#-kmr

[kmr8404]

Right now I know what love is. Tonight is my sisters 21’st birthday. And while she dances and kisses peoples cheeks, I know that I would do anything for her. As I brush her curls behind her ear and hug her close And her inky tears fall down her face because she feels too much. I want to protect her from the World. As her lover pulls her close and kisses her embarassment off of her cheeks I’m thankful they have each other. And as I drink sweet red wine that tastes like bubbled punch in the parking lot and I listen to a slow song, I know that he is not probably but surly out there somewhere, possibly lying next to another woman tonight. And I cannot tell you what I feel. But when I look at our pictures, and I look into our faces, I wonder how far we are from the people we used to be in those photos. How after only a year, so much love can go away and be re directed. Could he be lying in the arms of another tonight? Does his face look just as soft and peaceful lying next to her? Do I know that person.. does he still know me? I wonder.

[kmr8404]

As a child I sat on this very porch wondering if I’d find my place in this World. I’ve sat on the railing in the afternoon with nothing but empty space and music to fill the time. I’ve leaned over the edge and peered up at the black night, wondering if anyone was watching out there. Being back whilst everyone goes about their daily life reminds me that when everyone leaves I’m alone again. I feel a lot like the black wasps that nestle on the porch every spring. My father never kills them because they aren’t agressive, it always looks as if they are dead or just sleeping there. They aren’t very active but day by day their house grows bigger, until fall comes and they abandon it and it drops to the floor. A comb of rooms.

[kmr8404]

Romantics, us against useless desires

Heart go

Ice like it crush..

smoke like it burn

Fragility await,

Stop

don’t heart..

His Im

not.

rather be I alone. (To be read backwards)

-kmr

[kmr8404]

It was a calm and pleasant night. Music played softly in the background and I sat, knees bent towards the moon, beneath a black sky. The moon, a coin between the stars, seemed to be gazing down at me. It seemed as familiar as the mole on my calf, and the air was a warm wool blanlet draped across me.

I watched as people intermingled, grinding their hips in a gesticular motion. Outburts of laughter mixed with blushed cheeks and close encounters. And even though I was distant I felt a part. I wanted nothing, and all the parts of my mind were quiet but the dream. And the dream was to be nowhere but here in this moment. It was my favorite kind of night, where the past eased smoothly into the present without lapse and tomorrow was as sure to come as sleep.

-kmr

[kmr8404]

I’m a child, trudging through the river deep in the wood behind my house, carrying a quartz rock in my cargo shorts that housed a toad the day before. My creeping toes dig for criters in the sand and my bangs stick to my forehead with dirt and debris as I ease and maneuver my way over and around the looming trees and their bent bodies. My only track of time the setting Sun and the sound of the birds fading and the crickets chirping.

My heels, striking the ground, as I race against the darkness. Honey suckles and their little secrets on my parched lips and hungry tongue. The mule that watches from it’s peripheral as I make my way to the end of that mile, chest heaving, hands thrown like knives jutting into the sky.

Tan skin sizzling my knees where the light peeks in from the branches shadows. Wind rustling the trees, shaking their heads, saying listen child, hear. Here.

His hand on my shy leg bouncing back and forth, olive against rosy beige, goosebumps against red hot skin. A pause. Leaning in, brushing faces and curious breaths. Pulses quickening, make their way from our bellies and get trapped in our throats as we part ways grinning ear to ear. Tuning out the music with our memories the whole ride home.

The scratches from the beckoning forest begin to fade as my skin forgets the outdoors and my nights are filled with chatter, the wind is drowned out by my deep sighs. The moon comes up with the rising of his chest and my eyelids flutter sleepily as his breath grows slower. Swelling and fading. Swelling and fading.

Cross legged on the roof, tears roll off my temples and onto their rough plating. The phone is silent and the leaves rustle but I no longer speak their language. Promises pool up and blur my vision, escaping me. And when I see him again the skin burns on my face as I watch him trail embers across her skin and my heart grows icy cold.

The mirror and I play a game of chicken.

My hips and my scowl seem to widen, and my eyes sparkle at the wonder of my own reflection. Halving away my jaw with my hair part. Drawing outlines around my good features and minimizing the rest. My playfullness minimized to a modest half grin.

[kmr8404]

Will she always haunt me?

Sometimes I wake up and refuse to open my eyes, her head is tucked in my shoulder, her breath in sync with mine. Before the light leaks in, I breathe in her perfume, a dark and lusting aroma, that takes me back to that afternoon.

Her crumbled toes are peaking beneath the summer sheets, I plant dozens of kisses upon her angelic cheek. Because she’s my little temptress, the garden in my day, and I’m sure all the birds in the sky can’t arrange like the freckles sprinkled across her face. Somehow it wouldn’t be out of place, to find her soundly sleeping in a grove, and I’d hunt her forever just to see where my darling goes.

But I feel her spirit lifting, and her delicate features fade, and I know that I could call her, but God knows that we have changed. I could keep our memory alive, as long as I conjure it, but as much as we love our memories, they cannot love us back, and I need more than longing to

Keep this heart intact.

