I am not sure if this is the proper way to do this. I think it should be done face to face, but i dont know if i can make myself do this while you are looking at me.
I dont think we are no longer on the same page and working towards the same goal. You cannot meet my terms and i cannot accept your definition of “keeping the peace” with your wife. Being number 2 is hard. I am always anxious and jealous. I try not to be, but i always get hurt when i discover omissions. You once told me that your excuse for non-disclosure is because you dont want me getting angry or starting a fight. But the fact that you dont want me to know is indicative that you are aware that i wont approve and id get hurt. Yet, you do it anyway, and that makes it more painful for me, knowing that my pain isnt important and could be disregarded. When we started out, we had dreams. We talk of being together, living together, eventually ending up together. Ako na lang yata ang nangangarap nun. Wala ka nang sinasabi about the future na kasama ako. Hindi ko alam kung may hinihintay pa ako. Kung meron man, I cannot wait for you indefinitely na walang plano, walang goal, walang kasiguraduhan. A promise would have sufficed, pero wala ka din naman pinapangako na pwede kong panghawakan at asahan. So while you are worth waiting for, and while i really want for us to still continue on, i think it is better if we break-up. You may like having me around, but it is obvious that you love her, and intend to stay with her and keep her in your future, because no matter how much you say you love me, you still make every effort to make her happy and secure. Kaya nga nagtampo ako the past months because naawa ako sa sarili ko. Kasi sya may flowers, i love you’s, dates, na sinasabi mo is part of fulfilling obligations, pero pag turn ko, wala lang. Magdadaan lang ang araw na wala. All those months, i continued on na sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na wag magselos kasi pakitang tao mo lang yun kasi nga obligasyon, and ako ang mahal mo. Pero feeling ko ako na ang obligasyon na pinag uukulan na lang ng minimum compliance para lang hindi magalit. Baka nako-confuse ka lang because of my presence pero sya talaga ang gusto mo makasama. Mukhang ok naman kayo ni *****, so wala nang need for a spare.
I am not giving up because i dont love you. I do. So much. I have been ready to defy my parents, face everyone’s ridicule. Kung ano ang pwede kong gawin para lang makasama ka gagawin ko kasi mahal na mahal kita and ikaw ang nakakapagpasaya sa akin. Nahihirapan na lang talaga ako sa kakaisip, sa kakaselos, sa pag se-self pity lalo na ngayon na hindi ko alam kung may aasahan ako na future togther. Thank you for sharing 3 years of your life with me. I had fun and learned so much. And despite heartaches, you are worth it. Wala ako pinagsisisihan. I was happy. You made me happy. I will miss staring at you, admiring you, kissing you, hugging you. I will miss our conversations the most. I will miss you. I will miss loving you, and showing you how much and telling you everyday. Ang laking kawalan nito for me dahil a big portion of these past years and my future nilaan ko na para sayo. But as i said, i have no regrets. I had the most wonderful time with you. And i am grateful for everything na binigay mo sa akin lalo na yung oras na you set aside to be with me. I’ll always wish the best for you, and will continue praying for you. Be happy. I love you.