Fire is beautiful because fire burns. It’s a hot eraser that erases effectively through the beautiful burning and the only way to erase my pain is through fire.
It burns and it takes and it doesn’t quite care what it takes because fire is a wicked Queen and only the most wicked Queens would dare take what she please.
I burn things because I am the wicked queen that takes what she please and the fire is beautiful because it burns so brightly.
It’s light, illuminating the world. The sun is fire and we love it, but when the building is on fire people run in free but I simply see a piece of the sun and it’s beautiful because it’s fire and fire burns.
I burned away the memories of the house that tortured me so. I burned away the laughter and the voices who told me I would never be loved. But I love and I know fire loves me because it burns the things away for me like a king God gifting his disciple. I burned away the sneering keepers who told I would never have parents.
They’re burning and it’s beautiful because it’s fire and fire burns.
*This is original writing and not a writing prompt. Please don’t steal. Thank. -AG
Do it to the best of your ability.
It’s the kind way to say “Do your best, but we’ll be disappointing if you fail.”
That’s not what it means, but it sure feels like that. Perhaps it’s the context of when it’s said. Before tests, like the ACT.
Do the best of your ability, but if you fail, you’re screwed. If you’re best ability isn’t what is expected, then we’re disappointed. If you don’t do the best of the standard we set, which should be the best of your ability, then you’ve failed us.
Why aren’t we good enough?
Why aren’t we good enough?
Why am I not good enough?
My abilities are not of any quality and so, I am nothing. I am nothing to the people with the pens and papers and the rejection stamps dripping in red, bloody red ink. My abilities are not of any standard to the people who matter, only of standard to the people who have smiles on their faces whenever I try something because to them, trying matters.
But my mother’s praise is an incoherent language to the people who decide if I have to spend a thousand years enslaved at a minimum wage job that the entitled consider a high schooler’s work. Why would thousands and thousands of jobs be only for the four years that we spend making ourselves look like appetizing meals to the wolves of our future? I passed enough math classes and learned enough logic skills that that doesn’t make any sense, but I got a 17 on the ACT, so what I say doesn’t matter because according to the people who matter, I’m a dumb person.
At the end of writing this, I realized that peace of mind is not possible with my perspective. So, to find peace, I simply reverse who I think are the people who matters, and the people who don’t.
The people who matter never tell you to do the best of your ability, because they know that when you actually try, you’re always doing your best. And to them, that’s enough.
They said things would get harder when you’re engaged, and I guess it’s true. Just two weeks after my boyfriend, Hoector Bellerin got down on one knee, I found out that he had tinder on his phone, fucking tinder. Why would he need tinder on his phone? Looking for some chicks to bang?
It was last night when I found out about the tinder thing. I already knew his password but I wasn’t the possessive type so I never checked his phone whatsoever to appreciate his privacy, but somehow the women’s instinct kicked when Hector was taking a shower and left his phone on the nightstand next to our bed. I was astounded. Of course lots and lots of girls would swipe right, it’s fucking Hector Bellerin of Arsenal!
I read the chats, yes, plural of course. He didn’t reply when the girl asked, “are you really hector bellerin?”. But then there’s one in particular that made my heart on the edge, it was Berta’s best friend. For those who not know, Berta is Hector’s ex-girlfriend. The chat was about this girl asking Hector why he’s on tinder and if Hector is now single. Hector did not answer to any of that question, instead he asked how’s Berta doing and it was just A WEEK ago.
Taken aback, lost for words, stunned, whatever the word is I was really enraged. Jealous you can say, but why in the world he needs to do that? He’s fucking engaged.
“Did I do something wrong?” it was Hector, kneeling down to match my eyes, I was sitting in the sofa ignoring everything he said before, and of course I know that he know there is definitely something wrong.
I shifted my eyes, watching him carefully before answering to his question, “What do you think?”
“I don’t know, babe. You’re the one who’s been ignoring me since last night.” He sighed, still kneeling and watching me intensely.
“Do I?”
“Don’t you? You turned your back against me, you didn’t wake me up this morning, no breakfast or juice or whatever, not even a single ‘good morning’! What’s up with you?” I know that I irritate him and he’d explode anytime now so I turned my face against him.
“(y/n)…”, he whispered in a soft sweet voice, surprisingly in contrary to what I predicted, “I love you, and you know that.” His warm fingers started to stroke my hair, making a war in my heart. “I’m sorry if I hurt you somehow. I hate to see you like this, I hate when you’re not talking to me… so please tell me what did I do wrong?”
