#*spencer monroe.

[survivedsa]

spencer and ellis had such a good relationship. even after their fwb relationship ran its course they still found themselves in each other’s beds because the simple act of just having someone to hold was a big comfort. this arrangement lasted up until spencer’s death (even when spencer was attempting to begin a relationship with rosita, he and ellis still had this closeness, because platonic affection is still important). after spencer’s death ellis had trouble sleeping, and when he did sleep, he had nightmares that would wake him up screaming. spencer wasn’t his first brush with death, obviously, but it affected him so much because spencer and the raleighs are the people who helped ellis the most with settling into this new life  -  not just a life in this next world, but in a sense of helping him find a place in a foreign country that he knew so little about. there are times when ellis still feels like an outsider and a foreigner. it's only ever been with the raleighs and spencer that he’s never felt like that.

[survivedsa]

❝ i can’t remember the last time i did this with someone. ❞   /  @wanlidas​

“you mean this...” their joined hands are raised, a sly smirk twitching to life in spencer’s expression, “or what came before?” a little immature arch of his brow punctuates the question, the arm lazily wrapped around rosita’s shoulders pulling her tighter. he teases, but spencer understands, a sympathy darkening in his eyes from deep within. it’s been so long, and for a while, that was fine; just surviving was enough, but survival isn’t always synonymous with living, so easy to forget in this brave, new world, so quick to forgo the little pleasures that make us human. rather impulsively, spencer presses his lips to her forehead, bashfully so. “it’s fine, you know  -  we can take this slow. whatever you want.”

[survivedsa]

spencer obviously comes from a privileged background, and because of that he had little trouble with accessing the resources he needed to aid in his transition. when it came to transitioning, spencer wanted everything. he started HRT at 19 (he came out to his parents at 18, but did not begin to socially transition until 19, when he started HRT), underwent top surgery at 20, and began to undergo the necessary gender confirmations surgery (’bottom surgery’) at 22, completing at 24 (it made him nervous, despite being what he wanted, and he went through therapy to help mentally prepare himself because it felt like such an enormous thing). his parents were entirely supportive throughout this entire process. aiden was, too, to an extent, but he’s a dick and still made some pretty shitty jokes. 

spencer is not ashamed to be trans, and does not hesitate to disclose it if he feels like the situation calls for it, but not everyone in his life knows he’s trans and that’s perfectly alright. no trans person needs to tell everyone they meet that they’re transgender; no one’s entitled to know that. even with the spotlight on the monroes due to deanna’s life as a politician, it was never public knowledge that spencer was trans, because that’s how he chose for it to be. deanna advocated for equality and trans rights but spencer was terrified of being a political pawn; it was his biggest fear, really. he did not want to be scrutinized and examined and have his every action analyzed even more than it already was. a journey through transitioning is incredibly personal and the idea of sharing it so publicly made him sick. that’s just not the kind of person spencer is.

the only people in alexandria who know he’s trans are his family and the raleighs and ellis (who counts as a raleigh, really, but anyway.) he’s so incredibly close with aaron and eric and one day he just decided to tell them he was trans, as a way of bonding. he just knew that they would understand, and then eric told him in turn that he was trans, and it just strengthened their friendship further.

and like i said, he’s open to being open about being trans, but there still is a lot of mistrust and worry of transphobia. even with the collapse of society, he fears prejudice and discrimination, which derive from ignorance  -  which the south is pretty fraught with. 

he’s absolutely open about being bisexual though. he had a friends with benefits relationship with ellis for a few months, that ended just because they were bored with it (and did not affect their friendship in any way; they were incredibly close all the way until spencer’s death). he didn’t sleep with anyone else until rosita.

[survivedsa]

spencer’s necklace is a simple silver chain with two charms: a cleaver, and a chef’s knife. it was gifted to him by aiden after he finished culinary school, and when spencer died, ellis took the cleaver from the necklace to keep for himself, while giving the chef’s knife (and original chain) to rosita [along with a cache of spencer’s other personal effects: his hunting knife, engraved with S. MONROE in the hilt; his watch, also engraved, but just with his initials (SAM); five of his shirts; his leather jacket; and spencer’s bible, a copy he’s had since the age of 21, that is full of highlights and personal notes & annotations].

