welcome 2 headcanon hell

hi my name is ben and this is jackass *posts tens of thousands of words of headcanon and meta about my own characters*

[pimpmyaravel]

suddenly sheps

i have been bookmarking stuff i’ve been meaning to put on here for a while now and i keep not doing it but i need to put this where i won’t lose it and it was skype and. yeah. 

in which there’s a whole bunch of random stuff about my sheps (of which there are three.)

mir

well anyway i don’t know all the little details yet bc. i’ve. only dipped into looking up what happens and stuff but. anyway. based on the. available endings without mods anyway

seren and serafim are both nb - seren is basically agender and serafim is demigirl, and saki is a girl

seren dates liara (and tali) and does synthesis, saki dates traynor and does control, and serafim dates thane and does nothing

tara

aa i love that i think thats very ic for a thanemancer

mir

i really like. that addition of the option to do nothing and just be like. it shouldn’t be my decision to change the order of the universe and no matter what i do things will happen and hurt again someday

there’s only so much you can save before you just have to accept that losing things is okay

tara

i also just like. the "i will fight with my friends, not alone" part of that ending

mir

yeah

and like. serafim already has an outlook on life before meeting him that p much meant that when they meet thane they just. like they Understand each other really well right from the beginning? like. they’re not any one thing exactly, but their parents were buddhists, so that’s how they were raised, and they’ve had to use that all for comfort. for a long time.

oh. right. and

seren - earthborn/sole survivor. saki - spacer/war hero. serafim - colonist/sole survivor.

tara

also if you go with the theory that the choice was a last ditch indoctrination attempt since all of the other secondary villains were indoctrinated, then the refuse ending is the only one that breaks the cycle of indoctrination

mir

yeah

tara

gosh i think thats so interesting my thanemancer was also a colonist/sole survivor

but she chose destroy

mir

serafim is by far my shep who should be the saddest, but they’re not. bc if they had let all that drag them down they. wouldn’t have been able to handle anything anymore

tara

nods definitely

my colonist/sole survivor/thanemancer was my first shep and she was the ultimate paragon

mir

so like. when they talk to thane about how he doesn’t really. feel guilt about killing people because he’s just a tool and someone else is killing them using him that’s. kinda how they feel about it? like it’s different, they’re not an assassin, but with the military it was definitely that, and as a spectre and all that comes after, someone else is always pulling their trigger, so to speak. they figure someone would be doing what they’re doing, water always trickles down to fill the cracks, and someone else might not be so gentle, so it might as well be them.

it doesn’t mean they don’t struggle with certain things, namely any large decision that they get landed with that puts a lot of life in their hands with a lot of doubt on their shoulders and not a lot of guidance from anyone

tara

i love them already

mir

they’re not super comfortable being in charge, and they do it because they know it’s a necessity, but they hate that it is

tara

man even slightly paragon-aligned sheps have such a rough time of it after the first game

i wanna keep them all safe

mir

yeah. like. seren is really adaptable. saki is really. well. saki is my youngest and also is a military brat who grew up in space and learned to fire a gun when she was like four years old and is really really good at making decisions on the fly and not worrying about it too much bc life’s short have fun kick ass save what you can but don’t wreck yourself wondering if you did the right thing

seren doesn’t like what they have to do but they’re very big picture and they definitely do feel like they have an obligation to do what they must and get their hands dirty however they have to to Save Everyone They Can

whereas serafim really doesn’t feel like that at all. serafim kinda would have preferred to stay dead. let someone else fill their shoes. it’s not natural, it’s interrupting the flow of things, and they can’t remember where they were pulled back from, and it’s wrong. seren tries not to dwell on it bc they have to get the job done even if the job gets dirty. saki is freaked the hell out by the whole idea and does the best she can to just repress it and keep going forward as aggressively as she can bc well this is where she is now this is what she’s doing now

tara

i really like the idea of shepards coming back Slightly Different in the second game

like the way i rped my first shep, she was an absolute perfect paragon in the first game. then when she came back she was just Off and i took some renegade interrupts which she wouldnt have done before

mir

serafim. hates it. so they react by letting go even more? they know they can’t fight it, so they just sort of detach from themself a little and spend a lot of the time sort of floating after themself, watching things happen, knowing they’re doing it but like. they’re not really doing it. this isn’t what they’d do. and they should be dead?

but they’re also. not completely passive by any means. they do what they can to try and use their second life to help and heal things. but they get pretty brutal for a while sometimes bc they just don’t see it as really being themself

tara

i love it i love that its my favorite thing about the possibility of being Resurrected

mir

yeah like. seren is a lot more paragon but they’ve got quite a bit of renegade in there. serafim will. probably be 100% paragon p much. and saki will be probably somewhere right around 50/50 with maybe a leaning on renegade??

saki’s a good kid but like. she grew up in the military and she’s got way too much energy and very much is like. inappropriate jokes, black and white thinking. she still thinks she’s invincible bc she’s never lost before

so like. after she dies. and comes back. she’s still herself bc she doesn’t. obviously you don’t remember being dead you just somewhat remember dying and then bam you’re alive again

but she comes back angry

tara

man that is SUCH an interesting take on spacer/war hero

the invincibility notion never being shattered

mir

saki’s parents trained her from probably way too young, she joined as soon as she could, she was all up guns and glory and she just shot through the ranks bc she was deadly and determined and nothing could get in her way

tara

usually it manifests in ppl just like. spacer/war hero is the default background and its usually played pretty straight as "my shep is a Cool Shep"

mir

well. and because she was Connected and anyone who knows. how military tends to work. knows that you get promoted real fast if the higher ups already know you and your family

(provided that reputation is a good one. obviously.)

she’s kinda got a like. imagine reboot jim kirk but if his parents hadn’t died. somehow being that cocky but also being raised. in space. except it’s actually the military which. starfleet isn’t really but YOU GET THE POINT

like if someone punched saki in the face she’d just be like “ALRIGHT” and launch herself at them

absolutely no real sense of self preservation because she honestly believes deep down that she’s completely invincible

and like. why wouldn’t she.

she’s got perfect marks all the way down, never messed up an assignment, she’s a goddamn war hero??

and then she dies

and like. waking up from that it could go two ways. either your entire psyche crumbles because you realise you’re not actually invincible and you start wondering if you are anything you thought or if any of it matters and why you’re here and what you did wrong

or you do what she actually does

which is just get really fucking mad and even more determined to take out her enemy by any means necessary

tara

are you gonna do any of the side missions involving cerberus in me1 with her

mir

seren sees ressurection as just. the continuation of their duty. the universe needs them and they have to see this through to the point where they fricking died and they still weren’t allowed to stop. so. they keep going. and do what has to be done.

serafim sees resurrection as both a horrific defiance of the natural order of things, but also as an indication that they have a destiny that they must fulfill, with or without their consent or presence.

saki sees resurrection as a challenge. and as she begins to rack up more successes and get her strength back, she starts seeing it as a challenge she BEAT. like holy shit, she thought she was invincible before? well at first, she was obsessed with the fact that something got in the way of that, and she spent two goddamn years dead but. she only spent two years dead. she came BACK. you can’t even KILL saki shepard, not really, because she won’t stay dead. she gets a little less cocky in some ways, but a lot more genuinely self confident. dying matures her somewhat, and turns her from a jumped up kid with a fancy title into a dangerous and effective commander.

also idk yet? i haven’t played. enough of the game. to know all the missions and know for sure. i’ve thought  i knew what iw as gonna do w stuff in dragon game and didn’t wind up doing that a few times so. idk

also saki basically looks like mako mori with shorter hair

tara

omg perfect

mir

serafim looks a lot like a slightly older alia shawkat but. with green eyes, red hair, and darker skin. i gotta have my nb brown redhead w green eyes and since i changed up seren so much…. also that colouring happens 2 match thane pretty well and i’m a notorious colour coordinator w LIs

someday i’ll actually be able to draw All These Characters and the fact that i colour coordinated all my characters with their LIs will matter

someday….

---

mir

also i think upon reconsideration. saki does destroy. it pains me personally but it makes more sense w her character and also like. her dealio at the end is “kick reaper ass and then go home for a shower B)”

seren does synthesis not because it’s necessarily the ultimate solution - there’s nothing to keep the new form of life they’ll become from creating new synthetics all over again someday, and it can’t just be that simple, but… well, for now, it’s peace, and it might mean sort of forcing people into accepting each other, organic or synthetic, bc like, you know. it’s all the same thing. so it’s a way to stay alive and try and keep everyone alive bc honestly. they’re very invested in the possibility of actually having a future with the people they love. and a family.), but it’s also just. they’re too curious not to just. see what happens. they have literally nothing to lose. the other paths lead to them or the universe or both losing quite a lot. synthesis leads to loss of the lines between things, and that could be a disaster, but it could also possibly work and possibly be a very good thing and they’re fascinated by the possibility of everything it might be, so that’s what they do.

and. well. we already know why serafim doesn’t do anything. the way they see it, it’s not a decision that should be up to one person, and they’re honestly tired of fighting things that seem to be just. how things go. they died and the world didn’t let them stay dead. they fell in love and they lost him. they’ve lost so many people, people they loved and people they never knew, and they’ve got so much blood on their hands and they’re so tired and nothing is the right choice and they can’t help but feel like the only way to beat the game at this point is to let the game win? at that point they. kind of don’t see there being a way to beat the game, really. and they sort of think that’s probably how it should be. and they’re sorry for all the people who won’t go to their deaths as softly as they’re so ready to, but if they weren’t there, they’d all be dying anyway. if they hadn’t been pulled out of death and forced to keep going and if they hadn’t been saddled with this big mission and this weapon and all this responsibility and why is it in their hands why is it okay to trust the fate of all life to one person? if they hadn’t been there, there would be no choice to be made. maybe there would have been someone else.

but there, then, and now, is all that matters. and they’ve kissed death so many times now that they’re just. they’re ready to die? and if it makes them selfish to let everyone else die along with them, then maybe that’s everyone’s fault for putting that decision in their hands in the first place. anything they could do would be selfish, in some way or another. and this is the only way to refuse to be a pawn of someone’s game anymore. the only way to stop trying to change things that have been unchanged forever.

they’re tired of cheating death. they’ve done it too many times. once, when they were little, and they almost drowned. again, at sixteen, when slavers killed their family, their friends, but not them. and again, when they died for real, but they weren’t let to stay dead. and again, falling in love with a dying man? it’s just. it’s just time.

life will continue. it will rise up again, it will sprout and grow and bloom and it will make their mistakes someday too. there will be more stories in this saga of existence, and it’s okay if their part of it ends here. they can be a weapon if they have to be, but they just can’t make the actual choice to use one like this, not to destroy, nor to abandon all semblance of self, and all chance of escape, by giving themself up to try and control it. and life isn’t meant to be tampered with like that. evolution happens on its own. you can’t force it. and they don’t trust being told that it’s “the best choice”. the best choice doesn’t exist. they’re sick of being forced to make all the hard decisions.

they just. want to go home. they want to have a home. they want to believe they’ll find one after it’s over. this isn’t their fight anymore, and they refuse to fight it alone. it just doesn’t feel right. they can’t do it. they’re all the wrong choice. maybe the only way to beat the reaper is to not fear it. embrace death. so that’s what they do. they do nothing, and they close their eyes as it all falls apart, and they imagine that they can smell saltwater, and hear rush and murmur of waves. they imagine a great wave swallowing up every soul in the galaxy, laying each one to rest and washing it calmly away from the sorrow of the worlds they’re leaving behind. the ones they put in serafim’s hands, that they decided to just let go.

[pimpmyaravel]

asshole roommates au

HAWKE HOUSE PART ONE

other shitty roommates in da shitty roommates au: entire da2 team live together obviously. they have a house on campus but like

most of them aren't in college bc my modern "ppl are vaguely college aged" aus aren't college aus bc NOT EVERYONE IS COLLEGE THATS BORING

anders is in college, bethany is, heron is, merrill is? idk if petra is i feel like they just take like. random classes but somehow r still

like. star on campus. everyone wants petra at their parties. petra goes to everyone's parties and wrecks shit but they still love them

petra will literally like. show up with varric and isabela and merrill and like. go into the kitchen, steal a bunch of alcohol, break a lamp

insult the host of the party, get in a small fight in the back yard, and then get invited back the next week. they're a force of nature.

they also bring their dog to parties even tho heron keeps asking them not to bc he's worried about the dog. sometimes heron will go just to

make sure that grendel doesn't get hurt. mostly anders won't go to parties with them but if heron goes sometimes anders will and it's. wow.

[anders standing on a table commandeering a karaoke mic to drunkenly yell at everyone about mage rights] heron's standing by incase he falls

another important part of this au: petra's vine account. petra getting merrill to do blood magic for the vine. terrible

FUCK OK IM. fenris and anders got assigned to be roommates freshman year before fenris dropped out and it was, obviously, a DISASTER

they only managed to not literally kill each other bc like. petra showed up to drop something off from heron for anders and is like "oh hi

fenris what's up" and anders and fenris at the same time are like "YOU KNOW THE HAWKES???" and petra's like oh man THATS your roommate

holy shit that's terrible anders is just like "you don't even go here why are you here" they're like "irrelevant, i'm still laughing at you"

"also i actually do have some stuff my brother gave me to give you for some like?? i don't know actually. why are there so many copies"

anders is just like "he...a ctually did it.... i thought he was joking i was going to try and find time to print them out myself tomorrow.."

fenris is like "so it's some ridiculous activist crap" and anders is like "YES it IS sorry we cant ALL care about NOTHING" petra's like. wow

"heyyyy so anyway great transition heron and varric and me are throwing a party at our place you're both invited it's saturday see you then"

they both attempt to protest that they didn't say they'd go but then stop bc they're still in that "i refuse to agree with you on ANYTHING"

saturday they're both like. fenris is sitting on his bed reading. anders is putting zines together at his desk. fenris is like. so.

are you going to the hawkes' party. anders is like why are you and fenris is like idk free drinks i guess right and anders is like. sure

they both wind up going with the partial intent of pissing each other off but it doesn't work and it's embarrassing and they're embarrassing

[pimpmyaravel]

asshole roommates au

BIG GAY SERACASS EDITION

shitty roommates au seracass would be so amazing tho cass is like. serious grad student, star varsity lacrosse player, Active On Campus,

sera is a "freshman" but like. she went for the first few weeks of the semester and then dropped out but somehow stayed living in the dorms

they meet at a party bc somehow they have mutual friends (leliana and josephine) and sera lies outright that shes definitely still in school

she tags along to activities and shit that cass is at and cass is like. wow i thought u were just coming to antagonise me but u actualy

make really good points at these discussions and stuff and you're surprisingly articulate when you're not. you know. making fart sounds

and then someone is like "hey so sera hasn't been enrolled in classes since october she can't live in the dorms or go to these activities &

like why's she even here she's not a student she's just stealing our pizza & disrupting discussions" and cass is like. she is not disrupting

she has valuable insight and you have no right to question why she wants to be here. but then she's also like ok but why ARE you if ur not

like. a student. and sera shrugs and is like. what i can't want to feel smart and important like the rest of you sometimes, i can't just

like, yeah, alright, you've got free pizza and it's warm in here and it's loud and i like loud, but it's nice, you know, being around you?

you just. you never try and tell me i'm being weird or crazy, like you don't always get me but you get me, right? pretending was fun

cass is just like. caught off guard bc she's just like. they're totally different people and she wasn't expecting that kinda answer at all

she winds up like stumbling over her words as sera is like. shivering a little bit in her way-too-thin sweater and being like. so you're.

you're not allowed to stay in the dorms anymore? and sera's like yeah couldnt last forever could it? dunno where i'll go now. doesn't matter

and cass just awkwardly is like . you could stay with me. for a while, i. have my own apartment, it's. i used to have a roommate but

sera like. just laughs and cass makes a face and sera's like nah i'm sorry you're trying to be. all generous and whatever? charitable? and i

here i am just laughing bc your shit roommate didn't realise what they had and up and dumped you bc u ironed your knickers or something

cass is like first of all i don't. iron my. you know what that's not important. i'm not trying to be /charitable/ i'm trying to.

