things my mom packed that were not in my suitcase
I called my mom today and she asked if I was eating.
not “are classes okay?” or “are people nice?” or “are you happy?” just literally “are you eating properly?” which is such a mom question but also made me want to cry for no reason.
i said yes even though dinner was coffee and half a bagel because i am not trying to get emotionally investigated on facetime.
i think being here is making me realise that some people come to law school with parents who know exactly what this is. like their dad is a lawyer or their aunt clerked somewhere or their family friend knows a professor or whatever. they know the language already. they know what to do at networking events. they know how to say things like “i’m interested in litigation” and make it sound natural.
and then there are people like me who are here because their parents worked insane hours and acted like it was normal. who treated every school fee like an investment. who never said “we sacrificed so much” but somehow made sure you knew without making you feel guilty.
i spent the whole day reading about justice in this building with portraits of people who definitely did not imagine someone like me sitting under them eating vending machine chips and panicking about citations.
law school people talk about opportunity like it just appears.
but opportunity is so expensive. not just money wise. sleep wise. family wise. dignity wise sometimes.
anyway my mom asked if i was eating and i said yes and then she said good, study well.
so i guess that is the plan.
study well. remember everything.