#-static

[thestaticevent]

The Static was a world wide event where Tv’s, radios, sound systems, and any form of visual or audio transmission during New years eve of the year, 2000. People believe it was Y2k, but it wasn’t. After hours, it returned to normal, but many people said something spoke, or they saw something from the static, but the common person just saw static, everyone did, nothing came through, but a select few of people saw something.

People who swore that they saw something, started to act different and became more weird and started to kill. Word spread of a cult that formed around the event; people wouldn’t expect to find churches, but the people who swore they saw something, find themselves pandering at a locations on a map. Swat often found churches in plain sight.

[pdconfessions]

this is gonna be a jumbled up mess so plz bear with me.

i never want to leave the house ever and i keep avoiding going out with my friends bc i like just sitting in my room and daydreaming/drawing, also bc last time i went out in public with my friends i fucking hated it bc one of my friends tried to get me to talk with one of their coworkers and i hate talking to people and IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING BC THEY HAD TO ASK FOR ME IF THEY HAD CARB INFORMATION. (i’m type one diabetic) ughhh this happens every time i leave the house and i need to ask, someone else always does it for me bc i fucking shut down and refuse to talk to anyone bc it feels like they’re judging my every movement and they’re going to criticize me.

and there’s this that’s been stewing in my mind for months; i was talking to one of my friends abt how i wouldn’t mind being in a romantic relationship (or at least the concept of being in one, if that makes sense, i’m not completely aromantic but whatever) and they said “why don’t you just try to meet new people? or use an app?” ID RATHER DIE. i don’t want to make new friends, i fucking hate people, and GO ON A DATE????? I WONT EVEN TALK TO SOMEONE UNTIL IM 1000 PERCENT SURE THEY WONT REJECT ME, AND EVEN THEN ACTUALLY BECOMING “FRIENDS” WITH THEM IS A 1 OUT OF 100000 CHANCE. but of course i said none of that bc why on gods green earth would i tell them how i feel abt anything. that’s a recipe for disaster.

only reason i ever entertain a conversation with any of my “friends” outside of my friend group is for supply. every time i see someone i recognize in public i feel like crawling into a hole and dying.

sighhh idk what it is. i have therapy today but i rarely ever talk abt how i feel on a deep “emotional” level bc i just end up ranting about something that is moderately annoying me.

i’m just so tired of putting on an act for everyone. i just feel shitty constantly and so disconnected from how i “actually feel.” had to talk to doctors yesterday bc of chronic pain and they asked how i felt abt something and i paused for like 30 seconds and said “neutral???” idk man i dont really feel much.

-static

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[pdconfessions]

sendings two anons back to back to apologize for the other one, it probably doesn’t count as a confession, i just came here bc it’s a safe space for me to talk openly about my issues with my pds 😭 post infodump clarity got to me

that being said, i’ll give an actual confession to make up for it: i can’t stand when people vent to me. shut up shut up I DONT CAREEE. but then i get mad when people don’t respond to my vents to comfort me because i am clearly the most important person here.

once again, i am so sorry 😭

-static

I don’t mind! You can come here to talk about whatever! 🩷

[pdconfessions]

one of the most interesting things, at least in my opinion, about having a personality disorder is being able to find things in media that feel like targeted attacks (for lack of a better term), but i’m gonna talk about music, specifically will wood because i love will wood

first of all, to point out the obvious, “…and if i did, you deserved it” is very clearly about narcissism. you’d know that just by looking at the title, which is from a poem called “the narcissists prayer” (although that poem isn’t the greatest, and the reception of it is even worse considering people use it as an excuse to shit on ppl with a trauma based disorder, but that’s a tangent for another day). it is genuinely one of, if not THE most accurate portrayal of npd i’ve ever seen, at least when it comes to my personal experience. it’s not just “oh la la la i’m the best!!!!” it delves into the darker side of narcissism, the self loathing, because you’re not good enough. the lyrics “and if looks could kill i’d be staring in the mirror, even more than i already would, ‘cause man, i’m lookin’ good!” remind me of conflicting ego states, specifically narc highs and crashes. he really hit the nail on the head.