[disgusted noise] what am i trying to do. i'm trying help a friend who i don't want to lose just because of some ridiculous circumstance. i /want/ to

have you stay with me. i don't usually want anyone to be around all the time but i suppose i've. grown accustomed to you so. i wouldn't mind

sera raises an eyebrow dramatically and gets that expression like she's going to make an awful joke but cass is just like "don't push it"

so she doesn't bc. she knows her enough by now to know. she just said a lot more feelings than she really can cope with. and it's enough.

so like. you can stay with me for a few weeks inevitably becomes a few months inevitably becomes cass's colleages like "why do u live w her"

and cass inevitably. no longer responding "i don't she's just staying here for a while" bc no. no she lives with her. they live together.

she sort of struggles through a half defensive "because she's my friend" and gives ppl a "and if u talk shit on her i'll kill you" stare

sera has this endless unrelenting crush on cass that cass kind of doesn't fully pick up on mostly bc she just doesn't see WHY sera would

and sera doesn't push it beyond her playful flirty stuff (which cass just thinks is her messing around) bc she doesn't think cass would ever

cass winds up super hella gay falling for her and doesn't even realise it until like. some party josephine & leliana invite them to

cass gets just absurdly drunk on really ridiculous girly drinks and it's a mess and she like at one point cries and has a gay crisis w josie

leliana walks in on the conversation and is like I CAN HELP and josie's like NO but it's too late. leliana is Helping. but it's ok. it works

like it's an unmitigated disaster, cullen is passed out in the back yard by the pool and like. cass tries to tell sera how she feels but

she winds up like accidentally scaring the shit out of her by coming up behidn her and sera trips backwards over cullen and into the pool

and like. she can't swim. and cass is like oh maker what the fuck and dives in (fully clothed) and drags her out and like. is just. soaking

they're both hammered and sera is coughing and cass is just holding her bridal style still and sera just like sleepily gazes up at cass's

panicked stricken face and is like "you saved me... you're sooooo beautiful" and cass is like "YOU ARE ALSO BEAUTIFUL. OH GOD"

sera's like "what" and cass is like "what" and cullen probably like. moans bc cass stepped on him. leliana's in the bushes watching

later they will speculate that she put cullen by the pool, possibly lured sera there, and told cass where she was, thus engineering this,

but she belligerently insists that there's no proof. anyway sera passes out. cass carries her home, tucks her into Her bed, and goes to

go sleep on the couch bc that's where sera normally sleeps. but sera like. grabby hands reaches out and is like "no. stay" and cass is like

"....okay" and like. crawls under the blankets with her and sera of course immediately just snuggles up against her and like. falls asleep

she's like. internally still completely freaking out but she's also really tired and she kind of has stopped caring bc she's smitten tbh

smitten and exhausted and drunk. so. it's fine. the next morning is somewhat less fine there is a lot of yelling and freaking out and then

like. seriously regretting the yelling bc they're So Hungover. and then they like. sera sits on the couch. cass makes eggs. normal morning

finally they both like. try to talk about it. at the same time. but also Not Talk About It and like they both deflect but also try and do it

ALL AT ONCE. so it's just a mess .and finally sera's like look ok i don't care i don't want you being all drunk whatever to. mess us up

cass is like what? no. i. i mean if you don't. feel the same way i'm sorry i don't assume just because i know you're. you like women that

sera's like. what you were serious?? you. you really meant it? no i. shut up. no. don't stop talking. ever. no. right now? what the fuck

cass is just like. forgive me if i don't actually understand what you want me to do right now and sera's like MAKER JUST? KISS ME? CAN WE

cass has not kissed anyone in like three years and she just like sits there and sera is like "alright so i need a yes or a something im not

just going to. go at you if this whole 'look at me, i'm a remarkably lifelike statue of cassandra pentaghast' thing is you not being gay"

cass is like no i. i . andraste's sanctified ass i am. this is gong to make the holidays very interesting next year. i mean. yes. please do

sera does this like. mock salute and cass rolls her eyes but then sera like just moves forward and sorta climbs onto her lap and that is it

cassandra is an embarrassing and overly self conscious girlfriend and like has no idea how to do that at all and sera's like I DONT CARE

stop fussing over getting it all perfect alright you're perfect you don't have to get me Just The Right Birthday Present or whatever just

please stop reading those weird lesbian advice blogs and just come watch this awful movie on netflix with me and throw popcorn at the screen

tho of course. sera is also. really self conscious about it sometimes and cass is constantly having to reassure that she's. not leaving?

like sera is just so Convinced that she's somehow not as good as cass bc like. she's a broke family-less dropout and cass is. not that.

they're very good for each other though bc they. you know. round all the corners, straighten the curves. touches my own feis... i'm so...gay

ALSO PLS IMAGINE CASS TAKING SERA HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS, A MILLION PENTAGHASTS AND CASS IS LIKE, HA, SO, PRODIGAL DAUGHTER HERE. AND UH THIS

THIS IS MY TINY PUNK ROCK ELF GIRLFRIEND SHES 21 AND MAKES TERRIBLE JOKES AT INAPPROPRIATE TIMES AND SHE'S A BROKE DROPOUT SHE LIVES WITH ME

it's very scandalous and cass is honestly just. has never been so happy at a family occasion in her entire life. or. in general

everyone always expects cass to be something and keep this image and just not even be a real person really but sera does the opposite

sera likes cass because she's her. she's like messy bedhead morning breath cass and panicked 4am paper writing cass and mumbling drunk cass

she likes sweaty victorious lacrosse cass and dignified articulate debate cass and sick groaning on the couch wearing seras bee snuggie cass

like yeah. sera is the kind of girlfriend who is so insistent on being there and taking care of her and still smooching her that she gets

herself sick too and they are both just like. sera tweets dramatically about how they're both dying together. josephine brings soup.

both sera and cass look fuckin disgusting sick. so snotty and so blotchy and so terrible and miserable but they're still happy. tru wuv

[pimpmyaravel]

ignore this it's for teddy and doesn't belong here but i'm on mobile and i can't fucking make readmore or get links for my own goddamn private posts mobile tumblr is ass

cacophony and calliope verdigris and vermillion creature and creator soliloquy and solitary and loquacity tessellate and isolate mortality and morality difference and deference reverent and revenant galavant and vagrant tactile and textile mercurial and mercantile panache and pastiche explode and expose infinitely and infidelity invention and intervention reparation and repercussion perdition and perfection deluge and refuge malevolent and valiant scion and ascension forged and forgot excavation and exaltation and exploration avaricious and virtuous artifice and edifice miracle and canticle succeed and secede bygone and begin celestial and cerebral autonomy and anomaly uniform and unformed prostrate and apostate feudal and futile enlighten and frighten revile and relive barren and born sacrament and secret epiphany and efficacy and eternity and entropy and atrophy cavern and caravan hymn and hum catalyst and calamitous myriad and martyred breath and death piteous and pious revulsion and revolution and resolution verity and villainy and virility severe and sincere capricious and precocious heaven and heathen enduring and ending

[pimpmyaravel]

dorian and grief over felix (and alexius) thoughts

i overall really really like dorian's entire arc and writing and stuff but my biggest complaint is not enough followup on felix....

like??? my impression was they were. kinda. like brothers. dorian was. pretty isolated, him vs the world, but felix was always on his side

and dorian watched alexius, his mentor, a father figure who actually supported him, a good man, someone he had looked up to, fall apart

i think. people miss that alexius was a truly good man who fell to desperation bc he loved felix and he was lost and scared

ppl complain about what fiona did being ooc and to an extent yes but i like the mirror of them both being good people who made bad decisions

because they were terrified for what might happen to the people they loved and fought for if they didn't make those choices

dorian says alexius used to be fighting for the same things dorian is fighting for, he was a good man, a good mentor, a good father

felix and alexius were... kind of dorian's Real family was the impression i got bc they recognized his talent and his like? personhood

they valued him and didn't push him into boxes he din't fit in or want, didn't try and change him. and then felix got sick and it all just

dorian had a little pocket of hope a found family he felt safe with a true friend and a father figure who stood with him and then he didn't

just all at once. torn away. broken. dorian sees his best friend, his brother, dying, and he can't do anything to stop it, and he sees

his mentor, a sort of a father to him, straying, breaking down, becoming a different man from desperation, and he can't help either of them?

and he tries he fights but it's useless he can't do anything but try and redeem what happens by fighting the shadow alexius becomes

and then he has to experience felix's death. twice. in the future when leliana kills him and then again when the blight finally takes him

he's powerless. he can't stop it. he sees what happens if you try and he has to let him go and then they just? don't? mention it again?

felix dies and dorian talks about it once. i want cutscenes of him just sitting in the chair sort of staring out the window, eyes unfocused

there's a book in his hands but he's not reading it. he won't let himself cry. he doesn't talk about it. but you stay with him, silently

and after a while he thanks you for staying and doesn't say anything else. you talk about it later maybe. he still won't let himself cry

in conversation he makes passing comments. you say something and he smiles, bittersweet, tells you it sounds like something felix would say

when he's lost on something, uncertain, he'll say he wishes felix were there, he could always help him untangle the knots

he fights twice as hard against darkspawn, yells twice as loud when one gets too close to his inquisitor, looks stricken if they're wounded

he drinks to forget sometimes but it doesn't work, they both know it doesn't. the inquisitor tries to make him stop, but he doesn't

sometimes he's angry, reckless, lashing out or simmering under the surface and you can tell he blames himself, for being so helpless

he compares himself to felix in his head: a better person than i was, a better man, maybe it should have been me, it should have been me

dorian tears himself down about so many things and i just. he'd tear himself up about this, he wouldn't let it go, he'd never let go

there's "my best and only friend" and "at least he wasn't the only decent sort bumping around thedas" and "a better man than i was"

his best and only friend bc the rest are gone. because felix is gone. dorian's always been. so. lonely. but felix was there. now he's not.

[pimpmyaravel]

guess who's gay about names....

it's me!!!!

aka big in depth name talk w will bc he asked for dorf name tips so obviously that meant it's time to give the name meanings/associations/etymologies of every single dragon game pc i have.... i have a post w these in simpler form earlier on the blog but this is more details abt symbolism mostly

mir

this is easier let's talk here

when i name characters i name them stuff that fits into the character i'm planning, i'm a big gay w names i'm a huge name geek SO

i always think about the character some before i come up with a name and then i get an idea of what sort of sound i want aka

the linguisitic/cultural origin i like the idea of the character being from. for elves i use elvish obv and pull from the quettaparma obv

but i went into different places w my dorfs and hawkes. canary notwithstanding bc that's a nickname

dorfs based on what we've met have a sort of broad array of name origins, with the common denominator being they sound Heavy

they're mostly two syllables, rarely much more, they sound like forges and hammers and stone,

the kind of names you might expect to have been originally written with like, two symbols, like characters or runes??? basically

i go with a sound that suits the character as well as a meaning and an origin that seems to fit what i want. inbal's name is hebrew

meaning "tongue of a bell" bc i created inbal for sera, and it refers to a quick wit, an easy laugh, sometimes too easy

will

M ur too good at this

mir

i'm a huge nerd abt this. so. if u want i can stop but ye

will

Nah i like hearing abt it n it gives me ideas so

mir

IM SUCH A HUGE FUCKING NAMES NERD OK BEHINDTHENAME IS ONE OF MY TOP VISITED PAGES ON CHROME AND THATS PRETTY NORMAL FOR IT TO BE

will

Go ahead u dork

I love behindthename i usually use it for writing tho

mir

ok so let's see then. "audra" is lithuanian for storm. alternatively, in english, it's from audrey, which is from aedelpyrd, "noble" "strong"

that one was me wanting a soft sounding name with a hard sounding meaning, something feminine but not at heart?

a name you could hear announced as "lady audra cadash" to formal and unknowing company and think the lady was well deserving

will

Ooh i like that one

mir

but also i'm making them a tempest archer (i'm making all my rogues tempests bc fite me) But Anyway

hence "storm". i honestly come up with really shallow starts on a lot of these

audra is my josephine romancer. so. yeah. i often form characters in dragon game with the express idea of them sculpted towards their LI

sela means "rock" in hebrew. again, soft sounding, hard meaning. sela and audra have the same dorf gender in my head

canary's real name is sekel - a diminutive yiddish form of the hebrew "yitzhak" (aka "isaac"), meaning "he laughs"

so those are my dorfs.

estel is sindarin for "hope", but also related through the latin to "stella" for "star", a similar idea of a guiding light, so to speak

tinuviel is a poetic name in sindarin for "nightengale", obviously a nod to the leliana romance, but also a reflection on her personality

she's wistful, soft, romantic, with a distinctly mournful but hopeful nonetheless undertone to her. idealistic, but not to a fault

and she likens her circle days to feeling like a captive bird - always watching the real birds outside, flying free, without her.

casper honestly gets his name less from literal meanings, more from associations. casper is considered derived from "jasper"

jasper meaning "treasurer" in etymology, but also the name of a rather common, if still pretty when looked at right, kind of stone

jaspers come in all colours and patterns and can be very beautiful, but are often overlooked bc they are "common".