-KMR

[kmr8404]

You deserve to wake up in the morning to the birds singing and the piano playing a soft melody just for you as you comb your hair. You deserve applause and cheering when you finish your morning run, all heaving breath and muscles clenching. You deserve a kiss on the cheek with your morning coffee and a pat on the butt as you walk out that front door. When you’re riding to work and you clock in and give everyone your best smile despite what you may be struggling with you deserve congratulations for showing up anyway, doing your best. Someone should notice that hair you combed out of place and run their fingers through it to make it all neat again giggling. When you leave everyone should tell you goodbye and wish you a good night. People should be happy to see you come and your friends should be glad to see you every time you return to them. When you’re sad and your shoulders hunch and you feel that lump of steal in your throats starting to expand someone should pull you into a bear hug and squeeze the sadness out of you until the tears cascade down your face and you’re all wrung out to dry again. When you’re feeling lost you should be able to count on the stars to make you feel at peace again and welcome you back into the arms of endless possibility. When you have a new idea people should tell you how much they believe in a dreamer like you. And when you need it they should remind you of what a bad ass person you already are. When you are twirling your hair or chewing your nails into tiny nubs or haven’t done your laundry in weeks and the piles start to turn into mountains in your bedroom someone should hold your hand and make fun of you a bit. Open up the curtains in your bedroom to let the light in and help you tidy up your home. But too often, this doesn’t happen in your reality. No one tells you to stop your bad habits. You chug your morning coffee hurriedly and head out on that same old run just to get it over with, or you skip it because who’s keeping tabs. You walk out the doors of work without saying goodbye because people are in too much of a hurry to get to better people, better places. No one says goodbye anymore they just disappear, so certain they’ll see you again on schedule. You get home and brush your teeth for bed and sigh as you finally notice that whips of hair that’s been out of place all day. You sit down to talk about this idea you had earlier in the day and someone starts telling you about their own idea they had, so you let them finish and tuck yours back away quietly where it came from. You wake up the next day struggling and tell someone the doubts you are having in yourself and they just say I don’t know what to tell you, we all have these doubts. So you take a nap instead of going on that run, you go to work and punch the clock and flow through the motions until you’re home again. This time you don’t tell anyone about a new idea or how bad you’re feeling because you’ve come to rely only on yourself for that. Except that’s a lot of pressure for one to handle alone so you step outside on and have a cigarette while you look up at the stars. The city lights blur them out and it doesn’t matter anyway because society has taught you not to trust in the starts so you put all the trust in yourself and you let yourself down my dear. And it’s not your fault, that you can’t do it all alone. It’s the Worlds fault for forgetting how to accept love, thus forgetting how important it is to receive it.

[kmr8404]

You deserve to wake up in the morning to the birds singing and the piano playing a soft melody just for you as you comb your hair. You deserve applause and cheering when you finish your morning run, all heaving breath and muscles clenching. You deserve a kiss on the cheek with your morning coffee and a pat on the butt as you walk out that front door. When you're riding to work and you clock in and give everyone your best smile despite what you may be struggling with you deserve congratulations for showing up anyway, doing your best. Someone should notice that hair you combed out of place and run their fingers through it to make it all neat again giggling. When you leave everyone should tell you goodbye and wish you a good night. People should be happy to see you come and your friends should be glad to see you every time you return to them. When you're sad and your shoulders hunch and you feel that lump of steal in your throats starting to expand someone should pull you into a bear hug and squeeze the sadness out of you until the tears cascade down your face and you're all wrung out to dry again. When you're feeling lost you should be able to count on the stars to make you feel at peace again and welcome you back into the arms of endless possibility. When you have a new idea people should tell you how much they believe in a dreamer like you. And when you need it they should remind you of what a bad ass person you already are. When you are twirling your hair or chewing your nails into tiny nubs or haven't done your laundry in weeks and the piles start to turn into mountains in your bedroom someone should hold your hand and make fun of you but. Open up the curtains in your bedroom to let the light in and help you tidy up your home. But too often, this doesn't happen in your reality. No one tells you to stop your bad habits. You chug your morning coffee hurriedly and head out on that same old run just to get it over with, or you skip it because who's keeping tabs. You walk out the doors of work without saying goodbye because people are in too much of a hurry to get to better people, better places. No one says goodbye anymore they just disappear, so certain they'll see you again on schedule. You get home and brush your teeth for bed and sigh as you finally notice that whips of hair that's been out of place all day. You sit down to talk about this idea you had earlier in the day and someone starts telling you about their own idea they had, so you let them finish and tuck yours back away quietly where it came from. You wake up the next day struggling and tell someone the doubts you are having in yourself and they just say I don't know what to tell you, we all have these doubts. So you skip you take a nap instead of going on that run, you go to work and punch the clock and flow through the motions until you're home again. This time you don't tell anyone about a new idea or how bad you're feeling because you've come to rely only on yourself for that. Except that's a lot of pressure for one to handle alone so you step outside on and have a cigarette while you look up at the stars. The city lights blur them out and it doesn't matter anyway because society has taught you not to trust in the starts so you put all the trust in yourself and you let yourself down my dear. And it's not your fault, that you can't do it all alone. It's the Worlds fault for forgetting how to accept love, thus forgetting how important it is to receive it.