“Tinder” I heard him gasped after a word came out from me.
“(y/n)! I’m so sorry, I’m so-so sorry. I’m deeply sorry. I love you, I always have.” He pulled me into hug, which I didn’t restrain since I’m actually too tired to have an argument now.
Within one minute of silence, I heard him sobbing which made a war inside my head whether to turn back and hug him or just stay like this until he gave further explanation and decide to forgive or not.
“Remember we fought last week over your ex boyfriend?” He said softly between the sobs, “I was really disappointed when you choose to be out with your friends instead of accompanying me to Chambo’s, and there was your ex-boyfriend there, and all your guy best friends. I don’t know if I’ll be able to cope my jealousy towards your friend, and what would happen if I can’t and we’re already married?”
“Are you doubti-“
“No!!! No-no, I’m not doubting my decision to marry you. Listen…” he turned my body facing him, caressing my cheek. “It was one week ago, okay? You can see that I didn’t reply her again after a day. And these past days, I finally learned that it was because of I can’t imagine watching you be with anyone else but me. You are my one. The moment I stopped trying to find the right woman, and started trying to become the right man, you walked up to me and said ‘Hello’, even with such a strange accent, you got me that night”
“Hector….”
“I am sorry. I promised myself to never do that again.” He put a strand of hair behind my left ears, “Now, if you forgive me, I will ask your permission to kiss you”
With those stupid eyes, stupid pointy nose and his silly smile, I melted. Remembering every moment I have spent with him over last two years, he’s also the one. “Kiss me”
Notes: This specific fill is dedicated to @ninjaellis, because Reasons. >8D (Trying to actually do the fill while keeping in-line with the constraints of a one-sentence challenge, however, is absolutely brutal. I love it.)
—
— 081 (dramatic)
“hear me out, at the very least —” “— i already told you, there is absolutely no way —” “— i fail to see why you are so averse to —” “— it’s weird —” “— by which you mean —" “— so you don’t think sealing your razor and shaving cream into one of my scrolls is even a little weird —" “— i wouldn’t have asked had i not had a good reason for doing so —" “— and that reason is —” “— it is entirely too unpleasant —“ “—okay, i get it, believe me: i know how uncomfortable it feels when your hair starts growing back after you’ve shaved (well, maybe not on my face) but —“ “— that is not it —“ “— what do you —“ “— guy and lee are trying to convince me to grow a beard —“ “— what —“ “— i —” “— they’re trying to do what —” “— please stop laughing.”
EDIT: The lovely merthumblr did a super cute fanart for this fic!! Go check it out!!!
This was requested a longass time ago, but I’m determined to fill all of the requests I’ve gotten, no matter how long it takes. Anon, I am gomen and I hope you see this!
~2600 words
Rated T for a few f-bombs.
Nitori thinks he might be going crazy.
It’s no secret to anyone on the Samezuka swim team that he has a huge, unflattering crush on their captain. In fact, Nitori knows for a fact that Kishimoto and Hoshino have been trying to matchmake Rin and Nitori for months. (The whole team is involved, but thankfully Yashida is soft-hearted and loose-lipped, so Nitori’s been able to sidestep most of the ridiculous plots.) If Rin’s noticed, he hasn’t said anything– and if he’s ever going to notice, he would have already. The team is not subtle in the slightest. Nitori’s resigned himself to pining over an unrequited love.
Which he’s okay with. Really. He’ll get over it. He is, in fact, over it right now. Or close to being over it. Or will be. Soon.
Anyway.
Nitori knows he’ll get over his stupid crush. The thing that’s driving him mad is the fact that nobody else seems to think so.
Okay, look. Let’s start from the beginning.
From the moment Yamazaki Sousuke stepped on the scene, Nitori could see his chances with Rin going up in smoke. It was like something out of a shoujo manga. They were childhood friends, finally reunited after years of absence. They were both amazing athletes at the top of their game. They brought out different sides of each other– Rin was always so free and unreserved with Yamazaki, and Yamazaki was much more gentle with Rin than anyone else. Basically, they were the perfect love story.
Nitori? He was a supporting character, the little kouhai that tried his best but rarely succeeded, the just-a-friend– no, maybe not even a friend– a teammate who was so little of a threat that the love interest didn’t even bother getting jealous over him. Yes, Nitori knew his place from the beginning. He was– and still is– happy to step down, to ignore his feelings for Rin until they inevitably blow away like dust in the wind of time.
