#.. grape glavored gurby

[demonictragedy]

its genuinely so hard to find pictures of myself that actually feel somewhat relevant to me. because most of the pretty art i find cool are clearly normal danganronpa timeline where the killing game happens. i was living a high school slice of life au. and then theres the fact i was probably a girl or at least girl adjacent, and let me tell you. barely no one draws me in a skirt cutely. its all weird and kinda creepy. sighh .

[demonictragedy]

trying new names .. can't find any that i like

[demonictragedy]

wanted to hear kaedes voice again so i went to youtube and wow . wow the english dub did make everyone worse didn't they

see i stumbled across a video comparing the jp and eng vas and. god . why is everyones voice in english such a downgrade... like even in japanese some of them don't sound like themselves (shuichi and maki sound completely different from how i remember), it's still better than.. idk dude . what they did to me was criminal . momotas voice sounds 1000% more annoying . himiko and shirogane too. kirumi sounds too soft and kiyo is way more suspicious than what he's supposed to be . some of them sound nice, i like angies and hoshis voice, but the rest is either wrong, bad or just whatever

am i being picky? maybe, but c'mon, those are my friends they deserve better

[demonictragedy]

is it normal for fictionfolk to find their names a bit.. idk how to describe it, like that isn't you, in a way

and bear with me for a sec bc it does sound absurd. i know, it's strange, because huh?? that is you, 100% you, but the image that the name evokes isn't you, in a way

i have this feeling where i can't refer to myself as kokichi or bill, just ouma and cipher. cipher because i fucking hate the name bill, it's too human, too generic, and in my canon i had a whole thing with feeling powerless and anything that made me too vulnerable/human-like/uninspiring made me feel like shit, so yeah, makes sense. but kokichi? it's weird. it's really weird. but like, it's just the ko part. i like kichi, it's nice, it fits me. kokichi? no, it's weird. and i don't fucking know why

and it's coincidental bc these two are the most distant canon i have, from like, actual canon. maybe i just had another name and i don't remember either, who knows

kin feelings are weird, dude

[demonictragedy]

no fucking way i got a hydraulic press joke directed at me. from someone who doesnt know . anything at all. cmon dude

[demonictragedy]

hey !! at least the stress didnt let me feel extreme kin dysphoria this time around !! cant be dysphoric when you <- was about to say soemthing kinds worrying but gave uo midwaybthrough

[demonictragedy]

unrelated to what i said last, the article im writing right now is kinda fucking me up in a kin way i didnt expect, even though i should've.

its a little bit of the same as it always is with ouma. because at some point, i was there and i lived those things. but its not really my place anymore, it wouldn't be right for me to claim it. so i dont. but i miss it. and it feels like home even though its not. and it fucks me up every time.

[demonictragedy]

if you look at my kin playlist youd think i was freaky. i wasnt. well not publicly at least.