Its been a difficult week to cope. With friends being busy with their jobs and me just lazing around at home desperately trying to search for a job. Despite my complaints about the scheduled and routine school life, I realise that it is precisely that routine and that monotonous schedules that I miss the most. I’ve been feeling pretty crappy this week and the usual sense of insecurity set in not long ago. I have to say this feeling worsened after last night’s gathering with my friends. I came back home and started on another furious bout of “job searching” but pretty much to no avail..I’m a difficult person…After complaining to my friend about it, I asked her to suggest some movie to watch and she suggested The Perks of being a Wallflower. Though I’ve heard about this movie quite a number of times, I never felt the urge to watch it. And well, today I felt like watching it and I did. I have to say this movie really touched me at a deeper level. It brought me back to my secondary school days. When I pretty much tried to blend into the surroundings and was clouded by dark thoughts. For me, it was a difficult phase to get through. I did not have friends to confide in to. I could not talk to my family members. I can barely remember how I got through those four years.Watching the movie, brought back memories of how I used to eat lunches alone and come back home the minute I got out of school. There was no such thing as hanging out or going out with friends for me then… I never hung on the phone with a friend until JC… And I still have not let out my true thoughts and feelings to anyone. I guess it is okay to be as such. But the most important thing of all, is to accept yourself. I have not done it yet. I have not made peace with who I was back then. Charlie Kelmeckis found freedom and saw the beauty of the world around him when he began to accept himself for who he was right then. He found friends who brought out the best in him. And his love, Sam, who helped him to reveal the greatest version of himself. I hope that one day, I too can find the freedom Charlie did. I hope that one day, I can put behind all my insecurities and learn to believe and with open arms, accept myself instead of comparing myself to others….
