits on a rock and shows off a shittonne of power, but also a rising dark side (the motif of this film seems to be that the stronger u get the stronger the good/evil bitchfight) which makes luke panic because ‘this was what ben was like!!!!!!!!!!!! oh no!!!!!!!!!!’ luke get ya head oudda yo ass. its also revealed that luke has shut himself away from the force somehow.
the dynamic duo is in space vegas (they illegally park on a beach) and are walking through the casino and looking for Rose Brooch Guy. rose hears a noise and recognises it as the noise of some funky lookin animal which they use to race. finn says this place is great and asks why rose hates it. rose shares her backstory as the daughter of people who lost so much under the first order. its implied that rose joined because of what happened on starkiller base. she also talks about how everyone here sells weapons to the first order and gets rich off of it. bb8 does his damn job and finds red flower guy, but they get arrested for illegally parking the shuttle on the beach and dont get a chance to talk to the guy, whos gambling with two women on his arm.
one of the support ships runs out of fuel and gets exploded. I think its the medical one first. doesnt matter shit explodes and nobody cares.
JEDI LESSON #2: the jedi suck shit. the jedi are failures and luke keeps talking about it. talks about how he failed kylo ren. rey goes that there seems to be a light inside him (ew) somewhere near here. somewhere throughout the film are a few more force-vision things. one when its raining on Jedi island, one when Ren has no shirt (he looks like a ken doll) and another (the final one) when ren talks about his perspective of that night when luke confronted him.
rose and finn get thrown in space vegas prison, and are angrily yelling abt the problems with their plan when their roommate says ‘hey yeah i can break into a maximum security first order vessel’ then subsequently breaks out of prison. while rose and finn escape, bb8 bashes a few guards over the head and kicks ass.
Rose and Finn end up in the stables of those weird elephant-horse-camel creatures, and start a stampede with the help of the child slaves stable hands by using rose’s secret rebellion ring to prove theyre good guys. the animals seem to have a connection w/rose so i guess shes incredible. the dynamic duo are trapped between a clifface and the cops, and there’s a second where the pair say their ‘goodbye’s before a ship pops up with bb8 at the door going ‘get in bitch we’re going shopping!!!’ with the thief guy from before.
uuuh i think this is where support ship #2 goes because poe picks another fight saying that the new leader is running away and being a coward. she kicks him off the bridge.
rey explores the upside down dark force place on her own, and asks the dark force to show her her parents (I shit u not) it doesnt work and she tells this to kylo’s weirdass force ghost as she sits next to a fire. rey pleads w/ kylo to join the light one last time, and holds out her hand. fingertips touch and then luke fuckin rips the hut to shreds with the force. rey and luke fight, rey continuously pushing for the truth and luke confesses to, for a second, wanting to kill ren, and it was that second of weakness that led to all of this. rey thinks that ren can be saved and fucks off to Snoke’s Party Palace, where ren currently is. She takes the falcon and leaves luke behind.
poe starts a fight with the new leader while leia’s in a coma as the rebels abandon ship for the escape pods. he takes over and locks himself in the bridge to buy finn and rose more time. finn and rose have to barter with the codebreaker by giving him the only piece of her sister rose has left (a matching pendant with huge yin-yang vibes). finn calls him an asshole. the ship that they’re flying on belongs to somebody who sold weapons to both the first order and the resistance.
rey gets chewie to drop her off @ the Party Palace and is immediately captured by Ren and gets brought to Snoke. Snoke - still in the bathrobe - is pleased and brags about how his master plan is brilliant. turns out hes the reason there was a connection between them, AND the reason for the raging struggle in kylo ren. this bitch then fucking starts torturing rey for into on where the fuck luke is, rey aint a snitch so doesn’t say shit, but makes a few attempts at killing snoke.
finn, rose, bb8, and randomass thief guy sneak onto the ship and wear disguises (including bb8, who is in an upside down trash can) to get to the tracking device thingy. however, bb8 is very unusual and attracts the attention of the first order version. thief guy uses rose’s necklace to crack open the lock, then gives it back. aww. but then they get caught by first order just as rose is about to break the tracker. not so aww. captain phasma shows up and finn is ready to start swinging.
poe’s locked down the bridge, and c3p0 is being a whiny shit and starts panicking when somebody starts lasering the door down. poe gets ready to shoot a bitch, but hesitates when he sees that it’s Our Lady and Saviour Leia. she, however, doesn’t hesitate and shoots him w/ something that causes him to go flying and knocks him out (???????)
on the rebellion ship, leia is talking to purple-hair lady - poe is being lifted into a shuttle - when purple-hair lady reveals that she’s going down w/ the ship so that the shuttles can escape. they say may the force be w/ u and leia looks longingly out the window @ her not-gf. poe wakes up, and leia explains the Master Plan. purple-hair lady knew about the tracking and had them rock up to this particular place because there’s a whole fucking planet nobody talks about that used to be a base.
rose and finn have been captured and are paraded thru the loading dock. the codebreaker sold information to the first order about the shuttles, and the ship begins firing on the shuttles.
