#1st war

[brandileigh2003]

New 1 shot: breathe you in

Domestic moment in 1st war featuring: Chubby loser remus, bathing and wax play

[brandileigh2003]

Bingo prompt: levicorpus

House of cards

They were all building such a fragile house of cards, and he wondered what would be the thing that would cause it to finally tumble down into a mess that couldn’t be rebuilt. Or if love was enough to overcome the darkness the war brings.

@wolfstarbingo2024

(I will eventually try to connect something, but some prompts just aren't quite speaking to me.

And this one only did bc was writing it anyways and needed a spell for battle and I was like-- hey! Perfect)

[brandileigh2003]

[#FFF 259 House of Cards]

Fandom: Harry Potter, marauders

Ship: Remus Lupin/Sirius Black

Rating: M to be safe for themes of war (no smut)

Word Count: 942

“Where have you been?” 

That is the first thing that Remus heard when he walked through the door. He’d been thinking of only a shower and one of Sirius’ pain potions, because he was pretty sure that one of his ribs was broken. He would definitely sleep before he went to Lily’s to beg for her to heal him. He didn’t know why he didn’t want to ask Sirius. Sirius’ brackium emendo was just as good, but wasn’t sure if Sirius would be there. Or that’s what he told himself. There was truth to it: he had been on as many missions as Remus, and just as quiet about it. Often even when he wasn’t gone, he would be at the Potter’s. Remus had no proof, but the cold silence between them was enough that not only was he spending time with James, it was an avoidance tactic. 

“What about answering the same?” Remus shot back, sounding much more breathless than he would have liked. 

Remus, again, had no proof, but it felt like Sirius suspected him. The time that Sirius had told Snape about how to find him kept echoing in his own head, but he always tried to dismiss it. He had never made a big deal about it even though it had felt like Sirius had shattered a piece of him. Definitely shattered trust if nothing else. 

Then he thought of everything that he was doing. Going to the packs, trying to get support for the order, pretending he was disillusioned with the wizarding war. Knowing it was only a matter of time before he would have to face Greyback. 

Sirius didn’t answer and Remus huffed, and kept as far away from his boyfriend as he could before he went into the bathroom. He got the shower started, and opened the cabinets just to see that there were no pain potions, and he couldn’t stifle the sob. Both from pain, and wondering if Sirius could have decided Remus wasn’t worth it anymore.

--

Sirius heard the cry from the bathroom, and it felt a pang in his own heart. Remus’ pain always did. 

Remus’ pain.

Oh shit. 

Sirius thought through things he’d planned to do this month, and he knew that the pain potion he kept putting off because of missions, crying to James or helping with Harry, but he’d had every intention of doing. But he’d forgotten. 

He didn’t care how much he thought that Remus might be the one who was giving away the Order’s secret. Well, that wasn’t true. He cared so much. But he didn’t care in the way that he couldn’t make himself stop loving Remus, couldn’t walk away, couldn’t voice the way that he was scared about where Remus was on the full moons to anyone besides James (who told him he was ridiculous) and Peter (who he thought might agree, even though he never explicitly said it.) But he couldn’t bring himself to say anything to Moody or Dumbledore. Sirius couldn’t stop the idea that no matter how much he hated his family, how much he hated Voldemort, and how much he wished he could change things; a part of Sirius couldn’t blame Remus if he defected. Because the ministry, and nearly everyone hated Remus, made his life harder. And while he didn’t believe the promises they’ve heard whispered; that Voldemort was promising equality to dark creatures when he won. He offered places in their ranks. Whereas even Dumbledore used Remus. Manipulated what he knew Remus had for him: a sense of hero worship, and a heavy dose of feeling like he owed Dumbledore for allowing him to come to school. 

That didn’t make it easy though, just that he could sort of understand. But their friends were dying. And things no one outside the order should know was causing some of those deaths. What if it were James who was compromised next? Peter? Lily? Harry? 

And so, Sirius lived in turmoil, with a heavy sense of indecision. And of guilt and grief. 

But, he hadn’t meant to leave Remus without pain relief after the moon. He would always do anything he could to make Remus’ lycanthropy and its effects better for him. Even if it very well could be the thing that was possibly causing him to change his mind about the side of the war he was on. 

Sirius apparated to James’ house and once again cried in his arms. Over his failures. Over Remus’ crying from pain in the bathroom at their flat. Over the weight of what he himself had been doing. Just last week he had been surrounded by select members of his family. Trying to convince them that he was questioning his choices. That he was on the losing side of the war, and meanwhile trying to get any possible information for Dumbledore about what they were doing. And he had told Dumbledore it was useless, that they wouldn’t believe him without Sirius doing things that he refused to. And until he did–well, they were too smart to let Sirius overhear anything. 

--

James sighed at Sirius’ half muffled sobs about Remus’ pain, of not trusting Remus, of not trusting himself. He thought of the previous night, of Dumbledore saying his family was in danger, and saying they needed to prepare to go into hiding. He thought of all of their dead friends. He thought of who could possibly be betraying them all. 

James thought that they were all building such a fragile house of cards, and wondered what would be the thing that would cause them to finally tumble down into a mess that couldn’t be rebuilt. 

(I ended up expanding into 3k lol on AO3 if you're interested)

@flashfictionfridayofficial

[brandileigh2003]

New chapter of A Matter of Loyalty

“Okay, Sirius? You did well, love. You can stop,” she said, still pointing her wand at Remus, but placing her free hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “Stop? I can’t stop. He’ll die. He has to keep breathing. I can’t… I can’t live without him,” Sirius said, as the box that he'd locked his emotions in cracked wide open.

(no major character death. Story is angsty, so check tags. But it's divergent with hopeful ending)

@wolfstarbingo2023 prompt: lunar eclipse

[brandileigh2003]

New fic alert!

A Matter of Loyalty

Summary:

The sounds of shouting, slamming doors and tears had become the soundtrack of their flat. After Benjy went missing and Remus came home covered in blood, most of it his, but some of it not; Sirius couldn’t do it anymore. When the thought crossed his mind that he loved Remus even if he killed Benjy, Sirius knew that while it was true, it was also too dangerous to be under the same roof.

For @wolfstarbingo2023 prompt: coping mechanisms