and of course, in an interestingly quite related vein, there's the association of casper the friendly ghost. a cheery, helpful kid

hopelessly romantic dork, but also just, awkward, a little out of place, always feeling a little invisible, and w an obviously troubled past

petra is a feminine form of peter, which means stone, a reference to strength, but also a reference to the lost city of petra

well, strength, stubbornness, resolve, all of that. petra holds on to what they believe, steady, unwaivering. stone. also,

and while this obviously i did not plan bc my first saves names are always least tied to their LI bc i don't know the charas as well

it does tie back somewhat into varric. bc however he distances himself from his roots, he's still a child of the stone.

and as far as the lost city is concerned, it's a marvel, it's a ruin, it's full of secrets and potential, it was great, it's a mystery?

petra's complicated, but simple. so it fits. short and sweet, more feminine than masculine, but somewhere in the middle. resolute.

heron means "hero", but it's also a bird. i honestly just wanted to name him bird bird bc i thought it was funny. also. hero. champion. lmao

naia comes from "naiad", water spirits. she's all about freedom, wanting to keep moving, no ties, uncertainty, but still strong

she shifts and changes, her loyalties remain the same, but she goes where her feet takes her, if sometimes reluctantly,

and she wears away at things, sometimes aggressively, sometimes less so, sometime's she's a storm, sometimes a gentle spring

and of course, at the end of the day, who better to romance isabela than a woman named for the sea, with the sea in her eyes and her heart

bellatrix is latin, meaning "woman warrior". it's simple, it's strong. it's feminine but with a cutting edge. just like she is.

hriviel means winter. that's her magic, and her disposition. very much self preserving at first, winter is about survival and bitterness

hriviel was always at odds with her clan, not because she didn't care, just because she was. odd. angry, but in a quiet, frozen way

she's cutting like a frozen wind, solid like ice, harsh and calculating and has a hard time letting people in, but she can be melted.

laurelin is the golden tree of valinor. he's a creature of stories, legends, dreams, aching for something far away and out of reach

wanting to be more than he know how to be, wanting to get to somewhere, somewhen, someone with purpose.

tintallë means "sparkling", in the context of stars. he's wonder, curiosity, a subtle, magical beauty, but w a distance to him. reservation

not timid, but not connected and visceral, the way ru is, for instance. there's also the simple tie to dorian's "sparkler" moniker

and ruivë means "fire" in the context of conflagration, wildfire. burn bright, burn hot, burn long and large, spread and don't stop

ru will take down whatever lies in their path and leave the survivors and the ones they save or spare to remember them forever

they can be ruthless, destructive, violent, but also they are warmth itself. in a smaller, quieter moment, they heal hurts, ease sorrows,

they fill those around them with an inexplicable sense that it just might be okay. a harsher, louder version of estel in so many ways

and of course, what does a fire do if not sparkle? so tint and ru are tied together even in name.

and that is.... all my pcs..... i'm gay..... about names........ i hope this helped inspire u a little.....

[pimpmyaravel]

dalish bar mitzvahs

aka my "how dalish kids get their vallaslin and what it stands for" headcanon

oh btw re: ur thoughts on how ppl get their vallaslin earlier. my hc involves a magical ritual where u get it from the fade

like how in the harrowing ur pushed into the fade to make contact w a demon and prove yr adulthood in the circle by how u match w that, but

obv totally not at all like that also. basically u get put in an altered dreaming state and the clan all watches over u

while you explore the fade and find signs and spirits. when you wake up you tell the keeper and the hahren what you saw and they help you

interpret those signs and what you were told by any spirits you might've met along with what you and the clan see reflected in yourself

and usually you all easily settle on a patron bc it's usually pretty clear who it should be by then? for a lot of ppl the ritual is just

a matter of formality p much bc they already have a solid idea of who they're going to devote to, but for some people it's less clear

on occasion you return from your dream without having seen enough in the fade to determine a patronage and you're deemed unready

usually ppl have a good sense that they're ready but this happens sometimes or older dalish who haven't asked or been suggested to undergo

the ritual for longer than usual (aka they're well adult aged but not adults in the clan yet) so sometimes ppl go bc they're just Old Enough

and the hope is that their vision will guide them and help them find a focus in life. but. sometimes they really just aren't ready yet

getting your vallaslin marks you with ur purpose (in a vague sense at least) and also marks u as an adult member of the clan

you have to study before the ritual bc there's a bunch of different ceremonial things you have to do first. and then after there's a party

your vallaslin gets decided and all your relatives and friends and the hahren all do a little bit of the tattooing (directed by the keeper)

like. the clan remains assembled and the keeper does the tattooing but ppl that are close and important to you contribute to it in part

your clan encircles you and everyone watches as you get it done (and obv u can't express pain or it stops that's a canon thing)

and then when it's all done you get cleaned up and the clan has a big celebration with food and dancing and various associated traditions

[pimpmyaravel]

bad.... dorianings.....

this is.... krem/dorian and ru<>dorian stuff but it's heavy on the dorian/bull thoughts and my thoughts are "this is toxic and abusive and miserable" so proceed w caution here bc there are good points and hope and shit but serious major emotional and sexual and physical abuse warnings and major self esteem problems and drinking problems warnings ok seriously

mir

ok so. my krem/dorian thing originates since before the game came out where i was just like "you are both so hot and date each other"

but then the whole bull/dorian catastrophe gave me really extensive thoughts on krem/dorian being an especially good thing and

helping sort all the shit out and i. hold on i have a thing

mother FUCKER i didnt' realize that twitter doesn't keep direct messages infinitely back in time lmao cool i didn't copy paste those

i figured i'd just go get it all later and it's all gone! cool!

ok

basically dorian/bull is mutually toxic and shitty as hell and i think krem/dorian is good bc reasons and i'm frustrated now

will

Do u remember most of it?

mir

yeah but it was a long thing and i'm really frustrated i wanted to share those dorianbull thoughts honestly

oh wel i guess while i'm here time to copy all these embarrassing sexy headcanons from the other day lmao

will

I heard some stuff abt dorian bull

mir

it was really good dorian meta mostly honestly it was just all about like. his drinking problem and his self hate issues and ugh

will

Ah yeah.

I just want him to b w someone who helps him b his best

mir

basically ppl on either side of the dorianbull argument are way too extreme. either they're like "bull did nothing wrong and they

are in a totally happy and healthy relationship and dorian chose it 100% and doesn't have a drinking problem and nothing is toxic"

or they're like "the iron bull is a literal abusive horrible demon from hell who just wants to rape dorian while he's drunk" like Woah buddy

bull has a clearly defined line in his head between "his people" and "everyone else" and yeah he does to an extent see them as not people?

so like there's that right off the bat. and u can't tell me bull wouldn't see dorian as a conquest. like he would. for sure.

but he's also not completely without regard for consent so i'm sure he would stop if dorian said no but the thing is dorian WONT

dorian hates himself. that's the most important thing to remember about their relationship is that dorian fucking hates himself

he preens about his looks so much bc somewhere along the line he got this idea in his head that the only thing he has of value is that

he's just a pretty face with good breeding that he squandared and he's trying to be a good person but it's really fucking hard

and people like. often won't even LET him like they don't give him the chance to learn or grow or change things or help??? it's shit

so anyway dorian is here and he's trying and he's suffering and he's scared and he's blaming himself for some part of this of course

bc he's taken on this ridiculous mantle of like. I Am The Redeemer Of All Tevinter therefore somehow the venatori are his Personal Problem??

but he's. alone. a non romanced dorian even one who is close w the inquisitor is alone a lot of the time and alone in That way anyway

and we know he spends a lot of his time hating himself and drinking by himself. and bull. lives where the drinks are. so it's.

it's canon that they started out with one drunk hookup and it goes from there. my thoughts is just. it's not a good time.

dorian hates himself and is deeply ashamed and he's ashamed even of the good parts. he's ashamed it happened and he's ashamed he liked any

of it and he wants to erase it from history from his mind from anything but bull is smug and also dorian never said no

so dorian hears about it again. and bull drops hints he'd be down for another round whenever dorian wanted. and dorian. hates himself. so.

so like he doesn't go down to the tavern thinking "i'm going to go let this qunari fuck me in ways i don't want bc i hate myself" but also

that's basically what he does. like. he doesn't think he deserves better? it happens and he's like "this is what i deserve"

and bull probably knows dorian isn't completely happy or unaltered in his consent but on the surface dorian doesn't say no and

will

Yeah dorian has a LOT of self esteem issues and

With the inquisitor you get to help him see some of the better things abt himself

mir

bull honestly doesn't care about him as a person enough to push it all that much??? like he's just an accessory to the boss and like

bull clearly sees the inquisitor as a person but. dorian's just a guy. a guy who will let bull do anything to him. repeatedly. w/o complaint. 

bull isn't a bad person per se but like. he's. not a person. he has a very different way of seeing and feeling than a person why do ppl not acknowledge this. anyway

dorian thinks this is what he deserves but what dorian NEEDS is someone to tell him no you don't deserve that you deserve gentleness

dorian doesn't even realize he's seeking out more sharp edges to cut him on basically but he is. he goes back to bull bc it's like

it's easier to keep hating yourself if you keep having more reasons and it's? like? low self esteem is a hell of a drug

when you feel yourself almost getting out of a bad mental place it's so easy to have it pull you back down

like. when ru first notices something's wrong they're like "are you okay please tell me what's going on" and he snaps at them like

"who do you think you are, my parents? i'm an adult i can make my own choices, i know what i want" and ru's like. stunned for a second

and then they're like "i just want you to be happy. and safe. and i want to know you're actually making those choices for yourself"

dorian gets himself in way too deep and he can't get out and he's miserable and when he finally tells ru the's just like

will

:(

mir

"this is my fault and i deserve it i deserve everything he's not a bad person i just let him hurt me i want him to i'm disgusting"

and ru is like "no you're not and no you don't and you are coming the fuck home with me when we're done with this"

"and that is going to be the last decision anyone ever makes for you ok"

will

I mean ur right on point

mir

ru marches straight to bull and is like excuse me but i have something to say to you. bull's like hey boss what's up

ru rolls back their sleeves. punches bull in the face. he's like "damn that actually hurt i assume you have a reason for that??"

will

Does ru basically adopt dorian??

mir

"look. i know he won't say it. there's reasons for that that don't need to be explained in public or honestly ever unless he chooses to, but

he won't say what he actually wants. he won't tell you to stop. so i'm telling you. he's mine, not yours, alright? my people.

touch him again and it's the last time you have hands, i don't care how useful they are to me or the inquisition, got it?"

and of course bull respects that and is honestly a little dismayed at himself for obviously having taken the thing w dorian too far

ru goes back to dorian and tells him it's over and he's just like what do you mean it's over and they're just. it's. over.

when we seal that big hole in the sky, you're coming back with me, and i'll personally fist fight the keeper if he tries to turn you out

dorian laughs and is just like. now that i'd like to see. on second thought, i'd prefer to meet him on better terms?

ru's like. well. so would i. but i don't care. i'd do it. honestly i'd do anything for you so just. don't. don't think no one loves you

because i do. you. big stupid shem asshole i do i love you alright and i know it doesn't come with the. whatever. but. i love you

ru tries to wrap their head around the whole sexy relationships thing but honestly they're just like. i'm too ace for this

will

fair

mir

"anyway i don't care if you can't say it or whatever. i know you love me too. so just. stop letting people hurt you

you deserve better. you do. you can't see it but you do. you've got me and surely my impeccable taste is proof that you're worth it?"

he just laughs and leans his head down on ru's shoulder. they just kind of. sit there together for a while. and then he just says thank you

anyway my. point was. originally. bull isnt a bad person? exactly? i mean. he's not a person. so.  but he does abuse dorian. and dorian does let it happen but he's still a victim

it's a lot more complicated than anyone's making it. and. anyway. apparently end canon with neither romanced puts them together

so in my other timelines i've got the idea that yeah. he goes with the chargers. and bull. but like. krem's the one who notices

and krem gets really angry with bull bc like. he trusted him and he's like? treating dorian like a toy instead of a person?

can't he hear the edge underneath the jokes dorian tells can't he see that he's drinking more and more every day can't he see it

and if he can then what the fuck is wrong with him and what happened to the bull who saved krem's life without knowing his name

like. dorian's not perfect. but he's a good guy. surely bull can see that. surely he cares. he abandoned the ben hassrath for the chargers

and for the inquisition. surely that means he values people more than... whatever it was he was before. he can't just be a weapon anymore

dorian drinks a lot. he gets sloppy and krem and dalish are always the ones there to listen to him and to prop him up and help him out

the chargers have started caring for dorian as one of their own and it really stands out to them that bull seems to have. not.

bull always makes everyone feel comfortable with who they are but he seems to do the opposite to dorian and at first like

krem assumes that's alright and that's what they're in for and alright whatever not his place to say but. dorian talks to krem sometimes

and he starts just. reminding krem of the way he felt. before. like he's in a shit situation he got himself into but can't change

doesn't really deserve to change. like he wakes up every morning and just hates himself for things he thinks he can't ever make better

and krem learns more about him and his ambitions and personality and who he really is under that flash and swagger and he just starts

to care about him. as a person. as a friend. it doesn't matter. dorian's a good man and krem wants to help him realize it?

krem still doesn't really see that bull is being really like. the reason dorian's so broken down? so he just. is there for him

it all comes to a head when dorian is alone drinking with krem bc everyone else is away on a mission or asleep already and then just

dorian asks "why are you so nice to me" and krem's just like "what. because we're friends, and you're a charger now, which makes you alright

dorian laughs. "am i? a charger? fascinating. bull doesn't seem to think so." krem's just like "what do you mean? chief brought you in"

"yes he did. didn't he. brings me a lot of things. most of them aren't as kind as you and your elf friend are, however"

and krem's just like. suddenly just things are clicking together in his head and he's getting angry and he wants to just like go and find

bull and demand to know what the fuck is going on. but like. this is his friend and clearly dorian needs him to stay here and listen

he's pretty sure he should say something. but he honestly. can't think of what. so he just does the soldiery thing and like reaches out

and grips dorian's forearm all firm and friendly-like and is just like "well you're one of us to me, and i'm here for you"

dorian looks up and he's just like. he's lost weight and he's always drunk these days and he just smiles and goes "you are aren't you"

will

Oh man

mir

"you're always here, after he's gone, after the rest of them are, you don't let me be alone. is that on purpose? why?"

krem's just like "i. dunno really i hadn't thought about it like that. just seems like you aren't the kind of person who ought to be

just left by himself all the time. and if i know the look of a man out on the hunt for new ways to get himself hurt, well, who's saying?"

dorian sort of slumps and krem reaches out to stabilize him and dorian just like sinks forward into his hands and sloppily kisses him

krem lets him for a second mostly in surprise and then gently but firmly steadies him again and dorian's like "oh maker i'm so sorry

i'm an idiot you didn't want that why would you i'm a complete disaster i deserve all of this and now i've gone and messed this up too"

krem's just like "just so we're clear. i pushed you away because you're in no condition to initiate anything like that right now.

not because i'm not interested in the possibility of it being initiated at some point in the future, once you sober up."

dorian's like "what, really? but i thought. you and." "dalish? yes, well, we're not exclusive. think skinner would be left out if we were"

dorian is just. way too drunk to really wrap his head around all of this and is just like. oh. krem's like. alright listen

i'm going to get you back to your tent, tuck you in, just friendly-like, understood, and then i'm going to stand outside until dawn comes.

make sure nobody gets in without my say-so or yours' when you seem able to give it. and as for this all, if you want, we'll talk later."

dorian like tries to protest that he's fine and immediately collapses. krem's just like. rolls his eyes. come on you let's go

as soon as dorian's asleep krem gets skinner up to stand watch at dorian's tent while he goes and finds bull bc he has Things to say

which are what i said above but also basically amounting to "thought you were better than that, hope you're better now"

"and if i do choose to take him off your hands, so to speak, i hope you'll respect that, and him, and me. and make up for it."

bull's just like. does this mean i'm going to lose you to him. krem pauses to consider and is just. "it might. in time. sooner or later.

will

damn. seriously dont forget to save this

mir

i trusted you. the paragon of unlikely goodwill for all people. like family, i thought we were. you broke that. he hasn't.

it'll take a lot of fixing to mend up what you put a big damn tear in messing him up like you have" and bull. understands.

