Most English language Het Romance reads as horror fiction to me, and not by the authorâs intent...
There is a piece of discourse going around with some really long, really interesting reblog chains about why the genre of Het Romance (generally in the form of the Harlequin novel) is about powerful women who win in the end after using their diverse inner resources (Intelligence, courage, âwomanly gentlenessâ) to turn an âalphaholeâ powerful man into someone who respects the heroine as an equal partner. And there in lies both the formula and the powerful fantasy (much like, I would say, a james bond or jason borne novel is a fantasy for some men). Â
The various reblog chains include some deep discourse on the pros and cons of this fantasy. I donât even know where to begin to select one as a reblog so I am selecting none. Â
ANYHOW. Â THE INTIAL OPs DISCUSSION made me finally see why a segment of women (important: not all women) find this form of Genre Het Romance so powerful because even though I have been told for years it is a powerful escapist fantasy that is also feminist, I never got it and never understood how other people saw it as feminist UNTIL I read this aforementioned post and various reblogs that started talking about some of the issues (as in, feminist for whom?). The OP explained it so simply in so few words, and so well.
One of the things I have seen lit/book bloggers talk about --- particularly lit/book bloggers who are women who blog in english who are ethnically othered in their society (such as WOC in America, but thatâs just one slice of the worldâs ethnic/cultural/religious Other pie) --- is how important it is for them to have everyone be WHITE in these romance fantasies, especially THE FEMALE LEAD, because as soon as intersectional issues enter the game, the whole house of cards in this fantasy collapses.
Iâd go one step further and say that the woman has to be a cis-gendered feminine woman else ... there goes the house of cards in this particular form of HIGHLY GENDERED HET ROMANCE.
And, yes, I can see it as a form of feminism but it is not mine and doesnât address my needs, never has and never will without A LOT OF TROPE REVISION and/or REPLACEMENT.  Which means I can be totally behind this kind of romance as empowering while also saying that it reads like unintended horror fiction when anything hits too close to home. Itâs an intersectional problem. It is so many problems. Basically, one size does not fit all, but I cheer for whomever it does fit while trying to figure out how to make it work for me (because then it will also work for more people too).
Somewhere this all gets back to many discussions Iâve had in fandom about why certain het ships work for me but most popular het ships fail and fail hard. Iâm also thankful to decades of fandom pushing boundaries on romance fiction (mostly fanfic but, as I have heard, in actual original fiction too) such that it has spaces that are addressing intersectional relationships, queer relationships, etc., in manners that keep the notion of escapism and empowering fantasy but make it work so folks like myself donât backclick or put the book down 300 words in because weâve had to NOPE the fuck out.Â
I cannot begin to describe how hard Iâve had to NOPE out of so much Het fanfic written from the female characterâs POV because someone elseâs escapist empowerment reads to me as the HORROR, the horrrorrrr. I have spent a decade talking to people similar-in-various-ways to myself in fandom about our experiences with this, coming up with alternate definitions for female-focused escapism in romance, about why we often prefer M/M or F/F fic, and even coming up with an entire theory-in-the-making about shipping as affordances.
And while I hesitate on posting this on tumblr ... some of my upcoming Dirge meta (which gets post on a side blog but is reposted to my main blog) talks about two M/F ships that actually work for me and they âworkâ for Very Different Reasons.  (note that âworkâ is in quotes for Reasons).
I sort of suspect that if I listed all the het ships across all the fandoms where the ship works (it is not a long list, tbh), I could almost certainly cluster them all into two, maybe three categories. .... thinking I might want to do this...
As for âworkâ in quotes. Work means âI have an intriguing emotional relationship with the ship.â  Work does not mean that I think the ship is healthy for the characters (it might be, it might not). Work does not mean that I think the ship will work or should work or will ever have an HEA (it might, it might not). Work merely means âThis is Relevant to my Interests, please tell me more.â
@ageofdragon :Â Rather than reblog your posts (not sure you wanted those reblogged) I figured I should just respond with a new post.
Everything you said made a lot of sense. International tumblr will probably read some of these matters differently and, based on other conversations I have had with fandom, some americans will probably read some of these things differently too, but your perspective is based on your lived experience. Period. Thank you for being very straight forward.
Just wanted to say that for years I have found discussions about real world analogies for the ethnicity and nationalities of DA characters both interesting and frustrating.
It is interesting because, as you said early, Thedas is a pot of mixed cultures, concepts, and races, and two people can come to two different conclusions that both have valid evidence in the lore.Â
But it is also frustrating because sometimes people insists on absolutes when, as you know, there are no perfect analogies in Thedas. And then add in all the fanwank (and micro-aggressions, bigotry, whitewashing).
In the end there arenât straightforward answers although I have seen many frustrating instances where fans talk over minorities and POCs of any kind, including people who might not use the term POC, because the term âPOCâ is very american and doesnât always map to situations outside of america, plus it doesnât really seem to have accepted categories for american people who arenât american-white but arenât latin@, black, or east asian.
So, using your definition, whenever a fan doesnât map to the american concept of âyep, thatâs a white person, no doubt there,â (which is similar to the british and northern european concept of white and seems, from what I have heard, *very* similar to an australian concept), I have seen far too many frustrating moments in which the non-white fan (again, using your definition) is told by fandom ânope, you are wrong to interpret this character as [insert a not-white category here] because I clearly see him/her as white, therefore they are white.â
I always find this frustrating because things just arenât that simple and the non-white fan of a piece of English-language media always appears able to present at least one valid reasons for interpreting the character the way they do. Meanwhile white fandom (as a whole, beyond DA fandom) often tends to see characters in english language media as Default White no matter how the character is described (Hermione, for instance, although characters from the Hunger Games are far better examples of this). Even people who arenât white but who live in white-majority/dominated nations end up carrying around a lot of white worldview baggage in their personal knapsacks that they are still unpacking.Â
Donât really know what else to say beyond wishing that it was less frustrating for everyone in DA fandom (and other english-language fandoms) to accept and respect the diversity of interpretations that fans make when looking for representation among the characters who read as not white or not quite white.