His teammates, however, disagree.
If anything, their matchmaking operation kicked into high-gear. Each plot became bolder, every scheme more desperate as time went on. Nitori ignored them, went on with his life as usual, figuring they would lose steam when they realised the same thing Nitori did.
Unfortunately, they didn’t.
It wouldn’t be a problem if the plots didn’t plant a tiny seed of hope in Nitori’s chest each time– only to be ripped out violently in the face of Rin and Yamazaki’s unshakeable connection. Sometimes they made Nitori wonder if he’d ever get over Rin.
And that was why they had to stop.
To Nitori’s horror, even Yamazaki and his sharp eyes seem to cotton on. He’s always watching, his gaze always intense and intimidating. Nitori tries to make it plain that he’s given up, that the team’s meddling has nothing to do with him. He starts to pull away from Rin’s touch, avoids the hair ruffles he once treasured, stands further away so Rin can’t hook a casual arm over his shoulder. He tries to spend more time with Yamazaki, to show him how small and weak and terribly average Nitori is next to Yamazaki, to prove he doesn’t have to worry about Nitori stealing Rin away from him (hah, what a joke).
The absolute worst thing? Rin looks so hurt every time Nitori shies away from his touch, or declines Rin’s offers to hang out, or asks Yamazaki to help him with weight training instead of Rin. It’s killing Nitori, but he’s not Rin’s best and only friend anymore, and he’s not the love interest of this story. He’s just a teammate, a supporting character, someone to take part in the medley relay because Rin and Yamazaki can’t do it alone.
So he grits his teeth and keeps at it. If Rin’s friendship with Nitori is getting in the way of his relationship with Yamazaki, Nitori will step aside. He’s sure that whatever friendship he can offer Rin pales in comparison to the deep, meaningful bond that exists between the two childhood friends. It’s fine. He gets it.
Unfortunately, Nitori’s efforts don’t bear fruit. Yamazaki is still looking, perhaps even more intensely than before, his face twisted in a frown; and Rin, Rin keeps glancing at Nitori, like he’s worried. Nitori avoids both gazes and throws himself into swimming. He’s over Rin. He is.
“I need to talk to you,” Yamazaki murmurs to Nitori one day after swim club, while Rin is still busy showering. “Come to the pool tonight, after dinner.”
Nitori gapes at him, tries to tell him that it’s not necessary, that Nitori has no intention of acting on his feelings for Rin– but before he can find the words, Yamazaki drops an almost reassuring pat on his back and heads for his locker.
“Senpai,” Nitori begins hurriedly, but Yamazaki shakes his head.
“Just come,” is all he says, pulling his shirt over his head. “We’ll talk later.”
Nitori wants to protest, but Rin’s making his way over to them, so he snaps his mouth shut and gets dressed quickly. He doesn’t know what he’ll say if Rin confronts him about his behaviour. Nitori knows himself, and he knows he will probably cry and spill everything if Rin asks forcefully (or kindly, or worriedly) enough.
“Good job out there, Ai,” Rin says, trying too hard to be casual. His arm comes up like he’s going to ruffle Nitori’s hair; Nitori pretends not to notice and bends over to pick up his bag to avoid it.
“Thanks, captain,” Nitori says, smiling weakly. “Sorry, I have to run, I have an English test tomorrow, and you know how terrible I am at English.”
Rin’s face brightens. “Oh, well, I can help you–”
“No,” Nitori blurts out, far too quickly. Rin looks like he’s been slapped, but Nitori forces himself to continue, “No, uh, I mean, it’s fine. I- I need to start doing things by myself. I can’t keep depending on you for everything.”
“Alright,” says Rin softly. “Make sure you get enough sleep tonight.”
Nitori bows to his seniors and practically sprints out the door.
Nitori shows up at the pool barely half an hour after dinner. Yamazaki’s not there yet, so Nitori sits by the edge of the pool and dips his feet in to calm himself down. On one hand, he knows Yamazaki isn’t actually as scary as he looks –he’s shown himself to be quite kind, if a bit of a tough coach– but on the other, it would be easy for Yamazaki to drown him in the pool and claim he had an accident while practicing after club hours. Nitori didn’t even tell Momo where he was going, or who he was meeting with. The whole thing is just shady.
“Hey,” says Yamazaki by way of greeting from behind Nitori.