(dont worry it does save a lot of conversation i was looking for something from like four conversations w em ago and i like. i do this a lot

will

Its like heavy but in a good way

Sad but with hope? And a good ending?

Ur good at stories mir

mir

it's not always this heavy this just happens 2 be the one where it's like. here's all my thoughts about how fucked up this is

t it could be okay!!! it could be ok

i mean sometimes what i talk with em about on the big damn twitter chat headcanon train is like. lol dorian/tintalle sex

will

Theres hope in both stories for dorian and like

mir

or the. lol anders walking in on a petra/merrill/fenris threesome lol

will

For these to happen he needs to get into that relationship w bull so

mir

yeah. ideally he doesn't but. it's canon that he does hook up with bull if neither r romanced. so. :T

I mean in my main one he's romanced so he doesnt go so low it doesnt get so hard for him

it ultimately can lead to catharsis that's good but like i would prefer if he had just hooked up with krem from the beginning tbh

yeah. sighs i. to be perfectly honest i wish it were possible to qp romance him w a f!quis bc i like. i mean. ru isn't. but

will

Idk if ill b able to play thru and let that happen? I want to play w my other lavellans n my adaar but

mir

like ru loves josephine a lot but honestly they both understand that. dorian is like. equal. but different

dorian is the dirthamen to ru's falon'din

will

Yeah a qp romance would b gr8

Like in da2 its not such a stretch to say "evry1 is datin every1" and i guess u can retcon canon in favor of headcanon

mir

yeah tru also i'm just. i have those on hand ready to go at any time i'm such gay dalish trash

will

Also i like those codexes n those i think r my fave gods?

mir

i'm also just it's not even just the relationship model it's also the gods in question like hello ru has falon'din's vallaslin

and dirthamen?? keeper of secrets and lore??? what is dorian always on about "we have so much history worth saving"

will

YES

mir

hangs out in a library and digs up ancient research while simultaneously hiding a shit load about himself

will

Thir was sposed to have dirthamen's vallaslin but i forgot

mir

when the keeper protests ru bringing dorian in to the clan ru just. yells in elvhen at him. and the keeper's like. ok.

will

I kind of wanna remake him n play thru again with caranthir

mir

dorian's just like "not that i'm not terribly grateful but what on earth did you just say" and ru's like "remember what i was telling you

will

Sorry my messages dont really match up, my internet's bein weird

mir

about dirthamen and falon'din. i just told him. that's what you are to me." dorian's like "i AM?" ru's like "yes don't make me regret it"

that's fine i'm goin off lmao it's good

i'm also just. i'm soooo about dorian converting to the dalish faith. it really makes sense w how he views faitha lready and i just

esp if u take him to the temple and he sees it all first hand??/ and with the "i don't believe in the chantry but i do believe in you" line

will

It fits w him yeah

mir

all my main ships convert each other 2 dalish faith lmao

estelverse aka everyone's dalish now even the shem

lmao i like how i started this with "here's why krem/dorian" and wound up mostly taking u on this weird ru/dorian trip #typical

[pimpmyaravel]

tarot assignments

for all my pcs.... eventually... gonna add 2 this w time \m/

honestly like none of these are filled out don't even bother looking at this i'm just making a placeholder post

ruivë lavellan

start card: two of wands

developed card: seven of wands

("""""romance""" card: two of cups w dorian...... gay...)

tintallë lavellan

start card: 

developed card:

laurelin lavellan

start card: 

developed card:

hriviel lavellan

start card: 

developed card:

canary cadash

start card: 

developed card:

inbal cadash

start card: 

developed card:

audra cadash

start card: 

developed card:

---

petra hawke

start card: 

developed card:

heron hawke

start card: 

developed card:

naia hawke

start card: 

developed card:

bellatrix hawke

start card: 

developed card:

---

estel mahariel

start card: 

developed card:

tinuviel surana

start card: 

developed card:

casper tabris

start card: 

developed card:

sela brosca

start card: 

developed card:

[pimpmyaravel]

cole falling asleep somewhere weird and cass carrying him to bed and tucking him in

and like. given everything. she doesn't quite understand how this kid has gotten into her heart like this. but he has.

he was gentle with her in a way no one has been in a long time even when she was hard in return and eventually she starts to feel

like she deserves it. which she's not used to. she's so hard on herself but sometimes cole makes her feel like she doesn't always have to be

like it's ok to set the world aside for a moment and take care of herself for once. like her emotions, good and bad, are worth feeling

and that they don't make her weak. she can be scared or hurt or she can be loving and caring and gentle and none of that makes her weak it's strange to think that when she met him she thought he was a demon. it's obvious to her now that he's anything but

[pimpmyaravel]

dorian,,,,

ppl were talkin abt dorian on the tweet adn abt his slavery views n then i,,, died tbh

it's entirely possible i read into it more bc i want to see it there, i guess just. his words and feelings are

inconsistent? in a good way? it seems to me at this point that while he says some stuff w his like. vint pride. he also just

in his actions he moves away from tradition and constantly works to separate Good Vint Ppl frm the idea of Tevinter Being Good

at least that's how he comes off to me. like he knows he's got a fucked up perspective and could prob try more to fix it but

he is also genuinely caring and working to change things and like. he's there to do good and help people and

he says that he's there to like. rebrand tevinter p much?. but he's. i think. rly there to prove 2 himself that he's different

i feel like dorian's whole character is a lot of talking like he thinks things are great and confident and reedeemable, but,

at the end of the day he doesn't really believe it and he's trying to turn things around bc like... maybe if he can get

other people to not hate him or his culture, then maybe he won't hate himself or his culture so much?? that's my read anyway

obv i'm not. a tevinter apologist at all. fuck tevinter burn it to the ground. but i do care abt dorian nd i think that like,,

i think he cares a lot more than he even knows or lets on and he already does let on that he cares a lot? about just. people.

he's totally aware that he's had a shitty sheltered upbringing in a corrupt system and he bitterly resents that he can't escape that i think

according 2 nightmare, his worst fear is "temptation" and to me that reads as the temptation of the power and luxury of the magisterium?

like he's just deathly terrified that he'll run out of energy to fight it and just slip back into being part of this awful system

he's just. he's scared of the things that tempt him, whether they're things he wants or not? he's scared of love and intimacy,

he's scared of falling into the trap of choosing power and privilege over being a good person, he's scared of being like his dad, but like,

even w those things he still like. fatally Cares Too Much. his dad has been so awful to him but dorian still Loves him, even tho he knows

no matter what he tries to tell himself, that he's. not a good person. he loves his dad but he knows that to like be a better person he cant

really have anything to do with him. he can't have him be a part of his life. bc dorian at some point woke up and saw how shit that life was

and i think he wakes up every morning and sees a new way that it is or was shitty and he feels. angry and powerless and hates himself more

i think any amount he distances himself from his complicity in slavery/the magisterium is bc he like. disgusts himself? almost?

like he sees how fucked up it is and he knows that bc of how shitty the system is an how little he really can see or know, it's. like.

i think he spends so much time w this blustery "i'm so pretty and good and i'm doing this for My Country to prove we're Not All Cocks" but

like. he talks a big game that isnt really there. he sits by the window and read by himself, and he drinks too early in the day and just

he tells anyone who will listen that he's doing this to prove his country isn't a festering irredeemable shithole and there are good vints

but idk to me it just. comes across like. he kind of sees himself as not-person. like he knows he's good looking & talented but. that's it

he really doesn't see or value anything real about himself? at all? and i think he tries so hard to prove himself/his country to others bc

he's. really. trying to prove it to himself. "suppose it's selfish to not want to spend the rest of your life screaming inside". i. yeah.

[pimpmyaravel]

whats in a name

this, mostly,,

this is. everyone. relatively briefly just. for my own ref as usual

names name meanings name associations and then also ages and? random details. just bc 

WARDENS

estel mahariel

Estel – noun, hope. WJ:318 - where it is stated that this word was used in Quenya as well as in Sindarin. Here the word is defined as "'hope', sc. a temper of mind, steady, fixed in purpose, and difficult to dissuade and unlikely to fall into despair or abandon its purpose". In MR:320, estel is translated "trust".) 

approximately 20 during the 5th blight

tinuviel surana

Tindómerel – fem. name "daughter of twilight", a kenning (poetic name) of the nightingale; in Sindarin: Tinúviel.

approximately 18 during the 5th blight (~30 by inquisition)

casper tabris

Casper - honestly it's a derivative of jasper which means other stuff but i kind of just picked it bc it's a cute name and the friendly ghost association was cute. also jasper is a semiprecious stone and that's apt too bc scrappy city elf childe

approximately 19 during the 5th blight (~30 by inquisition)

sela brosca

Sela - from Hebrew, "rock". get it because dwarves

approximately 24 during the 5th blight (~35 by inquisition)

HAWKES

petra hawke

Petra - from Peter (Derived from the Greek Petros meaning "stone".). This was also the name of an ancient city in the region that is now Jordan. 

approximately 4'11"

21 years old at the beginning of da2 (31 by inquisition)

heron hawke

Heron - Derived from Greek heros meaning "hero". Also, a kind of bird. 

approximately 5' 10"

32 years old at the beginning of da2 (42 by inquisition)

naia hawke

Naia - Means "wave, sea foam" in Basque.

approximately 5' 7"

24 years old at the beginning of da2 (34 by inquisition)

bellatrix hawke

Bellatrix - from Latin, "female warrior".

approximately 6'

28 years old at the beginning of da2 (38 by inquisition)

INQUISITORS

ruivë lavellan

Ruivë, (also aparuivë), noun, “wild fire – fire as conflagration” (PE17:183) 

17 years old at the conclave

tintallë lavellan

 noun (proper), "Kindler", a title of Varda who kindled the stars (TIN, Nam, RGEO:67). From tinta- "kindle, make to sparkle" (MR:388). 

22 years old at the conclave

laurelin lavellan

Laurelin ("g.sg. Laurelinden" or Laurelingen; in LotR-style Quenya this is dat.sg.) Name of the Golden Tree of Valinor, interpreted both *"singing-gold" (stem Laurelind-) and "hanging-gold" (stem Laureling-) (LIN2, VT45:27, LÁWAR/GLÁWAR, [GLAW(-R)], SA, Letters: 308)

but also i really liked the association w the cognate sounds going on with lirulin, a word for "lark", derived from related root words lir- "to chant" and lirit, which is "poem".

33 years old at the conclave

canary cadash

Canary - a small bird. it's just because he's all yellow and there's the whole canary in a colemine joke honestly that's it

46 years old at the conclave

inbal cadash

Inbal - from Hebrew. "tongue of a bell". In reference to a lighthearted nature. 

28 years old at the conclave

audra cadash

Audra - Means "storm" in Lithuanian.

32 years old at the conclave

hriviel lavellan

hrivë - noun, "winter" (Quenya) + the suffix -iel, "daughter of". Hriviel therefore translates to "daughter of winter".