[survivedsa]

having a Little Thought about spencer and religion. i think the monroes were probably religious in that way most politicians and their families are, that is to say, In A Pandering Way, but in the course of it, spencer became invested in it for real. he always seems to approach gabriel with a reverence that can’t be faked, a respect for his status as a Father in a way that’s really only seen in genuine believers (non-religious people can and do respect men of the cloth, too, but i just think spencer’s interactions with him seem a little.. more than that). when he attempts to seek out the comfort of confiding in a priest it just reads more than spencer feeling as if he has no one - because he does have people, and i think he knows this, and so i don’t think that’s what he intended by saying “i just don’t really have anyone here” - the little you know? he tacks onto the end makes me believe that maybe he doesn’t have a place to really express his faith. 

[survivedsa]

one of spencer’s reactions to stress / grief / anxiety just seems to be food, because it’s revealed that spencer has hidden away food after the deaths of aiden & reg, then again after his mother and it just... doesn’t read like a selfish thing to me, but really like a coping mechanism. it just seems like he has dealt with some type of eating disorder in his life, and when things began to get difficult, when he lost his entire family, he began to build up a stash  -  just in case things became too bad and he needed to revert to that comfort again. which isn’t something he’s done in years; he discovered his love for cooking, and eventually decided to train as a chef because he went to therapy for this, and, at his therapist’s advice, decided to start cooking rather than just eating as a means of managing his anxiety. this is why it’s so important to him that he continue to cook in alexandria; why he greets new arrivals with food, why he organizes his banquets. it’s why he always offers to cook for rosita when inviting her on a date  -  because it’s comforting to him in so many ways. it’s such an act of love, and it feels sacred to him because of how much it’s helped him in life; being able to cook with spencer means he genuinely cares for you.

[survivedsa]

❤️ spencer and rosita

ship meme / accepting / @wanlidas

Who’s more dominant: rosita.. i know.. very shocking. once again, spencer is Big Bottom Energy and he wouldn’t have it any other way

Who’s the cuddler: spencer…. he’s more vocal about it, at least. loves to give ro the puppy dog eyes until she holds him

Who’s the big spoon/little spoon: spencer monroe is always the little spoon.

What’s their favorite non-sexual activity: he loves cooking for her. she’s also the only person he likes going outside the walls with.

Who uses all the hot water: spencer will let her if she wants to since he doesn’t like hot water on his back

Most trivial thing they fight over: i can imagine her arguing with him over portions of ingredients to use while cooking

Who does most of the cleaning: spencer, but again, only because he can’t stand mess and if he sees it he just has to deal with it immediately

Who leaves their stuff around: since ro does her best to keep him at a distance and they only ever meet at his house i can’t say it’s her. but spencer keeps his room really neat and orderly, so, neither, honestly.

Who cooks normally: spencer… this is canon. he’s always bringing her food kjndkj

How often do they fight: like every day but it’s not really Fighting it’s just ro shutting him down when he acts even slightly emotional

What do they do when they’re away from each other: spencer pouts about it until he can see her again; i hope rosita thinks about him at least Once

Nicknames for each other: she’s allowed to call him spence if she wants but i feel like she probably just calls him dumbass. spencer calls her ro and has thought about calling her baby but doesn’t want to get slapped

Who steals the covers at night: rosita does just to annoy him. he thinks it’s cute.

What would they get each other for gifts: he’d give her anything he finds that she thinks he would like. he doesn’t go for flowers with her because it doesn’t feel like a Her thing, instead he gives her knives, some of his shirts. he was actually planning to give her his necklace, which is why ellis gave it to her after he died.

Who kissed who first / who made the first move: rosita definitely initiated things. spence wanted to be with her for a Long time before it actually happened but he was?? kind of intimidated. and kind of scared of her rejecting him. but then she showed interest and he was like Okay Thanks I Love It!