“Yamazaki-senpai,” Nitori gasps back, scrambling to stand. “I was just–”
Yamazaki waves it off. “It’s fine,” he says gruffly, sitting down cross-legged next to Nitori. Hesitantly, Nitori sits back down and lets his feet slip back into the cool water.
They’re quiet for a moment. It’s almost peaceful.
“What,” Nitori croaks, voice cracking a little, “did you want to talk to me about, senpai?”
He regrets saying anything when Yamazaki turns his piercing eyes on Nitori. “This is about your feelings,” he says, and Nitori’s blood turns to ice. “Love, to be precise.”
“Y-Yamazaki-senpai–” Nitori starts to say, but suddenly there’s a guttural roar from behind them.
“You bastard!” Rin is yelling, storming towards them faster than he should be on the slippery tile floor. “You fucking bastard, you know how I feel about him!”
“Senpai!” Nitori is pleading, because Rin has never been this angry with him, and he knows that it looks bad, the two of them meeting in a secluded place after dark, but it really means nothing, could never mean anything, and Nitori would never, ever do anything that would hurt Rin, not like this–
Rin stomps up to them furiously– and shoves Yamazaki into the pool with his foot.
Nitori stares, open-mouthed, at Rin. He’s heaving with anger, face flushed red, clutching Pocket Sweat in one hand and two energy bars in the other. So it was Rin leaving those little gifts for Nitori while he did extra training?
“Bro, what the fuck?!” Yamazaki splutters.
Rin is still yelling at Yamazaki. “You don’t go behind a friend’s back and do this kind of shit!” he spits viciously. “Even if Ai– likes you, you can’t just fucking confess without telling me! That is fucked up, man!”
He turns to Ai suddenly, hurt written all across his features. “And you! So all that shit about the English test and doing things by yourself, that was all a lie so you could, what, go on a fucking date–”
“No!” Nitori interrupts, horrified. Rin thinks Nitori likes Yamazaki? And that Yamazaki likes him back?! “No, no no no, Rin-senpai, it’s not like that!”
“Then what is it like?!” Rin snaps. “Because from where I’m standing–”
“I really like you, Rin-senpai!” Nitori blurts out before he loses the courage, eyes squeezed shut. Rin drops the snacks in his hands in shock, but Nitori can’t stop himself now, the words just come tumbling out of his mouth, “I- I was just– trying to get out of the way because you– deserve a love interest, not a supporting character– a best friend, not a teammate– and– I just–!” Oh god, he’s not making any sense. He forces himself to take a deep breath and stands up, opening his eyes to look, determined, at Rin as he does so. He swallows his fears. He can do this, he can.
“I’m so sorry, Rin-senpai,” he says, voice shaking. “I thought you– liked Yamazaki-senpai, so I–”
“You thought I liked Sousuke?” Rin yelps, aghast.
“Easier to believe than you liking me,” Nitori says softly, and immediately Rin’s eyes snap to his.
“Ai,” says Rin firmly, determination like steel burning in his eyes. “Let’s set the record straight. You like me, not Sousuke. Right?”
“Y-Yes.”
“And I like you, not Sousuke.”
Nitori’s heart stops, then starts pounding like crazy. “Oh,” he says, feeling light-headed.
Rin isn’t finished. “And Sousuke doesn’t like either of us, right?”
Yamazaki snorts, still treading water. “I’ve never liked anyone, Rin, you know that,” he says dryly.
“Good,” huffs Rin. “Right. So, Ai.”
Nitori jumps. “Y-Yes?”
Rin is suddenly bashful, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “I know it’s kind of sudden, but… will you, um. Go out with me?”
Nitori can’t believe his ears. “I,” he says, dumbfounded. “Are you– sure? I’m– I’m not exactly– love interest material–”
“Ai,” Rin interrupts, grasping Nitori’s shoulders, somehow firm and gentle at the same time. The contact, the first in weeks, makes Nitori’s skin tingle, even through the cotton of his T-shirt. “If you aren’t love interest material, then why am I in love with you?”
“Oh,” says Nitori faintly, staring up at Rin in dazed delight.
“So?” Rin prompts softly. “Will you go out with me?”
As if there were any other answer. “Yes,” Nitori breathes, smiling small and amazed, “yes, of course.”
Rin grins back, shark teeth gleaming, and they just stand there smiling at each other like idiots. Idiots in love, Nitori thinks to himself, giddy with excitement. They’re dating. He’s dating Rin.
