You're far from perfect but you are not a mistake. I see you make impulsive decisions with every cigarette puff you take. You think you're not real if no one understands the way you feel, but sometimes monsters are quieter when you speak them out of the shadows, their ghostly bodies dissapear when someone else can see your battle. I know you think you're better off to drink the pain you feel, some call it liquid courage, but that's the devils deal.. it nods your worries off to sleep with every sip you take, but when you close your eyes at night it robs you of the dreams you could have made. Tonight you cried your eyes out, not because you needed it, but how sad to put the weapon down and see the damage done to you who wielded it. All the time that was waisted and the years you won't get back, it's like a stranger wrote your book for you and left out half the story, that heart of yours, the dreamer, the hero with all the glory. I feel the empty holes and vacant hollow spaces. As I reread all the heady words I left behind in pages. There's chapters that are missing, and things I wish weren't true, that'd I'd become a liar, just to love someone like you. I tried to be the protagonist, but mostly I'm the villan. Trying so hard to drug the lonely girl who never saw her worth, that's what this all comes down to right, is getting rid of her. Girls that like to daydream, that are slightly insecure, don't make good enough warrirors for what's out their in the World. I shipped her away from me when he broke my heart at eighteen, I needed something stronger to help keep him away from me, and when my sister was on drugs in the street, when she went to the store with my money and pretended to lose the receipt, I knew that someone had to be stronger to keep her from breaking my mother and me, and when my mom was crying and curled up in a ball, wishing my dad would hold her, I had to take the fall. And now that I am older, and none of that seems to have mattered, my mother is astranged to me and my heart feels like collateral damage. I don't want to be fake strong anymore, I need the girl that I was before. Because what I didn't know, that I think I realize now, is it's courageous to have a soft spot in a world where people are selfish more than not. I know I have a purpose, there's more than this part of me, just let me find that little girl again I sent away at sea.
