#0750445

[cocoa-coated-fish]

Get over it

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[cocoa-coated-fish]

It’s a Friday evening, the sky  is bright, I have my window open and it’s warm, and I can hear the ice cream trucks are back. Spring is really here. Life is so good.

[cocoa-coated-fish]

I wanna go for a swim in the fish tank (process)

So this is an idea I’ve had bouncing around in my head for a few months now. For a while I wanted to be small or do something impossible like disappear. When I would walk by the tank I was trying to cycle (basically letting it run empty until it can support fish) I would always think about how nice it would be to escape to somewhere warm and pristine and new, where I had no obligations or responsibilities. Some place where nobody knew me and nobody cared, where I could just fade into the background and not have to do anything other than survive. Last May I made a quick painting to get the idea down, but didn’t pursue it further; I didn’t have the time or the energy.

I haven’t worked on a digital piece for a long, long time it feels like. When I got the Creative Cloud through school, I wanted to do something that I felt like would be easy in order to get the hang of photoshop and get used to using my tablet again. Originally I was going to paint on top of the painting in my sketchbook, but then decided it would be easier to just redo it. There’s definitely a lot of things I could add or change, but I’m going to call it done for now; maybe I’ll go back and rework it later.

I originally wanted to do a whole pmv for 10 Feet Tall comparing the singer to a fish, but I hate animating so this is all you get.

[cocoa-coated-fish]

@ the girl who gave me a hug in English class: thanks

[cocoa-coated-fish]

I am so tired so I searched for words that could convey that. 

Then I couldn’t find them so I tried to write my own. Then I couldn’t write my own so I drew the same tree I’ve drawn a million times. Small things have profound impacts. I planted a tree on my problems thinking that tomorrow it will outgrow them, not cast a shadow over me. I would love to run but my own two feet wouldn’t be able to carry me if I even had the chance. 

The ink under my nails reminds me of blood. The way it seeps out when you’ve accidentally done something to cut the skin beneath the surface. It’s black and it pools and it pops like an outline in a similar way. Truth is I want to sleep, and I could, but I can’t.

[cocoa-coated-fish]

Bring me somewhere beautiful where I stop being afraid.

[cocoa-coated-fish]

Oh my fucking stars I miss my plants and my fish so much

[cocoa-coated-fish]