“Well,” drawls Yamazaki after a long moment, hauling himself up out of the water, and Rin hastily lets go of Nitori’s shoulders with an embarrassed cough. “As much as I’d love to watch you two mooning at each other all night, I have to go take another shower because some asshole pushed me in the pool.”
“Sorry,” says Rin sheepishly. His huge grin makes the sentiment seem insincere, but Yamazaki doesn’t seem bothered by it.
“Don’t stay out too late,” he tells them both, not unkindly, and saunters out of the room. Nitori watches him go, wondering absently how he makes it look cool even though he’s dripping wet from head to toe.
Rin clears his throat awkwardly. He’s blushing. Rin is blushing and awkward and terribly, terribly cute. Nitori is going to die. “Ai,” he says gruffly, and Nitori knows he’s got it bad because just the sound of his name in Rin’s mouth makes him unreasonably happy. “Can I. Um. Kiss you?”
The words have barely left his mouth but Nitori is already smoothing his hands over Rin’s jaw and pulling him down for a kiss.
It’s awkward and clumsy– their noses bump and their teeth clack, but then Rin tilts his head and hesitantly pulls Nitori close by the waist and oh his lips are soft and smooth and taste like the coconut lip balm Nitori introduced to him last year, and suddenly Nitori is melting.
It feels like an age before they pull apart, but it’s not nearly long enough. Nitori presses their foreheads together, eyes still half-shut, lost in the warm contentment in his chest and the feel of Rin’s breath puffing against his face.
“Hey,” Rin murmurs, his voice deep and slow, “if you still need help with that English test…”
Nitori huffs a laugh. He honestly doesn’t care about the test, not when Rin is in his arms, but he won’t pass up an opportunity to spend time with his… boyfriend? Is that what they are now? The thought makes him dizzy.
“I’d like that,” Nitori whispers, and kisses Rin again.
“Dude,” hisses Hoshino, pouncing on Sousuke as he leaves the pool. “So are they making out in there or what?!”
Sousuke shakes him off and keeps walking. “None of your business,” he growls, because it certainly had not been in the plan for him to get kicked into a pool.
“Aw, c’mon!” wheedles Kishimoto, hooking a lanky arm around Sousuke’s neck. “We’ve been orchestrating this for weeks, you can’t leave us in suspense now!”
“What’s this we, I was the one doing all the work,” Sousuke retorts. It hadn’t been hard to glare at Nitori (though it did make him feel bad; the kid was like a little baby duckling) but still, he’d been the only one to actually do anything.
“What are you talking about!” Momo cries, and is promptly shushed. He continues in a furious whisper, “Who was the one who told Rin-senpai that Nitori-senpai would be here, huh?!”
“Yeah, and who told you how they felt about each other, huh?” Kishimoto demands.
“If it weren’t for us telling you what to do they’d still be pining,” Noshinoya points out.
Sousuke has had enough. “Can I just go have a shower?” he snaps. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m dripping wet.”
The team blink at him like they’re only just noticing. They really are idiots. Sousuke can’t believe that these are some of the top athletes in the country.
“…Yamazaki-senpai has been through a lot tonight,” Yashida pipes up, bless his soul. “And we’ll find out whether it worked tomorrow at swim club anyway, those two can’t keep secrets very well.”
The team murmurs assent, and Sousuke heaves a sigh of relief. It’s summer, but there’s a strong breeze tonight and Sousuke is so over being cold and wet.
“Alright,” says Hoshino, puffing his chest out importantly. “I declare this meeting adjourned. Good work, operatives. Let’s get out of here before the targets spot us.”
The Samezuka Idiot Club salute him as one, then scatter. Sousuke doesn’t know how he got roped into this mess, but makes a mental note to stay far, far away from their schemes in the future. They may be stupid, but they are determined, and won’t stop until they achieve their goals.
The perfect team for Rin, Sousuke thinks, and chortles to himself.
so. everyone already knows i’m horrible and apparently can’t commit to things i said i’d do. well, everything’s about to change. i’m going to go waaayyy back in my inbox and do all the damn 100 prompts i said i’d do like a year ago and didn’t because i’m the absolute worst. because even if whoever requested them doesn’t follow me any more, i still feel the need to do them. i owe it to them, and to myself.
it’s time i took responsibility.
even if it’s slow going, i will do them. all of them.
if i’ve ignored your request until now, i apologise. if you’ve stuck around anyway, i thank you from the bottom of my heart. if you’re new here and don’t know wtf i’m talking about, feel free to carry on scrolling.
