I was watching a video about someones childhood trauma, and while I couldn’t relate to everything in her situation it kinda helped me realize that I wasn’t alone. I’ve also noticed some bad habits of mine that are in a way related to specific events in my life as a kid that affects my adult life (if that makes sense).
More specifically I always feel the need to apologize for being “annoying”, and I always play it down in a way. For example, If I’m talking to my coworker too much I feel like I’m taking up their time. As a result I often joke about it saying “haha I’m so annoying” and even though they reassure me I’m not I still feel that way.
I always feel like I can never be myself around a lot of people (if not all). If I act too goofy then I’m weird, but if I’m too serious I’m boring. I have to watch how much I talk to not let people see how annoying I am. I think people hate me and are polite as to not hurt my feelings. And this is all in my head, but some part of my stupid brain still feels this way.