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[text]:i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT INSPIRED STARTERS
「sms┇gavvers」 I don’t fucking know, athletic?!
「sms┇gavvers」 Tell me Gav, did he freestyle all over your dick or did he windmill into your ass?
[text]:I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT INSPIRED STARTERS
「sms┇burnie」 I’m going to assume you’re fine since you’re texting me, so,
「sms┇burnie」 HAHAHA
「sms┇burnie 」 Please tell me Gav or Gus or someone was with you so there are pictures.
「sms┇burnie 」 Oh yeah and also HAHAHA
「sms┇burnie」 Who fucking falls down MANHOLES?! You’re like forty, dude!
[text]: According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT INSPIRED STARTERS
「sms┇ryebread 」 wow
「sms┇ryebread 」 Why am I not surprised.
「sms┇ryebread 」 You’re a creepy motherfucker, Ryan, you know that?
「sms┇ryebread」 What the fuck are you even gonna DO with an elephant?! Train it to murder people with its tusks?!
[text] Because when I say ‘You shouldn’t drink anymore’, she hears, ‘I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks’
texts from last night! meme
「sms┇peggy 」 oh boy.
「sms┇peggy 」 Well, you know how Angie gets.
「sms┇peggy 」 Did she get home safely though? Because it doesn’t sound like she’d be able to stand on her own at the end of a night like that, haha.
[text] So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one’s for Team USA . //I'M SO SORRY
texts from last night! meme
「sms┇son 」 I think you need to come home right now so we can talk
「sms┇son 」 That’s not a suggestion, by the way.
[text] It’s a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
texts from last night! meme
「sms┇tony 」 I don't think I want to know.
「sms┇tony 」 But I need to know.
「sms┇tony 」 Why ... Why? Details now Tony.
[text] i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…
texts from last night! meme
「sms┇nat 」 please don’t maim them nat
「sms┇nat 」 i’m on a date right now i can’t be your getaway car if they call the cops on you again
[text] So we successfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
texts from last night! meme
「sms┇toni 」 … by ‘our’ bathtub …
「sms┇toni 」 you mean you and whoever is with you in YOUR bathroom, right?
「sms┇toni 」 and aren’t the bathtubs made of porcelain? i thought porcelain COULDN’T catch fire.