but that’s not all, of course he had to make a song that perfectly encompasses bpd as well!!! in my humble (and correct /silly) opinion, “against the kitchen floor” does an absolutely incredible job of highlighting my bpd experience. some lyrics include:

“i could hold your hand but keep you at arms length” “that morbid sort where even company can’t cure me and the more you reassure, the less i trust” “i’m catatonic in your arms, crying, ‘how did i cause so much harm?’” and “i’m down pounding my head against the kitchen floor, apologizing for my life and ever entering yours.”

there’s more but i’ve already written so much 😭 it’s really refreshing to see accurate and respectful portrayals of personality disorders in media (even if that wasn’t his explicit goal with “against the kitchen floor”) sorry for yapping so much, just wanted to share my thoughts :3

and who knows? maybe this rant will get someone into will wood, lol. he’s been a comfort artist for me for years so hopefully that can be the case for someone else

ONCE AGAIN I AM SO SORRY ABOUT HOW LONG IT IS LOLLL

-static

Don’t worry about rambling! I don’t mind at all. Rambling is encouraged here, say whatever you want

[pdconfessions]

i have a lot of aspd traits and i can’t tell if it’s just all my issues coming together in some weird way or if it’s something more. idk i already have enough on my plate and im tired 🥀

also thanks for the response on my last ask, i’m glad at least someone cares :)

-static

Of course! 🩷

ASPD is one of those disorders that can be tricky, because it can have a lot of overlap with other PDs. The mindset of someone with ASPD, as I’ve come to understand it, is that someone learns as a child that no one is coming to protect them from their abuse, other people aren’t reliable. In this world, people will take from others without care, so the only way to survive is to turn off empathy and take whatever you need/want first. There’s also chronic anhedonia that they have to deal with, which might lead to doing impulsive and reckless things just to feel anything. I think what a lot of pop psychology doesn’t care to look at is how that person feels, the fact that anhedonia could just as easily cause them to put themselves in danger, the people with ASPD that are trying their best not to do anything that would harm others, the people with ASPD that have anxiety disorders that prevent them from doing anything potentially dangerous. I’m rambling a bit, but you get it. As always, I recommend looking at resources from @/hauntedselves (also PubMed, if you’re so inclined) to get a better grasp on what you might be experiencing. Also, a good way to differentiate symptoms is to try and figure out why you’re doing something, if you can. Some symptoms might share causes between disorders, but there are others that might be able to make things more clear if you figure out the root. Hope this made sense!

[pdconfessions]

i’m so fucking PISSED OFF RN. god fucking dammit i’ll never be enough for anyone in my life I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY NOBODY LISTENS TO ME. kinda splitting on one of my friends because they keep calling me stupid as a joke despite me multiple times pretty much YELLING. at them to stop and shut up bc npd and then i start spiraling and getting scared that they’ll leave and i just feel like collapsing and never getting up ever again. also might have avpd among other things, so that’s fun.

been bed rotting for weeks because i’m so bored and don’t have the energy to get up because it all feels worthless. idk what to do because it feels like no one really cares.

-static

Your friend sounds like they suck… You shouldn’t have to tell someone who’s supposed to care about you multiple times to stop doing something

I’ll always care, if it means anything

[pdconfessions]

kinda starting to dislike one of my friends bc when i told them abt my npd (first person i ever told bc i was scared to death and somewhat trusted them) they said “don’t worry i know how to deal with it, my mothers narcissistic”

first of all; no shes not??? second of all, all they ever say about her is how much they hate her so why the hell would you compare me to that ☠️ also what the fuck do you mean “deal with” me? i’m your friend, i’m not something you’re supposed to “deal with”

so goddamn exhausting

-static

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