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Insecure.

Day 142 - August 31 @ 6:48pm I've been feeling so insecure ever since Eric had that conversation with me about being "official." Maybe it's me overreacting. But I feel like, him knowing that we're a couple, he's caring less. It sounds crazy, I know. But I haven't seen him in a week. We seem to only hang out whenever he is free. So I saw him what, last Tuesday. I worked evenings all week so I was busy. I thought I was going to see him Friday since I was off. He didn't call me until late, so I made plans already. Then he went to the cottage all weekend. Last minute Saturday he was trying to convince me to join him and his parents. I almost did. But I stopped myself. We told each other we'd hang out today (Monday). He called me earlier. Then he postponed because he was going to hang out with his brother. That was at 2pm today. It's now 6:51pm. It's sad to say but I've literally been waiting in bed since I got home from lunch with my parents. Waiting for his call. So I called him and he's still out. I have work in the morning so I don't want to stay out late. He doesn't bother asking my schedule for the week because if he did, he'd know that I'm working/busy every day this week until Saturday ... But he's going to the cottage again so we don't see each other until what, next Monday? That would be 2 weeks without seeing each other. Yeah I'm pissed. I'm insecure and I'm pissed. My mind is already thinking about making tinder again. Get attention from other guys. Fuck. See this is why I hate feeling vulnerable. This is why I'm so closed off. Because it sucks. When the person you care about you, hurts you, it sucks a million times more. All I want to do is be with him. Doesn't he understand that? Does he not want to see me as much as I want to see him? I'm typing this so fast right now because I'm angry. I want to just get up and drive to God knows where. But it's too damn hot out and the AC in the car doesn't work. Goddamnit Eric. What will it take for you to realize that I need attention? That I need effort. That I can't sit around waiting for when it's convenient for you to hang out. I literally just told my dad about Eric over the weekend. Was I too naive to think that this is really going anywhere? Did I jump the gun by telling my dad about my first "boyfriend", only to have him break my heart a few days later? I'm being dramatic. I know. But fuck man.

#day 142 #08312015 #dear diary #boys #love #Eric #heartbreak