1. our system needs to get along better. literally since discovery of the system, we’ve struggled immensely with in-sys fighting. i know it’s unavoidable, but it’s a near-constant issue and i don’t know how to get people to stop. we mostly fight over collective decisions (ex: what college we were going to go to) and people’s personalities clash a lot.
2. we need friends. this kinda circles back to #1 and needing to be friends with ourselves, but we’ve struggled with friends literally our entire life. even now that we know we’re neurodivergent and such, we’re still ostracized/ignored and we don’t know why. it makes people split and get frustrated and upset and i hate it. we just want one or two good friends.
( ⚔️ anon if it hasn’t been claimed.)
(late reply, sorry)
1. if people are fighting over decisions it seems like there is more of a communication issue.
to avoid this, it's important to list wants vs needs. what every individual alter wants isn't as important as what the system as a whole needs.
examples of wants : going to a college just for their reputation, wanting to wear specific outfits, doing a course just for fun
examples of needs : getting into a college that fits your career path, being able to budget, finding a course that most alters are atleast fine with
making sure everyone knows what is optional vs necessary for the system is a good baseline for any system communication
also making a literal list of what alters want, especially with serious decisions, is useful in both making them heard and seeing what most people agree on
2. I honestly don't know what to exactly say for this
there's many reasons why someone might not have friends, and we're in the same position.
one thing that has really helped us is "being friends" with eachother. this might seem like a really simple answer, but being "friends" with other alters feels like a lot less pressure than having to be friends with others, since we already have to communicate and "live together". we just understand each other the most.
(though don't soley rely on in sys relationships to "fill the gap" caused by a lack of outer sys relationships, they are still very different and can supply different needs)
making friends depends on a lot of things (such as your introverted/extroverted-Ness, social anxiety, your "social position", etc) but the most common thing to remember is to honestly just be yourself.
I remember trying so hard to hide my interests for like six years from my classmates and in that last year I made like 5 friends because I stopped pretending. even though I only stopped a bit, it showed me that you will make unexpected friends if you stop prioritising hiding yourself.
also I know my last point may sound like "you need to be like yourself before liking others" but it is genuinely true
(and the ⚔️ anon hasn't been taken so you can have it)
Hihi!!:3 I was wondering if you could help us figure out how to tell if we have a subsystem…we think we might have multiple but we can only find the definition for what a subsystem is and not how to tell you have one…Were still very lost with this system stuff :’) Thank you! ^^
sorry for the late reply, but I don't know how to answer this :')
I have a few ideas, but I'm not sure how helpful this will be
— having a group of alters with specific similar functions or roles (ex. a group of alters who front for each school subject)
— having a group of alters with similar identities or names (ex. seven alters named after the seven deadly sins)
— communicate with other alters, most people seem to find out about their subsystems when asking alters about it
we are the blood moon system (well we think anyhow)
and we're havin' major troubles with switching. idk how to really explain it, but it's kinda like halfway into switching and then it comes back like a stretched rubber band that snaps? if that makes any sense? our host has been front stuck (only able to co con really) for like... three weeks. idk what's going on!!! D: (and btw i'm writing this from like.. super heavy fuzziness rn)
-nepeta ^.w.^
hi, being front stuck is actually really normal! it can last from days, weeks, months, and even years. we had an alter (xirus) co front/co con stuck for 1 year as he was good at mentally handling our life at that time
unless it is causing the system distress/you can't function properly, then there isn't really a reason to be worried or anything
with the switching, I'm thinking of two things
1. snapping back from dissociation
this is common in dissociation, you may feel like you're about to switch/are very deeply dissociated until you suddenly "snap back to reality," stopping the switch
this is usually caused by something external (ex. someone unexpectedly walking into the room, surprising you)
purposely trying to induce a switch may be a solution to this
2. greyouts
a greyout is partial inter-identity amnesia (ex. knowing something happened and/or someone fronted but not being able to remember the details) and they are actually more common than blackouts. (definition taken from reddit)
for us atleast, greyouts feel like we "half" or "partially" switched
This is very broad(???) as a question but just. how do I come to terms with being a system? It’s been almost 2 years since I cracked the code and found out one thing that’s wrong with my brain and I’m still having trouble accepting it. I feel like I can’t embrace the fact that everyone’s experience with systemhood is different when it comes to MY system and how we function as an individual/as individuals. Any advice on how to stop the spiral of denial would be greatly appreciated…:3
honestly one of the easiest ways to stop denial or atleast lessen it is to just know that there are no consequences for being wrong or making mistakes.
