#16.02.2024

[liam-93-productions]

liampayne: The ‘When Forms Come Alive’ exhibition left me so inspired to say the least ✨ still thinking of the art magic!✨ @hayward.gallery

[saklinotlarim]

Vaktiyle nasıl ayağa kalktıysak... | İhsan Şenocak #shorts

Vaktiyle nasıl ayağa kalktıysak... | İhsan Şenocak #shorts

https://www.youtube.com/@sozlerkoskuhttps://www.youtube.com/@sozlerkoskushortshttps://www.youtube.com/@Mehmedyildizhttps://www.youtube.com/@

[onetwothapril]

[bekindtoyou4007]

Lovely slow day today. Slept in, snuggled with H, went to gym and tried new exercises, played with dog, had a warm bath and deep conditioned my hair, did some easy work stuff and then called it a day at 5pm. I'm really happy. I'm checking in with parent drama at an agreed weekly check in. I've been open and offered myself to siblings for chat and support and perhaps gone too far in the past. Now they can check in with me if they like. Work and parent drama still exists but it's not blaring loud all the time. Establishing firm boundaries and allowing things to calm down and get quiet is really important. It's difficult because I cannot seem to sit still for long and always push myself and get involved in things, but maybe that isn't always a good thing. I felt really good yesterday spending time with friends and with some new people.

Been emotionally processing recently feeling jealous of H. He's so beloved at that activity group we started going to. I think I want to he beloved like that. He is a very entertaining person, I agree. I find it so frustrating sometimes when we have guests over. He can get so performance-y and it's like he's a cartoon character. And everyone loves the funny silly cartoon character. Maybe I should try being a cartoon character, then people would love me. But that's not who I am naturally. I have a bit of a streak of being extroverted but nothing over the top. It's like he doesn't care what other people think and I care so deeply. I feel myself becoming resentful and shut down sometimes around him at parties. Maybe it's just a desire to be front and centre at all times in the relationship? If so that's a bit fucked up. I think I need to pray on this.

[gokyuzununaynasi]

Önceden sesleri bastırmak için kullandığın kulaklığı artık sessizliği susturmak için de kullanır hale gelmek...

[nevilialinde]

16.02.2024

Wieder von dir geträumt.

Dich im Traum wieder getroffen. Unverbindlich verabredet mit einer riesigen Anspannung. Ich weiß nicht Woche ursprüngliche Intention dieses Treffen hatte, doch ich war mir recht schnell sicher, dass sich an meinen Gefühlen zu dir nichts verändert hat.

„Ich kann dir nicht widerstehen, ich muss dich wiedersehen.“

[onetwothapril]

I wish I did not lose you. I wish I could find the point where it all went wrong.

You are my most precious and I will keep you forever. I want to say so may things, but all I could say, you all ready know.

I miss just being with you. Laying in your arms and having your attention once again just for myself. Just holding your hand. Or even just sitting next to you. Words can not describe the pain I feel.

I will not miss our struggles and the way you have been to me. And even tho it was constant worrying to do something wrong I was always more worried to lose you. Which I should not feel.

I wish this relationship did not break us like this. That we could be ourselves and be like when we met 3 years ago. That we could be free and grow together. All the things we've been through, I am so grateful that I did not have to go through alone. No one should have to do anything by himself, course life is overwhelming all the time. I wish I could just help you to solve these problems in yourself. To change the parts that make your life worse. I wish you would've just let me help you and that you would've talked to me.

You know, love does change and so do we. It's not the explosion of feelings you feel the first months anymore. It's like a safe space. As if a person becomes your home because you radiate so much with them. You connect so deep and they become such a big part of your life. You became such a big part of me.

Thank you for all the love and support you have me. Thank you for becoming my home and your family became mine.

At this moment I feel so lost. It's all too much and I feel so helpless. I know, this is final but I wish there would be a chance. I would literally give everything right now. I wake up at night searching for you next to me, looking at my phone just to see no messages from you. As if there would be a reason. I even dream of you.

I am sad, that I never had the chance to hear the song you wrote for me. I know it's beautiful.

I just hope that you will find some peace. And that you will remember me. It's selfish but I think I hope you will regret it as well. But mostly I wish that you could learn from this and that you will get happier.

I love you so much.