35 years old at the conclave

[pimpmyaravel]

cool elf pranks w zevran and estel

aka alistair gets punked

[12/29/14, 1:17:10 AM] winters: I THOGUHT IT WAS ZEVRAN ON THAT LOTR POST TOO........... fuck [12/29/14, 1:17:36 AM] casimir reed-stark: in our defense they drew his hair too short [12/29/14, 1:17:36 AM] casimir reed-stark: so [12/29/14, 1:18:01 AM] casimir reed-stark: my eyes moved too fast and i didnt see aragorn and was just like [12/29/14, 1:18:09 AM] casimir reed-stark: a dwarf ok it’s oghren [12/29/14, 1:18:10 AM] casimir reed-stark: wait [12/29/14, 1:18:12 AM] casimir reed-stark: no its not [12/29/14, 1:19:11 AM] winters: imagine zev sleeping w his eyes open and alistair just. sleepy goes into zevs tent to wake him bc they need to pack up camp and he jsut "oH FUCK WHAT THE FUCK @MAKER WHY THIS" [12/29/14, 1:19:36 AM] winters: same though. i was like no wait. wAIT that's not oghren and also. there is an aragorn [12/29/14, 1:19:38 AM] winters: oop [12/29/14, 1:19:56 AM] casimir reed-stark: ZEVRAN AND ESTEL SNUGGLED UP TOGETHER WITH THEIR EYES WIDE UP OPEN AND ALISTAIR GOES IN TO ASK THEM SOMETHING AND IS LIKE [12/29/14, 1:19:57 AM] casimir reed-stark: WHY [12/29/14, 1:20:08 AM] casimir reed-stark: @ANDRASTE WHAT DID I DO WRONG [12/29/14, 1:20:09 AM] winters: iM SCREAMING [12/29/14, 1:20:16 AM] winters: I CANT B REATHE FUCK [12/29/14, 1:20:22 AM] casimir reed-stark: not only are their eyes open but they are also 100% naked [12/29/14, 1:20:39 AM] casimir reed-stark: so when alistair like [12/29/14, 1:20:43 AM] winters: alistair sits down n starts rocking. "why me why me andraste deliver me from this world" [12/29/14, 1:21:02 AM] casimir reed-stark: he like pulls back the tent flap and is like “hey guys it’s almOST AHHHH. AH” and he like . screeches [12/29/14, 1:21:14 AM] casimir reed-stark: and they wake up and both sit up and knock the blanket forward off of them [12/29/14, 1:21:37 AM] winters: NO [12/29/14, 1:21:49 AM] casimir reed-stark: zev pulls a knife out of nowhere and is like WHAT IS IT ARE WE BEING ATTACKED and estels like is it even light outside yet what the hell is going on [12/29/14, 1:22:11 AM] casimir reed-stark: alistair like. looks at their eyes. looks at the knife. looks down. looks immediately back up [12/29/14, 1:22:57 AM] winters: WAS DEATHLY WHITE FROM FRIGHT BUT BLUSHES 2 HIS EARS [12/29/14, 1:23:34 AM] casimir reed-stark: “no no nO everything is! completely fine i just. breakfast there’s breakfast sten and leliana made breakfast oh maker i am . so sorry. please don’t kill me. i’m sorry i opened your tent without uh knocking or something and i’m sorry i woke you up and i’m sorry i have now seen more than i intended there’s breakfast i’m leaving there is breakfast i’m sorry" [12/29/14, 1:24:06 AM] casimir reed-stark: zevran like yawns and gets up and puts the knife down and goes over and pats him sleepily on the shoulder and is just like [12/29/14, 1:24:47 AM] casimir reed-stark: “i do not make it my business to kill my friends for waking me up, even if i was having the most wonderful dream” [12/29/14, 1:25:00 AM] casimir reed-stark: alistair is like “c AN YOU PL EA SE PUT PANTS ON" [12/29/14, 1:25:26 AM] winters: P LEAS E [12/29/14, 1:26:30 AM] casimir reed-stark: estel spends the next few minutes after alistair leaves forcing zevran to get fully dressed bc they’re pretty sure it’s not worth teasing alistair by showing up in his underwear, as it might also literally kill him [12/29/14, 1:26:45 AM] casimir reed-stark: zev is like “fine but you’re no fun” estel’s like “not before 10am i’m not" [12/29/14, 1:27:17 AM] winters: honestly though. beautiful [12/29/14, 1:27:18 AM] casimir reed-stark: “you love me anyway” “disgustingly so, yes” and then they make out and are late to breakfast anyway [12/29/14, 1:27:38 AM] winters: gross [12/29/14, 1:27:53 AM] winters: alistair avoids eyecontact [12/29/14, 1:28:06 AM] casimir reed-stark: they show up and are like “sorry it took a bit to get dressed thanks for the food this looks great" [12/29/14, 1:29:33 AM] casimir reed-stark: alistair is just like. stares directly at feet. does not make eye contact. does not look at them. refuses to acknolwedge that he is well aware that there is like. zevran is wearing a shirt with a low collar and that mark was not there before and alistair is like. there are so many things i didn’twant to know [12/29/14, 1:30:39 AM] winters: poor child [12/29/14, 1:31:20 AM] winters: on another Elf Trait note: im so super fond of glowy cat eye elves, and the sharp canines that people seem to have picked up. and also able to both see in the dark and have excellent hearing. I'm so glad [12/29/14, 1:32:36 AM] casimir reed-stark: YE [12/29/14, 1:32:58 AM] casimir reed-stark: i love the idea of estel and zev being like “something’s elfy about alistair” and tricking him into night vision mode [12/29/14, 1:33:08 AM] winters: that is SUCH A COOL HEADCANON [12/29/14, 1:33:10 AM] winters: i love that post [12/29/14, 1:33:22 AM] casimir reed-stark: they bring leliana bc full party and a control to make sure it is actually a dark enough place [12/29/14, 1:34:21 AM] casimir reed-stark: they tell her what they’re doing tho and she’s like “that’s ridiculous, look at him, he’s as big as the both of you put together” and they’re like “yeah but i mean his dad was pretty big so whatever are you coming or not” and she’s like “ok but there’s no way" [12/29/14, 1:34:28 AM] casimir reed-stark: they’re like “girl we know” [12/29/14, 1:34:50 AM] casimir reed-stark: so they take her and alistair and alistair’s like why are we out here this is ridiculous where are we going [12/29/14, 1:34:54 AM] casimir reed-stark: “shhh just keep moving" [12/29/14, 1:35:52 AM] casimir reed-stark: they give leliana a nod and she douses the torch once they’re down in a deeper cave and she’s just like “u assholes better be right bc i stg i can’t see shit and if i die trying to prove alistair is part elf and we get mobbed by spiders so help me maker i will terrorize ur asses in ghost hell” [12/29/14, 1:36:07 AM] casimir reed-stark: alistairs like [12/29/14, 1:36:11 AM] casimir reed-stark: AHH. WHY DID YOU DO THAT [12/29/14, 1:36:16 AM] casimir reed-stark: here give me that [12/29/14, 1:36:25 AM] casimir reed-stark: walks straight up to leliana and takes the torch and is like [12/29/14, 1:36:40 AM] casimir reed-stark: well shit we dont have a light why did we go down here with just a bunch of you asshole rogues [12/29/14, 1:37:02 AM] casimir reed-stark: leliana just does this short little gasp and zev and estel high five [12/29/14, 1:37:10 AM] casimir reed-stark: alistair’s l ike “what" [12/29/14, 1:37:26 AM] casimir reed-stark: zev’s like “good news! remember your shitty sister?? she’s not your sister!” [12/29/14, 1:37:34 AM] casimir reed-stark: alistair’s just like “what and also can we please go home" [12/29/14, 1:38:15 AM] casimir reed-stark: “holy shit look at that over there” “ok there is nothing over there you’re just fucking with me i can… see….. just fine….. what are you miserable elves up to" [12/29/14, 1:38:27 AM] casimir reed-stark: “leliana why are you helping them do this i thought i could trust you” [12/29/14, 1:38:43 AM] winters: darling [12/29/14, 1:39:26 AM] casimir reed-stark: “hO LY SHIT LOOK AT THAT. OVER THERE. WHAT IS THAT” “dude you just tried that one i’m not falling for it A AHHH HHG AIN S HIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THATS THE BIGGEST SPIDER IVE EVER SEEN” leliana’s like “IM GOING TO MURDER EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU IF WE DIE FOR YOUR SHITTY ELF PRANKS” [12/29/14, 1:40:25 AM] winters: SHI T [12/29/14, 1:41:01 AM] casimir reed-stark: they manage to get back by just running for the surface at full title [12/29/14, 1:41:04 AM] casimir reed-stark: *tilt [12/29/14, 1:41:29 AM] winters: ty have to call out directions to leliana. she's good but she still can't see in the pitch black [12/29/14, 1:41:31 AM] casimir reed-stark: zev’s like “ALISTAIR PICK LELIANA UP AND CARRY HER DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT” [12/29/14, 1:41:37 AM] winters: SHIT [12/29/14, 1:41:46 AM] winters: THAT'S A BETTER ALTERNATIVE [12/29/14, 1:42:10 AM] casimir reed-stark: he’s just like “i am so sorry” and she’s like “for what where the fuck are you” and alistair just unceremoniously picks her up and throws her over his shoulder and runs [12/29/14, 1:43:30 AM] casimir reed-stark: they wind up back at camp like panting and out of breath and redfaced and leliana looks like she’s about to stab alistair in the face and then come for the other two and morrigan just raises an eyebrow critically and wynne is like “are you alright what on earth happened” and leliana’s like “i’m going to bed before i kill all of these idiots is what is happening right now goodnight" [12/29/14, 1:45:45 AM] winters: alistair goes to call out an i'm sorry but thinks better of it. turns on zev n estel like........ wtf guys. w HAT IS GOING ON what was that WHY did we do that. s ooooooo dangerous. that was dangerous w HY im fine this is fine [12/29/14, 1:46:06 AM] casimir reed-stark: they’re like [12/29/14, 1:46:20 AM] casimir reed-stark: well. we had an idea but we really didn’t think out fully what to do if we were actually right [12/29/14, 1:46:29 AM] casimir reed-stark: the plan did not get that far [12/29/14, 1:46:50 AM] casimir reed-stark: but anyway congrats on being one of us [12/29/14, 1:47:03 AM] casimir reed-stark: he’s like what the FUCK are you talking about [12/29/14, 1:47:05 AM] winters: g REAT [laughs weakly] wait. what [12/29/14, 1:47:31 AM] casimir reed-stark: yeah see the thing is u know how leliana was the only one of us who couldnt see shit in that cave [12/29/14, 1:47:43 AM] casimir reed-stark: yeah humans cant see shit in the dar [12/29/14, 1:47:54 AM] casimir reed-stark: alistairs like well THIS human can. wait what [12/29/14, 1:48:06 AM] winters: yEP [12/29/14, 1:48:22 AM] winters: haha guys gr8 prank good one [12/29/14, 1:48:36 AM] winters: i dont get it [12/29/14, 1:49:11 AM] casimir reed-stark: “im going to bed and for the record youre both assholes” “yeah and whats ur point round ear” “wE ALL HAVE ROUND EARS I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS JOKE IS YOU BOTH SUCK” [12/29/14, 1:50:00 AM] winters: C HILD [12/29/14, 1:50:20 AM] casimir reed-stark: morrigan walks over and is just like “fucks sake u dense fools. zevran. estel. please stop fucking with him like this he’s not smart enough to figure out what you’re saying on his own. alistair. you’re a fucking idiot and also you’re half elf apparently. congradulations, now you have a reason to be shit on by society like the rest of us." [12/29/14, 1:50:30 AM] casimir reed-stark: “now will you all stop yelling and go to sleep” [12/29/14, 1:50:43 AM] casimir reed-stark: alistair just makes a weird squeaky noise [12/29/14, 1:51:36 AM] winters: zev and estel like awh morrigan you ruin all our fun [12/29/14, 1:51:57 AM] winters: alistair trying 2 cope with it. a lright okay i definitely need to lay down now [12/29/14, 1:53:10 AM] casimir reed-stark: “my dear morrigan” “stop” “ehem. rude. my /dearest/ morrigan, has it ever occured to you that you are a fun sponge” *morrigan: shapeshifts* *zevran: exit, pursued by a bear* [12/29/14, 1:54:04 AM] winters: N ICE [12/29/14, 1:54:34 AM] winters: i love the. ehem. rude [12/29/14, 1:54:36 AM] winters: amazing

[pimpmyaravel]

this blog is too sad

so here is more me and em chat this is a bunch about laurelin and also a lot about Fucking Orlais I Hate Orlais but i love bringing sera to orlais. and also. Don't bring cole to orlais. also some stuff about dorian and krem and then the disaster kids in there too??? it's mostly abt laurelin and vint stuff tho

