Sleepyhead

19. Stressed. Hello everyone! My main acc is terrodactile.

[sad-slothy]

Ugh I want romance

but I hate romance

But I want hugs and kisses

But I hate hugs and kisses

But I want cuddles and to open up to someone.

But I hate affection and talking about my emotions.

[sad-slothy]

So this was almost two years ago and I finally figured out that men were my problem. Turns out I was bi the entire time.

[sad-slothy]

Current State of Affairs

This is just a dump, but it’s something that has been on my mind for a bit. With all these protests going on and the way that our president has been “handling” the situation. A lot of people are making some parallels to Hitler and his Nazi Party in 1933. The general consensus is that history is repeating itself and while we’ve all heard this being said at one point in our life it really begs the question. Does that mean things never change?

With the constant protests and petitions going on I would like to believe that there is change happening. But when I see videos after videos of police officers tear gassing, shooting, and harassing innocent bystanders for no reason I can’t help but wonder if things are really going to change. Maybe this is just the pessimist in me, but I feel like if history is repeating itself then does that mean that it’ll just be a different day same shit? Will people always judge others characters based off of skin color? And for what?

That also makes me wonder how we can change the way people see skin color before a persons character. What changes in society have to be made to allow equality to exist. To makes sure every man, woman, and child feel included and like they belong. Why should POC have to get mad and protest just to be heard? Or included? Why do we have to create a movement in order to be taken seriously? Shouldn’t we be taken seriously enough just because we’re human beings. This hate towards others based off of something that’s out of our control just doesn’t makes sense. Who even decided that one skin tone and culture was better than others anyways and why do they feel that they had the right to decide that in the first place. The fact that mothers and fathers have to teach their kids that the world is against them just based off the color of their skin should say enough. Yet people will still deny racism is a thing.

I saw a man in a wheelchair shot in the eye by police. A 14 year old boy shot in the arm. The police baiting protesters by kneeling then immediately tear gassing them. Two officers in full gear shoving an old man until he fell then act like they cared by helping him up. Another officer shoving a woman that was just WALKING and minding her own business. An officer man handling a child that was only trying to protect themselves from being PUNCHED. And that was only just a handful of examples. Yet they’re mad that a water bottle was thrown at them, and that we say that they’re all bad.

Anyways this post was all over the place, but I didn’t really know how else to vent about it. Please sign petitions, donate to the causes, get educated, don’t believe everything the news tells you. SAY THEIR NAMES

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

[sad-slothy]

A letter to some old friends:

I want to thank all of the friends I’ve met online. All of us being states apart it’s still fun to remember the times we all went through. The inside jokes, the friendships that broke, and the ones that strengthened. It’s kinda cheesy to say that, but it was always nice to have that escapism from the reality that I lived. When you guys were with me when no one else could be.

I have so many hilarious memories and inside jokes from you guys that I’ll never forget; and as we’ve gotten older, and busier, we’ve started to drift apart. Real life goals and situations get in the way and that’s okay. I’ll still hold the same family love for all of you that I always have. I miss you guys and I hope you’re all doing well wherever you are.

[sad-slothy]

My cats been gaining a bit of weight and I’ve taken the opportunity to lovingly give him the nickname FatBoy™️.

[sad-slothy]

I was watching a video about someones childhood trauma, and while I couldn’t relate to everything in her situation it kinda helped me realize that I wasn’t alone. I’ve also noticed some bad habits of mine that are in a way related to specific events in my life as a kid that affects my adult life (if that makes sense).

More specifically I always feel the need to apologize for being “annoying”, and I always play it down in a way. For example, If I’m talking to my coworker too much I feel like I’m taking up their time. As a result I often joke about it saying “haha I’m so annoying” and even though they reassure me I’m not I still feel that way.

I always feel like I can never be myself around a lot of people (if not all). If I act too goofy then I’m weird, but if I’m too serious I’m boring. I have to watch how much I talk to not let people see how annoying I am. I think people hate me and are polite as to not hurt my feelings. And this is all in my head, but some part of my stupid brain still feels this way.

[sad-slothy]

As an infp, something that I keep seeing is that we’re always quiet to people we’ve just met, and that it takes eons for us to open up. While that’s mostly true it’s not always the case. There can be that one chance (out of millions) where I happen to meet someone that I really connect with right off the bat. Or sometimes it takes a key word to be able to get me to open up to them. 

Like during the beginning of the semester I wasn’t talking to any of the people in my class until one of the guys pulled out his switch and started talking about Smash. In another class I didn’t start connecting to the girl behind me until we found out we were both Virgos (lmao silly reasoning but it was a fun moment).

It’s such a great feeling to meet someone that’s on the same wavelength as me, and afterwards I can’t shut up when I talk to them. Am I the only one that’s experienced this?

(on the opposite spectrum I can make a connection with someone really well but they can either do or say something and that connection falters or gets lost.)

[sad-slothy]

My brain: says really mean things about myself

Me: is upset

My brain: oh my god??? Why ??? are you so??? Sensitive???

[madd-para]

It’s a sad day when a para dies

The death of a para is s confusing- like expressing the loss is so hard…technically its your fault…but at the same time its not!…people don’t understand…all you want to do is cry.

[sad-slothy]

You ever vibe with someone really well and end up finding out their mbti and think “ahhhh yess it all makes sense now” because same

[sad-slothy]

I have so much to say but nothing to say at all. I just wanna scream and be heard but reserved and quiet. Idk what I want tbh. I do know that I am extremely lonely because of my lack of friends. I wish I was more of a wild child and went to parties and got drunk with friends. Instead I sit in my room and talk to imaginary people. Seeing others talk about hanging out with friends makes me jealous? Just reminds me of how much I spend time daydreaming when I should/could be doing something better.

[sad-slothy]

When was the last time you told yourself "I am enough"?

I’ve never really done positive affirmations cause they feel awkard plus I’m bad at remembering to do things.

[sad-slothy]

I was trying to send you a message but mate that doesn't work!!! The stuff I wrote in the message: Hey! I saw your last post. I am also very sad whenever I kill one (or more) parras. But I always manage to bring them back to live. However I can forgot some of them time to time. I hope you will see him soon!

Hmmm I’m not exactly sure why the dms don’t work, but I do appreciate you taking the time to message me!

I’m glad I’m not alone in this and it makes me feel better. I do occasionally see him but it doesn’t feel the same? I’m curious as to how others can just bring their paras back because it doesn’t work the same for me.

[sad-slothy]

I really wanna talk about this to someone but no one (as far as I know) has MADD so I’m gonna just dump everything here.

There is this one para I have (that I killed off haha :’) ) and everytime I think about him I get VERY emotional about it. It’s to the point where if one of my paras mentions him, or I think about him I feel myself begin to cry. I honestly have no idea how to stop it. And I can’t get rid of him or bring him back for some reason cuz idfk my brain just decided that that’s how it was gonna go.

The feeling is just so intense that I can’t even describe it. I know that he’s not real but to me it feels like he is (was?). Does anybody else experience the same thing with their paras?

[sad-slothy]

I had a dream last night that I was a large slice of pizza playing baseball

[sad-slothy]

Ugh I want romance

but I hate romance

But I want hugs and kisses

But I hate hugs and kisses

But I want cuddles and to open up to someone.

But I hate affection and talking about my emotions.

[sad-slothy]

I feel so judged when I’m pacing and mouthing words and I catch my cat staring at me. I become self aware and embarrassed like I just got caught doing something bad.

[sad-slothy]

This kid at my work deadass had anime hair and I don’t even know how he did it or how much gel was used, but he looked badass af