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anyway. can we say that it's very lonely to be a reflection of someone you hate so much that you started existing for the sole purpose of defying their influence and power. or, as one might say, "being an introject of our ex sucks and i hate it".

#- maya

today's observation:

there's a very interesting thing where Leah is, I think, yearning to be more out in the "front" (quotes because it's less of a fronting situation for me but it's also a quick shorthand for the type of feeling she's being), but she's also the one who's least developed? she's pure yearning and if I were to assign us mental ages she'd be a high school teen. meanwhile Maya, arguably the most developed part outside of Lily, hates being at the "front" and overall would prefer to go "dormant" again I think. but she's also the self-assigned protector and she "awoke" only because she felt like we were in danger, and we can't seem to shake that feeling off regardless of if it's actually true. so we cope.

#- Lily #about:#- Maya #- Leah

i am a hero of justice. or, i want to be. i cant be. what use is a hero who cannot help others? what sort of hero cannot save anyone? i experience immesurable pain every time i see someone i cannot help, yet i don't.

#- maya