WE INTERRUPT YOUR REGULAR SPACE FIGHT FOR SOME ANGSTY ISLAND BOI. luke goes to torch the tree where the jedi books are kept when yoda shows up (really bitch), asks wtf hes doing, then sets fire to the tree himself. theres some weirdass yoda speak of which i understood none of it but was about how failures are good teachers too (what is this motivational speaker month)
and back at it again at space fight the musical
Snoke’s still throwing rey around, then pushes her against a window so she can see the rebellion dying. he takes her/luke’s lightsaber, places it next to him, then tells kylo ren to kill her. snoke is revelling in rey being helpless, and starts monologuing kylo’s actions. ‘he turns the blade to face his true enemy’ luke’s blade shofts so it faces snoke ‘and slays his true enemy!’ a schwing, and snoke is literally a kebab. ren uses the force to DRAG THE LIGHT SABER THROUGH SNOKES FUCKIN ABDOMEN, CUTTING THAT PASTY BOI IN HALF. he gives it to rey, and then they fight snoke’s guards. its cool, there’s some teamwork, rey throws somebody in an oversized paper shredder. ren uses luke’s light saber at the end.
purple-hair lady sees that they’re going after her people and does possibly the coolest thing i’ve ever seen: she points the ship directly @ the bigass ship, and warps THROUGH IT. because there’s so little fuel, she doesn’t make it to actuasl warp, but is going fast enough that its an incredible battering ram which rips apart the ship, saving the lives of finn and rose, who are about to be executed.
the floor breaks and they’re about to get outta there when phasma’s squad rocks up. one of the first order machines takes out most of the stormtroopers, and the pilot turns out to be bb8 (yeah, dont worry, rose and finn are confused too), and he distracts them as finn and phasma face off. the floor collapses and phasma falls in. byeeeeeee
rey and ren have won, everythings on fire, and ren decides that the best way to get a girl to join your side of the moral spectrum is to tell her that her parents are drunkards buried in paupers graves (damn, all those amazing lineage theories and they go with randomass power………… sad) and that the past should burn, the rebellion should die, all of it. he holds out his hand, and rey holds out hers SIKE shes taking the lightsaber and they’re basically standing there using the force when, really, some dumbass could just, yknow, GRAB IT. they are so ~evenly matched~ that luke’s lightsaber cracks down the middle, exploding and knocking them out.
NOW WERE GOING TO THE PLANET THINGY (god it never ends) where finn and rose make a dashing entrance and are almost killed because its a first order ship but poe hears them and calls off the gunfire (then immediately asks ‘WHERES MY DROID’ and honestly? i love). theyre surrounded by not-pokemon evolutions which are better than porgs. the rebellion gets a message sent to their allies (none answer. god thats worse than a groupchat) and then realises they’re sitting ducks because there’s one way into this base on the schematics and the first order is fuckin knocking.
hux finds ren on the floor, who blames rey for the death of snoke (bitchassliar) and claims the title of supreme leader, then goes after the rebellion. the first order has super polished weapons and the rebellion only has skimmers, which are the fancy version of skateboards with nerf guns like they are severely fucked. the first order also has a gun which they use as a battering ram.
when ren sends tie fighters out there, rey and chewie swoop in on the flacon and smash all of em (bless). the ground fire, however, gets almost all the skimmers. poe orders a fall-back, but finn doesn’t listen and goes straight for the cannon, a la poe at the beginning. rose, however, swoops in last second and stops him. when finn asks why, she says that the rebellion will win by saving what they love. she KISSES HIM. then falls into a coma.
all hope is lost until the OG BITCH, THE ONE THE ONLY LUKE SKYWALKER IN THE HOUUUUUUUUSE enters like its nbd. He holds leia, kisses her forehead, gives her a trinket from the falcon (two lil gold dice which i honestly thought were dreidels), then goes ‘bitch i got this’ and just stands in the middle of the battlefield doing the equivalent of the middle finger at ren, who loses it. hux tells him to #chill, and when its revealed that luke survived all that firepower, ren goes down to do it himself.
finn wants to step in, but poe realises its a distraction, and notices that the sparkly bois arent here, so there must be a natural exit somewhere. up above, rey is using the tracker to try and find them.
outside, we figure out that ren is still a punk bitch and gets beaten by luke repeatedly. luke apologises for letting him down. ren goes on about destroying everything. luke calls him a dumbass. talks about rey being the next Jedi.
the rebels find the exit, but, lo behold, its covered in rocks. what does rey do like a fucking badass? move the damn ass rocks. FINNREY REUNION BITCHES. its cute. its v cute. theres a hug.
ren goes in for the kill. luke doesnt die. he stabs luke in the goddamn chest. luke is ACTUALLY A FORCE PROJECTION SIKE BITCH. luke fades away as the rebels escape on the falcon. the remains of whatever weirdass connection remainging between rey and kylo ignite one last time, but rey literally shuts the falcon door in his face (fuck that bitch)
the first order storm the empty base, hux is bein slim shady as fuck, ren finds the not-dreidels on the ground, which flicker out too.
cut to jedi island! luke is watching the sun go down, he smiles, cut to leia and rey pulling a face, and BAM Luke dies. hes gone. poof. his outfit blows away in the wind.
poe and rey FINALLY meet. ‘im poe dameron’ ‘im rey’ ‘i know’ finn is looking after rose (when finn grabs a cloth you can see the jedi books in the same drawer), and starin right @ her. leia sits next to rey, and they talk about luke dying. it’s not a sad death, rey says, but a peaceful one. it was his time, leia goes on. rey looks around at the twenty ish people who make up the rebellion now, and goes ‘how tf do we do this now’
CUT TO slave animal trainer baby in Space Vegas. kid has the ring and looks up at the stars. is holding a broom like a lightsaber as leia talks about hope as a spark which is slowly growing.