[12/29/14, 12:06:40 AM] casimir reed-stark: any time [12/29/14, 12:07:02 AM] casimir reed-stark: i mean. not any time obviously. i think i went to bed shortly after that bc i got too drunk and could no longer handle orlais [12/29/14, 12:07:14 AM] casimir reed-stark: i started drinking to get through orlais but i overestimated how much wine was the right amount [12/29/14, 12:07:21 AM] winters: that was. really good i was so thrown and shaky about it and seeing ur snaps helped me not think about it [12/29/14, 12:07:38 AM] winters: and y EAH i saw that. you didnt send any more snaps so i assumed you had gone to sleep [12/29/14, 12:08:58 AM] winters: orlais was like. so boring honestly i was not enthralled. the only cool thing was seeing what i could get away with to get court approval really. i truly gave up and sped through it in the end i was so annoyed [12/29/14, 12:09:37 AM] winters: also it would have been cool to dance w my li but that's abt it........ seeing ur companions react was nice but the actual mission was not [12/29/14, 12:09:51 AM] winters: stick me in the hinterlands any day [12/29/14, 12:10:27 AM] casimir reed-stark: i absolutely hate orlais not bc it’s boring but bc it’s just like [12/29/14, 12:10:33 AM] casimir reed-stark: i hate orlesians [12/29/14, 12:10:57 AM] casimir reed-stark: i fucked up really badly my first attempt bc i have a specific outcome i really would like to have happen bc i looked up epilogue stuff [12/29/14, 12:11:05 AM] casimir reed-stark: but it requires a lot of fuckin halla statues [12/29/14, 12:11:16 AM] casimir reed-stark: so i have to be meticulous about getting as many as i can [12/29/14, 12:11:26 AM] winters: those halla statues are the worst i got so mad and gave up. you have far more patience than i [12/29/14, 12:11:30 AM] casimir reed-stark: so anyway i reloaded bc i meessed up hardcore the first time [12/29/14, 12:11:48 AM] casimir reed-stark: and in my second attempt decided to bring the companions i knew would make the court the most uncomfortable [12/29/14, 12:11:52 AM] casimir reed-stark: so i brought sera, dorian, and bull [12/29/14, 12:12:04 AM] casimir reed-stark: AND SERA TURNS OUT TO BE THE BEST COMPANION TO BRING??? [12/29/14, 12:12:13 AM] winters: what?????? [12/29/14, 12:12:15 AM] casimir reed-stark: you can gain SO MUCH approval from sera if you take her to orlais with you it’s hilarious [12/29/14, 12:12:22 AM] casimir reed-stark: and also extra loot [12/29/14, 12:12:27 AM] winters: that's SO GOOD i'll ahve to rmr that [12/29/14, 12:12:47 AM] casimir reed-stark: she spends her entire time trashing the nobles and laughing at everything and then she also gives you tips to where there’s red jenny loot caches all over the castle [12/29/14, 12:13:08 AM] casimir reed-stark: also u know how they have a herald announce who u bring [12/29/14, 12:13:12 AM] winters: o yeah [12/29/14, 12:13:31 AM] casimir reed-stark: sera gets herself announced as “her ladyship… “my balls itch”… of course" [12/29/14, 12:13:46 AM] casimir reed-stark: and then she snickers loudly and i think cullen audibly groans [12/29/14, 12:13:55 AM] winters: w ow. im so proud :' ) [12/29/14, 12:14:04 AM] winters: my lady cadash is gonna love her [12/29/14, 12:14:17 AM] casimir reed-stark: i brought cass and varric and dorian the first time and tbh they were way too accepting of the first two [12/29/14, 12:14:23 AM] casimir reed-stark: like that’s my typical party build but [12/29/14, 12:14:29 AM] casimir reed-stark: nah [12/29/14, 12:14:30 AM] winters: yeah i varric, dorian, bull so [12/29/14, 12:14:47 AM] winters: bull @ the food is so funny [12/29/14, 12:14:50 AM] casimir reed-stark: cass got announced by her full name and she goes “ugh get on with it” [12/29/14, 12:14:54 AM] winters: oh my GOd [12/29/14, 12:14:57 AM] winters: poor thing [12/29/14, 12:15:02 AM] winters: what a mouthful [12/29/14, 12:15:18 AM] casimir reed-stark: so i mean i think ultimately from my observation literally the best companion to bring is sera and the worst is cole [12/29/14, 12:15:25 AM] casimir reed-stark: i know someone who brought cole and. never bring cole. [12/29/14, 12:15:31 AM] casimir reed-stark: he doesn’t get announced at all [12/29/14, 12:15:45 AM] winters: oh...... is it just. very sad [12/29/14, 12:15:46 AM] casimir reed-stark: and i’m pretty sure he literally disappears [12/29/14, 12:15:50 AM] winters: nO [12/29/14, 12:16:04 AM] casimir reed-stark: you can’t find him to talk to until you show up with your full party to arm up and explore [12/29/14, 12:16:25 AM] winters: i dont like this at all [12/29/14, 12:16:31 AM] casimir reed-stark: huh i just realized. i wonder if the special dialogue option with dorian is because we’re 100% friends [12/29/14, 12:16:37 AM] casimir reed-stark: or if it’s just there bc dorian [12/29/14, 12:16:57 AM] casimir reed-stark: bc you get a dialogue thing. or at least i did. to tell him thank you for coming bc you know it’s not going to be easy on him [12/29/14, 12:17:19 AM] casimir reed-stark: and he’s like “haha yeah you’d think i smelled of cabbages the way everyone’s looking at me. it’s alright though. thank you for saying something" [12/29/14, 12:17:33 AM] winters: yeah. i think... i think i remember that. but then again i have a feeling i was very close to full friendship at that point too [12/29/14, 12:17:48 AM] winters: he's so important [12/29/14, 12:17:51 AM] casimir reed-stark: i have no idea what my friendship meters are with everyone i just know that i am definitely friends with dorian and cole [12/29/14, 12:18:04 AM] casimir reed-stark: cole’s lunch date in val royeux….. the cutest thing i have ever seen....... [12/29/14, 12:22:10 AM] winters: i have not done that yet. actually both varric and cole are likely to glitch out and i haven't been able to talk to cole in ages bc he doesnt appear when i get close to him [12/29/14, 12:22:14 AM] winters: it's so frustrating [12/29/14, 12:22:18 AM] winters: i miss him [12/29/14, 12:22:40 AM] casimir reed-stark: woah weird [12/29/14, 12:23:18 AM] winters: ur tellin me. krem has found his way around a chari and understands how to use one, but cole just up and disappears [12/29/14, 12:23:22 AM] winters: thanks dragon age [12/29/14, 12:24:12 AM] winters: oh well i'll figure it out and get to him at some point [12/29/14, 12:24:23 AM] winters: if it's the last hting i do [12/29/14, 12:25:57 AM] casimir reed-stark: krem is like. fifty fifty. in mine [12/29/14, 12:26:08 AM] casimir reed-stark: he sometimes sits in the chair shoving the wine bottle into his cheek [12/29/14, 12:26:16 AM] casimir reed-stark: and sometimes stands on the chair [12/29/14, 12:26:24 AM] casimir reed-stark: he stopped descending from the rafters every time i walk in though [12/29/14, 12:26:32 AM] winters: he often talks while he has the bottle at his mouth too [12/29/14, 12:26:36 AM] winters: SHIT [12/29/14, 12:26:48 AM] winters: krem u light up my life with ur silly antics [12/29/14, 12:26:59 AM] winters: u light up my life anyway but stil [12/29/14, 12:27:13 AM] casimir reed-stark: ok totally unrelated but i’m really fuckin tired of people simplifying dorian’s views on slavery to “dorian supports slavery" [12/29/14, 12:27:19 AM] casimir reed-stark: did they??? listen????? to what he said about it??? [12/29/14, 12:27:23 AM] casimir reed-stark: it was slightly naive but at the same time like [12/29/14, 12:27:30 AM] casimir reed-stark: what krem says later totally validates it to me tbh [12/29/14, 12:28:24 AM] winters: i honestly havent come across people talking about dorian's views on it. i'm guessing i should count myself lucky [12/29/14, 12:28:50 AM] casimir reed-stark: literally when you talk to dorian (as an elf) about slavery in tevinter what he has to say is like [12/29/14, 12:30:07 AM] casimir reed-stark: “it’s an ugly business and i’m not saying it’s good but at the same time people outright demonizing people who have slaves in tevinter as always being bad people really don’t understand how tevinter is. honestly it’s not a good thing but if you’re poor and especially an elf in tevinter, you may actually be better off as a slave. no elf and no lower class person in tevinter is truly free." [12/29/14, 12:30:23 AM] casimir reed-stark: and then later krem literally tells you that he grew up poor as shit and lower class in tevinter [12/29/14, 12:30:30 AM] casimir reed-stark: and his dad SOLD HIMSELF INTO SLAVERY TO AVOID STARVING TO DEATH [12/29/14, 12:31:15 AM] winters: y eah. yeah [12/29/14, 12:31:42 AM] winters: it's a lot more complicated than just blanketing dorian's perspective w "supports slavery" [12/29/14, 12:32:08 AM] casimir reed-stark: yeah it doesn’t mean he doesn’t occassionally make unfortunate comments but he’s really self aware about it [12/29/14, 12:32:41 AM] casimir reed-stark: he outright says “i’m a fuckin rich tevinter mage kid my dad is a magister of course i don’t understand what it’s like to be poor or not tevinter” [12/29/14, 12:33:07 AM] winters: he knows his background and why he thinks these things. yeah [12/29/14, 12:36:15 AM] winters: dorian only wants to be better really, that's what he's striving for [12/29/14, 12:36:38 AM] casimir reed-stark: i just [12/29/14, 12:36:51 AM] casimir reed-stark: i love how worked up he gets sometimes when you’re talkign to him and he’s just like [12/29/14, 12:37:36 AM] casimir reed-stark: i’m FUCKING TRYING i’m trying to make everything better i’m here bc i want to make myself better and i want to make my country better and i want to make the world better and i want to prove to the people back home that i’m better but also that they can be better and also that we can all fucking work together and like [12/29/14, 12:37:45 AM] casimir reed-stark: i love my piece of shit country and it has so many problems and it doesn’t love me but i don’t care [12/29/14, 12:38:10 AM] casimir reed-stark: because i still love it and it still raised me and it can reject me all it wants and i’ll leave so i don’t get hurt anymore but i won’t back down [12/29/14, 12:38:21 AM] casimir reed-stark: wait what were we talkinga bout. right. tevinter. tevinter is what i was talkinga bout [12/29/14, 12:38:54 AM] casimir reed-stark: i was not talking about anything but tevinter and i’m sorry i yelled you don’t deserve that. you’ve only ever supported me and i don’t know how to deal with that bc no one ever has before [12/29/14, 12:39:01 AM] casimir reed-stark: “my best and only friend” shut UP [12/29/14, 12:39:38 AM] winters: goODBYE [12/29/14, 12:40:33 AM] winters: going into this i expected to fall in love with dorian but. not quite in all the ways i have. he's surprised me in the best ways and i love this asshole so much it hurts [12/29/14, 12:41:36 AM] casimir reed-stark: yeah [12/29/14, 12:42:00 AM] casimir reed-stark: yeah no i seriously wasn’t sure going in to things who was going to be like?? like in dao and da2 they’re all your friends and the difference in inquisition is that you [12/29/14, 12:42:13 AM] casimir reed-stark: you don’t have a ragtag band of misfits [12/29/14, 12:42:22 AM] casimir reed-stark: you don’t have a little group of friends u go gallavanting around with [12/29/14, 12:42:23 AM] casimir reed-stark: you have allies [12/29/14, 12:42:40 AM] casimir reed-stark: so i was really excited to find out who was going to wind up actually being my friends [12/29/14, 12:42:52 AM] casimir reed-stark: and i think it will vary a little for my other inquisitors [12/29/14, 12:42:58 AM] winters: yeah. like, i didnt really plan a best friend at all, but dorian slipped into the role so perfectly despite the character ianlen ended up being. [12/29/14, 12:43:01 AM] winters: yeah [12/29/14, 12:43:14 AM] casimir reed-stark: but i really. wasn’t expecting ru and dorian to wind up loving each other so much [12/29/14, 12:43:17 AM] casimir reed-stark: they’re such an odd couple lmao [12/29/14, 12:43:42 AM] casimir reed-stark: sometimes i just think about tinuverse and tintalle bringing dorian home with him and that’s when ru meets dorian and they just [12/29/14, 12:43:50 AM] casimir reed-stark: like they didn’t go through the same stuff but [12/29/14, 12:44:08 AM] casimir reed-stark: tintalle never shuts up about ru and dorian’s even seen letters from them and stuff [12/29/14, 12:44:32 AM] casimir reed-stark: and possibly met them once or twice bc while i don’t think tintalle comes to skyhold ever during the whole crisis bc he’s got to stay and support the keeper [12/29/14, 12:44:46 AM] casimir reed-stark: i think ru definitely does bc i mean [12/29/14, 12:45:20 AM] casimir reed-stark: ru is a hunter they have more place in the clan than. say. laurelin. but they’re still a disaster and the keeper is like “you already left once without permission so i seriously don’t think we can stop you from doing it again" [12/29/14, 12:46:03 AM] winters: "it's an ADVENTURE" [12/29/14, 12:46:22 AM] casimir reed-stark: i’m still laughing bc i had a hard time trying to decide exactly how and why ru has so many scars [12/29/14, 12:46:40 AM] casimir reed-stark: and why tintalle only has like. two. but why he has Any At All is still like. why would u have face scars u are a fragile nerd [12/29/14, 12:46:49 AM] winters: omg [12/29/14, 12:47:04 AM] casimir reed-stark: each of ru’s scars have a story to them that ends with “and THATS why the keeper wont let me do ___ anymore!” [12/29/14, 12:47:24 AM] casimir reed-stark: ru is forbidden from doing any kind of crafting [12/29/14, 12:47:53 AM] casimir reed-stark: tintalle has two scars. he got them at the same time. because ru snapped him in the face with a tree branch and it knocked him out [12/29/14, 12:47:53 AM] winters: i SAW U TALKING ABOUT THAT i cant beleive this child [12/29/14, 12:48:10 AM] winters: ah yes, siblings [12/29/14, 12:48:23 AM] casimir reed-stark: i mean…. they were like…. ru was probably about nine [12/29/14, 12:48:51 AM] winters: was it an accident or were they playing. this honestly sounds like something my brothers would get up to wow [12/29/14, 12:48:53 AM] casimir reed-stark: laurelin’s scars are similar to ru’s but significantly less triumphant [12/29/14, 12:49:01 AM] winters: nice [12/29/14, 12:49:04 AM] casimir reed-stark: they were playing but it was also an accident [12/29/14, 12:49:11 AM] casimir reed-stark: like [12/29/14, 12:49:19 AM] casimir reed-stark: ru did it on purpose but it wasnt meant to do any damage [12/29/14, 12:49:51 AM] casimir reed-stark: tintalle was just like “ru don’t mess with that get down from that tree youre going to hurt yourself” and ru was like “let go? ok” and tintalle was like “nO DONT LET G” and then he was concussed [12/29/14, 12:50:41 AM] winters: creators preserve me [12/29/14, 12:52:02 AM] winters: honestly in the elvhen clique where they all know each other ianlen is definitely that longsuffering silent cousin figure that just. patiently waits for someone to hurt themselves and then patches them up [12/29/14, 12:52:35 AM] casimir reed-stark: i can’t make as many jokes about laurelin bc every time i think about laurelin too much i get kind of :/ because honestly his life until the inquisition was like not bad but not great [12/29/14, 12:52:55 AM] casimir reed-stark: it’s rough living in a society where everyone has a role to play and you just. don't [12/29/14, 12:53:32 AM] winters: awh man [12/29/14, 12:54:35 AM] casimir reed-stark: he’s a mage but he’s not in line to be keeper, he can’t be a crafter (his “sight” only gets him so far), he’s rubbish with halla, he can’t hunt because they can’t risk mages on the hunt and also because he just can’t. see fast enough. to be much help. [12/29/14, 12:54:49 AM] casimir reed-stark: he’s good with kids and he’s good with stories [12/29/14, 12:55:03 AM] casimir reed-stark: so he mostly just. spends his time helping his dad out [12/29/14, 12:55:08 AM] casimir reed-stark: and babysitting [12/29/14, 12:55:23 AM] casimir reed-stark: but there’s still plenty of the clan that’s sort of unnerved by him and definitely pitying of him bc like [12/29/14, 12:56:23 AM] casimir reed-stark: he’s not old but. he’s not young anymore either. by his age most of the people would have had a role in the clan and. probably have picked a partner and settled down too [12/29/14, 12:56:35 AM] casimir reed-stark: he’s like. 33 or 34 [12/29/14, 12:57:04 AM] casimir reed-stark: and bc of the whole. like he can “see” but people don’t know quite how to be around him still sometimes [12/29/14, 12:57:08 AM] casimir reed-stark: and he’s kind of. weirdly quiet. [12/29/14, 12:57:30 AM] casimir reed-stark: except when he’s telling stories and then he just gets lost in them and seems almost like a different person [12/29/14, 12:57:35 AM] winters: oh [12/29/14, 12:57:47 AM] casimir reed-stark: but like a hahren doesn’t have a first the way the keeper does so it’s not like he’s in line for anything there [12/29/14, 12:58:03 AM] casimir reed-stark: there isn’t a role to fill by just. helping out his dad [12/29/14, 12:58:19 AM] casimir reed-stark: the keeper sends him to the conclave literally because like [12/29/14, 12:58:27 AM] casimir reed-stark: she just hopes it will help him find a place in the world [12/29/14, 12:58:39 AM] casimir reed-stark: like that some part of the journey will give him meaning? [12/29/14, 12:58:49 AM] casimir reed-stark: and it. does. the inquisition is the best thing that ever happens to him [12/29/14, 12:59:27 AM] casimir reed-stark: it’s so baffling when they ask him to be inquisitor bc here he is this blind mage kid in his mid thirties with no direction in life whatsoever [12/29/14, 12:59:45 AM] casimir reed-stark: and there are these incredible strong people and they want him to lead them??? [12/29/14, 1:00:03 AM] casimir reed-stark: and he’s like “i am not even remotely cut out to do this but i’ll try" [12/29/14, 1:00:16 AM] winters: what a darling. i'm so glad [12/29/14, 1:03:25 AM] casimir reed-stark: did u see the cap i edited of him [12/29/14, 1:04:32 AM] winters: yeah i did it was amazing he looks so good [12/29/14, 1:04:54 AM] winters: what a CUTIE [12/29/14, 1:05:18 AM] casimir reed-stark: i love my kids [12/29/14, 1:06:58 AM] winters: i love your kids too

[pimpmyaravel]

death death and more death

in which everyone dies and i made em cry and divorce me like four times but its ok i also cried and divorced myself. talkin abt the zevstel fade thing but also then... zevbela.... dying.... and then suddenly!fenders.... surprise...... also dying.... horrible....

