#118 firesham

[mintedwitcher]

Maybe Maddie notices first.

Buck's been off for a while. It's understandable, she thinks, he's still grieving, still mourning Bobby. Howie tells her that he's not really present at work, either. That's when she starts to watch him a little closer.

He talks to the baby a lot. He can't say Bobby's name, but he talks. He talks so much that Maddie's pretty sure her son's first word is going to be "one-eighteen". She keeps watching.

Howie glows with praise for his team, talking about Eddie's daring rescue that saved the day, how Hen had been so effortlessly cool that it'd made him feel a little foolish in his Captain's hat. How Ravi had been solid, and Harry had fit right in. He doesn't mention Buck. When Maddie asks, Howie frowns.

"Buck's been Buck, you know how he is," Howie says.

Maddie doesn't like that. She starts digging.

"Buck's fine," Hen says, rolling her eyes. "He's still just hung up on Tommy, honestly, it's getting annoying. He's like a dog with a bone."

Maddie doesn't like that, either.

"I saw him a few days ago," Eddie says, shrugging. "He's fine, I guess. You'd know better than me."

"He's your best friend," Maddie says, frowning. Eddie just shrugs again.

"He hasn't acted like it, lately," Eddie says.

Maddie really doesn't like that.

Then Evan gets hurt.

Suddenly, his hospital room is overflowing with noise, with flowers and balloons, and everyone's there. Maddie watches, and she sees how Buck stares at them all, this team, this so-called 'family' surrounding him - crowding him. She's seen that look on his face before. She used to see it all the time, whenever Evan got hurt. Whenever Mom and Dad would rush over and comfort him, wipe away his tears, patch up his injuries and dote on him.

Maddie feels sick. She should've seen it sooner.

"Get out," she says, cutting through the celebration happening in the room. Buck looks at her, and he looks... grateful. Everyone else just looks confused.

"Come on, Mads," Howie says. "We're not just gonna leave. We're family."

"Oh sure, you're all acting just like family," Maddie says. "Just like my family. He doesn't need more of that."

"That's crazy," Eddie says.

"Yeah, come on, we love Buck," Hen adds.

"I'm sure you do," Maddie says. "But you only love him when he's hurt."

[mintedwitcher]

Yeah remember when they were all "that won't happen to us" lol It has already happened and they didn't even address it. Just brush over the distance and conflict and yell "118" in the end to prove they're still a family, done. It's so boring.

It bothers me so so much that hen was allowed to make bobby's death about her and use it as an excuse for her lies and putting everyone in danger. Buck is accused of doing that every day even though he's done nothing but take care of others. We haven't seen a single conversation to see how he felt saying goodbye to bobby and breaking down alone. That would've been so much more interesting. But no one has talked to him.

god the constant "we're a family!!!" okay? Buck's already GOT one neglectful, hurtful, uncaring family, he doesn't need another one. claiming "family" doesn't mean you can't cause harm. and the 118 is undoubtedly causing harm.

I'm so sick of it. everyone else gets to have their breakdowns over Bobby but not Buck. not Buck who was the first to know Bobby was infected. not Buck who had to tell Athena to come and say goodbye to her husband. not Buck who had to walk away from the closest thing he has - had - to a father.

no, he doesn't get to grieve, because "we all lost Bobby, not just you."

he doesn't get to break down because that's "making it all about you."

he doesn't get to voice his opinion on anything because that's jsut adding to "the trials and tribulations of Evan Buckley"

he has to sit down, shut up, be useful, stay out of the way.

god he must feel like he's right back in Hershey all over again.

[mintedwitcher]

noticed how buck is always helping his friends and family but is still never thanked for it and always gets called selfish .

he ran himself ragged trying to look after everyone after Bobby died, and not only did he go thankless for that, he was mocked for it behind his back by his supposed "friends".

obviously that's not the only example of Buck's painful selflessness but it's the one that makes me angriest (and it's the most recent for me since I stopped watching at the end of last season) so it's the one I'm using.

Buck has always, consistently, to a fault, put the 118 above himself. he has put his entire heart and soul into loving that team, loving that family, and they couldn't give two shits about him, unless he's injured or dying, of course, and doesn't that sound fucking familiar?