Summary: Aiesa awakes to an odd scene before her and begins to question everything she's accepted as truth. But some things are harder to bear than others she learns, as the rage in the pit of her stomach rivals the chill in her bones.
A/N: This was a little harder to write because the emotion was sooo so different. Writing a goodbye is worlds apart from writing an embittered hello and I had to try entering the mindset to properly capture Aiesa's thought process... I hope I did right by her on this.
-K. Alecia
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
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I missed this... The undeniably scent of brewing tea and freshly made oils and something uniquely her. The feel of her hands in my hair as she brushes it lovingly. The sound of her humming a lullaby while she does so. Just a few more minutes. I want to hear grandmother's voice for just a moment longer. Even as Aiesa struggled to rouse, that last thought tugged at her memories. Why would I want to hear grandmother's voice while I slumber when I can simply ask her to sing for me? Why does the thought of never hearing it again make me want to cry? Where would she even go?
Aiesa's eyes slowly opened, her heart wrenched with a vicious wistfulness that began to hollow her chest. She stared blankly at the ceiling above her until its features came into focus. I do not know this... Grandmother? The gentle tug at her hair and low hum came again and she turned her head towards the singular source... only to find a person she was not familiar. And she knew everyone. Which was probably why she just stared at this woman whose face went from pleasant surprise to a smile bathed in gentle warmth. I do not know this smile.
Aiesa blinked once before jumping suddenly out of the woman's grasp, knocking over a few things in the process, and grabbing the nearest thing as a weapon. She slowly moved towards the entrace of what appeared to be makeshift lodgings, careful to keep the wooden spoon between herself and the stranger. But as she got close enough to make a run for it, another woman she didn't know came in, no doubt summoned by the shrieking and loud noises.
"What is going on in here?" the second woman asked, eyes quickly assessing the situation.
"Who are you?" Aiesa asked darkly, shifting closer to the middle of the room where both woman were visible. "Where am I?" The second woman regarded her and then noticed the "weapon" she had in her hand, rolling her eyes. She walked closer to Aiesa, who backed up only to bump into the unstable wall, and grabbed hold of the spoon. Aiesa fought to keep her only form of protection but failed miserably due to her lack of strength after hours of eating nothing.
"Give. me. that!" Finally wresting the utensil from a now weaponless Aiesa, the second woman looked at it and then back at the person who fought her over it and, holding it in front of Aiesa's face, asked her simply, "Truly, this was the best you could do? I mean look at this mess - all for a spoon and for what? What were you honestly going to do with this?" Aiesa worried her lip, looking at everything aside from her newfound interrogator. A deep sigh preceded the second woman walking over to the where the first stood, having quickly given up on an actual response and instead choosing to check on her teary eyed companion. "Aeitha, are you hurt?" she fussed. Aeitha shook her head, but the tears came anyway.
"I-it's just... the tea was knocked over a-and I fear that it's ruined now. How can I give her something to soothe her and make her feel welcomed i-ifthere'snoteeaaaa?" The last words blurred into something barely intelligible as Aeitha sobbed violently, her small frame wracked with apparent disappointment at the knowledge she could not be a half-decent host and caretaker.
"There, there. It is no fault of yours," the second woman shot somewhat of a glare in Aiesa's direction, even as she gently rubbing Aeitha's back coaxing her to calm down. "We cannot have you in distress now can we?"
"B-but I feel like I ruin everything a-and just wanted to help and this was something so simple and... Taleaya, what am I to do if I cannot do even this?" The woman named Taleaya, simply embraced Aeitha, albeit awkwardly, while the latter cried anew — some unknown condition upsetting her beyond reason.
Aiesa squinted at the sight before her, eyebrows furrowed in confusion at what was unfolding, until she finally noticed what had disturbed her most about this whole scene: Aeitha's midsection rounded so much she looked as though she might burst. How the small woman managed a protrusion like that, let alone the ability to stand or walk without teetering over was a miracle. Questions danced in the back of Aiesa's mind, but concern captured most her attention — she could have injured both mother and babe in her panicked haste, a fact that soured the taste in her mouth in increments as each new wail assaulted her ears.
The sounds of malcontent must have reached more ears because yet another woman ran into the tent as the sobs began to subside and lower in volume, concern etched in her brow as she gently inquired if everything was alright. But hers was a very familiar face.
"Maeara?!" Aiesa exclaimed. This can't be the same person right? She was the sacrifice before me — it's been 5 years!
Aiesa remembered that day well.
It was raining - an uncommon occurrence on the day of the ritual and a foreboding omen to all in the village. Maeara, the newest Wayfarer, stood at the portal numbly. Her body seemed too small for her dress even as it clung to her like a second skin under the downpour. Ordinarily, the ritual day would have been postponed because the Wayfarer needed to be kept clean, but the way the rain broke through the heavens kept the mud from clinging to Maeara's skin and garb even as her footfalls dragged through the wet dirt.
But more than the odd proceedings, the lack of shiver in the poor girl's frame, and the way the you could see the outline of her pristine skin through the now translucent clothing like the marbled statues of goddesses long forgotten, the rain haloing Maeara and adding to her hauntingly ethereal aura; more than the heavy atmosphere of melancholy knowing yet another person would be sacrificed for the sake of everyone else's well being; more than even Hanyul's powerful presence and clear voice carrying through even the heavy rain, the thing that commanded the attention of the villagers and bated their breaths, was Maeara's sightless gaze. The lifelessness in her demeanor gave her an almost regal air and hardly anyone could do anything to lessen her burden as she gazed icily past the villagers who huddled together for warmth.
She could not be touched.
