didn’t draw that much today bc i’m binging the good place with my parents and it’s pretty good. based on a picture of denzel washington i saw on twitter when he got a minister’s license that i thought was pretty cool :)
"It's always a popularity contest, and I never win those," whispers Kairos, not daring to look at Grayson. She isn't sure why she is admitting this to him, other than for trying to tell him she knows he is going to leave her too.
Some notion propelled her to continue to talk, though she didn't know if it was due to her fear or if once she started, she couldn't stop what had been bottle up for so long. "I learned at a young age that I would never be first for anyone. There was a time when I thought it was true. There had been a girl my age when I was younger, she and I had gotten along swimmingly....we considered each other friends forever. Sent secret letters to each other, got each other matching bracelets at the same time. Then, something happened. I am not sure what changed, but one day when we were supposed to meet up together, I ended up in a trap...and the one person I thought was my friend was laughing with those that were tormenting me."
Grayson noticed how she started to play with her rings on her fingers as she spoke. How she continued not to look at him, out of fear of his reaction or something else, he wasn't sure. He wanted to reach out, to tell her that he would choose her first, but in the time he took, Kairos had already taken another breath and barreled on.
"After her, I kinda shrunk on myself, relying on my brother even more than I had before. Thinking that surely, if anyone would put me first, then it would be him. He had done it a few times already during our time in CABIN so I didn't think to worry, but even that didn't last. One day..." Grayson could hear the hesitation in her voice, but he feared that if he moved, even an inch it would break whatever trance Kairos seemed to be in. "...one day that changed too, and I was left on my own. It was then that I figured out I was just everyone's back-up friend..... Eventually, I stopped trying to be someone's first." The last part Kairos whispered so quietly, Grayson almost didn't hear it. Like she didn't want to admit it herself.
Kairos seemed to realize what she said, blinking slightly before gaining a grimace and quickly amending her confession. "Gosh, I probably sound so stupid and childish to you, sorry....you can just forget everything I said." Rubbing the back of her next and forcing a little laugh, which sounded a bit like self-depreciation to Grayson. She turned quickly from him, still not looking him in the eyes, she couldn't bear to see what his reaction to that was. She didn't know if it would be of pity or disgust. She wasn't sure which she wanted either.
Though before she could take more than a few steps, she felt a warm grip on her bicep, tugging her slightly back.
"Wait," Grayson started, although he didn't entirely know how to continue. He just knew he needed to say something now, but he couldn't think of the words that would make this better. To make it sound sincere and not like he was just playing on her emotions after what Kairos just confessed. You always make things worse, don't you? growled Journey's voice speaking in his mind.
He slowly turned her around, but she still refused to look at him. Her head tilted to the ground, yet not looking at her or his feet. She seemed like a different girl at the moment. Not the cold, stoic girl he had heard from the other Hunters, and not exactly the smart and cautious girl he had seen on their adventure either. She appeared as if she was expecting a blow, to be told that her feelings weren't valid or were silly. He hated that she had been conditioned this way, to expected that from him.
"I... I don't think you are foolish for wanting to be someone's first... I don't entirely blame you for stopping to try and be someone's first either." Being a little brave, he slowly bends down to place himself into her eyesight. Seeing the sparkle of unshed tears, he continues even though she is still trying to avoid his eyes, "When I say this next part, it is not to one up or compare to what you have been through, it's only to let you know that I can relate, that you are not alone."
Her eyes flicker to his, good he thinks, I have got her interest. "Back at CABIN, I seemed like I was one of the most popular guys around. Girls were wooing after me and guys wanted to hang out all the time. At first, I thought I was on top of everything, that everyone actually liked me and wanted to be friends. But then I heard whispers. I learned to hear the unsaid things my so called friends were saying, and eventually, I realized that all they wanted was more power. That they thought being friends with me would put them in favor of either my father or...even in favor with Ardin, since he and I were in the same squad. After some particularly nasty event, I figured out real quick I wasn't really a person to people, more of an object to win and use."
"Really?" questioned Kairos, as if she never thought the son of the head of CABIN would feel like that. She had slowly lifted her head, so Grayson could straighten up a bit. He was also keenly aware his hand was still on her arm, but again, he feared moving at all would break something.
"Really," Grayson answered, smiling in what he hoped would be a reassuring smile. "But, if I may be as bold to say, while the others might not like me that much either, I find their realness with me to be more refreshing than I thought it would be."
Kairos stifled a little laugh at that. Thinking of how Journey had been very hostile to Grayson since the beginning of their adventure, and she had not gotten much better. Not that the others were in the clear either.
Grayson felt something bloom in his chest at Kairos's laugh. Trying to bring that laugh out more, he carried on. "However, the boldest statement I could make is that you make me feel like a person, not an object to be won, a pawn to be played." Moving his hand to take hers, Kairos's eyes go wide, skirting from his gaze to their hands and back.
"I know you might feel like you will never be someone's number one, but.... I" Suddenly, Grayson drops her hand as a someone appears around the corner.