Who remembers things: rosita pretends like she doesn’t because it’s not supposed to mean anything, but she does, 

Who cusses more: rosita obviously

What would they do if the other one was hurt: judging by her reaction to his death i want to say maybe she’d be a little more vulnerable around him if he was, like, Seriously Injured. spencer would be very internally worried but would also try not to Hover over her too much but would make it known he’s there and willing to do whatever she needs (even if it’s just leaving her alone). he’d send ellis or one of the raleighs to casually check up on her and report back, thinking it wouldn’t be obvious what he was doing,

Who is the dirty talker: maybe rosita.. spencer is just Too Soft and it’s just not him

A headcanon: rosita, ellis and the raleighs take spencer’s body into the woods and bury him beside his mother after his death.

[survivedsa]

❤️ am i allowed to send this for spencer and ellis just. because

ship meme / accepting 

Who’s more dominant: ellis. i’ve said it to you before but spencer m*nroe is just big bottom energy and this goes for All of his relationships

Who’s the cuddler: both.

Who’s the big spoon/little spoon: spencer’s mainly the little spoon but they switch it up from time to time; it just depends on the mood.

What’s their favorite non-sexual activity: sitting up in the tower at night and trying to pick out constellations. they both suck at it because they’re dumb and they just make up their own instead

Who uses all the hot water: ellis. spencer can’t stand hot water though so he doesn’t mind

Most trivial thing they fight over: how to pronounce certain english words. ellis can’t stand english and how stupidly complicated it is sometimes 

Who does most of the cleaning: spencer.. not because ellis doesn’t want to but spencer just does it automatically. he can’t stand Mess

Who leaves their stuff around: ellis... he’s an idiot,

Who remembers anniversaries: their relationship isn’t really a relationship so ellis never remembered any milestones but spencer can tell you the first day they met, kissed, and had sex. he keeps up with that shit.

Who cooks normally: mr. monroe, the trained chef. he doesn’t like anyone else touching his kitchen

How often do they fight: they’ve never had a serious fight in their life; all of their arguments are dumb shit, so, never, really

What do they do when they’re away from each other: live their lives really... they love each other but it’s still a Casual Thing and so they just don’t mind being apart and having things that are separate from their relationship / friendship

Nicknames for each other: ellis is one of the few who call him spence, and spencer is one of the three people allowed to call ellis eli.

Who steals the covers at night: ellis because he really stays cold even in the dead of summer

What would they get each other for gifts: books (like ellis getting him a collection of hans christian andersen stories; spencer has given ellis books, too, mostly horror, because that’s ellis’ favorite genre), flowers (they both steal them from people’s yards. it’s always a single flower, never a bouquet, and they trade them every night), and spencer gives ellis anything that could be used for the school, which isn’t really a gift, but, i still think it’s cute.

Who kissed who first / who made the first move: spencer kissed ellis first. they’d already grown close at this point / were sleeping in each other’s beds regularly and one night spencer kissed him. then they talked about it and decided that it’d be Fine if they had something casual, just for the Comfort of it.

Who remembers things: really just think it’s spencer again because he remembers literally Everything about Everything. he doesn’t have a photographic memory but his recall is really good

Who started the relationship: isn’t this just the same question as who made the first move.. anyway. spencer.

Who cusses more: ellis.

What would they do if the other one was hurt: make sure they get patched up (holding hands the entire time). if the injury is severe enough that they have to stay in the clinic overnight then both of these dumbasses are gonna sleep in the same bed (and would sleep in the same bed if they’re allowed to go home). it’s just a lot of reassurance and cuddling and making sure they’re both Okay.

Who is the dirty talker: i would say.. neither... like it just doesn’t fit with what they have with each other. maybe a couple words & phrases have slipped out but it’s not something either of them actively do or even want with each other. when they’re together it’s very slow and quiet and calm, and spencer prefers compliments to dirty talk in general [because he thinks a lot of it just sounds ridiculous]

A headcanon: ellis doesn’t like guns but still agreed to allow spencer to teach him how to work his rifle, and actually turned out to be a pretty good shot; he’d man the tower from time to time because he wanted to feel like he contributed more (since ellis struggles a lot with feeling like he doesn’t do Enough for alexandria).