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31 DAYS OF HORROR

Day 22: Nope (2022) dir. Jordan Peele You don’t turn your back on a bear. You don’t wear red around a bull. It’s like that. You don’t look at it unless you want its attention.

#nope 2022 #filmedit #userfilm #horroredit #userbbelcher #dailyflicks #moviehub #fyeahmovies #creations*#31daysofhorror #*film #*nope

Romans, citizens, countrymen, it is time for another edition of...

The Worst Movie on Netflix Right Now™

Today's banger of a movie is... Love in the Villa

This one is a little delayed cause I've been feeling like trash for a while, so please forgive me for not hitting this one while it was hot.

Anyhow, I feel like that one-sheet does a lot of talking for me.

The premise of the movie is that Julie, played by Kat Graham (The Vampire Diaries) is about to go on her long-awaited once-in-a-lifetime trip to Verona, Italy where she will finally get to see and experience all of the romance of being in the place where Romeo and Juliet actually* happened, when her boyfriend of four years, her travel companion, unceremoniously dumps her.

Undeterred by this devastating turn of events, she takes the trip anyway, showing up at what is supposed to be her charming villa, right in the middle of the famous piazza with a direct view of Juliet's actual* balcony. Only hitch is that the place has been double-booked and what a bummer it's this super hot guy, Charlie, played by Tom Hopper (The Umbrella Academy).

Oh no, what a tragedy. She's stuck with this totally stacked guy!

After determining that their only housing option is to unhappily share the one-bedroom villa (one-bedroom villa!?!?!?!), Julie's friend back home encourages her to drive Charlie out of the place. She proceeds to do so by RUINING his FUCKING life. SPOILERS AHEAD.

Julie's attacks include or result in the following:

Intentionally causing him to have a severe allergic reaction.

Locking him out of the unit.

Getting him arrested.

AND THEN when she's not even trying to hurt him any longer, but is instead just being herself and wooing him, the following additional tragedies befall him thanks to her direct assistance.

He blows a major business deal.

He gets fired.

Like... from an objective standpoint... Julie fucking wrecks this guy.

Like most lazy rom-coms, the big issue here is why these two even like each other.

Julie's whole personality is "OBSESSED WITH ROMEO AND JULIET" to which I just want to ask the writer/director, hello, have you met a woman? That's not a fucking personality.

WTF are these two actually connecting about?

Also not even once does the story wrestle with the fact that she loves her job as a 3rd grade teacher in Minnesota, and his dream is to buy a vineyard in Italy. Can someone please explain to me how these two have a future together? What EXACTLY is their happily ever after!?!? This movie is fucking dumb.

Also this entire movie is an exercise in bad costume design. Who the fuck put her in that dress1?!? Not only is it unattractive (ruffled sleeves, omg, and that neckline has fucking lost its connection to gps), it fits her so fucking poorly. Kat Graham is a beautiful woman and she is just so poorly dressed through this whole production, it's absurd.

(Yes, I am aware that her losing her luggage is a plot point, but most of the worst fashion-offenses come after she goes shopping for a new wardrobe. She looks cuter in the pink hoodie that's supposed to be a joke than she does in any of the newly purchased fits she strolls around in).

I just CANNOT get into a romantic scene when she is wearing THAT DRESS. WHO DID THIS TO HER!?

Also, can I just note again that there's like... barely a villa in sight in this movie? I feel like we're really taking an expansive fucking view of what a villa is.

UGH. That is it. Boo. No cute takeaways here. This movie was not fun, not romantic, and didn't even offer up any good Italian scenery. BOOOOOOOOOOOO. Zero stars! Next movie! Try the fuck again, Netflix.

#*nope #ptpt reviews #okay i liked the soundtrack #italian covers of pop songs were really fun #but of course the crucial moments did not have those songs #boooooooo i say booooooooo