[12/29/14, 4:00:53 AM] casimir reed-stark: did u read the dear avery thing [12/29/14, 4:00:58 AM] casimir reed-stark: i forget if i made you read that [12/29/14, 4:02:28 AM] winters: i cant rmr the titles tbh [12/29/14, 4:02:36 AM] winters: you linked me 2 fics so [12/29/14, 4:02:48 AM] casimir reed-stark: no that was. that was a zevstel post i made [12/29/14, 4:03:02 AM] casimir reed-stark: that i made bc i was listening to dear avery too much and it mademe think of a thing bc its [12/29/14, 4:03:10 AM] casimir reed-stark: haha [12/29/14, 4:03:12 AM] winters: oh SNAP [12/29/14, 4:03:14 AM] winters: no i didnt [12/29/14, 4:03:21 AM] casimir reed-stark: oh boy [12/29/14, 4:03:28 AM] winters: g od FUCKIGN DANG IT [12/29/14, 4:03:41 AM] winters: stop getting on the goddamn pain train casimir [12/29/14, 4:03:48 AM] casimir reed-stark: http://pimpmyaravel.tumblr.com/post/106004866340/i-love-to-die [12/29/14, 4:03:59 AM] winters: i love to die [12/29/14, 4:04:07 AM] winters: im going to die [12/29/14, 4:04:09 AM] casimir reed-stark: http://cloudbank.co.vu/post/105987071404/dear-avery-the-decemberists [12/29/14, 4:04:15 AM] casimir reed-stark: accompanying listening [12/29/14, 4:10:40 AM] winters: iM CRYING F UCK OFF WITH UR ZEVESTEL [12/29/14, 4:10:51 AM] winters: rmr how we were talking abt happy zevestel things earlier [12/29/14, 4:10:58 AM] winters: and then u decided 2 bring the pain back [12/29/14, 4:11:02 AM] winters: t HANKS [12/29/14, 4:11:08 AM] casimir reed-stark: hey man this is bittersweet at least [12/29/14, 4:11:17 AM] casimir reed-stark: THEY GET TO SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN ITS NOT ALL BAD [12/29/14, 4:11:24 AM] casimir reed-stark: i mean they are still dead. they are still very much dead [12/29/14, 4:11:49 AM] casimir reed-stark: but i mean how many ppl can say they got to fuck their dead lover in the fade man. zevran that’s how many [12/29/14, 4:12:13 AM] winters: ofc it's zevran [12/29/14, 4:12:38 AM] winters: i'm just. im glad but im in a lot of heartache about it [12/29/14, 4:14:14 AM] casimir reed-stark: after zev and isabela die (many many years later)….. estel is there to greet them and zev is like. shifts uncomfortably not sure what he’s suppsoed to do and bela’s like oh just go to them you idiot come on we’re not getting any younger [12/29/14, 4:14:55 AM] casimir reed-stark: zevran and isabela live a long time together but something still says to me that when they die they die together in one really impressive blaze of glory [12/29/14, 4:15:37 AM] winters: i can imagine that so easily. one last time, my dear isabela? of course. [12/29/14, 4:15:51 AM] casimir reed-stark: neither of them wants to get old [12/29/14, 4:15:58 AM] casimir reed-stark: they do anyway but there’s a point at which it’s like [12/29/14, 4:16:10 AM] casimir reed-stark: we all have callings of our own [12/29/14, 4:16:17 AM] casimir reed-stark: it’s time. [12/29/14, 4:17:06 AM] casimir reed-stark: we’ve had a damned good long life. too long. let’s go. hand in hand they probably like [12/29/14, 4:17:13 AM] winters: im sure they have heists that they always wanted to pull but the posibility of drying was too high. theres always that one quest theyve always wanted to do i imagine........ [12/29/14, 4:17:59 AM] casimir reed-stark: steal a mountain of gaatlok and use it to blow up some tevinter slaver building. they find ways to get all the slaves out and just. blow up the slavers and their riches with them [12/29/14, 4:18:29 AM] winters: oh. yeah [12/29/14, 4:18:57 AM] casimir reed-stark: but it’s impossible to do it and trigger it without being close enough that the blast will hit whoever does it so while they aren’t like. inside. it’s the concussive force of the explosion that knocks them back and they’re gone before it hurts [12/29/14, 4:19:23 AM] winters: they planned it well. i just, yeah [12/29/14, 4:19:31 AM] winters: the only way i could imagine them going [12/29/14, 4:20:17 AM] casimir reed-stark: they got fenris to help of course. he understood what they were doing and it was his life’s work really and he wouldn’t give them the information they needed to do it unless they promised he could go with them [12/29/14, 4:20:29 AM] casimir reed-stark: someone to bring their bodies back. he wouldn’t let them just disappear [12/29/14, 4:21:42 AM] winters: oh no [12/29/14, 4:22:53 AM] casimir reed-stark: merrill is furious at first that they didn’t say goodbye and tell her but fenris is like come on be serious would you have let them go in peace [12/29/14, 4:23:16 AM] casimir reed-stark: and she’s like i don’t know honestly [12/29/14, 4:23:24 AM] casimir reed-stark: i might have. [12/29/14, 4:24:15 AM] winters: they become the closest of friends. fenris becomes more tolerant as he grows older, less quick to anger, realises past mistakes. but isabela is still the only one he lets call him on a lot of things, or call him names. i always imagined that, no matter what, bela and fenris became close [12/29/14, 4:24:29 AM] casimir reed-stark: yeah [12/29/14, 4:25:10 AM] casimir reed-stark: at least in estelverse it’s 100% canon that all of the da2 LIs have stuff w each other at some point p much [12/29/14, 4:25:24 AM] winters: yeah [12/29/14, 4:25:27 AM] casimir reed-stark: merrill only has stuff w hawke and isabela [12/29/14, 4:25:30 AM] casimir reed-stark: but [12/29/14, 4:25:40 AM] casimir reed-stark: fenris and isabela have a thing and so do isabela and anders at one point and then like [12/29/14, 4:25:55 AM] casimir reed-stark: im total garbage about fenris and anders winding up being like [12/29/14, 4:26:09 AM] casimir reed-stark: gradually becoming friends and then actually just caring about each other [12/29/14, 4:26:26 AM] casimir reed-stark: i cant stand fenris/anders when its like. wow they hate each other and they make out lol [12/29/14, 4:26:57 AM] casimir reed-stark: i want fenris/anders where theyre both alone and angry and hurting and they reconcile their differences and come to see that they’re soft in all the same places??? [12/29/14, 4:27:12 AM] casimir reed-stark: and that their hardness doesnt have to be pitted against each other either [12/29/14, 4:27:28 AM] casimir reed-stark: they come to an understanding and then there’s just the general sense of fondness you develop when you know someone that long and they save your skin so many times [12/29/14, 4:28:02 AM] winters: honestly yeah. i just. yeah lmao wow that's such an important thing to me [12/29/14, 4:28:05 AM] casimir reed-stark: no one’s ever quite sure whether they’re “together” ever but [12/29/14, 4:29:11 AM] casimir reed-stark: when anders gets his calling… fenris goes to the deep roads with him. not all the way down. anders won’t let him not make it back [12/29/14, 4:30:11 AM] winters: you cant do this to me. youre not allowed to fuck me up with anders and fenris today as well [12/29/14, 4:30:12 AM] casimir reed-stark: but they go together and they fight together and when the hurt in his head overwhelms him and a darkspawn cuts him down finally, fenris snaps and kills every last one in the vicinity so he can hold anders while he dies [12/29/14, 4:30:48 AM] winters: nO [12/29/14, 4:30:58 AM] winters: i want a divorce [12/29/14, 4:31:21 AM] casimir reed-stark: and he’s grown just good enough at this by now to bite back how badly he wants to beg him not to go after all. this is why they came here and they both knew it but don’t leave me alone not when i only just realized i wasn’t while you were here [12/29/14, 4:31:34 AM] casimir reed-stark: and anders just. [12/29/14, 4:33:56 AM] casimir reed-stark: “i’m glad you came. glad you stayed. i’m sorry. sorry i have to leave you alone again. i know you’re thinking it, it’s alright. thank you. you have been a most unlikely friend. and a more unlikely lover. and i am happy. to have my last moment be here with you and not alone with the dark.” [12/29/14, 4:34:19 AM] casimir reed-stark: “don’t get yourself killed on the way back without me to protect you, alright" [12/29/14, 4:34:51 AM] casimir reed-stark: fenris just growls out like. “as if i need you to protect me, mage. what am i going to do without you” [12/29/14, 4:35:06 AM] casimir reed-stark: “keep fighting” [12/29/14, 4:35:16 AM] winters: why are you doing t his to me im crying so much [12/29/14, 4:36:51 AM] casimir reed-stark: “i’m sorry i can’t fight with you anymore. it’s so cold. hate the blighted deep roads” fenris just holds him a little closer. he’s got one arm wrapped around him, the other pressed to the wound on anders’ side [12/29/14, 4:37:00 AM] casimir reed-stark: trying to keep him warm [12/29/14, 4:37:06 AM] casimir reed-stark: it doesn’t work [12/29/14, 4:42:06 AM] winters: are you quite done [12/29/14, 4:42:12 AM] winters: tearing my heart out [12/29/14, 4:43:19 AM] casimir reed-stark: anders hand just suddenly tightens on fenris’s arm and there’s blood at the corners of anders mouth and he smiles and coughs and looks right in fenris’s eyes and tries to say something and fenris is just like “stop, i know, you don’t have to hurt yourself to say it” “don’t… you’ll always wonder… what it might sound like… if i don’t… say it… it’s alright… don’t know how it happened… glad you’re here… glad to meet death in the arms of a man i love…” and fenris stutters and he’s terrified and anders is having trouble keeping his eyes open and fenris feels his eyes stinging and he’s so angry but he makes his words gentle “and better to know that man loves you as well, i hope. know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. sleep well, my friend.” [12/29/14, 4:44:45 AM] winters: well i stopped crying and now im crying again i hope ur pleased. im glad they had each other though, that they loved each other in the end and that fenris could be there [12/29/14, 4:44:55 AM] winters: im so messed up [12/29/14, 4:45:02 AM] casimir reed-stark: anders eyes flutter, half open, and then closed. his hand slowly loosens its grip on fenris’s arm and all the tension of the years finally releases. and he’s gone. [12/29/14, 4:46:36 AM] casimir reed-stark: and fenris does what hasn’t been done in maker knows how long - he brings back the body of a lost warden. he can’t bury him back in any of the places they called home, but he can take him out of the deep roads at least. anders hated the deep roads. [12/29/14, 4:46:48 AM] casimir reed-stark: there’s a forest outside the entrance, so fenris buries him there [12/29/14, 4:47:22 AM] casimir reed-stark: he digs the grave with his sword and his hands and before he goes he plants a tree on top of it. merrill would have liked that. [12/29/14, 4:48:11 AM] winters: she would [12/29/14, 4:48:46 AM] casimir reed-stark: he takes anders staff back with him, and starts the long road home, to where hawke is [12/29/14, 4:50:00 AM] casimir reed-stark: hawke asks him how far he went with him and fenris just says “all the way down” [12/29/14, 4:50:30 AM] winters: oh [12/29/14, 4:50:36 AM] casimir reed-stark: varric’s like “what’s that mean” and fenris snaps back “it means all the way. to the end. what more do you want me to say" [12/29/14, 4:53:24 AM] casimir reed-stark: he sighs and is just like “isabela please just make the joke alright i can see it’s in there and you’re trying to not because the man i loved just died but. i mean . oh maker whatever i don’t care i’m going to bed it’s been a long journey home and i dont want to deal with being awake bye" [12/29/14, 4:53:34 AM] casimir reed-stark: he just walks out and theyre all like [12/29/14, 4:53:38 AM] casimir reed-stark: well i dont know what to say about any of this [12/29/14, 4:53:49 AM] casimir reed-stark: i dont know how to deal with anders actually being dead let alone THAT [12/29/14, 4:54:17 AM] casimir reed-stark: isabela spnds a minute whisper-arguing with zev before the agree to go see if they can help fenris out [12/29/14, 4:54:33 AM] casimir reed-stark: he angrily kicks them out and insists he wants to be alone [12/29/14, 4:55:28 AM] casimir reed-stark: merrill comes in a bit later and talks with him a bit. he tells her about the tree he planted. and that he meant to from the start. he brought the seeds with him. pure ironbark. nothing less for a hero of that much strength [12/29/14, 4:56:31 AM] casimir reed-stark: she tells him anders was lucky to have had him there, even if it had taken him a long time to get to there. she’s lucky to have him here now too. they all are [12/29/14, 4:57:01 AM] casimir reed-stark: she puts both hands on his face and just gently tells him not to let his grief make him careless. we can’t lose you too [12/29/14, 4:57:09 AM] winters: u can fuck r ight off. i cant believe this. i just whined out loud. n o [12/29/14, 4:57:48 AM] casimir reed-stark: he snaps back that he won’t but he knows she’s right and he softens and sighs and just . manages a thank you [12/29/14, 4:58:00 AM] casimir reed-stark: she gives him an odd look and gets up to go but [12/29/14, 4:59:00 AM] winters: she always believed in them both. that had a big impact on them, didnt it? even when they would snap and snarl, she was always there....... [12/29/14, 4:59:12 AM] winters: bye [12/29/14, 5:01:48 AM] casimir reed-stark: turns back at the last moment, kneels back down, tucks some of fenris’s loose hair back behind his ear, smiles, and kisses him. gently, just once. “you aren’t alone, fenris,” she says. “and no one ever belongs to only one person. even if your heart lays mostly with one, it’s never only theirs. and no heart is incapable of loving again simply because its lost. we all cared for him, and i’m sorry. i know what it’s like to lose people you love.” her face twists with that sorrow of remembering - mistakes she never stops killing herself over, the faces of everyone who died because she tried too hard and they didn’t love her like she loved them and she was wrong. [12/29/14, 5:02:42 AM] casimir reed-stark: she leaves fenris to his thoughts, goes back to her own bed, to where hawke is [12/29/14, 5:03:31 AM] casimir reed-stark: “so do we have to post guards outside his tent to make sure he doesn’t go running off to get himself killed too?” [12/29/14, 5:04:00 AM] casimir reed-stark: “i don’t think so. i think he’ll be alright, actually. with time. it gets a little easier. we just have to keep reminding him we’re here to help." [12/29/14, 5:05:52 AM] winters: that. y eah [12/29/14, 5:07:54 AM] casimir reed-stark: how did i do this again [12/29/14, 5:07:59 AM] casimir reed-stark: why do you keep letting me fucking do this [12/29/14, 5:08:27 AM] winters: i T OLD YOU TO END THIS IMMEDIATELY im SORRY [12/29/14, 5:09:21 AM] winters: w ow we moved from zevestel to zevbela to andersfenris........... and it was a LL ABT DEATH THIGNS [12/29/14, 5:09:33 AM] winters: at least zevestel was bittersweet [12/29/14, 5:09:41 AM] casimir reed-stark: SO WERE THEY ALL COME ON MAN [12/29/14, 5:09:42 AM] winters: and zevbela was like. that was nice [12/29/14, 5:09:49 AM] winters: WTF YEAH [12/29/14, 5:09:59 AM] winters: I J UST REALISED LMAO [12/29/14, 5:10:01 AM] winters: BUT LIKE [12/29/14, 5:10:14 AM] casimir reed-stark: dying in a last blaze of glory together! reunion in dreams! dying in his arms! [12/29/14, 5:10:27 AM] winters: bye [12/29/14, 5:10:32 AM] winters: i love [12/29/14, 5:10:38 AM] winters: but im sad [12/29/14, 5:10:43 AM] casimir reed-stark: also at some point fenris definitely does take up zev and isabela’s offer to join them in their tent for a while [12/29/14, 5:10:54 AM] winters: yeah. that feels right honestly [12/29/14, 5:11:01 AM] casimir reed-stark: he really hadn’t been doing a good job of hiding that he got used to not sleeping alone tbh [12/29/14, 5:12:48 AM] winters: i need to lay down [12/29/14, 5:13:01 AM] casimir reed-stark: this all just came out bc i like [12/29/14, 5:13:23 AM] casimir reed-stark: i am so cautious abt talking. about how i . am actually huge fenris/anders trash but only in this very specific way [12/29/14, 5:13:40 AM] casimir reed-stark: i do not want anyone to get the wrong idea [12/29/14, 5:14:26 AM] winters: i was always like no!!!!!! im not about anders/fenris!!!!! but i think tht's bc so much of it is like........... angry!!! i hate you!!!! lets bone to work out our frustration!!!! [12/29/14, 5:14:32 AM] winters: and im really not about that [12/29/14, 5:14:40 AM] casimir reed-stark: same [12/29/14, 5:14:57 AM] winters: but this. the growing to love each other, understanding and taking the time to be comfortable and kind. that's my thing [12/29/14, 5:15:26 AM] casimir reed-stark: but what a surprise its almost like i really really like ships that start out as varying amounts of disdain and dislike for each other [12/29/14, 5:15:41 AM] casimir reed-stark: and then eventually give way to understanding and trust and love over time and circumstance [12/29/14, 5:15:57 AM] casimir reed-stark: i also just do not for one minute buy that they dont develop more than they are shown to in da2 [12/29/14, 5:16:16 AM] casimir reed-stark: ten fuckin years man come on i just don’t believe aveline and isablea are the only ones who reconcile their differences over that time [12/29/14, 5:16:17 AM] winters: for friggen sure [12/29/14, 5:17:13 AM] winters: how can you be around someone for 10 years, and not learn to be more accepting because it's obvious that keeping up that hate is hard and painful and it's relaly not just worth it in the end [12/29/14, 5:17:22 AM] winters: and as if the rest of them would ahve put up with it for so long [12/29/14, 5:17:48 AM] winters: you cannot tell me that someone wouldnt have knocked some sense into them, or talked to them [12/29/14, 5:18:03 AM] winters: they're stubborn men but not that stubborn [12/29/14, 5:19:32 AM] casimir reed-stark: seriously [12/29/14, 5:20:47 AM] winters: that lack of development is so fucking stupid. fenris ends up being so good wiht a mage hawke in the end like fuck off he wouldnt be okay wiht anders at that point too [12/29/14, 5:21:41 AM] winters: i have faith in this child, and i have faith in anders. get away from me w ur 10 year grudge without apologies or reconcilement bioware [12/29/14, 5:21:43 AM] winters: i refuse [12/29/14, 5:23:11 AM] casimir reed-stark: rly