That was an unbreakable rule. And so, they all had to watch her leave, with so few words beyond her vows of acceptance, without being able to comfort the young woman in any way that mattered, knowing in another 5 years time, yet another would be sent off in a similar manner. And another. And another.
The cycle would not end and neither would the scars on their hearts. Especially not after seeing Maeara's deadened eyes look through to their souls before turning around and disappearing to a fate that threatened to make her back somehow look smaller than it already did.
This can't be that same girl. This one has life in her eyes. This one has a healthy glow about her. This one has a healthy layer of fat filling her cheeks and muscle where there ought to be just skin and bone.
This one isn't dead.
But she looked right at me when I called out and looks as though she's trying to place a familiar face...
"Aiesa?" The soft spoken question sent equal parts relief and dread deep into Aiesa's bones. "Aiesa! It is you," Maeara exclaimed as she nearly tackled the very confused woman in a bruising hug. "Goddess, you've grown up since I saw you last!"
"I could say the same of you," Aiesa responded warily. But if Maeara caught it, she made no note of it as she leaned back to ask,
"But why are you here?"
The room went silent a moment as all four women processed what was happening. Taleaya spoke up first.
"Aiesa," she began slowly, unsure of the name, "here appears to be the newest Wayfarer and consequently, our newest sister," she answered still rubbing the shoulders of a now sniffling Aeitha.
"Oh!" Maeara replied, apparently surprised at the response as though she had forgotten the only reason why anyone would come here. "Oh," she said again after a pause, less amused this time. The look in her eyes spoke volumes as she began searching Aiesa's, no doubt remembering her own experience as an exalted "chosen one" for the people's salvation. Her hands shifted then, from encircling Aiesa's ribs in a rapturous reunion to touching her shoulders in concern.
The change in demeanor once again left a bitterness in Aiesa's mouth as the gesture somehow answered the questions she had hesitated to ask.
"You were alive this whole time." It wasn't a question. It was a poison no antidote could hope to cure and it festered in Aiesa's stomach as she tried and failed to leave the acid out of her voice, a fiery anger licking at her flesh as ice settled in her veins. "All of you were." She looked at the other two women, whom she did not know, their reactions providing a clarity she realized she did not need: there were once Wayfarers as well. Ones before her time. The rage in her threatened to spill over as Taleaya and Aeitha failed to meet her eyes, a question she realized she may not wish to know the answer to crept into her mind.
"The child..." The words died on her breath as soon as she spoke them when Aeitha flinched. Aiesa could not bear to continue, convinced that ignorance, perhaps, truly was bliss.
But fate was more cruel than she gave it credit, because no sooner had she chosen to leave well enough alone, an Aggressor came through the tent, it and Aeitha finding some comfort in the other's existence. But it was the relief that made the Aggressor lax which sent Aiesa spiraling — because its focus and look of adoration was not on the woman, but on her bulge. The babe belongs to an Aggressor.
Aeitha caught her mistake a moment too late, freezing mid-motion to move into her lover's embrace. Taleaya stepped in front of Aeitha protectively, unsure of how the new "sister" would react, and Maeara stumbled backwards in fear as Aiesa burst into a mirthless laughter. The Aggressor, finally aware of her, stood frozen in surprise.
Hand drawn across her face as the maniacal laughter died down, Aiesa peered between her fingers at the ceiling of the tent, questioning what sick fate brought her to this point where every truth she'd learned up to this point begged to be challenged and re-examined. What transgression had she commited so terribly in her past life that it warranted such punishment? Who offended the goddesses so deeply that none of the former Wayfarers thought to let their loved ones know they were okay?
"Leave me." The command cut through the silence and broke whatever spell held tongue and breath alike.
"Aiesa," Maeara began. "Ple—"
"Leave. me," Aiesa repeated. There was a callousness in her voice with which no arguments could be brooked. This was a betrayal no words nor gestures could ever hope to smooth over.
The women began to clear out the tent one by one, taking the strangely docile, yet bewildered Aggressor with them. Maeara was the last to leave, her footsteps heavy with regret and something else she couldn't put a name to. She had taken the time to correct the teapot that miraculously didn't spill very much and tidied up a bit, not wanting the space to match the mental space of an old friend. If I even have the right to still call her that. She made her way to the front, mind filled with words she didn't know how to say, when she just barely managed to catch Aiesa's final query.
"... did any of you even try?" There was no need to ask for clarity — to do so would only be an even greater insult — so she answered as honestly as she could, knowing that any attempt at obfuscation would only serve to make things worse.
"Apparently, some of the men did early on, determined to return to the lovers they left behind. But with their fate unknown to even the Aggressors, fewer and fewer tried, fearful their attempts would be in vain and, with time, far too happy with life on this side to remember the pain that led to it." When Aiesa didn't respond beyond a simple huff of incredulity, Maeara backed out the tent and closed the flap, hoping that sleep would claim the younger woman as she heard the first sobs fall from her lips, the name to the previously unknown feeling forming in mind: familiarity.
Aiesa reminded her of herself when she learned the truth. That sense of betrayal was second to none and she vowed then to never forget that feeling. To help the new sacrifice. To try to return home with good tidings when she was strong enough. But oh, how time erodes the most intense emotions and memories and abrades even the strongest of wills.
She had forgotten.
More than that, she had grown complacent. While she could never learn to hate what she gained in this new life, she could certainly hate the part of her that forgot to sympathize with her new sister. The part that forgot to remember. The part that forgot to fight. Because if not for that, the woman on the other side of the tent would not be suffering as much as she was right now. She would not go through the same horrors she did. She would not be in such deep pain.
The scream of agony and frustration Aiesa let out on behalf of every person who was left behind in every past made Maeara's stomach twist. As it began to pitch, she ran as far as she could before collapsing by a boulder.