exploring how our brain works and looking at conditions that can explain it is just human nature, it is also normal to not be right all the time.
by accepting that I am allowed to be wrong, I accept that calling myself a system helps me, and that even if I find out later down the line that I'm not, atleast for now I am able to find a word to describe how I've been feeling for years.
if calling yourself a system describes what you are experiencing, feel like, and makes you comfortable, then do it.
also, you do not need to appear like other systems. our brains personally design our systems due to own experiences to help with our individual lives.
our system is pretty abnormal since we have maladaptive daydreaming disorder (that was very severe as a child to cope with trauma) which has shaped our system in such a way that we don't really relate to 99% of systems.
if you want to, just look at the diagnostic criteria. if your symptoms follow it, then you are a system. the dsm doesn't say "you have too many alters/introjects" or baseless stuff like that, it just describes the baseline for how someone has a cdd.
not to mention that denial is straight up a basic common function of osddid. remember, it's a covert disorder. it's not supposed to be obvious or easy to figure out.
How does a system deal with an alter that physically harms and assaults the body and the host? We’ve tried all that we can but it didn’t really work. The last time we asked someone, they basically just told us to ‘figure it out’ and left us to suffer. Is there anything we could do?
hello, sorry that someone didn't really provide any helpful insight, alters that harm can be stressful or hard to deal with, but it isn't impossible to help them
the most common reasons alters harm the system is due to feeling like it is necessary or they are lashing out for emotional reasons.
this can be a result of feeling like they are being ignored, not feeling responsible for/hatred of being in a system, or thinking that harm is a solution to problems/coping mechanism.
[ rest under cut since this is a fairly long reply ]
general ways to deal with these situations :
· communicate (not just telling them to stop, but asking why they want to do it. is it for themsleves, to harm the system, or both. how they answer affects how you treat the issue)
· separate them from other alters and/or stop them from fronting by themsleves/fronting for long periods of time (if they cannot stop these harmful behaviours quickly, stopping them from fronting and promising that you will only slowly start allowing them to front again after they start recovering can provide an incentive for them to recover)
· research ways to stop self harm and the psychology of self harm (even though these are not system related, resources that are made to help singlets with similar issues can provide an insight into maybe way this alter is reacting this way)
· let them enjoy things (this may sound random, but alters who may feel angry or bitter can benefit from being given space to enjoy things or have their personal needs catered to. it can make them feel like they are appreciated for their existence and are actually part of the system instead of against it)
how to generally respond to different motives :
› if they are doing it for themsleves
provide other outlets (such as writing) for them to express their emotions or thoughts without the need for harm, communicate on coping mechanisms and give resources on self harm recovery
› if they are doing it to harm others
give them space to speak on their issues with the system/other alters, ask why they use harm specifically (do they feel like they can't communicate properly? is violence the only solution they know?)
So idk if this is a question you may have answered but is it possible for a fictive to have parental or protector like roles? I have one alter thats kinda fatherly but i have another that kinda acts like a protector (or potentially persecutor). Hopefully u can get back to us soon ^^
-bunni 🐁
hi, fictives can have any roles!
how an alter develops (whether brainmade or introjected) generally has nothing to do with what role they have in a system.
an exception to this may be when a role is related to the introject's source in some way. an example could be a superhero being introjected and becoming a protector for the system.
What do i do if my boyfriend, who is only dating certain alters (3 out of like 20?) , fucked one he isnt. Like that alter said they didnt need to tell me and i had to pry it out if my boyfriend. I dont want to leave him but idk jkw to go about this at all. They've kinda always been a little romantic/sexual but its the not telling me part. I get it wasnt planned byt like. Ahhhh. We arent monogomus either so ig it isnt cheating but.
First thing I want to mention is that even if you're not monogamous, that is still cheating.
Cheating is when someone does romantic/sexual things with others without the knowledge and consent of their partner, this applies to monogamy and polyamory/open relationships.
Another thing I want to mention is that it seems pretty intentional since that alter didn't tell you AND your boyfriend didn't think to tell you. In relationships, communication is obviously important so it's pretty odd to go that far without thinking about asking for your opinion.
They didn't just flirt either, it's having sex on a whim without telling you.
Honestly, just ask them. Ask that alter why they didn't want to tell you and ask your boyfriend why he didn't feel the need to tell you.
This is straight up a breach of trust and basic respect, and it does count as cheating.
