during forsaken i thought about what would happen if i didnt take in c00lk1d. its not like i regretted it! far from it!! i love that kid, i guess its more just. guilt? i feel guilty. its not like we had the best life. no one wanted to hire me when i job hunted (not that i blamed them), only ones that did took advantage of their situation. shitty warehouse jobs, back of house, low pay, no one wanted to help. hell, why would anyone help after what i did? i didnt deserve help, but He did. its not his fault i was selfish enough to think i could take care of him.
when i took him in i was still aggressive, still the exploiter i was stressed out. i was a wreck. the only reason we survived the first 6 months was from leftover stolen robux. i yelled a lot, yelled at him a lot, i always felt bad about it, it always made him cry more, and it made me scared. he was a baby, babies cry. he cried a lot. i just never knew what he needed. i didnt tell 8 about him for a while, she helped out with babysitting when i worked, he got along with bluududd well, they just clicked, yunno? acted more like siblings than cousins. i never told her about our money problems but i think she knew, how could she not? i was scared, ashamed maybe? i think he was too young at the time to remember that stuff anyways.
i knew why they left him on my door in the first place, its not like i had good reputation. they thought id kill him, i couldnt do that. i couldnt intentionally kill innocence. he was a baby, and he needed someone. i never told him he was abandoned. he didnt need to know, but hes a smart kid, he probably figured it out.
i guess i just want to apologize to him, say sorry for not giving him the life he deserved. for letting him play in the front yard that day. for being a shit dad. for everything.
im so sorry, k1d, you deserve the world, i just wish i could have given it to you.
- Sincerely, a 007n7 kin(forsaken)
