#10022023

[dailylagomorphs]

10/02/2023

[8ightisfate]

[8ightisfate]

[nqamariah]

EPISIKLUS

Setelah penuh kontemplasi dengan berbagai peristiwa yang hadir. Tiba² terkoneksi dan teringat sedikit mozaik di salah satu novel Andrea Hirata. Lengkapnya seperti ini:

“...𝘏𝘢𝘳𝘪 𝘪𝘯𝘪 𝘕𝘢𝘣𝘪 𝘔𝘶𝘴𝘢 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘩 𝘓𝘢𝘶𝘵 𝘔𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘩 𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘬𝘢𝘵𝘯𝘺𝘢, 𝘥𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘨-𝘨𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘱𝘶𝘵𝘢𝘳 𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘬𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘬 𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘢𝘯, 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘶𝘬 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘬𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘬𝘭𝘶𝘴 𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘪 𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘪𝘬𝘭𝘶𝘴 𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘦𝘣𝘪𝘩 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘢𝘳, 𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘢𝘱𝘪𝘴-𝘭𝘢𝘱𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘢𝘬 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘨𝘢 𝘥𝘪 𝘭𝘶𝘢𝘳 𝘫𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘬𝘢𝘶𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘬𝘢𝘭 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘢. 𝘚𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘢 𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘪 𝘥𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘮 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘬𝘰𝘭 𝘫𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘵 𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘢 𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘢𝘯 𝘈𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘩. 𝘚𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘬𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘫𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘶 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘪 𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘬𝘭𝘶𝘴 𝘪𝘵𝘶 𝘬𝘦𝘭𝘶𝘢𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘪 𝘰𝘳𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘯𝘺𝘢, 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘢 𝘥𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘮 𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘬 𝘴𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘢 𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘮 𝘢𝘬𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘢𝘬 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘢𝘥𝘪 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘩-𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘩 ...”, saking terkejutnya Ikal dengan skenario yang tidak main².

Kata Cinta di AADC2, “𝘈𝘥𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘶 𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘫𝘢𝘥𝘪 𝘱𝘢𝘥𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘢 𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘪𝘬𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘢 𝘚𝘈𝘋𝘈𝘙 ...” Iyaa, akan ada satu “AHA Moment” yang bikin sadar arti satu kejadian atau bahkan mendapatkan interpretasi lain dari hal² yang sudah dilakukan. “Ahyaa, ternyata ini maksudnya”

Kata Pak Balia di kelas Ikal: “𝘒𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘯 .... 𝘚𝘦𝘭𝘶𝘳𝘶𝘩 𝘬𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘮 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘶𝘱 𝘪𝘯𝘪 ... 𝘢𝘥𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘩 𝘣𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘪 𝘴𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘶 𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘢 𝘥𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘪𝘧𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘪 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘪 𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘢 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘺𝘢 𝘪𝘯𝘪....𝘗𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘦 𝘚𝘪𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘥𝘦 𝘓𝘢𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 ...”

Terus, intinya apa ?? Intinya adalah kalimat penutup Ikal di Mozaik 18: “... 𝘣𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘢 𝘛𝘶𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘩 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘢𝘯-𝘱𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘢𝘯 𝘔𝘰𝘻𝘢𝘪𝘬 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘶𝘱𝘬𝘶 𝘥𝘢𝘯 𝘈𝘳𝘢𝘪”

Semoga bisa bersua di lain waktu. Selamat sudah melalui.

[xekah]

COCA betan BAKE

[horizt]

What do you call the ashes of a girl if not sacred? When the embers are cradled by the wind, do the gods cry for what could have been? If it is cruel hands that have taken a life, why then do we forget the injustice? Instead, let us collect as sisters in mourning. Let our Fury echo through the pages of history. Do not let this death be quiet, like all the thousands before it. Time cannot devour what we will not allow to be forgotten. So do not forget her name; Remember her. Remember every girl like her who was lost to us. Every girl who prayed to a god that abandoned her. Call your rage something holy; Call it the best incarnation you have ever known. Make the goddess of justice we all deserve; The kind of divinity we can all truly believe in. Carve a temple made of a fire, which never dies until we are all… safe. Let the wind take these embers, these ashes, and build a goddess of wildfire, in her name.

[wasistunendlichkeit]

i cannot say anything else than ‘i cannot do this’. because i do not feel like i can anymore. the past is echoing through me like i am a hollow void, because i am, i am, i am. and you are not safe. only me. you’re kicking me to the curb, you did not even want it, but you did and i have a hard time trusting this again. because when you’re saying you do not want to fall in love you are basically saying you will not be there. and i cannot go through this alone. i cannot face these demons on my own. i would need a stable hand to hold mine while i look myself in the eyes and look at what i have done. what you have done. what we have done once upon a time. it is okay that you will not do this with me. i understand. it does not change the fact that i cannot do this alone. and then this is wrong for me. i could do it as long as i just felt the moment. but i do not feel anymore. i only feel the past and i cannot face it alone. i do not want to face it alone. i do not have to. it would not heal me to do it on my own, it would only deepen the wound. when the self-protection kicks in the only thing that remains is the question what i am even doing and i do not know, i do not know, i do not know. because i cannot count on us to protect me, meaning you will not protect me, meaning i am not protecting me, what am i even doing.

i have only ever begged for a pain i can live with. this is not it. i do not want to live with this pain. i do not want to burden you with it, but i do not want to carry it either. i want i gone, gone, gone and i only know one way to. to be alone until i forget what it feels like to be touched again, until i forget how your breath on my skin feels like, until i forget how the words you whispered sound like, until i forget i have a body, until i leave it behind and nothing can make my skin crawl. until the memory of being used, used, used is so far buried in my mind i really think i could stand to be touched again without it leaving bruises in my mind. 

[8ightisfate]