"how did this start with 'haha dorian as a dad amirite' and turn into 'ok but let's get fucked up and doomed timeline'"
lmao a+ me. this is all about The Kids and stuff but it starts out cute and then slumps directly down into "haha here the worst possible thing that could happen in my genuinely happy alpha state postgame with petra and their fam"
this does touch on who has kids in general tho??
i haven't even started his save yet and my mind is already wandering off into "ok but what if... tintallë and dorian... had kids......."
i started thinking about da kids and now i can't stop i have already jumped past my alpha world state and straight into This
and like. obviously i think. at some point ruivë and josephine would probably have kids but they're too young to do so for Quite Some Time
leliana and tinuviel never have kids (too busy), heron and anders... adopt at some point probably, mostly definitely tho they own Many Cats cass and canary... i don't know
(update: cass and canary didn't work out, canary might adopt with bull at some point, cass and laurelin have like two or three kids eventually)
estel and zevran OBVIOUSLY don't have kids. but they would have. i'm sorry i didn't need to throw that in that was really uncalled for
naia and isabela decide they're never having kids and then they wind up rescuing a toddler from spiders & are like "welp guess we're moms"
casper and alistair obviously do not have kids either...... i haven't named the warden who hooks up with morrigan yet but they have a kid sela and morrigan may or may not have a kid. i rly want morrigan to be a mom bc it's. yeah. but i literally won't be able to upload sela or casper to the keep properly so i don't know if it'll even let me and yeah who knows. loud shrug. maybe they have an ogb and then raise it together????
it's hard to think about ruivë being mellowed out and old enough for children bc they are a children but i know they eventually have some like at the end of inquisition for ruivë and josephine, they're p much just ready to go on an extravagent honeymoon adventure and then keep inquisit...ing... but at the end of inquisition for tintallë and dorian they are both like "well that's enough excitement for a century, let's get Domestic" lmao
ruivë just like "i can't chill now, i'm just getting started, cmon babe, also we have to find solas so i can kick his ass or whatever"
meanwhile their brother is just like "the only adventure i want to deal with for a while is convincing my in-laws to like you"
ruivë and josephine's life becomes a continuing romantic fantasy action-adventure, tintallë and dorian settled down to married sitcom life
also... i was thinking abt timelines and i think i've decided that petra is like 2 months pregnant with melia when they come to skyhold
idk if they know yet? definitely merrill and varric don't bc neither of them would've let them do any of that if they did. but yeah
haha wow tho it makes bad timeline au like. ultimate bad. holy shit. bc they tell varric somewhere in the middle and varric is like "please say you're joking"
they're like "aw and here i thought you'd be excited to be a father!" varric's like "yeah and i would like to stay that way, i would never have asked you or let you come if i had known!"
"i know that's why i didn't tell either of you. i'll be fine"
"YOU BETTER"
and in good timeline aka real timeline everything is ok and they're fine and varric's like. really torn up bc he just wants to go Home now, be with his family, for heck's sake hawke is gonna need him, merrill is gonna need him, and the kid is gonna need him. his kid!!! he's having a kid!!! what the hell
so damn straight he has to finish this inquisition thing but he spends the rest of the game being like "can we save the world faster i have a baby on the way"
i mean. of course he doesn't say that. to anyone. bc he just doesn't need or want to explain his family dynamics or their gender dynamics to everyone lmao
[warn: sad starts here]
but..... bad end au. bad end au obviously being. the. petra tells varric. he tries to stop them, but they go, and they. don't come back. so
varric's. letter to merrill. has to also force him to decide. whether or not to tell merrill. or to keep that knowledge. alone. forever.
BASICALLY EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE FOREVER IM SO GLAD THIS ISNT MY CANON LMAO
none of my hawkes die, but that doesn't mean i'm entirely get out of misery on that quest... bc alistair stayed warden w casper... so.... ow....
how did this start with "haha dorian as a dad amirite hoorah children" and turn into "ok but let's get fucked up and doomed timeline"