Oct 12, 2019
"Estoy ya cansado de amarte tanto..."
(Estoy Perdido, Luis Fonsi)
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"Estoy ya cansado de amarte tanto..."
(Estoy Perdido, Luis Fonsi)
this is the way the world ends not with a bang but a whimper.
T.S. Eliot
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@ofshininglights ( amara )
I can't believe I stayed up till 5 something today.
8.5 months of loving you
Sometimes I sit, quietly pondering the future. The future of us. I wonder how it can be that I can see something so clearly. I see us, together on a coast line - hands intertwined and laughing about our lives again. I see us walking up to our home, hanging on a cliff in the forest. I hear laughter as we approach. Two small figures running in the shadows behind the curtains. A boy and a girl. They’re ours. Is it possible to see something so clear? Is it possible for it to be real? Will we ever reach that point? I believe we will, but sometimes I wonder if you feel it too.
I hope it’s not wishful thinking, but I know people do grow apart and separate, and it could happen to us one day. I pray to God it won’t. I will never love someone the way I do you. One day, I hope to marry you, and grow old with you. I will love you unconditionally until the day I die. So, here’s to the future I imagine with you.
That we could spend the rest of our lives together, pursuing ourselves - side by side, hand in hand, walking on the coastline. True Happiness.
I don't want people to care about I me I don't want anyone to worry I've been trying so hard to just brush it off because it won't matter when I'm dead but please just leave me alone I can't handle life anymore and you are making it so hard to leave
Who knows really. I mean I like Libra. I do. But I don't know. I really don't know. I don't know what he thinks about me. Should it matter? I kind of want to talk to him constantly. But that's how I get bored with people easily. But I mean I kinda don't plan on spending forever with him so who cares of I get bored really? He is attractive. Has a nice butt. Has a nice smile. Is nice. Can be funny if I jus let him. Like if I dont think too much and what he says he can be funny. Why are my walls up with him? Because I know he is going to be a fling? But I mean...so? I guess it shouldn't matter to me then because its not like I have to worry about him judging me too harshly because I already see us as not lasting. So if we dont last maybe I should treat this like we will. I should pursue him as much as he'll let me. And keep pursuing until either I get annoyed or bored or he gets annoyed and angry. And jus stay with him as a friend as a lover as a nurturer until one of those two endings happen. Im jus so nervous about things at this point because I dont want to distract myself too much. But like....im open to this. Im open to this with him. And I need to show that. I need to share that with him. Maybe he wont like me. But the semester is winding down and it will make him feel better because its a compliment. So sometime after he comes back I need to share that with him rather than jus staying in the dark and riding the waves. I need to know where I stand and I need to know what I can and should do. Should I pursue. Should I stop feeling for him.
You were the best and worst thing that ever happened to me.
K.O