(Tw: sexual assault mention, DID) I dissociate a lot and I have a therapist, but I'm terrified of telling her. Everytime I tell her something, she has to tell my mom because I'm a minor and I've already had to tell her I have suicidal thoughts and been sexually assaulted. My dissociation is getting so bad I had to excuse myself from a sleepover twice within three hours because I could feel myself slipping from reality -DID
Hi love, sorry for the late response!
I find it unusual that your therapist has to tell your mom everything. I understand that she would have to tell your mom about your suicidal thoughts, but I’m surprised she told your mom about you being sexually assaulted. From my understanding, most things are confidential unless you are an immediate risk to yourself or others. Could you try asking your therapist to clarify the confidentiality rules again? I would directly ask them, “I would like to know your rules with confidentiality. What exactly is confidential in our sessions, and what are you required to tell my parents?” Legally, the therapist is required to tell you the truth. They cannot lie about what is confidential and what is not. That can help give you a little more insight into what might happen if you tell your therapist about your dissociation.
If you don’t mind me asking, why don’t you want your mom to know about your dissociation? You’ve already told your therapist about your suicidal thoughts and sexual assault, which is great. I’m so proud of you for doing that: that was very strong and brave of you. How did your mom react when the therapist told her these things?
In order to get the help you need and deserve, you really have to be 100% honest with your therapist. I would hate to see you not get the help you need because you’re afraid of your therapist telling your mom!
I just want to preface this by saying I’m not a professional. However I have had a ton of psych classes in my life, and I’ve also struggled with dissociation myself, so I still think I can offer some insight. To get properly diagnosed, though, you should definitely tell your therapist.
There are three different disorders that fall under the dissociation umbrella: dissociative amnesia, depersonalization disorder, and dissociative identity disorder. Dissociative amnesia is when a person keeps forgetting important things about themselves. Depersonalization disorder is when a person has episodes where they feel detached from themselves or reality, like they may be watching a movie of themselves. Lastly, dissociative identity disorder is when a person has multiple identities / personalities.
You can read more about them here: https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions/Dissociative-Disorders
Here’s a post I made on another blog I used to be a part of that talks about depersonalization disorder, if you’d like to check it out: http://chooserecovery.tumblr.com/post/80732081794/answer-to-a-submission-about-depersonalization-and
It might also help if you try some grounding techniques. These techniques can help you focus on what’s real and help keep you connected to reality. Here’s what I want you to try. Get something that is comforting to you, like a soft stuffed animal, a necklace, a favorite book, etc. Focus on the way it feels in your hands. Describe what it looks like in your head, or even out loud. Then say, either in your head or out loud, “This (insert item here) is real. I am real.” Repeat this over and over again in your head. It sounds silly, but this can really help!
I know your dissociation may kick in when you’re not able to do those things, but maybe you could try to keep something with you to help ground you. Like maybe bring something with you to sleepovers. Or you can even use commonplace, everyday objects, like a quarter or chew some gum or something like that!
If you can, do something that requires you to really think about it. For example, you can try counting down from 100 by 3s or 7s, or saying the alphabet backwards.
Take deep breaths and focus on them. Count from 1 to 7 as you breath in, again as you hold your breath, as you breathe out and then again as you hold it. Do that for as many rounds as you feel you need. Be patient with yourself, you are doing the best you can, and that is perfectly okay.
Check out this link with a bunch more grounding techniques to try! http://mental-health-advice.org/groundingtech
