#-beast

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Man. There’s just something about the way the princess attacks you in a feral way in self defense only to slowly become more and more monstrous as she grows into the role. Yeah.

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Hooooolyyyyyy fuckkkkkkkkk I know it’s about transition but MAN does this hit system-wise

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So….disconcerting. That vibe change and..disappointment? When they realise you aren’t who they thought you were. Oh I’m so sorry that you were abusive enough for me to form whatwhosaidthat

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Felt inclined to revisit this picrew we once did before syscovery, so here: (TW for blood and overall disturbing/horror themed content)

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While it’s easier to hate mother, since Nemo is uncomfortable with her and doesn’t really love her as a mom either, father is a more complicated case. You see, Nemo LOVES him. And thus defends him at every step. It is so hard to write what I am about to without being forced to include their rationalisations but I want to and damn it I will.

I don’t like how guilt-tripping he is. And manipulative. Okay yeah sure probably not intentional but it fucks up Nemo so badly. “I’m sorry. Im so sorry. I would, it’s not that I don’t want to, I promise I want to, I just don’t want everything I worked towards in My Game to go to waste. I don’t want to loose one of the only escapes in my life that’s keeping me going” 🫩.

Just a “oh sorry I don’t think I have the time for that today” would be fine. I understand honesty and communication and I sure as hell don’t envy how overworked you are but you say this same spiel almost every time. Motherfucker you KNOW Nemo has problems with feeling like they are a burden as is. You know damn well how much they feel like they are ruining your life one bit at a time. They’ve told you. You know this. Get a grip, man.

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I think…I think I finally accepted that noone will ever truly believe me. Not my therapist(“I wasnt there”), not even my dad. Not even when he’s there to see it. He still doesnt take my side even when I have proof. So why bother gathering said proof. Theres no point. Things will go on as they always have. I’ll try my best, it wont work, the day will be ruined. The guilt will mount and mount. Theres no way out. It will always just be this way

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The absolute mental torture of there being just no way to solve a situation. She’s being dismissive and making jokes out of something I’m passionate about? Okay. If I tell her now that its kind of hurting my feelings, she will get defensive and angry about not being able to talk about what she likes. Okay so I’ll wait until I’m really frustrated and then at the end of it all tell her calmly that I’m frustrated and need a moment. She will ask why. Not telling her makes her mad, so I explain as carefully and kindly to her as I can that our senses of humor dont match and that her way of talking and the faces she pulls have made me a little frustrated and I just need a moment. I remind her that it isnt her fault, that these are just feelings I need to deal with. This doesnt work. She takes offense. But she tries to play it off by continuing her joking around and going to put something on my head. I tell her to not touch me. She continues to reach towards me. I tell her to not touch me. She gets closer. I yell dont touch me and smack her hand away. She is angry, of course. She talks about how its all always her fault. Of course. Genuinely how else could I solve the situation. I have tried everything. It always ends this way. I should leave, but Im dependent on her due to my disabilities. The only option is to stuff it all down and just bear it. But you can only do that so long. There is no way out. There is no way out