[pimpmyaravel]

someone wrote an alistair/anora fic

and then i tag commented and they sent me an ask and then i wound up replying with like.... this......... tear my life into peaches this is my last fruit tart

SERIOUSLY THOUGH

i love the idea of them developing first this mutual grudging respect but with like.  you are now an extension of me politically and socially speaking and i'm savvy enough to understand that and know that i have to cover your ass sometimes and protect you at least for the sake of our kingdom and people and for myself if nothing else. and then growing through that and through proximity into that becoming understanding and then trust and then somewhere along the line that trust becomes other kinds of trust

my interpretation on cailan is that like. anora and cailan knew each other growing up and he wasn't a terrible person but he was incompetent in a lot of ways and kind of just like. don't put a frat boy on the throne and expect it to be all sunshine and rainbows/???? and that's basically all he was. and he's canonically like... he wasn't faithful and she knew it but she was discrete and just asked him to be and she loved him in ways at least at some point and whether or not she loved him and it was his betrayal and eventual loss and what happened with loghain (esp in timelines where loghain is executed) and she feels just really alone in the world and like why should she trust or love anyone again when they all betray her or disappear? 

but alistair is so committed to doing what the warden has set him out to do and he trusts their judgement even if at first it scares him and he hates it and he doesn't want to be king it's too much responsibility and he can't do it and he just wants to be with his friends and not have to grow up but

he has to

and anora i think had to grow up at some point all at once too and eventually i think they'll melt into this understanding and realizing that not only do they care for each other but like... they have an unprecedented amount in common. they care about the same things and they're both scared of being hurt and being alone and not being enough in different ways but also the same??

in different places they are both vulnerable and incredibly strong and it takes a while for them both to see and recognize and value and understand those parts of each other but i can't believe that it wouldn't happen and that once you gain that understanding that it wouldn't turn into a deeper trust and a deeper bond and a deeper connection and in the end they're really the only people in the position that they're in together who can fully confide in each other and fully understand the burden of command so to speak

it isn't ever easy to be a ruler but it's even harder to be a rebuilder and to face all the different slanders and rumours about each of them on top of that and i think they'd gain a lot of just. they start protecting each other and at first it's this self preservation - by protecting each other they protect themselves because in terms of reputation what is left unguarded with one is a weakness for the other as well

slander against anora reflects on alistair, and vice versa, and that's something they can't afford, especially early on in their rulership

but without realizing it really that protection becomes less selfish - alistair doesn't leap to defend anora's honour because she's the queen to his king and because no one should do that to a woman, any woman, but especially one who is deserving of their respect and even fealty, but also because she is... truly his queen. because he not only believes it is right for their subjects to follow her but because he does. and he wants to. he doesn't just ask her advice because he knows she is surpassing him in knowledge and skill in ruling, because she's better at this and she's done it before, but because he values her and he loves to hear her speak and teach him even if she is somewhat exasperated and he can tell she wishes he just understood even as she is endlessly grateful in her own way to see that he never stops asking her opinon

and as for her she finds that while she keeps trying to convince herself and remind herself that he's just a fool and she deserves this and what did he ever do but be born some royal bastard who never had the skill or knowledge to get what she fought for and had it handed to him when he didn't even want it but she'd do anything to have gotten here and she owes her life to the mercy of a stranger more or less and she's glad of it but there's lingering bitterness, and more from both cailan's loss and his more... unfortunate treatments of her

(i like and understand several interpretations of how he might have treated her and can never decide which one i prefer? there's cailan who was a careless philanderer, distant from her but she cared for him in spite of herself and  just asked of  him to keep it discrete as possible. there's cailan who was mostly kind to her, or entirely, but was a fool. there's cailan who she disdained for his foolishness and may have loved once but had stopped long ago, only realizing a rekindling of that in some way once his foolishness got him killed. and then there's cailan who spent his nights too late and who she dreaded returning to their bed on those nights when he had not indulged enough without her, the cailan who made her cringe when alistair touched her, the one who made her grab away her hand at her second wedding not only because she feared coming to a day when she would want to have taken it, but also because she cringed at the mere thought of hands that resembled the hands that had hurt her, even if she told herself he didn't mean it and he was a different person when he'd been drinking or had become one through some other way... i think they're all interesting to explore and to explore how anora relates to intimacy and to alistair on each one....)

and then i love the idea of along the way they help each other both heal (especially because my main canon is with a martyred warden who, while they were never in a romance with alistair, they were very close. estel was alistair's best friend, and he won't ever forget them and it hurts to know that they died when he might have to spare them and he knows it would've hurt them to be the survivor but they might have felt a little less alone than he does at least at first?)

and i love the idea that along the way their healing and that trust and understanding, and that the discovery that they balance each other both emotionally and politically, they stand on enough common ground through both pain and through passion, that they want the same things for their country and care about their people both so deeply, that alistair is trying his hardest to be right for her and right for ferelden 

that one day they realize they love each other

and they aren't sure when or how it happened but it's a strange and beautiful sort of thing to have fallen in love after you've been married for all that time already (whether it's months or years or many years it takes - i like to think it's about three or four years from start to finish of them coming into their love for each other, i can't really believe they'd be able to spend so much time so close to each other an their lives so wrapped up together as to keep them from developing that caring for a decade or close to that even if they are both incredibly stubborn and bat at feelings)

and it's just. incredibly comforting to know they can feel close to someone, trust them and enjoy their presence, have someone to hold at night and wake up to in the morning and trust with their lives and their livelihoods and kingdom and not care if they're different and so much is asked of them and they've both suffered so much because they have a strong ally in each other and it's an ally they truly love and have learned to understand so well but are happy to spend the rest of whatever time they have together learning to understand even more

they can accomplish great things together, for ferelden, and for each other

they give each other strength and a kind of peace and its a wonderful thing to have a sanctuary in another person and in the rooms and the lives they share, especially after they both thought they'd go the rest of their lives without one

....this got long and. intense. omg i'm. i have so many alistair/anora feelings and so little time or place to release them bc it's like

hi ship that is canon in so many games but so many people are wrong about and it's a true tragedy pour one out for all the people who think alistair and anora wouldn't get along and trust each other and love each other bye

[pimpmyaravel]

thinkin bout world states...

also canary this turned into a bunch abt canary bc he's The Odd Man Out for sure but this is like a lot in the beginning of just? contrasting and comparing in the diff 'verses (also some anti blackwall bc Everyone would dislike him)

at this point my world states are so developed that my ability to consume and enjoy other fanworks is slightly limited lmao

like there is just such a massively huge difference between zev/estel and zev/warden or even zev/mahariel in general bc zevstel is so...much

i still love it tho.... don't get me wrong i still love all of it.... which is like. not how i feel w most warden/alistair lmao bc. wow

wow does my warden/alistair have nothing in common at all with almost anyone else's. same w my warden/morrigan but like thats Less Developed

idk what to tell u guys it's not my fault that alistair and morrigan are both super gay...... sorry.....

honestly tho thinkin about morrigan and sela raising kieran is like. wow. wow holy shit. it's also weird bc he's obv not sela's literal baby

i mean that's not what's weird about it what's weird is who the biodad is?? i've also started thinkin maybe sela will make Different Choices

like it would be very in line with her character to put anora solo on the throne and to be more like? warden loghain? Variety for once

i guess casper puts anora solo on the throne too but he doesn't spare loghain i don't think. sela would understand him more tho tbh

sela and casper are like... polar opposites... in so many ways.... extremely harsh aggressive no nonsense dwarf... fluffy city elf puppy

sela goes for morrigan bc morrigan is like "feelings taste weird and i don't know what's going on" and sela's like "lmao same also Nice"

i mean eventually they both become great moms and sela's a good commander and they care about shit but like. to begin with...

i'm also just keep laughing abt if sela and bellatrix and canary all met like sela and bellatrix would be like "how did he even get in here"

sela and bellatrix r both dark skinned aggressive warrior types (even tho sela is Technically A Rogue bc i hate playing warriors) but then

canary is this like. blond teddy bear dwarf with flowers braided in his beard who is like "why are we fighting! let's party instead" p much

canary 2 corypheus: "hey buddy sure we can't settle this over drinks?? first round's on me!" everyone in the vicinity: *+20 facepalm* canary is also hilarious bc my headcanon is his whole family is like ~nefarious carta thugs~ but he secretly peddles illicit smut basically

fine dwarven dongs, straight from orzammar. but he's also like. i'm gonna be everyone's dad! drinks on the house! who wants a hug

*in the war room* canary: uh guys not to be rude or anything but... your ideas are all sort of... harsh... can't we try being nice??

leliana: we are not killing them, is that not nice enough? canary: ok but it's still like. threatening to kill them? so no. not nice enough

canary goes back to his room and is just like "i had a rough day at work" bull's like "wanna talk about it" "not really" "weird sex?" "sure"

when everyone finds out about him and bull they're all just like. so confused at first. bc he's such a snuggly dad man.... what is this....

what this is a teddy bear is still a bear & u can braid flowers into ur beard and still sell enchanted hand crafted dwarven dongs illegally

he's odd but incredibly charming and he obviously gets along extremely well with varric bc they're both like. this is a Weird Dwarf

and also bc they both are purveyors of smutty literature lmao B) literally canary is so unlike Any of my other pcs and it's hilarious

canary mostly gets along with everyone tho which is also fairly unique? he gets on best with bull and varric but. after that

idk actually and like my first thoughts were he's the only one of any of my kids who could stand blackwall at all but like actually no

bc canary may be the most sexual person of all my pcs but he's also incredibly consent and very careful abt not pushing it on ppl who aren't

and my number one issue with blackwall is that he just. Everything is a sexual thing to blackwall and he forces that on everyone around him it's incredibly creepy and absolutely disgusting. literally he pushes it on Everyone. and its not even just Sexuality it's Aggressive Hetero