oopsie i prematurely posted this but uhhh . here are some of my toby mems. its unorganized and i will edit it later. was meant to save it in my drafts but too late now i guess .
- me killing father and burning down the house were both actions influenced by the operator. unsure if this was the intention of the author but if it was they couldve made a better job at making that clear. like, stupidly so. i wanted to do these things but i was actively stopping myself from doing them. he just made me stop holding back.
- along with that, he followed me with way more intensity than what was showed. not to mention i had seen him lurking for much longer too, way before the accident. he had always been there, watching me, preparing me for what was to come. it was inevitable.
- and i wasnt as terrorized at that point in time either. anguished, yes, but not scared. if anything his presence felt like an old familiar thing i could rely on.
- also way less hallucinations. neither from the operator nor from the accident. at least not visual ones. everything i saw was real, and i know that because the only "abnormal" thing i could see was the big man himself, but again, nothing new. i did hear voiced quite frequently though, when i was not heavily dissociated.
- mentioned before i was the tallest in the family followed by father, lyra and mom. what i didnt mention is that we also looked a lot like our father in general. lyra more than me but i hated how much i saw him in my own reflection. didnt feel that way about her though.
- we didn't have a lot of money. i couldn't get most things i wanted because everything we earned went for basic necessities and dads addiction. all my clothes were thrifted or full of holes, and even then, it was mostly lyra who got them for me, with her own money she earned from part time jobs.
- because we lived in the middle of nowhere and we had no money, i had to find a way to keep myself occupied. father was always using the tv when he was at home, which i think was older than i was, and would prohibit us from watching stuff , so for fun i used to go into the woods right next to the house. like walking for one minute next to our house.
- i started doing that at age 7 or something, i was very young, and both mom and lyra got really worried the first few times. after a while it just became the norm.
- lyra was 4 years older than me
- and its surprising to me the Boss never once hurt me. i mean i was a small child walking right into his territory, he knew i was there and i knew he was there too.
- first time i saw him was around that time, in the distance, watching me. as a kid, i didn't think he was scary. i was curious. maybe thats why he saw something in me? i can never be sure. i just know he allowed me to walk through his land without harm, maybe even protecting me from other things that could hurt me
- i was older when the accident happened. like 16 or 17.
- my hunting behavior was similar to kate in the way that when i locked into my target id never let them go. probably a bit more explosive than her though. and definitely more sadistic. hunting was exciting, following someone as they ran in fear was exciting. i don't know if that was caused by slendermans influence, this predatory drive.. its not impossible, but maybe part of me just enjoyed the power that came with it, on account of not having any of it for my entire life
- despite my hunting behaviors, the sadism did to extend to my entire personality. when not hunting, which i don't think was that often if im being honest, i was mostly relaxed. i enjoyed listening to the forest
- i don't remember the other proxies very well. im not even sure i met them. i mentioned kate earlier, but the information is more of an instinct than anything. it can be categorized as a memory, yes, but im uncertain. i do have very strong feelings towards masky/tim, however. besides my family and the boss, him and kate are the ones more present in my mind.
- that being said, no memories regarding the other crps and other slenderverse characters (except for hoodie/brian, which is also from marble hornets. but i find it to be useful information since i have nothing on jay, alex or jessica.)
